Cursed memory's of a faint summer held inside them both. A summer neither one could forget a summer neither one wanted to forget. A summer of broken promises, of holding in in true pretend. A summer that meant a lifetime. Couldn't let it go no matter how hard they tried. They spent every waking hour together. And every resting one. Not a second apart. So close that they became one person. Her beating heart and his unbeating one merged together. Every breath the same. Chest's rising and falling in unicen. The months they spent felt like years. Felt like a lifetime. Was a lifetime. A summer filled with liquor and bruses, of tears and kisses. Of endless touches and eternal dust. Of mending what was broken and sweeping the pieces under the rug. A lifetime of loving each other and hating everyone else. Descusted with them, descusted with themselves. Always together and always at home. Safe inside his arms. Safe inside her eyes. Bound together by what they both knew. Knew too much about each other. Knew everything no one else did. She showed him her scars and he showed her his many talents. Practicaly worshiping each other. Admiring too much. Far too much. No one knew just what they did. No one knew the way they touched. No one knew the time they spent together was not as innoscent as they accpected. Had to let them spend it together. The slayers sister needed something more then a house of potentials. And Spike was the only one they could trust. They were wrong about that. He kept her from damage. Kept her safe from them. But he couldn't keep her safe from her biggest threat, himself. She was lost in his arms. Lost in his touch. Waking on top of each other. Waking entangled with one another. Waking up inside cupids chokehold. Caught by solace, trapped by love, lost in lust.
"Spike can we just stay here forever." Dawn pleaded her eyes wide with hope. Hope that he would promise forever. Hope that no one would ever have to know. A hope that this summer truly would be endless. It felt endless like it would always be like this, like the fall wouldn't change a thing. Wouldn't bring them apart wouldn't tear her away from him. He couldn't leave.
"Of course sweet bit. No way I'll ever leave you." Spike promised wrapping his arm around her tired body. He had a bottle of liquor in one hand. He loved her. No doubt. But to promise her always was a lie. He could lie. Always told her what she wanted to hear. Just to make her feel safe.
"Spike, do you love me?" Dawn asked sincerely. Her eyes filling up with drunken tears. Tears that needed to be whipped away.
Spike kissed the tears from her pale cheek. "I love you baby." Spike whispered kissing her neck.
"I love you too." Dawn admitted resting her head on his chest.
Spike traced his hands along her bare stomouch. The bruses were still there. The scars ones from a knife never meant for her flesh. Being on that tower. She didn't deserve that. Too good to be a key, to perfect to feel pain. Just an angel. So much strength in something so small. Spike kissed her on the ear lobe as he whispered gently into her ear. "I always will love you my Dawn, my forever." He kissed her neck softly suckling the warm skin. "Always."
He promised a lifetime. Promised to never abandon her. He knew he couldn't promise so much. Knew he didn't have the good in him to stay forever. Not the strength to promise more then he had to offer. Less then she deserved. Couldn't come to her when she waited for him. Waited patiently waited forever. He couldn't come had to stay behind. When she was in the light he couldn't follow had to stay inside the darkness. Couldn't burn. Not the sun. They felt strong together. Felt whole. Like no one could take them away from what they had. No one ever could take it away from them. No one could rip away the memorys. The memorys of an entire summer. A free summer, without limitations or boundaries. A summer where sin didn't have a face, nor did it need one. Because they didn't care that summer. They beat each other up just they like they always did. Accept they would heal the wounds no one else would ever see. They let themselves fall into each other. Let themselves trust again, trust each other. But trust was too much too offer. It wasn't his fault completely. He wanted to promise that he could be there forever because he wanted to be there forever. But he knew he couldn't. Knew that he would never be able to go into the sun with her. Unless he wanted to burn. And he would burn for her, if he knew how, if only she could teach him how. Never had the chance to teach him so he didn't know how. And so she waited, waited for nothing. Just for the end. The end of it all.
"Dawnie wake up!" She heard the voice yelling at her shaking her body. Didn't want to open her eyes at all. Felt better to keep them closed. Hurt when she moved. Felt better to stay like this. "Dawn, time to get up now!" The shaking continued.
"Why don't you leave her the bloody hell alone." Knew that voice. Couldn't forget. The only one that mattered. His thick accent erupting the room.
