Disclaimer: The world of Harry Potter in no way belongs to me or my own, not that I have my own, the saying just sounds pretty good. I also do not own the idea of this list, the format and many of the acts came from 'Skippy's List: 213 Things Skippy is no longer allowed to do in the U.S Army.' Seriously recommend checking it out, very good. So now we all know that all I've done is merge two ideas that were already finished.
Gemini's List
This is a list of things I have done at Hogwarts and been forbidden from doing again, as to explain why I have not been expelled, well I do believe the Headmaster is humouring me, or maybe I am humouring him, either or.
97 Things I am no longer allowed to do at Hogwarts
1. I am no longer allowed to ghost Snape as he walks through the halls
2. I am no longer allowed to ghost Snape as he walks through the halls, even if other teachers and students join in and Snape doesn't notice
3. I am no longer allowed to call Snape, 'Snape'
4.I am no longer allowed to call Snape, 'The Fifth Horseman of the Apocalypse.'
5. I am no longer allowed to call Professor Snape anything but Professor Snape, unless we are having a serious romantic relationship that nobody knows about, in which case 'Sevvie' is allowed.(Professor Dumbledore said so.)
6. I am no longer allowed to be a delusional, idiotic girl with no sense of reality, who imagines relationships that aren't there
7. I am never allowed to call Professor Snape anything but that
8. I am no longer allowed to walk a step behind Professor Snape with a clipboard, taking notes on how to act like Professor Snape
9. I am no longer allowed to imitate Professor Snape so well that I send students cowering before they see my face
10. I am no longer allowed to imitate Professor Snape at all, especially if I do it so poorly that even Professor Snape sends kids into hysterics when he walks into a room.
11. I am no longer allowed to sneak into Draco Malfoy's Head Boy room, tie him up while he's asleep and convince him I am a wood nymph.
12. I am no longer allowed to sneak into Draco Malfoy's Head Boy room, tie him up while he's asleep and then convince him I am Hermione here to fulfill his fantasies
13. I am no longer allowed to sneak into Hermione Granger's Head Girl room, tie her up while she's asleep and convince her I am a water nymph.
14. I am no longer allowed to randomly pull Blaise Zabini into spontaneous make-out sessions during the day
15. I am no longer allowed to randomly pull Blaise Zabini into spontaneous make-out sessions, even if it's not during the day and even if he likes it
16. Not allowed to add "In accordance with the prophecy" to the end of answers I give to a question a teacher asks me.
17. I am not allowed to purchase anyone's soul on school time
18. I am not allowed to let flobberworms take responsibility for any of my actions
19. Not allowed to let flobberworms take my detentions
20. Not allowed to chew chewies in class, unless I brought enough for everybody
21. Not allowed to chew chewies in class, even if I did bring enough for everybody
22. Can't have flashbacks to wars I was not in. (The muggle World-War II)
23. I am not allowed to ask for the day off due to divine purposes, on the basis that the world is going to end, more than once
24. I am not authorized to fire Headmasters
25. I am not allowed to give the Sorting Hat muggle songs to listen to that influence his annual singing choice.
26. I am not allowed to convince the sorting hat that Slytherin is Gryffindor, Gryffindor is Ravenclaw, Ravenclaw is Hufflepuff and Hufflepuff is Slytherin.
27. I am not allowed within speaking distance of the Sorting Hat, AKA Alfred.
28.I may not use the public masturbation of a confounded Ron Weasley as a tool to demonstrate a flaw in a school rule.
29. I am not allowed to trade my witches hat for "magic beans" from a muggle
30. I am not allowed to sell magic beans during school transfiguration
31. I am no longer allowed to respond to a teacher's order with "Why?"
32. I am not allowed to use the following words and phrases in a motivational song-Budding sexuality, necrophilia, I hate everyone in this school and wish they were dead, sexual lubrication, black earth mother, all Ravenclaws are latent homosexuals, Tantric yoga, Gotterdammerung, Cenataurian hooker, we've all got the Philosopher's stone now, slut puppy, or any references to the giant squid.
33. It is better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission, no longer applies to Professor McGonagall.
34. "The Giant Space Ants" are not at the top of the Dark Lord's chain of command, even if the Quibbler says so.
35. There are no evil clowns living under my bed
36. I am no longer allowed to have make-out sessions in the Great Hall, with the best looking guys in other houses, under the guise of promoting house unity.
