I open my eyes and panic sets in immediately. I'm in the dark. I put my hand out and feel a rock wall. I feel my chest constrict in fear. Then, I hear her voice.

"Well, well it seems the princess is finally awake."

I know that voice. I recall the hostility in it, yet it sounds different to me now.

"Rosalie?"

"Feeling okay Bella?" I can hear the sarcasm in her voice, but cannot clear the fog from my brain.

"No, actually."

"Don't worry. You'll come around eventually."

"Where am I?"

"Canada."

"How the hell did I get to Canada! Where's Edward?" I stand up suddenly and expect the sudden movement to make me dizzy. It doesn't. I'm fine. I feel…. nothing.

"What's going on Rosalie?" I hear the whimper in my voice. It embarrasses me, but I cannot seem to make it stop.

"The only reason I didn't grind you into dust is because of my brother."

"Where is Edward?"

"Not that brother you half wit. Jasper. He made me promise. He said it would only hurt Edward more if you were to die. Hurting him is something I couldn't do—could never do. How about you Bella? Care to inflict more pain on him?" she sneered.

"Rosalie, please! What's going on?" I begged and grabbed at her arms. She made a motion to flick my hands off her, but she couldn't. I held tight and realized I was stronger than she was.

"Oh God. Oh God!" I dropped to my knees.

"Yes, you're a vampire. Congratulations, you got what you wanted." She practically spit at me. "Now, could you please remove your filthy hands from me."

I pulled my hands off her at once and stared down at them. They were filthy, for sure. Somehow I had dirt, grime and God knows what else, caked under my nails, yet each nail was perfect. Not one crack or break. My skin was…luminous. I clenched my hands into tight fists as pain washed over me. I realized right at that moment that there was only one reason Rosalie would be standing here with me and not my Edward. My beloved Edward.

"He's dead, isn't he?"

"What's the last thing you remember?'

I closed my eyes and suddenly the images pressed themselves into my memory. Victoria. She had found us. Seth was dead. Edward fought her. I cut myself…my blood….then nothing.

"Edward was fighting Victoria. She came at me. My blood…." I trailed off fighting to remember, but there was only blackness.

"Yes, that brilliant idea of yours. She took the bait, I'll give you that."

"She came for me"

"Oh, it seems she did more than that. She bit you Bella. She was draining you dry."

"How did Edward stop her?" I was terrified for the answer.

"He fought her, but she was so strong from drinking your blood. But you know Edward, he'd never give you up. He fought her Bella. They fought for what seemed like forever." Her voice trailed off. I saw her swallow down emotion. My dead still heart felt like a lead weight in my chest.

"Then what?" I whispered.

"He killed her."

"Edward killed Victoria?" I was stunned. I thought Edward was dead.

"Yes. With every ounce of strength he possessed, he finished her. He must really love you." She said bitterly.

"Then he's alive!"

"He's wounded Bella."

"But, wait. He's a … he cant' be…. He'll heal?" my brain could not process it all at once.

"No."

"No?"

"He's not going to heal. He never will."

"I need to see him immediately." I started to move toward the mouth of the cave.

"I'm here with you because Jasper asked me to be, but that's about the end of my allegiance to you. Don't come back to Forks. Leave him alone. You've done enough damage." She looked at me with such utter contempt. It felt like a slap. Then she was gone. She ran to the edge of the cave, jumped and vanished.

I ran to the edge and staggered to a halt. The edge of the cave was on a cliff. It was maybe 100 feet above the ground in the side of a mountain. I was utterly alone.

Six months later:

I run deep into the lush green forest in the wildness of northern Canada. My bare feet do not mind the frozen ground and my light dress is all the protection I need from the freezing elements.

I run, then stop on the shore of the river. He is standing there, across the river, waiting. He looks at me with just a hint of a smile pulling at the corner of his mouth. He holds a hand out to me. The river stands between us, but I can see him as clearly as if he were right in front of me. His mouth moves to form my name.

"Bella" he whispers.

I open my eyes with a start and can feel my heart pounding in my chest.

"You cling to your human ways." The old voice sneers.

"So what." I'm tired of his knit picking.

"It shackles you to your former self. You'll never be free until you let go." He gathers firewood and painstakingly arranges the wood in a perfect crisscross pattern.

"Maybe my former self is all I have left to define me."

"You're such a child."

"So you tell me daily."

"Ha!" he barks out laughter. I amuse him, it seems. When he found me, I was near death. I had not eaten since being turned by Victoria, then abandoned by Rosalie. I had attempted to find my way out of Canada and back to forks, but had gotten hopelessly lost. I ran for what seemed like days on end. I was laying by the side of an old abandoned coal mine when Isaiah found me. He was a hermit, he said. He didn't like people and liked Vampires even less, despite being one since 1845.

