Ok so it's been a really long time since I've written anything I've wanted to post. But I went to see RENT for the 7th time last night and I couldn't get it out of my head. So it completely renewed my obsession. But I'm hoping that I will continue with I but I can't make any guarantees because when ever I say I'm going to finish something I either lose that papers or something happens and I'm not able to get back to it. I don't really know why Rae is in there I just wanted another character that didn't have AIDS other then Maureen and Johanne because I would have no idea how to write them. So Rae's mine. But I hope you enjoy it! And PLEASE REVIEW PLEASE!

DISCLAIMER: The only character I own is Rae. They all belong to the great Jonathan Larson.

Goodbye

"Vive la Vie Boheme"

"Would you light my Candle?"

"Today for you tomorrow for me"

"December 24th Eastern Standard Time."

All these things rang through my head as I walked out of the terminal, to the baggage claim. 10 years, that was all 10 years ago. It was probably the best and worst year in my life. So many things happened in that one year, it left my mind spinning not only mine but everyone else's. I think it's safe to say that we all grew up that year. Living in the city and living for our art didn't seem as important to any of us after Mimi almost died. It changed us, well not so much Collins, he reminded the same, as much as he could after Angel left us. Roger and Mimi lived together in the loft down stairs; they didn't fight as much as they did before, they were happy, Benny didn't exist to them. I think Roger got the idea of how little time they really did have with each other and learned to control his jealously, though it took a while. Mimi stopped taking smack, she really did by her self no one pushing her, the withdrawal was terrible for her, but to my surprise Roger stayed with her the entire time. Like I did with him, they both died from AIDS 6 years after that first Christmas, only weeks apart. I had left my job in California to come back and take care of them since they weren't very well off. Watching them waste away was the hardest thing I've ever done, and now I'm back in New York to watch another one of my friends waste away. Collins. I had gotten a call from Rae a week ago telling me that Collins had gotten sick and was in the hospital, that the doctors had said he probably wasn't going to be much longer. And I have to admit, if you do the math Collins should have been the first one to die. He had been living with the disease for almost 17 years. A long time for anyone who had AIDS, especially long for those who didn't always have the money for the drugs. So, just as I had promised all those years ago to Rae when I first left to go to LA, I came back.

Here I am, at JFK airport, 8 o'clock in the morning, looking for Rae who said she's pick me up. I admit I haven't actually been a great friend since Mimi and Roger died I got very wrapped up in my work, which I guess is easier then facing the world, especially facing it alone. Sure I called Rae, and she called me, but you could really feel the distance. Rae and I had always been close friends; she was there through everything, April, the drugs, withdrawal. Everything, we had more in common with each other then anyone else I've ever met, but the past 10 years I've been away in LA and we had drifted apart we all had, even Roger and I. I had my own life in LA, no one knew me, I could be whoever I wanted, talk to who ever I wanted and no one knew my past or where I came from, and what I had been through. I liked that, I felt free and the distance helped me cope, I wasn't in the middle of everything, I wasn't the narrator I was actually part of the story.

I stared at the baggage rolling around the luggage belt when I saw a small woman with very curly black hair step in front of me, searching for someone. Rae.

"Rae" I said stepping up behind her. She turned around, she hadn't changed she looked exactly the same as she did when I last saw her 4 years ago. Except her eyes, her eyes were different, tired, they had lost the innocence they once had when were first moved into the loft. That's probably the same for everyone. When she turned around she smiled, a large smile, I couldn't help but smile my self, she always had a way to make things feel right, she would be able to cheer everyone up. She came up to me and hugged me,

"It's good to see you mark it's been to long" she whispered

I sighed and hugged back, "definitely too long" I answered back.

She let go and asked "have you gotten your stuff yet?"

"No but it's probably rolling around on there now"

We went up to the luggage belt where I quickly spotted my beat up old bag, Rogers's bag I took it from him when I first moved. I had forgotten about that. I tried not to think of it as a hauled it off the belt.

"Did you take a cab?"

"No I drove"

"You drove?" I said with surprised "I don't think I'd ever picture you driving a car"

She smiled "It's not my car it's a friends that I borrowed, I hate paying for cabs I avoided it if I possibly can."

"Makes sense" we didn't say anything while I followed her to the car I wasn't sure what to say. We got into the car and Rae started driving. We were quiet for a few minutes, before I broke the silence. "So how is Collins?"

Rae sighed " not too good…he has a horrible cough…the doctors said it's just a real bad flu or cold which will probably progress to pneumonia He scared the crap out of me when I came home and he was barley breathing on the couch. He wants to leave the hospital…. He says he doesn't want to die in there…but…but I don't think I can do it Mark…. I watched it with Roger and Mimi I don't want to do it again I don't think I'm strong enough…..but I don't want him to have to die in the hospital." Her voice broke and her eyes shined with tears.

"It's not his style" I whispered and Rae cracked a small smile

She sighed again "I don't know…I don't know what to do." Once again she look tired and worn out.

"What about you…how are you doing? You look exhausted."

"Thanks… I haven't been sleeping much, I don't want to leave Collins there alone…there's really no one else around. And if anything happened when I wasn't there I'd feel horrible."

"Then maybe bringing him home would help you both"

"I know I've thought of that too…I've thought of everything….I just don't know what to do"

"Does he have an apartment?"

"No he was in Boston for a long time; he just came back for a little while and was staying at my place. When he got sick"

I nodded "maybe it's best for him to leave that hospital…he could even get better…."

Rae shook her head "I don't think he'll get better…Mark he keeps talking about Angel and how much he misses her I don't think he wants to get better."

"That doesn't surprise me he's been talking like that since she died and it got worse after Roger and Mimi"

I didn't even notice how fast the time went; before I knew it we were parking out in front of Rae's building. We walked up to her apartment which was on the 5th floor, we went in, it was definitely different then her last apartment, and definitely different then the loft. It wasn't big, just perfect for two people but there was a lot of furniture and it was clean. There was even a TV we never had a TV. I looked around.

"Different huh?"

"Yeah, you have a TV!"

"And cable with a TiVo"

"No way"

"Yep but I never use it, I don't even know how" she smiled and showed me to the extra room.

"I can't believe you live here on your own"

"Yeah I'm doing pretty well now, work is fun"

"Good" I laid down my stuff and looked around.

"So do you want to go see Collins now? I don't want to leave him there alone for to long"

With I deep breath I nodded. And followed her out of the apartment, to take the trip I was dreading. To go say goodbye to my friend, mentor, a man who was my support when I didn't think I could handle things anymore. A man who always tried to make things right for us. Who kept our family going after Angel died because she had believed it, and he believed in her. I was dreading saying goodbye. Why did goodbye have to be so hard?