37. The Head Dormitories is not my pimping spot for House Elves
38. I cannot set up romantic dates between McGonagall and Dumbledore
39. Because Dumbledore is gay
40. I am not allowed to set up romantic dates between Dumbledore and the Bloody Baron, Peeves gets jealous.
41. I am not allowed to wear a helmet lined with tin foil to "Block out the space mind control lasers."
42. I am not allowed to pretend to be a fascist stormtrooper who was fired from the Dark Side and took up a job as a suit of armor at Hogwarts.
43. I am not allowed to sing "Henry the VIII I am" until verse 68 ever again.
44. I may not conduct psychological experiments on my teachers, especially Professor Snape.
45. I may not bring a drag queen to the Halloween Ball.
46. I am not allowed to form a press gang and hound Harry Potter, even if the Daily Prophet does.
47. Must not use the Whomping Willow, who I nicknamed Chuck, to "Squish" things.
49. If the thought of doing something makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.
50. Must not refer to Professor Dumbledore as "Mom"
51. Must not refer to The Dark Lord Voldemort as "Dad".
52. Inflatable Harry Potters do not need to be displayed during my bi-monthly item confiscation
53. I am not authorized to initiate new Death Eater's on the Quidditch Pitch
54. Crucifixes do not ward off Professor Snapes, and I should not test that.
55. I am not the Dark Lord in need of a more suitable host body
56. Vodka, green food colouring, and a 'Cool Mint' Listerine® bottle is not a good combination, especially during Defense class when recommending it for the Professor Snape.
57. I am not allowed to bum cigarettes off anyone below their second year.
59. I am not allowed to trade my wand for any of the following: Cigarettes, firewhiskey, sexual favors, small children or the password to the Head Dormitories.
60. Smoking is banned at school
61. I am always allowed to smoke around Filch because he doesn't know where he can get a cigarette stash of his own from, I just won't be allowed to take them with me when I leave.
62. Smoking is banned.
63. Never, ever, attempt to correct a Ravenclaw about anything.
64. At the unofficial Slytherin common room party, two drink limit does not mean first and last
65. At the unofficial Ravenclaw common room party, two drink limit does not mean two kinds of drinks
66. At the unofficial Gryffindor common room party, two-drink limit does not mean the drinks can be as large as I like.
67. "I'm drunk" is a bad answer to any question posed by Professor Sprout.
68. No, the wand is not optional.
69. Selling self-written Kama Sutra books, featuring Hogwarts residents giving demonstrations in photos is officially banned.
70. Should not show up at the front gate wearing the Death Eater garb, messily drunk
71. Even if my Professor did it.
72. The Prefect's bathroom is not a place to have a "Satanic Orgy" with which members of each house is present.
73. Despite it being made to fulfill my every want, I am not allowed to use the Room of Requirement to produce 300 Spartans for me to ravish.
74. Even if I do bring enough for everyone.
75. I am not allowed to threaten suicide with Butterbeer and Bertie Bots Every-Flavoured Beans.
76. In a Quidditch match, a wedgie is not considered a legal move.
77. The proper way to greet the Headmaster when taken to his office is "Hello Headmaster, you wanted to see me." Not "You can't prove a thing!"
78. I am no longer allowed to perform 'lap-dances' while in uniform.
79. If I take the uniform off, in the course of the lap-dance, it still counts.
80. I am not allowed to make up gossip about a boy cheating on me, us Hufflepuffs get scary.
81. Slytherins do not hibernate in winter.
82. The house-elf revolution is not now, even if Hermione says so.
83. Past lives have absolutely no effect on who has the authority in the school.
84. There is no such thing as a were-virgin.
85. "A full magazine and some privacy" is not the way to help deal with Harry Potter's potential suicide.
86. I am not "A gay trapped in a woman's body."
87. When transfiguring in Transfiguration I am not allowed to attempt something "I saw in a cartoon."
88. My name is not a killing spell.
89. I am not the Empress of anything.
90. May not challenge Gryffindors to "Meet me on the field of Honor, at dawn."
91. I am not allowed to slap people with gloves, even if it will make the world a better place.
92. Do not dare Gryffindors to drink Neville's failed potions. They will always do it.
93. I am not allowed to make s'mores while doing detention.
94. The proper response to a lesson in the laws of magic is not, "That's what you think."
95. I am not allowed to take incriminating photos of the Headmaster.
96. I am not allowed to use a self-created branch of magic to create incriminating photos of the Headmaster.
97. "To conquer the earth with an army of flying Crumple Horned Snorkacks" is a bad career choice.