No Need to Say Goodbye

16 year old Edmund shuffled along down the street. The icy rain fell, making him even colder than he already was. Thunder roared, and lightning cracked over his head, but he welcomed it. At least he could feel something out here in the storm. It always felt the same after leaving Narnia and returning to England: miserable.

Just last week Edmund and his siblings had returned home from boarding school for the semester. It had been difficult for all of them, but especially Edmund. He kicked a rock into the gutter as he reminisced about this past school year.

Fighting had never really been Edmund's thing before, but somehow leaving Narnia had left him feeling more vulnerable and apathetic about life. He just didn't care anymore. When the school bullies had shoved him, he fought back with violent force. It seemed that one wrong word about him from someone would send him into a fit of rage. He would lash back with a solid kick, or a punch in the face. Sure, he had gotten in trouble with the school on multiple occasions because of it, but what did that matter? Honestly, what did anything here matter? Edmund hoped Aslan would bring he and Lucy back to Narnia sooner rather than later. That was their true home. England would never hold a candle to anything there. This last visit had reminded him of that.

Over the time that the Pevensies were away at school, their father had returned home from the war. It was very strange for Edmund to see him after all that time. He was away for a solid two and a half years, and Edmund had to constantly remind himself that this man was part of the family. War had changed him from the warm man he had been before to more cold and distant, but Edmund could hardly blame him for that, as he had gone through it himself. But still, in the week that they's been home, Edmund and his father had kept their distance.

As Edmund approached his house, the rain fell harder. He took his boots off after he climbed the steps, pouring water out of them. He heard the voices of his family inside when he opened the door. They were all sitting around the mahogany dining table, eating supper.

Lucy whirled around when she heard the door open. "Ed's back, Mum."

Helen Pevensie stood to her feet and rushed to Edmund, who was dripping wet at the door. A small puddle formed around him. "Oh Edmund, what were you doing out in this storm?" She helped him out of his raincoat and hung it up to dry. "We didn't know when you would be back, so I'm afraid we had to start eating without you dear."

"That's ok." Edmund said, peeling his wet socks off.

George Pevensie put his fork down and faced his youngest son abruptly. "You should have told us where you were going. Your mother was worried."

"I will next time," Edmund muttered.

"What was that?"

"I said I will next time, okay?" He said a little harsher than he meant to.

George shifted, and continued eating. "Fine. Sit down."

Pulling a cardigan over his head, Edmund took his place at the table beside Lucy. Peter and Susan sat across from them, and George and Helen sat at either ends of the table. The family continued to eat in uncomfortable silence for several moments before Helen cleared her throat and looked at George.

"Well, aren't you going to tell them?"

"Tell us what?" Lucy asked, leaning forward.

All eyes were on George as he sat up and spoke. "We've made plans for this next school year for us all."

Susan raised her eyebrows. "What kind of plans, Father?"

"Well, as you know the war is not over yet. There is still much that has to be done for that to happen. However, there is a temporary job opportunity in America that I have been asked to take regarding such matters. I don't know how long I will be over there for, but your mother and I have decided that it would be beneficial for us to go." He spoke with such a monotonous tone that Edmund had to double check to be sure that what he just heard was correct.

"America? You're taking a job in America?" He asked, dropping his knife.

"Yes that's right."

Helen interjected. "We know that it would be costly for all of us to move over there, but we feel that since Susan has had such a desire to travel in her journalism work, it would be beneficial for her to come along."

Susan looked up, surprised,

George turned to Peter. "And I know we have already spoken regarding medical schools for you, Son, and it we found several excellent choices right where we would be moving in the U.S.. I'm glad you've made the decision too come with us as well."

Edmund nearly choked on his meat. "Peter's leaving too?"

A wave of panic washed over Lucy's face, and Edmund's eyes flashed. Peter looked down when he saw his siblings reactions. Edmund noticed his brother's demeanor, and bored his eyes into Peter's blank face that hid guilt. When had he made this decision? Edmund's food felt tasteless in his mouth.

Lucy spoke up, "W..Where are me and Edmund going to go Father?"

"You and Edmund will be staying with your Aunt Alberta and Uncle Harold for as long as we are away."

"A..unt Alberta's?" Lucy coughed.

Edmund gagged. "You cant be serious Father."

"I am."

Edmund looked around the table at each of them. "You mean I cant even decide where I'll be living for the next maybe several years? I am capable of making my own decisions. I'm old enough you know!"

"You will do what we tell you Edmund. You're still a child. Besides, it has already been decided."

Edmund spun around and looked his father directly in the eyes. "I'm more of a man than you'll ever even know." He said coldly, trembling. He felt an icy sweat break out on his forehead at the remembrance of what he had been before.

George was taken aback for a moment, and failed to see anything in his son's eyes besides defiance and stubbornness. But Peter did.

Lucy burst into tears and covered her face with her hands. Susan looked away stiffly, and Helen sat in shock. George said in a chilled voice, "Be quiet Edmund."

Edmund suddenly jumped up out of his seat. "No!"

George pounded his fist on the table, causing it to rattle. "Sit DOWN Edmund!"

Edmund kicked his chair in anger. "No! No, I wont sit down! I wont listen to any more of this!"

Helen looked startled. "Edmund, what is the matter with you?"

"What's the matter? Oh, nothing, nothing at all! Only my whole family moving across the globe for who knows how long, and leaving Lucy and I behind because were an inconvenience. No one even asked how we felt about the matter before this was just decided for us. But I mean who cares, right? No one listens to my opinion in this house anyways!"

