She couldn't sleep.
It was day two in her trip to SEAUn, and here she was, in her former Enforcer's bed as he lay asleep on the floor next to her. How had it come to this, she thought to herself, placing a weary hand on her head in an attempt to calm her swimming mind.
It had been a dragging three years since she had seen his face, a face she thought she may never see again, and all of a sudden she'd been sent on a mission to hunt him down and place him under arrest.
Of course, she had never planned on actually carrying that out. Sure, she'd hold it over him and put up an act like she was being serious, but she'd never give the Sibyl System that satisfaction.
She'd never tell Kogami the real reason she had taken the mission was only to see him again.
The only thing she owed the system now was an uprising, after everything they had taken from her. From everyone.
Her eyes found themselves wandering to Kogami's form, his chest rising and falling. Their fist fight that afternoon had ended with both of them pointing guns at the other, but after she had realized she was fighting him, she had run into his arms.
He had spent the whole day showing her the hidden base, leading her through a crash course of war grounds, and then retiring to his makeshift home in a fairly large tent.
The dinner had been quiet, a simple meal of chicken and rice served with a bottle of whiskey. Few words had been exchanged, mostly because the whole day had left them in shock.
There was still so much to say, and not enough time.
On the other side of the room, Shinya Kogami lay awake feigning sleep, his thoughts taking a similar turn. What could he even say to Tsunemori, after all this time? She must be furious with him, after he ran off without a trace. He wondered what she thought of him now, a broken man leading a group of people against Sibyl, when he himself still had waking nightmares of becoming like Makeshima. No, he told himself, never like him. I will never become like that creature.
It helped to repeat it, but it never slowed the idea crawling in the back of his head.
And anyway, where could he even start? It couldn't be helped now…she was already fast asleep. How much time did they have left together? Would he ever get a chance like this again?
That's when he heard the quiet groan and shuffling of covers as she shifted to her other side. Perhaps he had spoke too soon.
"Can't sleep either, Inspector?" he tried, keeping his voice low in case she really was dreaming.
He smiled to the ceiling as he heard a squeak of surprise in response.
"I told you not to call me that," she huffed. Then as an afterthought, "'But it's nice to hear I'm not alone."
He shifted to his side on the makeshift bed to stare at her silhouette reflected in the moonlight.
"Something on your mind?"
"No, it's…well, actually..." Damn her hesitation!
Four years becoming the hardened leader at the MWPSB, four years of personal growth, and her former Enforcer still made her babble like an idiot. She wondered if she came off to him like she hadn't grown up at all.
"It's just, I haven't SEEN you in THREE years, Kogami. We may only have tonight for all we know, and we've barely caught up. I—I missed you, you know?" She felt her face flush at the statement, and relief for the darkness around them.
"I missed you too, Akane. But there's so much, I wouldn't even know where to start…" He left out the part where he thought he'd be long dead by now.
"Well, you can start with telling me what it's been like to not be an Enforcer anymore. It seems like you've been a lot happier without the leash." She smiled at her own joke. It felt like the Enforcers always made suggestions on their similarities to canines, and she heard a soft chuckle in response.
"Well, it's been great not being constantly judged for my hue, that's for sure." Then he felt himself grow wistful.
"But I really did think there was a better society out there, somewhere…I was so naive, Akane. Maybe I hadn't looked far enough, but places like this are far too common. Things…they just can't continue like this," he sighed.
He didn't mean to dampen the mood, but his reality had been in a downpour for far too long.
Akane was quiet for a while.
"I don't like it either," she whispered, feeling that even voicing it could trigger Sibyl to somehow hear her. "But for now, I can't find a better alternative."
Kogami stewed in her statement for a minute.
"Hey, Akane."
"Yes?"
"Do you still remember what you said to me? Right before I…'left' the MWPSB?"
What was he thinking, bringing this up all of a sudden? Perhaps it was the whiskey from earlier, which had a tendency of loosening his tongue. Yes, that must have been it, he told himself.
"Do you mean, when you called me from that untraceable line and told me to prepare for your possible death?"
He winced at her tone.
"Of course," she added. "I told you that someday, we would see each other again without our unequal positions in the world, like in the old times." She paused. "I guess we're halfway there now, huh?"
He smiled sadly at that. It was true to an extent that they no longer carried that footing in the workplace, but the world still had so much to change.
"You know, I still stand by my words. That day seems far, but I continue to do what I can. It just…seems so unimaginable, sometimes."
"It'll come, you have to believe in that," Kogami said, at the same time battling to convince himself.
The pair grew silent.
Suddenly, a boldness overtook Akane. "Isn't it uncomfortable on that tent floor?"
"It's not as bad as you think, I'm fine."
"Yeah, but..." she gulped. "Wouldn't you rather be up here, too? Th-there's enough room for both of us.."
There. The words were out before she could even think of what she was saying. She felt her face flush with embarrassment and her heart thump rapidly against her chest as the silence began to stretch. What was she thinking, anyway?! There was no way he had spent the last three years thinking about her the way she had about him, he probably had a long-term partner by now!
But then, she heard him. Quietly getting to his feet, hardly making a sound as he padded over and she scrambled in a panic to the other side of the bed.
She felt the mattress sink under Kogami's weight and blushed as he shifted himself under the covers. It was a full size bed at most, and she had forgotten to factor in how much bigger he was than her.
"You really are getting bolder, huh?" he teased, as his body pressed into her side and her face heated to the tips of her ears.
"Hey! It couldn't be comfortable sleeping on a thin layer of tent floor with all those rocks!" She sputtered. "Besides, you didn't even lay out pillows for yourself!"
"Whatever you say, I wasn't exactly prepared for guests," he chuckled.