"I want to go home Isaiah." I looked at him with my red eyes and pleaded for his understanding.

"Then go, Bozsi." He calls me this name and I smile. He said it was a nickname in his native tongue. It make me smile. It make me feel…something. Isaiah knows there are things I'm not telling him, but he does not press. Instead, he has taken me on as a student. He taught me how to feed discreetly. We kill only what we need to survive. Isaiah chooses humans and I say nothing. My heart squeezes painfully when I think about the Cullens and their rules. I know that every step I take with Isaiah takes me a step away from them, but I don't know any other way. All I can think about is trying to figure out this new way to live so that I can go back to Edward. Edward. Even saying his name in my mind pains me.

I press on with Isaiah. I am the lead tracker today. Isaiah follows behind me and corrects me when I veer off course.

"Damn it!" I say.

"Boszi, you are too distracted. This is an easy scent. A hiker from the city. I can smell the greasy city streets on him practically.

"I can't get it." I said dejectedly.

"You will." He said and then disappeared into the thick forest.

I sighed and pressed on. Isaiah liked to play this game with me. He thought meyconfidence was lacking as much as my hunting skills. I quieted my mind and slowly turned in a circle. I let the wind float gently across my face. There. There it was. I laughed a little. I could smell the city on him, along with the new leather of his hiking boots. I sprang ahead and ran at full speed up the mountain and found the lost hiker nestled into the pine needles, asleep like a babe.

I made quick work of him, first breaking his neck and then drinking deeply. I heard a hardy chuckle from above and found Isaiah watching me from a small cliff in the mountain.

"See, you knew."

"Yes."

"You are no longer a newborn Boszi."

"I have you to thank."

Isaiah drops down from the cliff, landing soundlessly. He studies me and then bends to drink from the poor hiker. When he finishes, he stands and wipes his mouth with the back of his sleeve.

"A female came here. A while ago. She was hunting you. She was a terrible tracker."

I sprang up and went to him. "Who?"

"She didn't tell me her name. She was strange Boszi. I was worried for you. I told her you were a wild newborn, lost with the lust. She did not believe me."

"It was Alice, wasn't it?"

"Like I said, no name, but she told me she dreamt you were here. She dreamt you were safe."

"Oh God." I sat down, my legs suddenly weak. "Did she say anything about Edward?"

"No, nothing, but she touched my hand before she went. She said for me to take good care of you."

"Alice." I whispered and wept tearlessly.

"Should I go Isaiah? Can I go to them? After all I did?"

"What did you do Bozsi? I don't understand."

"I tore a family apart."

"No, sweetheart. You couldn't."

"Will you come with me?"

He laughed again at me. "You know me better than that Isabella." It was so odd for him to use my full name. On his lips it sounded like EZZABELLA. "You are the only one I speak to for a hundred years. Now, I deal with you and the other strange girl. I am practically social."

I smile at him, as he hoped I would. "I should go then?"

"What do I know of such things?" he turns to head into the woods. He says, with his back to me, "at least now you can find me again if you need to. Good luck Bozsi."

It takes me another month to travel from eastern Canada back to Forks. I walk for most of the trip. As I cross the border back into the US, I pause briefly to rifle though a tourist's luggage and chose a new outfit for myself. I realize I resemble the wilderness that has been my home for more than a year. It's so easy to do these things now. I cross boundaries without a thought to getting caught. I shower in an empty motel room and change into my new jeans and sweater. I need no makeup, but I do fuss with my hair.

Then, I'm standing in front of the Cullen house again, but for the first time. The light seems to twinkle in the windows against the black, moonless sky. I run a hand through my hair and nervously let out a breath that I've been holding.

"So, she returns." A deep voice says from behind me. I don't turn.

"Emmett."

"We thought you were dead Bella. Then, we thought you were lost us. A newborn, maniacal, crazed."

"I was lost."

"Not anymore." I could hear the smile in his voice and I dared to turn around and face him.

"He's been waiting for you."

"What… How…. ?" I stuttered, calmed myself and tried again. "What happened to him Emmett?"

"Don't you know sweetheart?" his demeanor changed at once from playful to caring.

"Just please tell me."

"Just go to him Bella. He's in his room."

Suddenly, I felt my body flying through the air as I ran to the back of the house. I jumped easily from branch to branch until I stood on the small deck outside his door. I was silent in the way only a vampire can be silent. I was rooted to the spot as I watched Edward. He sat playing a guitar lazily with a leg casually thrown over the arm of a black leather chair. His head was laying back against the headrest, sunglasses perched on his nose. He looked perfect, just like my dream.

Then, his demeanor changed in an instant. He put the guitar down and purposely strode to the door and threw it open. He stood there, head bent slightly, silent. It seemed like an eternity. I couldn't' seem to move or speak. Finally, I summoned my courage.

