Disclaimer: Nope. Don't own a thing. Literally nothing, I broke into someones house to post this.
Hope you enjoy.
"You left me behind and it hurt."
Since they had gotten back home to Brittany's after 'The Left Behind Club' meeting Santana had been unable to stop that phrase from consistently re-running through her head. After Brittany's comment they hadn't talked much once Brittany agreed to go home. They had watched T.V, eaten and went to bed. Brittany understood that Santana was processing what she had said. She understood what she had said was unfair and she kept going through different versions of apologies but she needed time to get the way she said it right, because even if she knew it was unfair to blame Santana some part of her really did feel left behind. She wouldn't apologize for her feelings, they'd just have to find a way to work through it. Santana meanwhile was re-playing the statement over and over and ending up at the same two points.
She had hurt Brittany again.
And Brittany had hurt her.
They both knew just how heavy that sentence was. Before they had gotten into their secret relationship during the Summer (before Senior year) Brittany had made Santana promise that she wouldn't hurt her again. That if it came down to it she would pick her over anything and in return Brittany would wait until Santana was ready. She would be her secret girlfriend. Santana had happily consented to that idea, she had made progress with the fact that she was a lesbian and she was positive that is somebody confronted her about it she wouldn't take her panic out on Brittany and hurt her anymore. So for Brittany to throw it in her face like that… Of course at first she went with her instincts and was filled with the classic Lopez rage. Brittany had been the one to get her that damn scholarship to Louisville. Brittany had been the one who verbally encouraged her to go to New York but silently pleaded with her to wait for her. So she went to that school and she cheered relentlessly for hours and went to her classes and joined a singing club on campus and spent all of her extra time with Brittany. And even though she was beyond exhausted she did it because she wanted to spend time with her girl, the girl she's madly in love with. She drove all the way to Lima to do her freakin' laundry.
So it was completely ridiculous that Santana just left Brittany behind. Like she just left behind her better half willingly? And she knew that really Brittany understood that she hadn't but clearly Brittany was hurting. And she was the reason. But she was hurting too. Yes she was beat due to classes so her head ached, combined with the constant strenuous activity of cheer leading her body ached. But she doubted that if that was all to stop that she would feel fine because her whole self ached for her BrittBritt. She was still not the best at handling her feelings so she was still not ready to express her vulnerability in those words but she thought Brittany knew that's what she felt? Brittany who had always been able to read her better than anybody, sometimes even including herself. No. She wouldn't go there. Brittany definitely knows how much she loves her and misses her. They love each other.
So with that thought she had started to calm down but now she was just lying awake, thinking. They had to make it through this right? They wouldn't end up like Finchel, God no. They would never just be able to block the other out for months while still sort of being in a relationship. They would never let things get that weird. There is no way in hell that they would end up like Kurt and Blaine. Brittany may have cheated on Artie with her but she would never cheat on Santana and she knew that. Brittany was never Artie's to start with. Santana would never ever cheat on Brittany. Yet she still felt so guilty for smiling at that stupid library lezzo. She would never have acted on her attraction but still it felt good to feel that 'energy exchange' that was so difficult to get across Skype. That energy she felt whenever Brittany was in the same room with her.
But they had to be able to handle a year of long distance. They were soul mates. She loved Brittany more than she loved herself. But hadn't Blaine loved Kurt? Finn loved Rachel? That couldn't be her and Brittany. They were on a whole different level. They belonged together. They would never consciously hurt each other like the others ...but… Brittany had known what she said would upset Santana, to tell her that it was her fault that she was hurting, and she had said it anyway. Maybe she had just been expressing her feelings and she hadn't meant to hurt Santana but it didn't seem that way. She had said it so accusingly adding the fact that logically it just wasn't true. It was clearly meant to sting. Which made it so much worse. Had Brittany slowly started resenting her? Should she feel so guilty for just smiling at another girl? Was this the beginning of a bad ending? Santana sniffled and wiped her face. She had no idea when she had silently started crying but it didn't seem to be stopping anytime soon. Brittany, as if sensing her girlfriend's emotional state, cuddled even further into her. Santana choked back a sob. She knew what she had to do but there was no way she could, could she?
AN: The break up broke my heart. I swear it's like Santana broke up with the fandom and not just Brittany.
But Brittana are endgame so its ok. Well it really isn't but it's going to be.
Thanks for reading :)