A/N-HI! Clearly, I'm yftgb. This is my first AI fic, which I've actually had forever but was too lazy to type up. I apologize if it sucks. It's the first anything I've written in a while. I'll get better, probably. Promise. :)
A New York Adventure!
JOHNNY: *on his laptop*
JIMMY: *prepping heroin needle*
JOHNNY: Jimmy! Let's play 'Wikipedia Hunt!'
JIMMY: What the hell is that?
JOHNNY: It's easy! You give me something to Wikipedia, like, say, 'burrito,' and I have to go to an article that's not titled 'burrito' and get to the burrito page through links!
JIMMY: That sounds…really stupid. No.
JOHNNY: Aw, please, Jimmy? *puppy dog eyes*
JIMMY: Those eyes don't work on me.
JOHNNY: *continuing*
JIMMY: Nope.
JOHNNY: *continuing*
JIMMY: …FINE! Okay! I'll do it! Happy?
JOHNNY: Yay!
JIMMY: Okay, um, let's see…heroin.
JOHNNY: Okay, okay…heroin…AH-HA! Needle…drugs…wait a second. Musicals? *clicks*
JIMMY: You suck at this game.
JOHNNY: Ooh, American Idiot!JIMMY: *shakes head and goes back to needle*
JOHNNY: *reads* Whoa. This is weird.
JIMMY: Oh God. What now?
JOHNNY: There's a musical called American Idiot on Broadway. It's about some guy his home to go to the city with his friends, but one has to stay back because he knocked up his girlfriend. Anyway, the other two guys leave for the City, but for some reason, the other friend leaves to join the army, and he creates an alter-ego that gives him heroin. Then he falls in love with a girl he can't remember the name of and wants to quit drugs, but the alter-ego won't let him. Then he finds out the friend in the army lost a leg in the war. The girl leaves him, and he forgets about the alter-ego, who 'commits suicide.' Then he goes home and reflects upon life a year later.
JIMMY: …Your point?
JOHNNY: The main character's name was Johnny.
JIMMY: So? Hate to break it to ya, Johnny-Cakes, but the name 'Johnny' isn't exactly unique. Now, Saint Jimmy, now that's a unique name.
JOHNNY: That's the other part. The alter-ego's name is Saint Jimmy.
JIMMY: *stares* But Tunny never lost a leg!
JOHNNY: I know, but-*phone rings* Hello?...Yes…Oh no…Okay. Thanks. Bye. *hangs up*
JIMMY: Tunny lost a leg?
JOHNNY: Yup.
JIMMY: Lovely. Sucks for him!
JOHNNY: This is weird! *clicks* Okay. We're good.
JIMMY: …What did you do?...
JOHNNY: I bought us tickets to American Idiot!
JIMMY: Jesus, there is no way we are going to fucking New York!
JOHNNY: Why not?
JIMMY: Well, for one, we're in FUCKING CALIFORNIA!
JOHNNY: Then we'll take a road trip Whee!
JIMMY: *facepalm* What about a car, huh? Where are we gonna get a car?
JOHNNY: I'll just borrow Whatsername's car!
ONE WEEK LATER…
JOHNNY: *honks horn* Come on! We can't be late!
JIMMY: *stops dead in tracks* What the fuck is…that?
JOHNNY: It's Whatsername's car! Now get in!
JIMMY: You didn't tell me she drove a hot pink Volkswagen Beetle!
JOHNNY: What's wrong with it?
JIMMY: *sigh* Never mind. Just drive.
THREE HOURS LATER…
JOHNNY: *singing* Roll, roll, roll a joint twist it at the end…Light it up and take a puff and pass it to your friend…
JIMMY: JOHNNY. SHUT YOUR FACE.
JOHNNY: Hey! *infinite hurt and betrayal* *pause* So we're not going into this completely blind, I Wikipedia-ed the musical some more. It was written by a band called Green Day. I got the cast recording. Here. *pops CD into player*
JIMMY: *groan*
ABOUT ONE HOUR LATER…
JOHNNY: "I'M THE SON OF RAGE AND LOVE! THE JESUS OF SUBURBIA! THE BIBLE OF NONE OF THE ABOVE ON A STEADY DIET OF-
JIMMY: John-
JOHNNY: SODA POP AND RITALIN! NO ONE EVER DIED FOR MY SINS IN HELL, AS FAR AS I CAN TELL, AT LEAST THE ONES I GOT AWAY WITH!
JIMMY: John-
JOHNNY: AND THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH ME-
JIMMY: OH MY GOD JOHNNY SHUT THE FUCK UP THERE IS A LOT WRONG WITH YOU!
