On a hill beneath the gray sky of a dying world, a red haired man in a red leather jacket with one black wing arching towards the heavens sat on a cold stone reading a book titled "Loveless". He looked up and smiled at the bald headed stranger who made his way towards him.
"How many times have you read that poem, old friend?" asked the Baldman.
"I never considered counting", said the red haired man. "There's no importance to that number".
"Hmph", said the Baldman. He stood in front of the other.
"You're no stranger, are you?" said the red haired man.
"You're no stranger to me", said the Baldman. "Even if the morrow is barren of promises…"
"Nothing shall forestall my return", The red haired man finished. "You've kept me waiting, Eli"
"I go by three names now, Genesis", said the Baldman. "One for each of my faces. This face is called Liquid Saitama."
"I thought you hated that name", said Genesis. "Liquid Snake."
"I don't care much for this body", said Liquid Saitama, flexing his right hand. "I thought it would be fitting to give it the title 'Liquid'".
"Ha ha!" said Genesis. "Though your voice is different, you sound very much like the Eli I know."
"And you haven't changed a bit", said Liquid Saitama. "Did you retrieve the Protajewels from my old body?"
"They're right here!" said Genesis, lifting the bag of Protajewels and giving it a shake.
"I could always count on you", said Liquid Saitama with a smile.
"I'm sure you noticed…" began Genesis, "that you were being followed."
"Of course", said Liquid Saitama. "They'll be on the hilltop with us in a matter of moments."
"Good", said Genesis, closing his book. "I was worried they'd keep us waiting."
"Nope", said Liquid Saitama. "They're here now. I'll put on a mask. We'll have some fun here."
"Which mask, friend?" asked Genesis. "Comedy? Or Tragedy?"
"That depends on whether you're us…" said Liquid Saitama. "Or them."
LOVELESS NOBODY XIII PRESENTS
They peaked the hill, Jon Snow, Hodor, Macho Man Randy Savage, and Johnny Sins.
"Saitama!" said Jon Snow.
"Jon Snow!" said Liquid Saitama. "I haven't seen you in a while!"
"Saitama, what have you been doing?" Jon Snow asked.
"You know", said Saitama. "Trying to survive in this decaying world, same as you guys!"
"We saw the bodies", said Jon Snow. "Rose told us everything. She's worried that…" the sentence faded out. "They say that even Watson's gone mad, and that he's started building a new army of Skinwalkers. We sent Ringo and Korra to check up on him, but neither have returned."
"Watson will be dead in a matter of pages, in a story written two years ago", said Liquid Saitama.
"That's not Saitama", said Johnny Sins. "Not anymore"
"Hodor", said Hodor.
"Ha", said Liquid Saitama.
"YO, who are you, BR-OTHER?" Macho Man Randy Savage asked Genesis.
"Me?" asked Genesis. "I am but a random traveler! I saw this man having what seemed to be a panic attack on this hill, so I came to help."
"Jon Snow!" said Liquid Saitama, clutching his hands to his head. "Johnny Sins! Whoever you other two are! You've got to help me! The LotUS of Sanity, he… he's… AAARGH!" he screamed up to the sky in agony.
"Saitama!" said Jon Snow, approaching his old friend. He held Saitama by the shoulders. "Saitama, keep it together! Rose is waiting for you! And Kamina! We need you to hold on!"
"I'll try… to hold… on", said Saitama. Then his head snapped down to meet Jon Snow's gaze. Jon Snow saw a smile flash across his face, then felt a blaring pain burst right through his chest.
"Sai… ta… ma", Jon Snow struggled to say. He slowly looked down and saw that Saitama had punched his fist elbow deep through his chest. "No…" Jon Snow feebly drew his sword, Longclaw, but he found out that Saitama's arm was the only thing keeping him standing, and fell to the ground sideways as soon as it was removed, the sword clattering beyond his reach.
"NOOOOOOO!" Everyone shouted (except for Genesis, who was enjoying the show, and Hodor, who said "HODOR!")