"Spike she has to wake up. She's been sleeping all day." Buffy hissed. Sister. Enemy. That's who she is. My Hero. My curse.
"What do you want?" Dawn asked annoyed. She rubbed her eyes.
"Ahah, your awake." Buffy smiled pleased. "We have business to attend to." Buffy tried to sound smart lately. Using words she didn't understand. Using phrases that were placed together intentionaly. Tried to be like her sister, tried to be intelectual, tried to be deep. But the wounds were too shallow.
"What business?" Dawn moaned sitting up on the couch. Fell asleep here last night. Fell alseep alone.
"The potentials need help training." Buffy smiled. Strange how they never had faces. Just potentials. And still locked up inside this house still here. The First went back into hiding. It wasn't prepaired for Buffy. Not this slayer. This slayer and her friends. The power of the witch was even stronger then an ageless demon. And now they were stuck with a bunch of little girls who were lost without the slayer. Most of their familys dead or had forgotten about them.
"And what do you expect me to do?" Dawn asked angry. She woke her from her sleep. Her chance to dream to escape.
"Leave." Buffy smiled.
"Oh jee thanks I feel so loved." Dawn sighed sitting up more, trying to wake up.
"No it's just that, you would be much more helpful if you weren't-"
"In the way." Dawn smirked. "Yeah the story of my life." She hissed.
"Sorry. But we will need your actual help later. Were going to the bronze to kinda let them relax, more your strong suit then slaying." Buffy nodded trying to make her sister feel better.
"Well look there's another compliment. You can't be of use to us here, but in the bars your a real help." Dawn laughed at her own joke. If you can't laught at yourself life seems a lot longer then youd'e like.
"No your just more of the-"
"It's fine Buff. Where am I going?" Dawn asked looking at her sister.
"Well, Xander and Anya are at the magic box and Giles is helping me." Buffy rambled on obviously not wanting to tell her where she was staying.
"Buffy cut to the chase." Dawn growled.
"Sorry, uhm, Spike's." Buffy admitted.
"Oh great." She sighed. This was going to be real comfortable.
"Jee thanks for the excitement Nibblet." Spike said taking a puff from his cigarette.
"I'm gonna go change." Dawn said standing up and walking up the stairs.
"Hurry up." Buffy called after her.
"This was a bad idea Blondie." Spike spoke as soon as he was sure Dawn was out or earshot.
"No, she'll come around. Just don't say anything too, annoying." Buffy looked at him raising one eye brow. "And she probably wont stake you." She smiled.
A few minuted later Dawn came down the stairs in jeans and a tank. It was black and laced. Her hair was falling around her face. Make up covering her perfect features. She strolled down the stairs and into the living room where her sister was and the blonde vampire where still talking.
"All right let's get this over with." Dawn hissed.
"I can tell your gonna be a joy to be around tonight." Spike sighed. "Come one let's go." The vampire said walking out the door.
"I'll come get you later when were going to the Bronze." Buffy said smiling.
"Yup." Dawn answered nonchalantely. She followed Spike a few steps behind him the entire time.
They arrived at his crypt the moonlight shinning on the stone. Spike opened the door and left it open for Dawn. She followed reluctantly and shut the door behind herself. Dawn looked around the familiar place. So many memorys here, good and bad, mostly good. This was once a place where she felt safe, comfortable, wanted. Now it was just a faint memory. One she wanted back. One that almost made her jealous of this place. Because it held the memorys she wished were still vivid. But they weren't they were just faint. But still they were always there. Never anyone elses to have. Only there's. The one thing no one could take from them. The one thing that belonged to only them. No one else. Not for their eyes. This place was theirs. A place they missed being together in. Inside each other. The summer they owned. The summer that belonged to them. The summer that was destroyed by the fall. But it had to come. And she had to go home. Had to pretend that nothing happened that they never loved each other. That they never loved at all.
"It's been a long time." Dawn sighed as she traced her fingers along the couch. The couch they spent so many drunken nights on. A couch they laughed and kissed on. Everything held so many memorys. Even a damned piece of furniture.
"Too long." Spike said looking over to the dark haired girl stroking his couch with her pale hands. Damn it he loved her. Too much. Still did. Wished that summer had lasted for eternity. But they couldn't have that. The scoobies wouldn't let them. But nothing could wash away the love. Nothing could destroy the memorys.