With that, Edmund shoved the chair out of his way and stormed out of the room. A loud door slam that nearly shook the house was heard seconds later. Lucy cried harder, and eventually ran out of the dining room, leaving her dinner on the table. Susan's face was pale as she excused herself and exited to the kitchen. Only Peter was left at the table with his parents. George rubbed his throbbing temples.

"That went well." Helen said on the verge of tears and threw her napkin down on the table before she left the room to help Susan with the dishes.

Edmund slammed his door once he reached his room and put a chair in front of it so no one could enter. Beads of sweat formed on his head, and tears stung in his eyes. He angrily blinked them back. How dare they all do this to him and Lucy? They weren't children anymore! Why, Edmund was practically old enough to enlist! Maybe he should. It would be better than going along with this awful plan.

Edmund could hear Lucy's sobs from the room across from his and Peter's. It only served to make him angrier. Did his parents even care? Did they ever care to know anything that had happened to their children while they were away? Edmund thought of his father. Once, before he left for the army, Edmund had had a close relationship with him. Now, it was as though he didn't even know him, or care to.

Edmund could get over that, but what hurt him the most was Peter. He hit the wall in frustration. After everything they had been through together, how could Peter just decide to up and move across the world without even telling him? He hadnt seen his brother in nearly a year at boarding school, and here he was, moving away. A chilling thought crossed Edmund's mind: Maybe Peter really didn't care anymore. Edmund tried to convince himself that wasn't true, that Peter would never become like that. But why not?

Throwing himself onto his bed, Edmund faced the wall. One tear slipped down his pale cheek, but he ruffly slapped it away. He lay in still silence, once again feeling numb. It seemed to be his go-to feeling every time something bad happened. Edmund was aware that he had dealt with separation anxiety from his family for a while, ever since the White Witch. Things happened to him there that he still hadnt told anyone about. Peter was the only one who had ever half-way understood what Edmund went through. And here he was, leaving.

When Edmund heard the door creaking open, he didn't turn around. If it was his father, let him yell at him. He didn't care. He was used to being blamed. The words of the White Witch spoken long ago seeped back into Edmund's mind.

"You are a failure. You betrayed your family, and now I will kill them. When I'm finished with them, you're next Son of Adam. But fear not. I wont let you die until you see that I have won. Just remember this one thing as you watch them perish: It is all your fault."

"No…no!" Edmund shouted into his pillow. For a split second, he forgot where he was as the memories felt so real. He could literally feel the sting of the whip that the witch had used on him after she said that. He recoiled.

A gentle hand on his shoulder snapped him out of his memory.

"Edmund," The voice of Peter said, shaking him.

Edmund sat up instantly and turned around. "I don't want to talk to you! Get out!"

"Edmund!" Peter didn't listen and sat down on Edmund's bed beside him. "I know you are angry at me, but we have to talk!"

"Whats there to talk about? You've already made your decision," Edmund spat out, causing the bed to bounce as he rose to his feet.

Peter sat tensely, not moving. "I'm sorry. I didn't think you would take it this hard."

Edmund remained standing, arms crossed. "Oh yeah? Well you thought wrong."

"Ed, I know its always been difficult after we…"

"Left Narnia? Oh, you have no idea."

Peter turned to him sharply. "You think I have no idea how it feels Edmund? At least you can go back, Im not even allowed to anymore, remember?!"

Silence.

Peter closed his eyes and leaned forward, hunching over. Edmund slowly walked to him, and sat beside him. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…"

"I know," Peter responded, resting his chin in his hands and sighing.

Edmund studied the door. The muffled voices of their parents could be heard from down the hall. "They will never understand, will they?"

"No, they wont. No one here is ever going to understand. I gave up on that hope a long time ago."

Edmund looked down. "That's why I don't want you to leave," He whispered.

Peter put his hand on Edmund's back. "You were having another one of those flashbacks when I came in, weren't you?"

"Yeah."

"Of the White Witch?"

Edmund nodded, not wanting to think about it. "I wonder sometimes if they will ever go away."

Peter honestly wished that he could say something, anything to help his brother. Was he being selfish in wanting to leave for America? He would sooner die than cause his family pain.

Edmund could read his thoughts, and put on a a facade of strength. "Don't let Lucy and I keep you from going, Peter."

Peter faced him. "I wish it didn't have to be like this, Ed. I really do. But…"

"I understand. I'm not going to hold you back. But still…" Edmund's face crumpled as he looked away at the wall.

"Ed?"

Edmund buried his head into his brother's shoulder. Peter held him tight as he shook with silent sobs.

"Shh…shh…" He stroked his back. "I know its been difficult. But I promise, I wont be gone for long."

After the tears subsided, Edmund just sat still in Peter's arms. "Just don't do anything stupid while you're away."

Peter half-smiled. "I'll try not to, Ed. And that goes for you to. Keep Lucy out of mischief."

Edmund shook his head, sarcastically. "You know she never gets into mischief."

Peter gave a pained laugh. "Sure."

A solemn mood once more filled the room.

"Be sure to write us, let us know whats going on with you two." Peter said.

Nodding, Edmund replied. "I will, but I don't think there'll be much to write about Pete. Aunt Alberta's is a pretty dull place. I cant foresee anything pen-worthy happening there."

Peter raised his brow, a twinkle in his eyes. "You never know Ed. The train station and the Professor's house were 'pretty dull' places too."