It was the night before they left on their respective trips. They were joking about that first case. He still loved that she had punched that judge. She still loved his symmetrical features. That's when it happened. He was laugh and looking in to her perfect blue eyes and he said it. I love you. He took her face in his hands and kissed her with everything he had. It was passionate but tender. Giving them everything they had ever wanted and never trusted themselves to have. When they finally pulled apart, they simply starred at each other.
It hung in the air like a lead balloon. A minute ticked by like an hour, no one dared breath. He stared at her, half hoping that she would respond in kind, half praying for the ground to swallow him whole. She was in shock. She knew she had to say something, anything at all to break the stalemate, but she couldn't. She just couldn't give someone that much power over her ever again.
The clock on the wall struck midnight and the spell was broken. Booth quickly gathered the files and his jacket and was out the door. He felt so stupid. He knew she wasn't ready, but it slipped. How could he look into her eyes and not be honest. Not tell her that he was so utterly and completely bewitched. Now he had to pick up the sorry pieces of his dignity and walk away.
She stood at the door, watching the elevator doors close. She hadn't watched her parents go. This watching him leaving was quickly becoming the most painful experience in her life but the twisted part of her ran to the window to follow his lonely trek to the standard issue SUV. His shoulders so hunched, she knew that she had finally broken his spirit.
He had made it through war and death and love was what destroyed him. He should have seen it. He hadn't stopped being an addict. He had changed substances. Now instead of a night at the tables, it was a night with Thai food, but it was no less dangerous. In fact the stakes were so high he had just lost everything.
They both crawled into bed that night with heavy hearts still unsure what the morning would bring. When Bones woke up, it was two in the morning and she was gasping for air. She had dreamed that Booth had died in Afghanistan. That was it. The very thought had her gapping like a fish out of water. That's what she was. It was that very moment that she realized he was her air. Not in the literal sense but in the sense that her life had been so much richer, more colorful and fuller with him. Now she was drowning in the darkness again. She couldn't be without his light anymore.
She sent him a text. Please don't go to the airport. She waited for his reply. She finally fell asleep at four am, hoping, still, that he might show up at her door in the morning. She didn't know if she was ready for 30 or 40 or 50 with him, but she was not willing to go 1 without.
Booth woke to a skittering of his phone across the night stand. Message from Bones: Please don't go to the airport. Clearly she was leaving and couldn't even face him to say goodbye. It hurt, but she had already told him once that he should move on, that she couldn't be his. He turned on his side, and tried to sleep. Tomorrow he would start moving on, this time for real.
She woke at nine the next morning and called the dig to let them know she wasn't going to make it. She had texted Daisy the night before, but the young intern had insisted that she still wanted to be a part of the project. She jumped in the shower and prepared for the day. At 10, she knew he wasn't coming. Maybe in the light on day she just wasn't enough to hold on to him over his sense of duty.
She could still feel his lips on hers. She closed her eyes and tried breathed in his scent which had long since faded in everything but her mind. She was swathed in his old FBI t shirt and sweats forgotten after a Saturday swimming with Parker in her pool. At least she would be here when he got home.
One year later, she received a nasty shock. She was picking up a very pregnant Angela and Hodgins from the airport when she bumped into a soldier. His quick reflexes kept her off the ground, but when they righted themselves she saw his face.
"Booth!" She gave him the biggest smile she could and a tight hug to go with it.
"Temperance." He answered a little flatly.
"Honey," came a call from closer to baggage claim. He turned and a pretty blonde woman was waving at him.
"I gotta go," he pointed a thumb in the direction of the blonde and hurried off. She told there in complete shock until Angela came up to shake her from her revere.
"Sweetie, what's going on? You look like you saw a ghost," the artist asked, full of concern.
"Angela, ghosts are stories, meant to scare children. I just saw Booth, that's all," she answered, though her voice was hollow.
"Booth, he didn't have with you to come to the airport, where did he go?" she asked, craning her neck to look for their friend.