Macho Man Randy Savage and Hodor barreled forward first, going at Saitama from both sides. Liquid Saitama grappled with Hodor and threw him to the side before delivering a flying uppercut to Macho Man Randy Savage, bruising but not killing him. When Liquid landed on the ground, Hodor was ready to grapple him from behind.
"My turn", said Genesis. He put away his book, stood up, drew his crimson sword, and swiftly decapitated Hodor. He licked his lips, enjoying the taste of the blood that sprinkled his face.
"SNAP INTO A SLIM-JIM!" Macho Man Randy Savage yelled before Liquid Saitama snapped his neck, then swiftly held out a hand to catch the blade of Longclaw.
"Valyrian… Steel!" Johnny Sins yelled.
"Is it?" said Liquid Saitama. He gripped the blade harder, and the immense pressure caused the blade to shatter in half.
"What?" said Johnny Sins.
"Valyrian Steel was about the only thing that could sever Saitama's arms…" said Liquid Saitama. "But I'm not Saitama." Liquid Saitama grabbed Johnny Sins's arm and pulled, firmly but slowly. Johnny Sins screamed as Liquid Saitama's pull slowly severed every tendon in his arm. The skin started to break, and Liquid Saitama pulled the arm clean off.
"You're 'One Fist Man' now", said Liquid Saitama with a smile, tossing away the severed arm.
"Damn you", said Johnny Sins.
"Tell the rest of your friends that Saitama is dead", said Liquid Saitama. "But if you don't… well, killing off Saitama's friends might end up becoming my favorite pastime." Johnny Sins scowled and stumbled away, holding onto the stump at his left shoulder.
"Sai…ta…ma…" Jon Snow sputtered, still lying sideways on the ground. Liquid Saitama looked at him, smirked, and walked over to him.
"You're pretty resilient", said Liquid Saitama as he placed a boot on Jon Snow's temple.
"Sai…ta…ma", Jon Snow said again, just before Liquid Saitama crushed his head
"Like an insect."
A CHRISTOPHER RANGEL FANFICTION
Liquid Saitama scuffed his boot in the dirt to wipe away some of Jon Snow's brains. A wolf howled in the distance.
"What was that?" asked Genesis.
"Not a problem", said Liquid Saitama. "It knows not to mess with us."
"A shame", said Genesis. "I would have loved to mess with it."
"You may get your chance yet", said Liquid Saitama. "You fucking furry."
"Hey!" said Genesis. "Just because I've got a wing doesn't mean I'm a fucking furry. At most, I'm a Fury."
"Well don't get too furious", Liquid Saitama said, raising his hands.
"So what's next?" asked Genesis. Liquid Saitama cracked his knuckles.
"Now", said Liquid Saitama, "We punish God for His sins."
WINTER LEAVES LIKE A SON IN A PARADE BOOK II:
SPRING FLOWERS BLOSSOM LIKE THE CRIMSON TEARS OF MY HEART
Written by Christopher Rangel
CHAPTER 1:
BATTESIMO DEL FUOCO
Claudio
Claudio-Sanchez Rangel walked through the burning wreckage of the world. "Where is that damn parade?" wondered Claudio. "Parade!" The only thing that responded was a roar in the distance. "The Skinless One." A shiver went down his spine. "He should leave me alone, but still… maybe I should go back." But he didn't. He kept trudging onwards.
Claudio looked to the sky. A few hours ago he had seen his father, the Godchris, ascend and disappear into the clouds, never to return (I am the Godchris. That's where I left the story). But he was still here. He shivered and moved ever forward.
"Get out of the way, Akira!" Claudio heard a boy shout.
"Huh?" said Claudio, and he followed the voice.
"Leave it alone, Ryo!" yelled another boy.
"Yeah, fuck off!" came another voice, older but… smaller? The voices were coming from a thicket of dead brambles. Claudio passed through into a very small clearing entirely surrounded by the brambles. At the center was a withering flower with a face, warped in exhausted anger.
"Ryo, if you face-fuck this flower it will die!" said the boy who, through process of elimination, was Akira.
"It's going to die anyways!" said Ryo. "Now get out of the way, Akira, or I'm going to fuck you, too!"
