Warning: This fanfic contains Spoiler for Chapter 70. If you have not read that chapter yet, close the window right now. This is not an information you want it spoiled by a fanfic. It also contains some Oz/Alice hints and some slash.
Forever. Such a simple word. In actuality it is composed of two different words: for, and ever. It's also not that hard to spell. F-o-r-e-v-e-r. Simple. It's not that hard to pronounce either, unless you have problems with the letter "r", but even so it still is quite simple. Some people consider it a beautiful word, in fact. It means eternity. To be quite honest, that's a heavy load to put on such a simple seven letter word.
And the funny thing is, he is one of the few creatures who can possibly understand what that word means; and still, he doesn't. He is a chain, after all. That word is achievable when you do not live in the mortal realm. When you are a creature of the Abyss, a something without a heart or a brain, something that took the body of a simple stuffed animal, that word is not that amazing. While right now it may feel like things are going horribly wrong, there is no doubt in his mind that centuries from now he will still be alive. He can reach the tangible meaning of that word. Well, unless he encounters the Mad Hatter, but he doubts Break would kill him… Maybe.
Still, he doesn't understand it. Maybe it's because of his experiences as a child. Is it even right to say that? Was he ever a child? Maybe saying "when he thought he was a child" would be correct. How could you be a child if you were never human in the first place? Was he even alive? That was another question. Alice is human, so she is alive. But he isn't. He never was. He has no brain, no heart… Does he even have a soul? All he is a chain. A stupid chain. Something that humans, that he himself once, considered monsters, things, objects, that should be leashed and tamed. If that is all he is, is it even right to say he is alive? Either way, this body is not his own. This name, Vessalius, is not his either. Not even the little brown bunny that Alice dotted on was his original body. He had nothing but this weird existence that had no explanation, and it will probably be like that for… a long time.
It always goes back to that word, doesn't it? Why can't he understand it? Is because he was denied love by the man he believed to be his father? Because during his time living as a Vessalius he knew no one could ever truly love him? No… It mostly like is because of Gil, ironically enough. During the days when Gil was taken away from him, he understood, finally, that nothing lasts. That word was a lie. There is no such thing as… as that!
But even so, he allowed himself to believe in that for just a little bit. And again it was because of the yellow eyed boy. It is kind of funny how he took away his belief on that word, yet made him believe on it for just a little bit longer than he logically knew he should. Gil promised him, so there must be something, right? Gil is not a liar. Gil doesn't leave his side; not willingly anyway. Gil would never promise him that, and then just go back on his promise. He wouldn't do that to his best friend, to his Master.
Only he isn't his Master. Glen, or Oswald, is. He is the Master Gil truly loves. The human Gil adored ever since before the Tragedy of Sablier. And who is he? He is the Bloody chain that Jack used to kill Glen. He is the chain whose powers were used to kill thousands and thousands of people, to cause the most horrible event known to the human world. He was the chain whose powers were going to be used to sink that world into eternal darkness. Could he really blame Gil if he wanted to go back on his word? If he never wanted to see him again?
It hurt. The simple thought of losing Gil, losing the man he loves, hurts. He may not know if he is alive or not; if he deserves to indulge in self-pity or not; or even if Glen really is the bad guy or Pandora is; but there are two things he is sure: One of them being that Alice is what brings him happiness each and every day… And the other is that he loves Gilbert Raven Nightray.
For a while he thought the feelings were reciprocated. And maybe they were, up until now. Either way, he believed that Gil loved him too. And while they would not live for that long, their love would last and reach what their life spans couldn't. But now as he sits in the floor, hugging the knees of the body that does not even belong to him, he cannot help but wonder if now that everything is revealed, now that Gil knows what he truly is, everything is also lost. The love they shared, the friendship they treasured, the loyalty they poured their entire existences into, the promise Gil made of that, all lost.
It hurts so much… And the worse part of all is that, as a chain, Oz will have to deal with that pain forever. So maybe it isn't that he can't understand the word… Maybe he just hates it too much to want to understand it.
Okay, I have no idea where this came from. I was trying to sleep, then the first paragraph just appeared in my head, and I turned on the computer, my Jack Skeleton blanket still around by shoulders, and started typing whatever crap came to my head. And this is the result. Not sure if I like it or not, still, if I wrote it, I will upload it! Here it is!