*awkward silence*
JOHNNY: *sniffles*
JIMMY: *rolls eyes and tries again* Could you, you know, sing another song? Please?
JOHNNY: No.
JIMMY: *groan*
JOHNNY: Actually, there is one other.
JIMMY: THANK YOU.
JOHNNY: No problem.
*pause*
JOHNNY: Roll, roll, roll a joint, twist it at the end…
JIMMY: *facepalm*
A CONSIDERABLE AMOUNT OF TIME LATER…
JOHNNY: We're here! We're here! New York City! *squees*
JIMMY: Cool. Can I borrow fifty bucks?
JOHNNY: …Why?
JIMMY: There's this great alley on the Lower East Side-
JOHNNY: NO. NO DRUGS. THIS EXPERIENCE IS GOING TO BE MAGICAL.
JIMMY: Are you fucking kidding me? If we didn't come here for drugs, then what did we come for? Not the musical, seriously?
JOHNNY: *death glare*
JIMMY: *groan*
THE NEXT DAY…
JOHNNY: Come on, Jimmy! We can't be late!
JIMMY: The show doesn't start until seven! It's only two in the afternoon!
JOHNNY: Well…I don't want to get lost! It's the St. James theatre…Hey, if you think about it, it's like the St. Jimmy theatre! *beams proudly*
JIMMY: Shut up.
FIVE HOURS LATER…
*in theatre*
JOHNNY: Jimmy! It's starting! I'm so excited!
JIMMY: *shooting up in corner* Uh-huh…
THE AUTHOR WOULD INCLUDE WHAT THEY SAID DURING THE PLAY, BUT THIS MAY RESULT IN COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT.
ACTUALLY, PROBABLY NOT. THE AUTHOR IS JUST TOO LAZY. SO THIS IS AFTER THE PLAY…
*Johnny and Jimmy walk out*
JOHNNY: That was amazing! Let's go talk to the cast! *drags Jimmy to 'Will'* Omigosh, you were amazing! You remind me a lot of someone I know…
JIMMY: WILL?
WILL: Um…heh…*talks into earpiece* Alert, alert! Pothead and Dunce have arrived!
JIMMY: *mutters* I better be Pothead…
JOHNNY: *catching on*…Will? What are you doing here? And…is that…Tunny?
WILL: Um…
JIMMY: You better start explaining pretty fucking quick why you're telling the whole world about my negative influence on Johnny and my drug habits!
BACKSTAGE…
*Whatsername, Heather, Extraordinary Girl, Tunny, and Will are all in a room with Jimmy and Johnny. Tony and John are sitting awkwardly in the corner.*
JOHNNY: So, why, again, are you all here?
WHATSERNAME: Uh…Heather!
HEATHER: *glares* Will!
WILL: It was Tunny!
TUNNY: Extraordinary Girl! Explain!
EG: Erm…Theo!
JIMMY: Nice try, Theo isn't here! Thank God…
THEO: *voice floating through air* I am in spirit…
ALL: *shudder*
JOHNNY: And who the hell are these guys? *gestures to Tony and John*
JOHN GALLAGHER JR.: Er…I'm John…Gallagher Jr….I play Jesus. Johnny. Apparently…you?
JOHNNY: SNEER.
TUNNY: Why did you just say that out loud?
JOHNNY: I dunno, it felt right in the given situation.
JIMMY: *to Tony* And who the fuck are you?
TONY: I'm Tony Vincent. I play you.
JIMMY: Oh no you don't. There's only one St. Jimmy.
JOHNNY: Why did you guys cast a St. Jimmy and Johnny, rather than just having the real thing?
HEATHER: Because Johnny cannot act, and Jimmy can't sing to save his life.
JOHNNY: *eyes fill with tears* W-w-what?
EG: See?
JIMMY: *slightly peeved* Okay, so Johnny's a wuss. But I can sing! Hell, you guys haven't even heard me sing! Ever!
ALL: *snort*
JIMMY: What? I can sing! See? *sings* "Saint Jimmy's coming down the alleyway! Up on the boulevard like a zip-
TUNNY: YO! JIMMY! I MAY SEEM LIKE THE PEACEFUL PARAPLEGIC WAR VETERAN, BUT DON'T THINK I WON'T GO ALL OSAMA BIN LADEN ON YO ASS IF YOU
DON'T SHUT UP!
ALL: *stare at Tunny*
WHATSERNAME: Also, Jimmy, there's the slight problem that you're no tactually a tangible person.
JIMMY: I'll show you tangible, bitch…
JOHNNY: I'm still hurt that you didn't tell us!
HEATHER: Oh, Johnny, get over it. You know that you didn't even notice we were gone.
JOHNNY: It still hurts!
