DM: dear readers, sorry, but i deleted all my old stories cause i thought they were really bad, and decided to start out fresh! I made this story for FUN , it is supposed to be an amusing story to amuse you, if it doesn't, hey, some people have different tastes ok? Some flamers are really touchy about everything, chill, it's just for fun, if i made it a little OOC, I'm really sorry, but most humor fics make lots of characters OOC, so deal with it! Ok, my rant is done
Disclaimer: I do not own Saiyuki, i just feel like making fanfiction ok? isn't this why the site is called Fanfiction?
Chapter 1- The Lesson on Smoking and Drinking
"AW MAN! We finally made it to another town! How did we get lost again?" asked Goku.
"Well, maybe we could've gone faster if you hadn't been complaining!" shouted Sanzo and wacked Goku across the head with the paper fan.
"He has a point ya know," said Gojyo, "if you hadn't spent all that time confiscating the smokes and "Goku's" food we wouldn't have spent so much time arguin,"
"Ya know what! Both of you, SHUT UP!" shouted Sanzo, "you can have your stuff and food back JEEZ!"
"Well, we might as well find an inn too," Hakkai added.
The Sanzo gang decided to stop arguing to look for a place to stay overnight. "WOAH! Look at that inn!" shouted Gojyo.
The gang turned around .
"…Well, Where's the inn?" asked Goku.
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…turn the other way Goku," said Hakkai
Goku turned, "WOW! That's got to be the biggest inn ever!"
The gang walked in the inn. –ha isn't that cool? Walked in the inn?- There was a check in lobby and they walked toward it and checked a room in.
-at their room-
"WOW! This is the life!" exclaimed Goku, "this room costs almost nothing!"
"yeah! I just want to stay here and sleep!" said Gojyo
"Hey, before you do that, go buy me another cigarette pack willya?" asked, well sort of demanded Sanzo.
"Hey, didn't you guys see that sign? It says no smoking, drinking and no drugs," pointed Hakkai, "See?"
The Rule Sign1. drinking and smoking is prohibited
" WHAT! What kind of place doesn't allow drinks?" shouted Gojyo. "I'm going to talk to the manager!"
-BAM!- (something exploded through the door)
"Who dares to defy the sign!" shouted a voice.
"WTF?" screamed Gojyo
"Who dares curse at my inn?" shouted the voice again.
Finally the gang found where the voice was coming from. It was a middle-aged female who looked like a flight attendant.
"There is no rule that says no cursing though," Gojyo pointed out.
The female looked at the sign for a moment before walking up to the sign and scribbling in terrible handwriting, "No cursing"
"Hey, you know, I might actually think you attractive if you hadn't written that down," said Gojyo dryly.
"I'm the manager of this inn, but I'm not sure if I should care to find you attractive or not... So, to get to the point, I heard you're complaining that I put up no smoking signs right?" asked the female manager.
"YES! I think we should have the right to drink and smoke Ms….uh"
"You can call me Chiaka" interrupted Chiaka once again. The manager was a female woman with blonde hair up to her shoulders, dressed in a t-shirt that said "Too Bad" and jeans that wear ripped at the knees and she was probably no older than 25. "Do you know why I forbid drugs?"
Gang shakes heads "Then let me teach you a lesson!"
Chiaka took out a chart of the human lungs –DM: where did that come from?- and showed it to them. "you see, these are the human lungs." –points at lungs with stick that came from now where- "When you smoke the smoke contaminates your lungs and you develop a disease called lung cancer. This is what you will have in your body when you smoke," she hefted up a large container that had contents that looked like black saliva except it had dark blue and purple colors in it and looked REALLY nasty.
Goku took one look at it and fainted dead away muttering about how horrible it looked to eat. Gojyo turned a tinge of blue while Sanzo and Hakkai turned plain purple. After Goku returned to consciousness (thanks to Sanzo waking him up with cold water), Chiaka led them outside. "Now see the cars all around this place?" she asked
"Yeah" the gang answered.
"Well, in a cigarette, there is a same chemical that the gas has that comes out of those cars. See the exhausts coming from the tail pipe? Smoking a cigarette also means just taking a suck from the tail pipe. So Gojyo, why don't you just put your mouth on the tail pipe and I'll turn the engine on?" When Goku heard this, he turned around and found the nearest pail and threw up in it – and for some reason…it already had puke in it…hmmm wonder who else learned this lesson-. "EWWWW! That's so nasty! I never want to smoke!" shouted Goku.
Sanzo and Hakkai just stared in disbelief and if you listened carefully, you could hear Gojyo muttering, "Find a happy place! Find a happy place!"
"See the road?" asked Chiaka
Gang nods
"The stuff on the road is called tar and tar is also in a cigarette. So why don't you all take a big lick on the road?"
The gang all sweat-dropped and Goku fainted again. Chiaka led them into a house and pointed at a thing on the ground. "See this? This is rat poison. It's used to kill rats. That is also in cigarettes"
Goku heard that and yelled and screamed, "AAARAUGHHH! My life is flashing before my eyes!"
Gojyo just stared and Sanzo gripped his gun and it broke in to a million kajillion pieces.
"Now, you have learned the factors of a cigarette," said Chiaka with a broad smile, "Let's, continue, with alcohol"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed the gang and ran all the way to the next town on foot with their belongings and you could still hear them screaming…
Later:
"I don't care –pant- what that –pant- insane female say! –pant- I'm never giving up –pant- on smoking!" muttered/gasped Sanzo, searching for a pack of cigarettes.
"Oi, Sanzo! –pant- Gimme one –pant- too!" panted Gojyo
"…"
"…"
"What's taking you so long?" demanded the recovered Gojyo.
"WILL YOU SHUT IT! I'm TRYING TO FIND IT!" yelled Sanzo finally losing his temper.
Back at the Inn:
"Erm, mistress? Why are you littering the floor with the stuff inside cigarettes?" asked a random customer.
"Well," said Chiaka cheerfully, "I'm trying to keep the rats out!"
End of Story
DM: I hope that you liked it! It was for humor remember sry if you didn't like it...some of the facts might be incorrect, like when Chiaka was trying to put the cigarette stuff around the inn, that was just for humor ok? don't take anything in here too seriously, well REVIEW PLZ!