"Bloody hell my back hurts."

"My arms hurt."

"My legs hurt."

"My everything hurts."

Harry flopped onto the couch, wincing as he bounced. I decided to collapse just in front of him, on the floor. The impact hurt, but the cold tiles were soothing on my aching muscles.

"Mate, remind me again, why in Merlin's name did we sign up for this?"

Harry rolled over with some difficulty so he could look at me. "Come on Ron, you know it'll be worth it in the end."

"How is anything worth this much torture?"

Harry grinned, and put on a pompous accent. "Oh, hello there. I'm Ron Weasley. I'm an Auror."

I couldn't help but smile as I heard it. "Auror. I'm an Auror. Merlin I can't wait to say that for real."

"Soon mate. Real soon."

I lay there for a little longer, thinking.

"I still feel bad though. Like I'm a bloody parasite."

"Oh God not this again." Harry stared down at me. "Ron-"

"I am aren't I? I'm a bloody parasite, leeching off you for all its worth."

"Make up your mind - are you a parasite or a leech?"

I groaned. "Both. I'm the disgusting offspring of their demonic love."

"Ron, please. I'd like to eat sometime tonight, and I won't be able to if you keep talking like that."

"It's true though! Admit it!"

Harry sighed. "Ron, for Pete's sake - I offered you a room for while we did Auror training. It's easier for both of us if we live together at least for now - Neither of us get lonely, we can escort each other home if we get plastered, and you don't have to find a job to pay for rent to make ends meet and miss out on some key Auror lessons."

I sighed. "Fine."

Harry sat up and looked towards the kitchen. "Who's turn is it to cook?"

"Yours. Please say it's yours."

"Nuh uh. That glorious honey soy stir-fry last night was my work, not yours."

I groaned yet again, but sat up nonetheless. "What've we got food-wise?"

"I'm sure there's enough for some spaghetti or something."

"Hmm..."

I got up slowly, wincing at the pain all over my body. I shuffled my way to the fridge and peeked in.

"We've got pork sausages."

"Fuck yes."

"Sausages and pasta? Will that work?"

"Anything would work right now, as long as it's food. Make it happen." Harry commanded, clapping his hands. I pegged a piece of spiral pasta at him and got to work."

After a good twenty minutes of chopping, splattering and cursing, I finally had two plates of what I thought could be called food. I placed the two plates on the table, then hesitated. "Harry, are we expecting anyone else?"

"No."

"Okay."

There was a tense silence.

"We broke up."

"Ah."

I stood there awkwardly for a moment, not entirely sure what to do. Harry was still lying on the couch, face hidden from view.

"...Do you wanna talk about it?"

Harry sat up suddenly, scowling. "She's a stuck-up cow."

"I'll take that as a yes then."

"She was a spoilt selfish rotten person, used to having Daddy to look after her, and now that he's dead and left her nothing, she still seems to think that the world revolves around her!"

"So you ended it."

It wasn't a question - I knew the answer before he even spoke.

"No, she broke up with me."

Or maybe I didn't.

"Wait, what? What happened?"

Harry sighed. "She said she couldn't cope with such a dull person. She said I wasn't willing to do anything fun." Harry grimaced. "Just because I wasn't willing to pay for her plastic surgery, I get labelled as 'dull'."

I laughed. "Yeah, forget about her mate, wait for the next one."

"Does everyone have this much trouble finding a girlfriend?"

I grinned. "Hey, I've been having a lot more trouble than you. Ever since I realized I was gay, it seems every girl I meet, I'm immediately friend-zoned."

Harry laughed - actually laughed, loud and proper. It was a clear sign that he'll be alright.

"Food?"

"Oh right, yeah. Smells awesome."

"Smells edible?"

"Oh ha ha, you're a real riot."