Dawn gave Spike a strange look of confusion. She wondered why he spoke. He never did anymore. Would just look at her. Tell her with his eyes that it was wrong. That the summer was over. They couldn't spend nights together anymore. Sleeping in the same bed was no longer wanted or aloud. But he wanted it. Just had to pretend always pretending. Always fake. Made things simpler. But it made it hurt. Made it sting. Why did a season change so much? Just because they wanted it to. The scoobies always ruined everything. Always made them hurt. They were the leaders. And Dawn and Spike were the outkasts. So why didn't they controle there own fates? Because the scoobies controled everything. They were the rulers of everyones fate. Of the worlds fate. Wether they lived or died.
"Do you ever think about that summer?" She asked placidly. If she let herself hear what she was saying, what she was asking. It would hurt too much, would make the tears fall from a well that had run dry.
Spike tried to make him self ignore the question. He knew he couldn't. Would hurt too much to hold back. But it hurt more to say it. To tell her how he felt. To tell her why he left. Why he let them take her away. "Everyday." He sighed looking at his feet. He dropped his cigarette to the ground and stomped it out. Remembered how in the summer she liked to walk around barefoot. Had to make sure she didn't step on the burning butts. Made sure to stomp them out, good and proper.
Then why? Why had he left when he told her he loved her. Spike left her in a constant state of confusion. She loved him. The very sight of him made her week. But it also hurt. Now whenever he was around she was bitter. Angry. He let them take her. Let them take away what they could have had. But it was just a summer all just a summer. One summer, the only summer that ever mattered. Memorys of that summer. The one that none of them knew about. All thought it was a summer filled with rented videos and dinners out. When it was a summer filled with stealing things and sleepless nights in. They had made a few videos. Dawn made Spike let her leave the camera on from time to time. The camera he stole for her. Stole so many things for her. Would steal the sun for her, even if it scortched him.
"Still have the tapes?" Dawn asked still looking down at the couch. She wanted to know. Wanted to see them but something inside her was afraid to see them. Afraid she would cry.
"Yeah, I think there around here somewhere." Spike replied calmly. He knew exactly where the tapes were. He had watched them. Again and again. Made the memory's last. Not that he could ever forget. Could see them as he slept playing over and over in his head. Like a broken record.
Dawn wanted the tapes. All this time she had wanted to ask him where they were. Wanted to see them. But something inside her knew how much it would hurt. The pain it would cause to watch memory's of them together. Laughing, playing, touching. It was always easy to remember, but hurt more to remember. To feel the way it felt to be in his arms. To feel alive. To feel wanted, loved. They were always alive when they touched. Dead without each other. Alone they were just a key and just a demon. Together they were alive, together they were real.
Spike walked down the stairs into the underground area of his crypt. Dawn waited patiently for him to come back up. Part of her hoping he wouldn't. A stronger part screaming for him. Sure enough he showed. Walking up the stairs carrying a box. His blue eyes reaching her face. She moved her head to the ground afraid to look at him.
"Here." Spike handed her the box. "The tapes, every last one." He sighed. So his secret was out. Enough with pretending and being coy. She knew he had kept the tapes which meant that they meant something to him. Something more then a waisted memory.
Dawn took the box in her hands. She opened the top and looked inside. They were labeled. She had labeled them in her boredome. When Spike had gone out to get them food. And she had decided to stay home. Home. This was once her home. She read through the labels, none of them made all that much sense. Much she almost remembered. Still couldn't remember what was on the tapes. She had never seen them. She remembered making them. But had never watched them. Spike had. Almost every night.
"Wow." She bit her bottom lip to keep from crying. "I've never actually seen these ya know." Dawn sighed.
"Really?" One side of his lip curled up into a half smile.
Spike took the box and carried it over to the tv in front of his couch. Dawn followed confused. She stood beside him as he sat on the couch. He rumaged through the box and pulled out a tape. He popped it into the VCR and pressed the play button. The tape made a few noises before it began. It started with the front of someones stomouch and hands fumbling around the camera. Dawn sat beside Spike on the couch nervous. She didn't want to have to watch these next to him. It made things harder. Uncomfortable. And she was afraid she would cry. Didn't want him to see her cry. But it was too late and the tape began to play.
