Paper Flowers

A/Ns: A random SakuraPOV drabble-ish thing. It starts nowhere and ends nowhere, like a lot of my pieces. NaruSaku, implied one-sided SasuNaru.

Disclaimer: Kishimoto's characters, my writing.

Naruto doesn't understand. That's what scares me most. He doesn't even realise what's happening. He doesn't notice how Sasuke feels for him, and how he's trying to push us apart.

I want so badly to make things work with Naruto. I've had a couple of bad relationships before, but with him, I know it could work out. If Sasuke didn't exist, we'd be perfect.

He's sweet and thoughtful. He always remembers our dates, and keeps track of his schedule so that he never has to let me down. He doesn't swamp me in presents, but sometimes he surprises me with beautiful little things that aren't hugely expensive, but don't need to be either. Their value isn't in how much money he spent. A lot of the time, he makes me things himself. He made Ino teach him how to make friendship bracelets so he could make one for me, and worked on it for three weeks, redoing it about fifty times until he had it finished to his satisfaction. It's two shades of pink and two of green, and I wear it all the time. He knows how to make me laugh when I'm unhappy. He's no social genius, but somehow he just gets me. Which came as a surprise, because when we were kids, he was completely clueless. But he's changed so much, and I love him with all my heart, even when he screws up.

But Sasuke does exist. And he's Naruto's best friend. Ever. He's so important to Naruto, and it terrifies me.

Sasuke never really acknowledged me before I started dating Naruto. I remember the first time he really looked at me, I thought he was going to kill me. Naruto kissed me in front of him, and Sasuke glared at me so hard it felt like he was really going to hit me. That was the second I worked it out; Sasuke is in love with Naruto too.

It explained a whole lot. Way too much, in fact. But starting with the simple stuff, it explained very well why Sasuke never dated girls. The number of women who fling themselves at him every day, you'd have thought he'd pick one eventually. But of course, he doesn't like women. He likes Naruto.

And then there are the other things that it makes sense of. Naruto doesn't think anything of it, and I wish I could be less insecure, but Sasuke is smart. He's sly. Hell, he's utterly gorgeous, even for a guy, so even if Naruto doesn't like men - as far as I know - can you blame me for being a little nervous?

Naruto doesn't know. He has no idea. He doesn't know how Sasuke feels, or how it looks when they interact.

They share food all the time. He doesn't do that with everyone, only Sasuke and I.

They share a bed. Not always, obviously, but whenever Sasuke ends up staying over at Naruto's flat - far too often - they end up in the same bed. Naruto has a big double, so again, it doesn't mean anything really, but you'd have to be an idiot to think that Sasuke doesn't relish it. And I know Naruto doesn't invite every friend who stays over at his place to sleep next to him. Only Sasuke. My only consolation is that at least he and Sasuke have never had sex there, which I'll freely admit to having done myself.

I practically live in Naruto's flat. I spend over half of my time there, and Sasuke avoids the place like the plague whenever I'm around. But sometimes when I'm there I notice that things have been moved around. In a Sasuke way. I got Naruto a spice rack, and filled it with all my favourites, but I never bothered to try to keep them tidy; Naruto isn't good at that sort of thing, and seriously, it's his house, not mine, even if he says that his home is my home. Then one time I noticed that all the spices had been decanted into neat little glass jars, and labelled and put into alphabetical order. And it'd been like that for a while, and Naruto remembered to keep them that way. When I asked, he said Sasuke had done it for him. Sometimes I find his clothes in Naruto's washing basket, or lying around on his bedroom floor, and those are the times that really make me nervous. I know I'm being paranoid, and that they're not really sleeping together, but wouldn't you think the same if that happened?

Naruto has a square mirror next to his fridge. I've never asked why it's there, although it is a little random, come to think. He sticks notes to himself all over it, and photos and things. Some things are just shopping lists and the like, and sometimes there's a picture of he and I, or a couple of lines from some rhyme that caught his fancy.

I noticed one time that Sasuke left things there too. Notes to Naruto, sometimes in another language - they both know a couple of foreign languages from the classes they took in school - or sometimes pictures as well. Once there was a short poem, which I'm pretty sure he'd written himself. It wasn't romantic or anything, just talked about life in the city. But it's stayed there, in pride of place, right next to the photo Naruto took of the two of us when I fell asleep on his shoulder on one of our dates.

Hell, Sasuke and Naruto have even kissed. Alright, so it was an accident, back in our first year of high school. At the time I was more annoyed with Naruto for kissing Sasuke than the other way around. We don't often bring it up, but occasionally he jokes about it. He told me it hurt like hell, and he walked around with sore teeth for the rest of the day, along with the bruises I gave him for kissing Sasuke before I could. But even if it was an accident, he still considers it his first kiss, so it must have meant something to him. You'd think it would be more normal to try to forget all about something like that, and pretend it never happened, but he freely admits that it did, and doesn't seem at all embarrassed about it. Sasuke never mentions it, but he always looks amused when it comes up.

I don't mean to be selfish, but after I realised that Naruto spends as much if not more time with Sasuke than he does with me, it began to upset me. I've tried to ignore it, but it's hard. Especially when Naruto apologetically tells me that he can't go out with me whenever I suggested, because he's already made plans with Sasuke. The worst part of that is when Sasuke smirks at me smugly, like he's won.

Naruto treats us equally, and maybe I should be satisfied with that. But I can't help the selfish wish that he would value me more highly than Sasuke... And it makes me want to cry because I know that Sasuke is more important to him than I am, even if he loves me more. When we're having issues, Sasuke is the one he goes to. But when he and Sasuke argue - which is very rare, at least in any real seriousness - he doesn't talk to me about it. He broods instead, and even if he uses me to take his mind off it, he never quite seems honestly happy until they've made up again.

It feels a little like I'm the best friend, and Sasuke is the lover. I hate that it seems like that to me. I trust Naruto completely, and I know that there's nothing between them, but somehow I can't be rid of the fear. I could never ask Naruto to stay away from Sasuke, because he means too much to him, but sometimes I wish he would at least notice and care that his best friend is in love with him.

Theoretically, if he had to choose between Sasuke or I, I am almost sure that he would choose me. But the hard part is knowing that he would be so hollow and miserable without him, and that maybe, just maybe he would only be choosing me out of duty.

I don't hate Sasuke. I wish I did, but I can't. Because Sasuke loves Naruto, just like I do. He's loved him for longer, too. I almost feel guilty for stealing Naruto away from him, only then I don't because Naruto never really belonged to him anyway.

I'm insecure. Which is almost ironic, considering my healthy self-esteem. I'm afraid that my male lover will be stolen away from me by another man. I've never asked Naruto if he's attracted to men, but I'm almost sure that he isn't. So why do I have to be so unsure of myself? I know he loves me, and I know he'll do anything for me. He makes me happy in a way that no one else has ever been able to give me. I know he isn't unsatisfied with me. As far as I know, there's nobody else he has even considered wanting, at least since we've been together. He's never been unfaithful to me, and I'm certain that he never will be. Utterly certain.

And yet somehow, I'm still scared that he'll leave me for Sasuke.

Am I being silly?

Probably.

Maybe.

I hope I am.

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