"Um, hi!" said Claudio. Everyone slowly turned to face him. Claudio waved another friendly hello. Akira waved back, until Ryo slapped his hand away.
"What is it?" asked Ryo. Claudio raised his eyebrows and looked at the ground.
"I don't know", said Claudio. "I was just walking by, and it sounded like you were about to… rape a flower?"
Ryo sneered. "You can't rape a flower", he said.
"Yes, you can!" exclaimed the flower. "If it's fucking sentient you absolutely can! Why, if I weren't so dehydrated this flower would be fucking kicking your ass, you pansy-ass bitch! Do you know who I am?! I'm FUCKING Flowey the Flower!"
"And I'll be FUCKING Flowey the Flower! I'm going to fill your mouth with my fucking cock!" exclaimed Ryo.
Claudio was feeling very uncomfortable. "Um…" he said. "Um…"
Akira just smiled. "He's always like this!"
"Uh-huh", said Claudio. He cleared his throat. "Alright, I'm gonna say you should step away from the flower."
"What gives you the right to say?!" exclaimed Ryo. "You're a kid, just like us!"
Claudio sighed and brushed a hand through his hair. "Just… just please leave the flower alone."
"No!"
"Fucking…" Claudio said under his breath. He stood next to Akira to protect Flowey and crossed his arms. Ryo sneered and feinted forward as if to fight. Akira flinched, but Claudio was unmoved.
"Fine!" said Ryo, taking out a lighter. "If I can't have that flower, no one can!" He threw the lighter into the brambles, which lit on fire immediately, grabbed Akira, and ran right out of the clearing.
"Fucking Christ!" exclaimed Flowey. "Are you fucking… help! Help!"
"I, uh…" said Claudio, looking between the way out and the flower in front of him. The fire was spreading so fast.
"Hey, get out of there!" he heard Akira yell.
"Oh God, Oh God, Oh God", said Flowey.
"I…" said Claudio. Godchrisdammit, I've gotta do something! "I have a plan!" he said to Flowey.
"Thank God!" said Flowey. Then Claudio threw himself on top of the flower. "Wait, this is your fucking plan?! We're both going to burn here!" Claudio said nothing, but closed his eyes and waited for it to pass.
Outside the inferno Akira and Ryo watched the flames.
"Holy shit", said Akira.
"I know, right?" said Ryo. "Marvelous"
"Ryo, that kid is fucking dead!"
"He shouldn't have gotten in my way", said Ryo. "And the only reason you're off the hook is because you're my best friend."
"Right", said Akira. "Thanks." They sat down and watched the flames and smoke rise, until it died down and the sky was a burning twilight.
"Nothing but cinders now", said Ryo. "We should keep moving."
"Right", said Akira. They started walking away. Akira looked back at the cinders with sadness, then surprise. "Ryo, look!" The cinders were starting to move, then stand up as a somewhat charred Claudio-Sanchez Rangel, with Flowey the Flower standing safely in his shadow.
"How?" said Ryo.
"How?" said Claudio. He took up a confident pose and said "I am the son of the Godchris." His confidence was broken with a smoky cough. "Oh, yeah, and I've got a Protajewel."
"A Protajewel!" said Ryo. "Fascinating."
"Hey, you wouldn't happen to have any water on you", said Flowey.
"Sorry, I drank the last drop earlier today", said Claudio.
"Of course you did…" Flowey muttered.
"But I can take you back to my village!" said Claudio. "We've got a well there!"
"How the fuck am I getting to your village?" asked Flowey.
"Hm…" said Claudio. He took out his empty bottle, filled it with dirt, and then placed Flowey in there.
"Ooo, you've still got some residual water in here!" said Flowey. "Ahhh…"
"You guys can come, too!" said Claudio. "If you're not heading anywhere in particular."
"Sure", said Akira.
"I guess", said Ryo.
"Be on your guard", said Claudio. "There are still some Twistedminds around this area, and recently people have started spotting a beast known as 'The Skinless One'"
"The Skinless One?" said Akira.
"A hulking beast with no skin that's been seen on the outskirts of our settlement, eating our Brahmin and other cattle", said Claudio. "I heard his cry earlier today, so I know he's still out there."