"I think it's on." Dawn's voice echoed through the speakers. "Damn it I hate technology." She hissed. The camera was set in a stand that Dawn had placed close to the couch.
"Come over here pet. I'm sure it's on." Spike said calmly sitting on the couch with the liquor bottle firmly planted in his cold hand.
Dawn smiled and jumped into Spike's lap resting herself comfortably into him. "Give me some more of that." She demanded grabbing the bottle from his hand. She took another gulp and shook her face in descust.
"It's your birthday today aint it pet?" Spike smiled joyfuly at the camera. "Tell the camera how old you are." Spike said grasping Dawn and pulling her close to him.
"Hmmm..." Dawn thought sheepishly. She hiccuped then continued. "I'm fifteen." She admitted with a smile to the camera. Dawn sat in his lap with a tight black tank top and a dangerously short skirt. Summer was always too hot. Summer clothes were always too short.
"My Little Bit's growng up." He smiled at her drunkin laughter. Spike traced kisses along her jawline. And then her neck grew jealous so he continued there. But Spike couldn't deprive her lips so he placed kisses on her full mouth.
"This shirt is too hot." Dawn said in a slur her words all jumbled into one. She sat up and pulled the shirt over her head tossing it to the ground. "There that's much better." She smiled leaning back into Spike's lap.
"Bloody hell." Spike gasped. "Your an easy drunk." He laughed and then leaned into place another kiss on her lips. His voice was low and evil as much as his wandering hands. Escaping the boundaries.
Dawn moaned softly. He loved her little sighs of pleasure. Her little moans. It let him know how much she wanted him. How much she needed him. She arched her back into his touch. "I love you." She whispered almost innaudable.
"I love you too, Nibblet." Spike smiled down at her. "Always."
"Shut it off!" Dawn hollered. "I can't watch this." She said standing up.
"Dawn." Spike pleaded reaching over to shut off the tape. Then he walked over to her pacing across the floor.
"Spike I just can't do this anymore." Dawn sighed. "I can't pretend that summer didn't happen. I can't pretend I don't want it all back." She tried to hold back the tears. Dawn ran outside of the crpyt and into the graveyard. She couldn't breathe, not after all of it had passed. Breathing was too much a burden. She had to fight to breathe. Had to tear the breathes from the air.
Dawn felt a cold breath on her bare neck. She knew the feel of his breath. No one else could sense it as simpy as she could. She knew the feel of him like no one else did. His scent could wake her from a dead sleep. The feel of him was undeniable. Loved to feel his cold breath against her hot skin. Always too hot, needed him to cool her down.
"Dawnie." He whispered softly. Not wanting to scare her away. "I'm sorry I broke those promises." He sighed. "But the one promise I didn't break was that I would love you forever." He placed kisses on her warm skin.
"Then why?" She asked trying to be strong but the sound was breathy.
"Because I thought it was what you wanted." He lied. It was because he was afraid. Afraid of love. Gutwrenching, honest, consuming, true love. Always a step too late. Too late to save them. But this time he couldn't be too late. Because Dawn would wait forever.
"That's crazy." Dawn turned to face him. "I love you." Dawn admitted easily.
"Can we go back Dawn?" Spike asked. "Back to that Summer." He begged almost weekly. If it was possible for Spike to be week.
"Always." She promised leaning closer to him.
Spike wrapped his arms around her and surounded her mouth with his. Throwing himself into the kiss without hesitation. That was all the invitation he needed. Just a promise. Always promising. Breaking them. But Dawn never broke a promise. Only Spike did. And this time he was promising and not breaking. He wanted her and it was enough. More then enough. The summer had lasted forever to both of them. Just one summer. A summer of broken promises of eternal kisses. A summer of trust and of love. They would never let that summer go and it was enough to bring it back again. To keep it going. To fuel the fire. To hold onto each other. they didn't care anymore. Not about what the others thought or about the pain it could cause. That summer was theirs and they had the memorys back. Accept now it was time to make new ones. And they would. Soon enough. Together forever. And never would the locked tight chains free them from one another. Tied for eternity. Caught by solace, trapped by love, lost in lust. Tied together by a summer obsession.