Title: Dear Diary

Characters: Sora Takenouchi

Disclaimer: No, I don't own the characters or Digimon. Just the story.

Rated: K

Summary: She holds the crest of love but feels that love is the enemy. She writes about her love life and about how her childhood best friend helps her be able to show her that she is capable of love. Written in Sora's Diary based on Sora's POV.

Author's note: This is based on a real life experience. If you find this stupid or not logical, kindly just leave. I don't want any flames in the reviews. If there is any dissatisfaction, kindly keep your feelings to yourself. Leave a review, yes? Thank you very nice and enjoy reading!

Dear diary,

One failed relationship after another. It's never ending for me. I almost gave up on love but I know that deep down inside this fragile heart of mine, that I am capable of love. But I am afraid. I am afraid of rejection.

I am just an average teenage girl. I just want to be loved. I've dated a few of my fellow guy friends but none of them seemed to work out. I can even list down who I dated.

Matt Ishida- He was the first guy I dated. I so-called rejected Tai just to be with him. He and I spent about a month together but we broke off. Things were all right before all the drama between us started. He prioritized his band more than me but I did not complain. In return, I took up tennis and yeah, I was getting good at it. The second week of our relationship, he started controlling my life. He told me who I can or cannot see. He told me to even quit playing tennis. I don't understand why until now, I did not fight back. I gave in and listened to him. I loved him too much which was why I dared not go against him. When we broke off, he told me that the reason for the break up was because he felt like our relationship was going nowhere. I spent a few days crying myself to sleep and after a week, I found out that he was dating my best friend, Mimi Tachikawa, behind my back. I did not know what to feel. I didn't even know whether I should give him my blessings or not. I heard from my other friends that Matt had been dating Mimi behind my back since he and I started our relationship. To add salt to the wound, they told me that they have been sleeping together. Can you imagine the heartache I had to feel when they told me that? And now, in about a month time, they will be having a child. Yes, they had unprotected sex and Matt had accidentally got Mimi pregnant. I don't know how they can handle this. After all, Matt is only nineteen and Mimi is only eighteen. In case you don't know this, Matt is the type of guy that knows how to lure girls into getting into bed with him but I don't know why, he decided to stay faithful with Mimi throughout her whole pregnancy. Oh and ever since I first found out about Mimi's pregnancy, I never contacted them again even though we're studying in the same school.

Joe Kido- I tried dating this guy but he can be such a dork. He and I didn't last. I think it's because of the difference in our personalities. They say, opposites attract but for my case with Joe, I think it's just... Different. I've seen people who are complete opposites date each other and can last for quite some time or at least long enough. I only lasted with Joe for like, about two weeks. I couldn't go on with this relationship because he prioritized his studies more so I let him go. I know that being with him, I can get good grades but still? I don't want to be studying every single minute of the day and I'm the type that is active in sports. Nothing much happened in our relationship. There was more talk than walk. We barely even touched each other. It's a pity.

Izzy Izumi- He is younger than me by one year but he and I still dated anyways. It is weird for a girl like me to actually have feelings for a computer expert like Izzy. We managed to last for about two months but again, we broke off. Also, nothing much happened in our relationship. We text and call each other more than we hang out together. Sometimes, I had to even go online just to talk to him. Being with him was such a chore; he always included any electronic gadgets in our relationship. I just simply want to hang out with him but he insisted that we talk on the phone. Phone - that's one electronic gadget. When I get home, I thought of texting him because I have other things to attend to but he insisted that we chat on Facebook. Really, it's annoying. It's amazing how small things like that can simply ruin your day and worse, your relationship.

I never dated anyone else since Izzy and it has been three months. I've been available on the market for three months now. Sure, I like the feeling of being single but at the same time, I tend to feel kind of lonely. There are times in school where I would pass by Matt but he never looked my way even though he knows that I am standing there. It's like as if I'm invisible to him. Joe and I still talk but our conversations do get kind of awkward. Izzy and I remained the best of friends. We never left each other's side. We actually get along better when we're friends. I guess, that's what happens sometimes.

And I can't believe that I actually forgot about this one guy.

Tai Kamiya.

He and I, we've been best friends since we were kids. We play soccer together until the present day. Whenever he has a soccer game, I will always be there to cheer him on. There is hardly any girls' soccer game so I don't really compete. I play soccer for the fun of it.

Tai Kamiya, he is my best buddy. He is also Matt's best friend so Tai is kind of in between Matt and I but that didn't make things awkward between Tai and I because we have been best friends way before Matt and Tai became best friends. Tai has told me many times that I am irreplaceable. Even Matt cannot take my place as his best friend because I am different from everyone else. At least, that's what he told me.

I spent months trying to find the right guy for me when all the while, he's been standing right in front of me. Love has never been my best friend. Rejection has been. I am sure that I am given the crest of love for a reason. I know that I am capable of love but it's just that I haven't been making an effort to fight for love. I am the type of person that gives up easily and that's my weakness. Love is my weakness. I get crushed easily when I get rejected. How can I fight when love is the enemy? It's time to make love my friend and not my foe.

When I decided to make a change in my love life, I didn't just do this on my own. Tai helped me stand on my two feet again. It took a lot in me to actually be the person that I am today. Without the love and support from Tai, I don't think I will have enough confidence to strut my stuff. I know that I have what it takes to love and be loved; it's just that I am always seeing the negative side of things.

If I can do this, so can everybody else. Love isn't just about having feelings for someone else. You ought to love yourself first before you love someone else. That's where I made a mistake. I loved my ex-boyfriends before loving myself. This time round, everything is different because Tai loves me for who I am and he respects me. When a guy loves you, they should respect you, your interests, your mindset and your body. Unlike Matt and Mimi's relationship, Tai and I stay clear from sex. Sex is not important. Right now, Tai is the only one that matters to me the most because without him, I wouldn't be the person who I am today (like I said earlier). I love you, Tai Kamiya. And now, I finally have the courage to say it.

Love,
Sora Takenouchi