Yeah, I haven't been writing much recently xD;; But I was bored the other day afer discovering the note feature again on Facebook, so I wrote this, in the hope that people would forgive me xD
Ed flung his hands into the air and smashed his head against the keyboard in exasperation, eliciting beeps of shock and ruffled dispproval from the indignant machine.
"What is life...?!"
Ed had been working non-stop for the past fifteen hours in an attempt to figure out why the gradient of mass when multiplied by the square root of the pressure was not equal in the neighbouring galaxy, and he was far past simply 'tired'. He was practically falling asleep in his seat, not to mention hungry, irritated and downright fed up with life.
"LIFE: NOUN. THE ACT OF LIVING."
"What the-"
"DO NOT BE AFRAID, YOUNG ROBOT. WE OF THE PLANET ROBITICUS HAVE COME TO RESCUE YOU FROM THE HANDS OF THESE FOOLISH MORTAL HOMOSAPIENS."
Ed's eyes bulged as he whipped his head around the room, toppling multiple piles of documents that he'd spent the past hour organising. "What- Will someone PLEASE explain what the FUCK is going on?!"
A frigid metal hand came into contact with Ed's shoulder, and he squeaked, flinging himself out of its ice-cold grasp.
"WE ARE NOT HERE TO HARM YOU. PLEASE UNDERSTAND."
"Then what the fucking hell are you here for?!" Ed shrieked in response, holding his chair up in a shaky grip for defence.
"TO TAKE YOU BACK TO YOUR HOME PLANET, WHERE YOU BELONG."
"This IS my fucking home planet! You're not taking me anywhere!"
"YOU HAVE BEEN AROUND THESE PITIFUL INSECTS FOR TOO LONG. THEY HAVE BRAINWASHED YOU."
"No they-"
"YOU ARE A ROBOT OF THE PLANET ROBOTICUS."
"I'm a fucking human-"
"YOU ARE A ROBOT. YOU WILL COME WITH US. COMPLY."
"Give me fucking proof that I'm a robot, and maybe then I'll follow you to wherever the bloody hell you're going!"
"LOOK AT YOURSELF. YOU HAVE LIMBS OF METAL, LIKE US."
Ed couldn't belive his crappy luck. He stood there, speechless, for a moment, before he gave in to exaustion and collapsed onto his knees with a groan. "Jesus fuck... Look, I think you've misunderstood."
"I AM A ROBOT. I AM PERFECTION. I DO NOT 'MISUNDERSTOOD'."
Ed sighed. "This," Ed waved his arm emphatically, "is called automail. It is not a robotic limb. All right?"
"... I DO NOT UNDERSTAND THIS 'AUTOMAIL'. IT IS OF THE SAME MATERIAL AS MY OWN ARM. I AM A ROBOT. YOU ARE A ROBOT. COME WITH ME TO ROBOTICUS. COMPLY."
Ed rolled his eyes, clambering to his feet from underneath the office chair and stalking towards the door, mumbling irritably to himself as he went. "Jesus, it's like talking to the fucking Borg."
The door slammed behind him, and Ed woke up.