When She Cries
It was wonderful night for star-gazing in the park. It was just cold enough to keep most people inside, and the sky was clear. The rain that had wracked the Eastern Seaboard nonstop for a week had finally stopped two days earlier and the ground was almost completely dry. Jenna Arsetti heard about the night time conditions on the evening news and immediately decided to take advantage of it. She wrapped up her homework as quickly as possible and put some leggings on underneath her blue jeans to stay warm. She brewed a pot of morning blend coffee, found an old blanket, left a note for her boyfriend John Munch, and was off to the park.
Now, lying on her back on an old bedspread with her gloved hands supporting her head in the middle of the park, Jenna found some time to reflect. When John rolled over and found her lying awake in the middle of the night, she often wrote it off as reflection time. This, however, was only a half-truth. She was definitely reflecting, but it was mainly reflecting on her to-do list for the next day. When compared to everything else in her life, she found it a bit unnerving that her main worry during the night was often about whether she'd take a walk to the dry-cleaners or stay home and vacuum the apartment the next day.
Now, though, with no laptops, books, or to-do lists to look at, her thinking was rapidly bringing her to tears.
She was never supposed to fall in love again after Rob. They had met in the second grade and were immediately inseparable. Throughout the years, they had constantly been there for each other, whether they were standing up to bullies or helping each other out with homework. They had dated all throughout school, and had a relationship more solid then either set of parents had. The summer after high school, they had moved in together into a tiny flat, and began putting money away for a down payment on the real thing. Then she got pregnant. After she told him, instead of getting angry like she had expected, he had just hugged her tightly and whispered a proposal in her ear. Sobbing, she immediately agreed.
It was going perfectly, until the day they had both left the house fighting angrily with each other about who had forgotten to start the dishwasher the night before. Even though neither of them ate breakfast and there was still plenty of clean dishes, Rob and Jenna had gotten into an all out screaming match over the situation. Breaking one of the cardinal rules in their relationship, Rob and Jenna stormed out of the flat without even a hint of remorse or an attempt at an apology. In his anger, Rob attempted to cross the street on a red light to get away from her. Neither of them had banked on the speeding cabbie who hadn't noticed Rob until it was too late for anyone to respond rationally. In terror, Jenna had run into the street to try to save her fiancé's life, to no avail.
She had to be pulled off of Rob so they could put him in a body bag.
The attorney she had hired managed to get a large settlement out of both the driver and the cab company, but Jenna couldn't have cared less. All that she remembered was how trivial and unnecessary their fight was. Weekly sessions with a well-regarded psychologist had helped her slightly, but the memory of the fight and ensuing consequences haunted her almost all the time.
Afterward, she threw herself into her cashier job. She was spending thirteen hour days at work, but it never really affected her. Her managers and other employees attempted to reach out to her, but their attempts were in vain. Jenna had been working there since she was a teenager and many of the veterans knew that Rob had been her entire world. Without him, she was completely lost. She lost the child, a little boy, a month and a half after the accident, but she was numb to it also. Three months after that, detective John Munch had unexpectedly entered her life, and nothing had been the same since.
Jenna's thoughts were interrupted by the shivering sensation running through her body. Although the weather forecaster on New York 1 had promised a low of 57 degrees, Jenna felt like she had been outside without a coat in the middle of a snow storm. She took a quick glance at her watch; 10:30. It was probably time to start heading back to the apartment anyway. If John was home, he'd probably start worrying about her at that point. She pulled out her cell phone and called the apartment. Four rings and then the very standard sounding message they had recorded. "You've reached John and Jenna. Please leave a message and we'll get back to you as soon as possible."
She hung up the phone without leaving a message and headed home, wiping the occasional tear off of her face.
Later that night, detective John Munch let himself into the apartment he shared with his girlfriend, Jenna Arsetti. The old blanket on the floor and the empty thermos on the kitchen counter were telltale signs that she had gone out star-gazing earlier that evening. It was one of Jenna's favorite activities, and she did it almost every time the sky permitted. He didn't get the chance to join her too often, which had disappointed both of them a little in the beginning of their relationship. Instead of stressing over the situation, thought, they vowed to make it a point to go to the roof of their building in the wee hours of each New Year to stand in the snow and look up at the stars together. Although they were yet to experience a New Year together, it was already one of John's favorite things in the world, and he often found himself thinking about that special time.
Choosing to put off his shower until the next morning, he walked into the bedroom and set the floor lamp on its lowest setting. He took his clothes off, placing them on an over-stuffed chair, and went into the closet for his black scrubs. He pulled his scrubs on, stopped at the dresser to set the clock radio, and walked over to his side of the bed. On the pillow was Jenna's journal, a notebook she kept in the nightstand drawer. Sometimes, when John was sitting up in bed reading, she would break out the notebook and often began to write or doodle in the book, occasionally asking him for critiques on her work. It was comfortable routine for them and they both enjoyed that special time together.
John noticed that the most current entry was dated that day and scanned it over. The contents broke his heart; that evening, her musings led her to reflect on her late fiancé and her current boyfriend and how scared she was to lose John the same way she had lost Rob. He knew she knew that his profession always carried the risk that she would never see him alive again when he left the house. Her entry was the first time he could remember her actually expressing this, either verbally or through writing, though. Some of the ink at the end of the entry had smeared, presumably from tears.
He put the notebook in the drawer and quietly slid into bed next to her, being careful not to wake her. It had been difficult for her to fall asleep easily ever since Rob's death; he had witnessed the struggle many times in the short time they had shared a bed. John gently tugged the iPod out of Jenna's hands, pulled the ear buds from her ears, and placed it in the same drawer with the notebook. Jenna stirred at this and opened her eyes a little.
"Good day at work, baby?" she murmured, struggling to keep her eyes open.
"Better that I'm in bed with you, my love," he whispered back, gently pushing a few strands of black hair off of her forehead and pressing a kiss against it. "Close your eyes, sweetheart, and go back to bed. I'm right here if you need anything."
John didn't have to tell twice before she was sound asleep again. He was grateful for this; it was difficult for them to judge what kind of night it would be; he always felt a little guilty when she couldn't fall back to sleep, even though Jenna had told him many times it wasn't his fault. He pulled her up against his chest and kissed her hair as he felt the tears slowly welling up in his own eyes. The fact the she had cried and worried about this earlier that night killed him, but he couldn't blame her at all.
"When
she cries, at night
And she doesn't think that I can hear her
She tries, to hide all the fear she feels inside
So I pray,
this time
I can be the man that she deserves
'Cause I die a
little each time
When she cries"-Restless Heart, When She Cries