*Billie Joe, Mike, and Tré enter*
BILLIE JOE: 'Sup, guys?
JIMMY: Great, another fucking person that I don't fucking know!
BILLIE JOE: Oh, I know you Jimmy. I created you.
JIMMY: Delusional psycho…
MIKE: So I'm assuming Johnny and Jimmy found out your not-so-smart plan?
WILL: *whispers to EG* He's good…
JOHNNY: Who are you?
MIKE: I'm Billie Joe Armstrong.
BILLIE JOE: I'm Tré Cool.
TRE: And I'm Mike Dirnt.
CAST: *snickers*
JIMMY: So? Can you explain what's going on?
'TRE': I can-
JIMMY: Hey, SHUT THE FUCK UP! I ASKED BILLIE FUCKING JOE!
CAST: *snickers*
'BILLIE JOE': *best BJ imitation* Well, in 2004, we wrote an album called American Idiot. It was turned into a Broadway musical just this year. Ya know?
JOHNNY: *to cast* Why weren't we invited? *sniffle* I'd love to be in a musical!
CAST: *looks at each other*
'MIKE': Oh no…
'BILLIE': No.
'TRE': Absolutely not.
EG: Tony and John can sit out for the next performance…
HEATHER: You guys wanna fill in?
JOHNNY: Yes!
JIMMY: No. Fucking. Way.
JOHNNY: What? C'mon, Jimmy, It'll be an adventure…we're going on an adventure…
JIMMY: Quit the Charlie the Unicorn impersonation! No!
JOHNNY: *to cast* We'll do it!
CAST: Okay!
JIMMY: I SAID NO!
THEO: Oh, suck it up, Jimmy.
JIMMY: GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE, CREEPO!
THEO: *giggles creepily*
ALL: *shudder*
TONY: Well…John and I will just…leave now…*both run out*
WHATSERNAME: Okay. You guys have until 7pm tomorrow to memorize these-*plops giant scripts in both Johnny and Jimmy's arms*-and learn all the stage movements and songs. Good luck!
CAST: *exits*
*silence*
*at same time*
JOHNNY: This is so exciting!
JIMMY: FUCK YOU.
7 PM THE NEXT DAY…
JOHNNY: My Broadway debut! Eep! *checks makeup*
JIMMY: *sauntering up* The costume and makeup people sent me away. Ha.
JOHNNY: SHUT UP, JIMMY. Your presence is screwing up my feng shui!
JIMMY: How can I be messing up your feng shui? You're not arranging furniture!
WHATSERNAME: *can't be seen* How do you know what feng shui even is, you idiot?
JIMMY: *under his breath* Dammit…
ON STAGE DURING AMERICAN IDIOT…
JOHNNY: *awful, cracking voice* Don't wanna be a Canadian-OOPS! American!-idiot!
JIMMY: *backstage* Oh, god…*facepalm*
DURING ST. JIMMY…
JIMMY: My name is Jimmy and you better not wear it out! Suicide commando that your mama talked about!...
HEATHER: *backstage* You, know, Jimmy is actually pretty good!
TUNNY: *eye twitches* I…will…shank…you…
JIMMY:…And don't you FUCKING wear it out!
AUDIENCE: *cheers*
'TRE': *from audience* HEY! COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT!
JIMMY: *to Johnny* Ooh, baby baby it's fuck time!
'TRE': What? Premature copyright infringement! Alert!
IN THE MIDDLE OF LAST NIGHT ON EARTH…
JOHNNY: *backstage, loudly* Wait, why is Jimmy singing?
WILL: *facepalm*
CURTAIN CALL…
JOHNNY: *to audience* Well, you see, I gave up my guitar for heroin and pot and all that jazz, so I've completely forgotten guitar, much less learned this
'Good Riddance' song. So, in the absence of guitars, we'll play it on…KAZOOS!
CAST: *pulls out kazoos and plays 'Good Riddance'
AUDIENCE: Bravo! Five stars! Huzzah!
CAST: *bows and exits*
JOHNNY: I feel so…alive! Jimmy, you and me together as a Broadway pair are UNSTOPPABLE!
JIMMY: There is no way I'm doing this again.
JOHNNY: Don't worry! No more American Idiot!
JIMMY: Thank God.
JOHNNY: …We're signed up for Phantom of the Opera next!
JIMMY: *stares*
JOHNNY: *drapes body across Jimmy's arms as Christine* Oh, Phantom, tell me more!
JIMMY: You know, I think I know why Jimmy blew his brains out into the Bay….
FIN
A/N-Okay, went worse than I thought it would. I apologize.
I also have DESTROYA stuck in my head... It's pretty awesome.
Review! Or not. But I'd like it if you would!
~yftgb