A/N: Well, I was on Sugar Quill, and I was reading this hilarious story, and it inspired me to write my own hilarious story. I just hope it works...
Disclaimer: I pre-apologize to JK for doing all this to her characters...I'll pay for the psychiatrist.
Harry, Ron, and Hermione are sitting alone in the common room.
Hermione: stares and drools at Harry
Harry: stares and drools at Ron
Ron: stares and drools at box of candies on the other side of the room
Hermione: Oh, Harry, will you ever know how in love I am.
Harry: Oh really? With who?
Hermione: sigh
Ron: I love candy. pulls out a chocolate frog and rubbing it against his cheek
Hermione: Harry, you truly are the boy who lived. sigh
Harry: I sure hope so, otherwise I wouldn't be here.
Ron: opens a chocolate frog
Harry: eats Ron's chocolate frog You know, I think red hair is sexy.
Hermione: runs to her dorm and comes back with red hair
Ron: scowls at Harry and opens a pumpkin pasty
Harry: eats Ron's pasty I also like blue eyes. They're just so captivating.
Hermione: puts in contacts
Ron: scowls more and finds some Every Flavor Beans
Harry: takes a handful of beans I am so shallow, it's not even funny.
Hermione: You are so right, Harry. sigh
Ron: moves away from Harry and opens a Sugar Quill
Hermione: snaps off most of the quill and proceeds to suck on it
Harry: I can't see inner beauty, just the outer stuff.
Hermione: Wow! sigh, goofy smile
Ginny enters
Harry: Ginny! droolsighdrool
Ginny: blushhideblush
Ron: opens a cockroach cluster
Ginny: blushblush grabs the cluster and takes a rather large bite
Hermione: drool at Harry Oh, Harry, will you ever stop looking at Ginny and notice me?
Harry: absentmindedly, still staring at Ginny Nope.
Ron: scowls at Ginny and opens another chocolate frog
Harry & Ginny: reach for the frog at the same time, but pull back and blush when their hands touch
Ron: smiles victoriously and lifts the frog to his mouth
Hermione: snatches the frog just as Ron is about to eat it
Draco enters and all scowl.
Draco: I am better than all of you smirk
Ron: crosses arms and pouts
Harry: Ginny, because I am shallow, and you're pretty, I want to go out with you. blushdrool
Ginny: blushblush Okay. giggle
Hermione: whimper But I love you!
Harry: No you don't, you just act like you do so Ron doesn't kill you for liking Malfoy.
Hermione: Oh! Starts eyeing Draco
Draco: Even though my father has died, I'm still awfully arrogant. smirk
Hermione: I find that oddly irresistible. jumps Draco
Draco: Oh, I love snogging. snogsnog
Hermione: snogsnog
Lavender appears.
Ron: No more candy. frownpout
Lavender: Since I'm the only girl left, I think I'll seduce you!
Ron: Really? But how?
Lavender: Hmmm...Oh, I know! pulls out a chocolate frog
Ron: snatches frog and shoves into his mouth Mmmm. I'b on haben.
Lavender: grimace Swallow and repeat, please.
Ron: swallows I'm in heaven.
Lavender: Not yet...jumps Ron
Ron: snogsnog
Lavender: snogsnog
Harry: snogsnog
Ginny: snogsnog
Hermione: snogsnog
Draco: snogsnog
Neville: Hey! What about me?
Author: Oh, sorry! I forgot about you! I guess you're stuck with me!
Neville: Score! snogsnog
Author: snogsnog
The end.
Once again, I'm very, very sorry.