The smell of Kogami and smoke was all around her now. She breathed it in as quietly as she could, amazed at how close he was. She had spent so long lighting a few of his favorite Spinel cigarettes when she found herself missing him, or needing time to think, or trying to figure out the right thing to do. Needless to say, she ran through a hell of a lot of packs. But here he was, right NEXT to her. It didn't feel real, like she was suspended in a dream. It was nothing like trying to recreate him as a memory, the real thing was the most comforting scent she could imagine. She prayed she would never wake up if it was.
"You know, not a day went by that I didn't think back to you." She started at Kogami's hushed words. "I always wondered what you were up to, how you were growing as a detective."
He shifted to his side to face her, barely making out her eyes widened in surprise. "But I never worried. You've grown into an amazing leader, Inspector Tsunemori, just like I knew you would. Sometimes, I really miss getting the chance to work alongside you." He grinned sheepishly.
She was at a loss for words. Here was one of her closest friends, her mentor, the man she had admired from afar for so long. Had he really thought back to her that much?
She couldn't help herself. She ignored the warning bells screaming inside her head and wrapped her arms around him, burying her face into his tight t-shirt. Kogami stared in surprise, heat rising to his cheeks.
"I feel the same," she murmured from his chest. "I missed you so much, I was scared that you…that you weren't—" She couldn't finish the sentence before she felt his arms gingerly return her embrace.
"I know. I'm sorry for worrying you. I was hoping you'd try to forget about me–"
"No," she interjected in a tone as hard as stone. "I could never forget about you, even if I wanted to."
"Oh," he replied, struck by her words but with his heart swelling. "You ought to try, I'm sure Gino and the others ar–"
"Stop it." She pulled back enough to look him in the eyes, tears beginning to form. The sight made his blood run cold.
"Ginoza acts like he has, but he never could. None of us will. We think about you every day..and Masaoka…and…Kagari.."
She was shaking. "It's all so different. Without your deductions, without Kagari's laugh there to cheer us up… without Masaoka there to give weathered advice… I… I miss you all so much," she whispered, choking back her emotions and holding her voice as steadily as she could.
"H–...hey now..it's okay.." He fumbled, mortified at what he had caused. "It's okay. I'm right here," pressing her closer to his chest and smoothing her arm with his thumb in slow circles.
"But you won't be!" she said, muffled by the hug. "I have dreams where all I can hear is screaming, watching my friends DIE because I wasn't fast enough, but especially YOU, getting shot down with a dominator over and over!" A tear fell and soaked through his shirt.
"Listen to me. You're also human. You couldn't prevent what happened, and that's okay. You do so much more than others could only dream of. And it's okay to miss us...I miss them too. I miss all of you. But don't become consumed. Don't make the mistake I made." He brushed a few stray locks of hair from her face. "Someday, I think you'll be right… a future where we can be the same. Can live together. I'm scared as hell too, but…we just have to keep going. It's all we can do".
"Of course…you're right, I just…I wish you could still be there...who else is going to help me put up with all this crap, huh?" she added, trying to lighten the statement.
Kogami laughed quietly and drew himself into a sitting up position, taking Akane with him.
"I'll tell you what, Inspector. When all this shit is over, the first person I'll find is you. Promise me you'll try to make it to that day, and I will too." He smiled and stared into her big eyes. Even in the dark, he could see the beautiful shade of golden brown.
"And..can I trust you to keep your promise this time, Enforcer?"
He inwardly winced at how he had broken his previous word to her, hearing the open wound in her voice.
"I'm sorry for the past. I wasn't sure what was happening, and my words weren't making sense to even me. But this is something I will follow through with everything I have. Please…trust in me. One more time."
She paused, thinking back to that last time, how she had desperately hoped he was telling the truth, whether she could trust him again.
"…I promise," she finally answered, flashing a big watery grin.
They smiled at each other, Akane propped up on his chest and Kogami still holding her just far away enough to look at her face, lit with only the faintest light.
And then he closed his eyes and kissed her softly on the lips. Akane's eyes widened in surprise, and slid shut as she pressed into it. Both had been thinking of the other for so long, so shocked to have their feelings returned. When they finally pulled away, both blushing furiously, they only found each other's eyes swimming in heartache.
"Kogami…" She was looking at him desperately, like she was drowning and he was the only one who could save her.
But there was ocean, ocean everywhere. They may lie now in the eye of the storm, but the worst was yet to come.
He had to help her, if only for a moment. It was all he could do.
"Hey..he tried slowly, pressing his cheek against the top of Akane's hair and flashing a big fake grin. "Weren't you telling me in the car how you had a new Inspector named Mika that you weren't a big fan of?"
Akane stared at him, a mix of confusion and lull. then she chuckled quietly, moving her hands to his back and tucking her head under his. "She's the worst! You can't even imagine!"
"Oh yeah? Try me!"
And they stayed that way, catching up and laughing into the early hours of the morning. Akane was the first to nod off, happier than she had been in years.
Kogami watched her soft breathing against his chest with pain in his heart.
Of course he hadn't wanted to break the intimacy by changing the subject, but they both knew their time was very limited. Perhaps it was just a taste, of what their nights could be like in the new world.
Besides, he thought, hearing all about his old home had been just as great. He would try to commit every detail tonight to memory for when things were their bleakest.
I promise, he thought to himself, as his eyes closed. I will find a way back to you.
In a few hours, an attack would fall and the camp would move into chaos. But for now, there was only peace.
AN:
I hope you enjoyed my first ever fanfic, and hopefully not the last! Please feel free to rate and review, and many thanks to my amazing friend and ever-patient BETA, BendAndCurl!