"Edward."

His body slammed back into the door as he grasped the handle. "Bella?"

"I came… I'm sorry…I want…." I gathered myself and exhaled. "Edward."

"Bella?" he asked again. "Is it really you?"

"Yeah, in one form or another." I chuckled weakly at my own joke.

"Come here." He held out his hand. I went to him immediately and wrapped my arms around his waist. He felt so different than the last time I held him in my arms. He was soft, warm, alive. He ran his hands down my hair and across my back. He pulled me into his room and embraced me again, running his hands along my cheeks and down my arms.

"Bella, you came back." He said roughly.

"Edward. I'm so sorry I stayed away so long. I was….. I wasn't okay. It took a while to… you know." I replied weakly.

"I'm so sorry you had to go though that all alone."

"No! No, don't you be sorry. I'm the sorry one. It's all my fault."

"Nothing is your fault."

"Rosalie said that you were hurt. That it was because of me."

Edward's mouth formed a tight line. A gesture I had seen before. "Rosalie never should've said anything to you."

"What happened?" I whispered.

Edward slowly disengaged my arms from around his waist and paused. "Bella, I want you to be prepared." Even before I could question what he meant, he pulled his dark sunglasses off. I gasped. His eyelids were closed, appearing almost fused shut. They were sunken in.

I covered my mouth in shock, afraid to make any sound.

"During my tussle with Victoria, she managed to gouge out my eyes."

I couldn't bear anymore. "NO! NO!" I cried. I spun in horror. What had I done? What had I caused? I had caused him pain, nothing but pain.

"Bella, I know this is a lot to deal with." He said while replacing his sunglasses. "Just breathe. It's okay. I'm okay."

"Okay! What! You're blind! I blinded you! I can't…. I can't think…. I have to get away. I'm nothing but pain for you." I stumbled backwards through the doorway. Edward followed me and grabbed my wrist. "Bella, you're in shock. Calm down!"

I stopped struggling. His voice seemed to get though to me. He pulled me back inside and sat me down in the chair. I numbly sat. He knelt down before me and held my hand.

"Don't leave again Bella. If there's anything I can't take, it's that."

Tears spilled down my cheeks. I wiped them away.

"Are you crying?" he asked quizzically, reaching up to feel the wetness on my cheek. "I didn't think vampires could do that."

"Apparently I defy all sorts of vampire rules." I mumbled and Edward chuckled.

"God, Bella I've missed you." He tucked my head under his chin and held me tight. I felt the shaky breath he exhaled.

"I didn't know how to live without you." I answered him truthfully.

He pulled back and lead me to the leather couch. He pulled me down to sit next to him.

"I never meant for any of this to happen." He reached up and put his hand against my cheek.

"Don't you dare blame yourself for any of this. I was a petulant child Edward. I didn't think of consequences." I choked on end of my sentence.

"You survived. That's all that matters."

"How can you say that? How can you think that? Look at what you sacrificed!"

"Believe me Bella, I know what I've lost." He ran a hand threw his tousled hair. "How can you think I'd trade you for my sight?"

"Oh God Edward, I don't know if I can bare this." I buried my face in my hands, totally overwhelmed.

"Just breathe." He rubbed a gentle hand on my back.

"I should go." I got up and paced nervously. Edward followed the sound of my movements.

"Go?" he raised one dark eyebrow over the rim of his sunglasses. He looked so much like himself. I could not reconcile that this Edward, my Edward was blind.

"Just for now. I need time. I'm need to run."

"You run now?" he smirked.

"Isaiah taught me."

"Ah, the woodsman. Alice told me he was keeping you safe."

"He kept me from killing myself." I answered simply and truthfully.

"Bella, why didn't you come back to me right away?" the pain in his voice was obvious.

"I lost myself. I was a newborn, remember? I was crazed with bloodlust, but also stricken with grief. I thought you were dead until Rosalie…"

"What a mess." He said in disgust.

"You're not dead though."

"Nope."

"But this can't be undone."

"No."

"How can you bare to have me in your presence? I've cost you so much?" I whispered.

Edward moved toward me and put out a hand that I grasped. "Are you going to cost me more?" he smiled gently. I pulled out of his hand and walked purposefully out the door and dropped off the edge of the deck.

"Her emotions are all over the place Edward." Jasper said from the inner hallway.

"She's not going to do anything stupid, is she?" he blew out a frustrated breath.

"No, she's not suicidal, not that I can tell. But there is something Edward."

"What?"

"She's not the same Bella anymore. She's different."

"Obviously."

"Can you read her mind?"

"No. She's as much of a vault as she ever was." Edward got up and paced, running his hand along the wall to keep track of his position.

"Just give her time."

"What choice do I have?"