"He didn't come with me. He apparently arrived home today from his assignment," Bren replied, gesturing in the direction Booth had disappeared in. Sure enough Booth again appeared in view headed back their direction with several bags on one arm and the blonde on the other.
"Angela, I had no idea you were pregnant. Congratulations!" Booth smiled for the first time since Bren had seen him.
"Seem like a lot can happen in a year, Studly." Angela replied.
"This is Hannah Burley, my fiancé," he introduced her, by way of explanation. Bren began building walls the Chinese would envy. "Hannah, these are some friends from work Dr. Jack Hodgins and his wife Angela and Dr. Temperance Brennan."
"Very nice to meet you," Hannah said with a smile. "Seeley, we have to be going if we are going to meet Rebecca."
"Oh, right," he said, almost to himself. "We have to go, but we should catch up some time."
"Sure thing, G-man" Hodgins called to his retreating figure.
"Well, that was weird," Angela commented confused by Booth's complete lack of kindness toward Brennan. This Hannah chick would probably not even know that Brennan and Booth were partners, by the way he treated her.
Bren said nothing, lost in her own thoughts. She quickly helped Hodgins get the bags and took them home. No sooner were they settled, then she was saying she had a lot of work to do. Agent Perotta was waiting on some case file. Bren had been working with Perotta while Booth was out of town and she wanted to get their last case wrapped up so she would be ready when Booth called.
A week went by before that everything had changed. He hadn't called, not with a case, not to catch up, not to meet at the diner. He hadn't so much as spoken to anyone at the Jeffersonian. Cam was the one who told her he had been reassigned to narcotics. They didn't know if it was luck of the draw or he had asked for the transfer, but everyone had suspicions.
He had been there when little Lily Beatrice Temperance Hodgins was born. They had acted like everything was normal, but as soon as mom and baby were in the clear, he had counted fingers and toes, he was gone again.
Still, she called Andrew or Charlie every month to make sure that he was still happy with narcotics. It was a year before she realized he wasn't coming back. The lynch pin had been seeing the wedding announcement in the newspaper. It wasn't that he was married but that he had never even invited her that told her that whatever they had shared was gone.
It wasn't until two years later on the anniversary of that very first case that she had received a knock at the door. It was midnight; no one came to see her at this hour anymore. She opened the door to find a very intoxicated Seeley Booth.
"You didn't check the peephole, Bones, how many times have I told you to check before you open the door." He slurred. Maybe it was the same old line or maybe it was the old nickname that hurt her most. All she knew was that she could not let him in again.
"What is it Booth?" she asked, tone completely flat.
"I just want to know why I'm unlovable," he asked, his voice breaking slightly at the end. She stared at him with complete surprise. He just stood there swaying, looking at her with sad brown eyes.
"What are you talking about I know several people who love you, starting I would assume with your wife." she added bitterly. He just shook his head glumly.
"Rebecca wouldn't marry me, Tessa wouldn't move in with me, hell you couldn't even date me, then Hannah comes and marries me but that's the worst of all because now two and a half years later she has itchy feet. She says she never wanted children to begin with. At least you would have had my baby." Booth was speaking as though she should completely understand him, but she had no idea what was going on. She had just worked 56 hours straight on a Mayan mummy and the whole world was upside down due to sleep deprivation.
"Booth, its midnight. I haven't slept in three days, and I have no idea why Hannah's itchy feet mean she doesn't love you, but why don't I call you a cab, so you can go home and talk this over with her," she offered with a note of finality.
"I can't go home, Bones. Hannah is at home packing. She is leaving me. She wants a divorce. She says she can't keep pretending that she's happy when she not. She wants to get back in the action, says she feels suffocated by the everyday routine here." He was so clearly depressed that she finally opened the door for him to come in. He stumbled directly to her familiar leather recliner.
"Hey, Bones, you got a TV," he said, in an almost cheery tone.
