SPOILER! Before reading, if you have not seen the March 26th episode, I caution you! This will definitely reveal a scene.
She hadn't expected this. Elizabeth stood behind Jack watching the exchange between him and Doug's mother. Last night when the telegram about Doug came, Jack's face contorted into an expression she had never seen before. The couple had experienced a lot together, but she had never seen this type of pain in him. In the past, Jack had only touched on the surface of his grief when his father passed away. Elizabeth didn't know of anyone else he had lost. But Doug – Doug was so very important to Jack. When he came to Hope Valley, Elizabeth saw their strong friendship – a brotherhood really. Jack was proud of Doug's successes, but there was also a change in him after Doug left for the northern territories. He was different, preoccupied, uneasy. And now that she watched him, she thought that maybe it started earlier, when he turned down the offer to go to the northern territories. She began to remember all the moments that confused her - after dinner a week ago, when he was disturbingly silent while he dried the dishes, making her even afraid to speak. Or when they had lunch just a couple of days ago, she broached the subject, knowing he had a lot on his mind, and he only dismissed it. Her hand felt so cold when he pulled his out of hers.
Now while he sat with Doug's mother, Helen, she wondered why he had been so silent. Why had he not told her he was questioning his decision? She looked at the pair. Doug's mother handed Jack the St. Christopher's pendant he had given to Doug when he graduated. It was a symbol of protection. She listened, having a sudden need to absorb everything Jack was saying. She wanted to know his emotions, soak it up in her mind; she needed to understand him.
"I should have been there Helen. Doug went in my place – " Elizabeth saw his shoulders drop, his head fall, the guilt setting in. "Please forgive me." Her breath caught in her throat as she witnessed his grief. How could she have missed this? All this time he had been dueling within himself over whether he had made the right decision, and in this moment, his realization was that he had not. It was his fault.
"Doug's death isn't your fault. He wanted to lead those men." Helen leaned toward Jack. Her hand rested on his, covering the chain of the metal. Elizabeth's eyes brimmed with tears.
"If I had gone, he might still be alive." An ache spread through her chest, and she swallowed hard. Helen was trying to reassure him, but Elizabeth saw the damage was already done.
"God has a plan for us. I don't understand it." Helen shook her head slightly. "But I know my Doug was happy because God called him to do what he was doing." She guaranteed him. "And that, that brings me peace." Jack remained silent. A tear fell down her cheek as she watched. He was in anguish. "Jack." Helen whispered. Her hand went to his cheek. "I pray you are granted peace too, Jack." Jack leaned toward her, his head sinking to her shoulder. Helen hugged him as Elizabeth looked on. So much muddled her mind. Her own guilt was tugging at her – the guilt that she hadn't realized his torment, that she was the cause for his staying behind. She felt guilty that she was glad he was alive and with her, and yet so guilty that Doug was the one lost.
As Elizabeth hugged Helen goodbye, she noticed Jack and Collins speaking quietly. Her limbs felt weak, and her heart raced. The men shook hands, and she pulled away from Helen.
Taking her hand, Helen spoke softly, "It was lovely to meet you, Elizabeth. Take care of my Jack." She leaned in and squeezed her hand. "He needs you." With a smile, she left her, turning to embrace Jack once more. Elizabeth wrung her hands, an empty feeling settling into the pit of her stomach.
The door shut. They were alone. Jack's back raised with the deep breath he took as he dropped his hand from the doorknob. "Jack." Elizabeth's steps were slow toward him. She swallowed again, silently asking God for the right words to comfort him. He turned, his gaze unfocused. His large frame sagged, and her heart broke even more. "Jack." She went to him, folding his hand into her own. She pulled it to her heart. "Please, what can I do?" He could only shake his head. The tears in her eyes came again. She thought about earlier that day, when he told her that Collins had asked him to lead a new division in the north. Then she had said little because she didn't know how to answer him. Now, she could see in his eyes that he was compelled to go and that frightened her even more. He pulled his hand from hers, and his arms hung at his side, slack. His eyes drifted from hers, looking at some imaginary and unimportant spot in the distance.
"I need some time to think." Elizabeth stopped herself from reacting. She looked down and bit her lip to stop the tears that were now falling for the fear of losing Jack.
"Alright." Her voice trembled. She took a deep breath and leaned in to hug him once more before going home. His arms held on for dear life around her, clutching, needing whatever comfort he could gather. She held him back and waited for him to let go. "I'll see you tomorrow?" He nodded silently and then opened the door for her. She started forward before stopping again. Reaching up to touch his cheek, she softly said, "I love you." Jack nodded, a quick upturn of his lips. "Goodnight."
Elizabeth took her time down the steps in fear of falling; her feet were unsteady, her body quivering. Her own grief was setting in. She wrapped her arms around her middle tightly, looking for relief from the nausea she was beginning to feel. Shaking her head to herself, she wiped at the tears falling from her eyes. He was going to leave her, and if anything happened to him, she was sure she would not survive it.
A/N: I do not own any of the When Calls the Heart Series.
So I wrote this when I saw the Parade sneak peek a few days ago. Often in TV and movies, we can't get more than a physical view of a character's emotions. Yes, sometimes the characters tell us how they feel, but often we have to see it (which can be a great thing too). In the clip with Doug's mother, Elizabeth and Jack's facial expressions were telling to me. I expected him to be grieved, and I expected her to be sad. But she also looked surprised that she didn't know he was questioning his decision, or even that he would blame himself. Maybe I am interpreting it wrong, but I wanted to write from her perspective of what she may be thinking.
I love the show and the work they do. I do not want to take away from that at all. I was so happy with last night's episode - there was a lot of depth to the characters. It was really beautiful. xoxo Brie