"I'm not afraid of it", said Ryo.
"Good", said Claudio. "We probably won't need to worry about it anyways." They started walking back towards Claudio's village, passing through decaying woods and arid plains beneath the dim light of the full moon behind the clouds.
"Here we are", Claudio said once they reached the gates. "Welcome to good ol' Woodwall!" He knocked on the wooden wall and the gatekeeper, Harry Potter, poked his head over the wall.
"Claudio!" said Harry. "You're back! I'll open the gate." The gate closed behind them as they entered the town.
"I'll plant you in front of my house", Claudio told Flowey, "and then I'll get some water for you."
"Is there anywhere for us to stay?" asked Akira.
"There should be room at my place", said Claudio, digging out a small hole in front of his small, one floor house. "I'm sure Mom won't mind." He put Flowey in the hole then went to the well for some water, brought it back, and poured it over the flower, letting it soak into the dead earth.
"Yeah, that's the spot", Flowey said, already starting to look a little more nourished.
Claudio opened the door. "Stay quiet, guys. Don't want to wake up Mom." He sniffed the air. "What's that smell."
"Its pretty bad", said Akira. Ryo just shrugged.
"Something is not right", said Claudio. He took a step forward and found that the floor was somewhat slippery. Something was spilled. He lit a lantern and looked at the floor. "Blood. And leading right to my parents' room." He swallowed hard and went for their room. The door was already open. He flashed the lantern inside. "Oh God." His mother, May from Pokemon, lay on the floor, an explosion of red viscera around where her head should have been.
"She was suffering", Harry Potter said from behind him, "and a walking corpse besides. It was all Zack Fair could do to put her out of that suffering." Claudio fell to his knees.
"I know", said Claudio. "I knew this was coming and I knew she was dead. But still…"
"She was a good woman", said Harry Potter. "She'll get a proper funeral."
The funeral was held the next day, as overcast as the day before but somehow drearier. She was buried just outside the village walls, and everyone was in attendance.
"What a God we have", Claudio heard someone mutter afterwards. "Escaping to a better world while his wife is dead and leaving his child alone here." Claudio clenched his fist. There must have been a reason.
An inhuman scream cut through the respectful quiet, which was completely obliterated by the sound of an alarm and Harry Potter yelling "The Skinless One! The Skinless One!" Everyone ran to get their arms. Claudio ran into his house and grabbed his mother May's sword, Vermilious. This is mine now. He also grabbed the Pokeballs that held Mudkip and Blaziken.
"We'll just hang out around here", said Akira.
"Alright", said Claudio. He looked at Ryo. "Leave the flower alone." Ryo rolled his eyes and nodded. The next moment, there was a great crash and something that was a terrible sound. Claudio looked to see that one of the walls had collapsed, and that was when he got his first glimpse of The Skinless One, a massive, skinless, mutant humanoid with mighty claws and sinew that glittered in the obscure Sun. The crowd was hesitant to attack, intimidated by its form and reputation. Amidst the inaction a man in a black hoody emerged and confronted the beast. The Skinless One screamed at the stranger, who, merely in return, slapped him on the nose, causing him to run away.
"Hey, who are you?" Adam Sandler called to the stranger. He merely looked back at the crowd, then walked away, without anyone getting any glimpse as to his identity.
"Shit!" said the mayor, Rick from The Walking Dead. "We're gonna have to rebuild that fucking wall now, and fast. Also we're gonna need someone to go out and make sure that monster gets dead. Any volunteers?"
"I'll do it!" said Claudio-Sanchez, raising Vermilious into the sky.
"Son of God, make us proud!" said Rick.
"We're coming, too!" Akira said, also speaking for Ryo.
"Hey, can you take your fucking annoying talking flower with you?" asked Harry Potter.
"Fuck you!" said Flowey, but ultimately they had to carry him along as well, since everyone agreed that he was annoying as fuck. So the party stepped forth, over the wreck of the ruined wall and onto the rampant path of destruction The Skinless One had left in its wake.
TO BE CONTINUED