"Booth is there someone I can call to come get you? Jared, maybe?" she asked without acknowledging his comment. She had bought the top of the line 55" LCD flat screen the month before he was scheduled to get home. When he arrived with Hannah, she just couldn't bring herself to get rid of it.
"Jared moved to Baltimore," he said absentmindedly. "This is a pretty nice set up ya got here."
Again he was going on about the television.
"Can I get you a glass of water or some coffee maybe?" she asked.
"Is it so hard to just talk about the damn television for a minute Bones? What is it your boyfriend's?" he asked, now sneering at her.
"Look, you asshole, I bought that damn television three and a half years ago when I stayed home from Maluku to try and make things work with you." She picked up volume with each word until she was nearly screaming with frantic energy. Desperate to stay angry, if she was angry then the walls would be safe.
"What?" he asked in a near whisper.
"I know you heard me," she returned dangerously.
"Why didn't you say something? The last I knew I got a text saying to leave you alone," he questioned.
"I asked you to stay, I asked you not to leave," her voice was low.
"Oh, Bones," Booth sucked in a breath, understanding dawning in his voice.
"Please, stop calling me that!" she ground out through gritted teeth.
"But that's what I've always called you," he replied, a little hurt.
"You haven't called me anything in years, Agent Booth. The last time I was Temperance, or rather Dr. Temperance Brennan," she cut in, yet again.
"Bones, I'm sorry. I didn't know, I swear I didn't know. I thought that this was how you wanted it," he tried to explain.
"No, it was what you wanted. Just because Hannah has changed her mind, doesn't mean you can come back to me as a consolation prize. Now, all I need to know is if you would like something to drink, while I set up a hotel and cab for you," she replied emotionlessly.
"No, I'll be fine. I can walk to the red roof a few blocks over," he answered finally realizing how much he had screwed up with the love of his life. Then another thought struck him just as quickly, no wonder he couldn't love Hannah enough. He had left his heart with his Bones all along.
"Booth, don't be silly. I will call you a cab. I don't know how I would live with myself if you stumbled into traffic," she insisted. Apparently, this was a night for revelations, as he was struck by the thought that she clearly still cared about him.
"Temperance?" he questioned, trying to sound calm.
"Yes, Seeley?" she returned.
"Do you love me?" he asked.
"Yes," she stated simply, before heading to the kitchen to call that cab and get some coffee going. She knew that she wouldn't be able to sleep tonight.
"Yes?" he inquired, leaning on the door way.
"Booth, what does it matter? We missed our chance. Not to mention, I may very well be barren by now and children is clearly something you still want," she said, fiddling with the coffee pot.
"We could adopt," he said simply.
She turned around laughing so hard, she had to grip the counter for support. For what seemed like the first time in nearly 4 years she laughed, and with that laugh she felt breath in her lungs again. Before she could reply he was there, arms wrapped around her, deep brown eyes glued to her clear blue ones.
"Bones, you are the standard. I love you more than words can say," he gave her a look which could nearly display the depth of his emotion, but she knew there was more. She had felt it in their last kiss. That feeling was a drug and she was the addict. Without another word she kissed him with all the need she had felt these last four years.
"Don't leave me," she said, when they finally pulled away.
"Never," he swore, and he lived the rest of his life true to his word.
They never got married, though he always called her his wife. She stopped correcting the title after five years. They did adopt Samuel, 5, and his sister Piper, 7, three years into their non-marriage. One year later they welcomed a biological child Christine Angela Brennan-Booth. They lived out their lives, trying to keep business and personal life separate, though many a night around the dinner table, a crime was solved. By the time the children were 10, they could reconstruct a skeleton better than some of the new squinterns. It was the family business and they loved every minute of it.
A/N: So the name of this fic comes from Under the Tuscan Sun, the idea that sometimes in life you have to wait until you are ready for love, instead of forcing it. Hope you love it, and PLEASE review. Happy Reading!