Chapter One: Ed Dies

"Great, just great," Ed groused to himself. He was, he supposed, lucky in that he wasn't bleeding much. His automail was completely gone, from the steel sheathing to the wires that had connected to his nerves. That was what was bleeding, the holes from the missing wires. He was also probably lucky that he wasn't naked, or his skin would have started coming off a lot sooner than it had. On the other hand, the gate could have dumped him someplace better.

He'd assumed when he'd been unable to cross completely through the gate, bouncing off of it for some reason, that he had failed completely. However, he definitely was not where he and Al had made the attempt at getting back home from. Being Ed, he chose look to at the middle of a field of some kind of plant as a bad place to be dumped, rather than a whole lot better than being dumped in say, a bottomless lake somewhere. The plant was a good deal taller than he would have been even standing, so there was no chance of help spotting him.

"Unless somebody notices those buzzards and comes to have a look, I'm a goner!" After all, he had no way of knowing how big the field was or how often any one came to look at it. For all he knew, he could be steadily squirming away from the only help for miles. His stomach growled loudly, reminding him, that it had in fact been at least two days since he had had anything to eat or drink.

"I'm in a field right? Shouldn't there be something edible around here!?" he moaned loudly, thrashing his arm and leg dramatically. "I mean, come on!" The bright sun was suddenly eclipsed, and the air was chilled. Edward rolled over and propped himself up. "You have got to be freaking kidding me!" he exclaimed. "This is some kind of sick joke right?"

"I assure you, Edward Elric, hereafter referred to as the Condemned, that this is no joke." Looming above Ed was a tall dark figure, which was wearing a huge black hooded cloak that snapped in the sudden fierce wind, and carrying an enormous scythe. Ed laughed weakly and flopped back down.

"Riiight, so get on with your little show, go ahead make fun of the short guy with one arm and leg. Have fun, knock yourself out. Me, I feel like taking a nap just now."

"Silence!" 'Death' roared, "and hear the charges against you, Condemned!" Edward peeled an eye open.

"Charges? You mean some jerk has sent you out here to arrest me for trespassing!?" 'Death' growled menacingly. Ed waved a careless hand at 'Death' "Yeah, yeah, whatever, just hurry up and arrest me. Your jail has food, right?" 'Death' ignored his interruption.

"Condemned you have been tried and convicted of the following crimes. Crime one, excessive theft of energy from a primary reality during the pursuit of Alchemy."

Ed sat back up. "How do you know about alchemy?" he demanded.

"Crime two, attempted disruption of natural selection through attempted reanimation of the deceased." Edward suddenly found it hard to breathe.

"Crime three, mechanization of a human without consent. Crime four, reckless dimensional travel. Crime five, forced possession of a human. Crime six, interference in a primary reality. Crime seven, unauthorized, reckless time travel. Crime Eight, creation of a homunculus. Condemned, you have been tried for and convicted of the previous offences against Law."

For one of the few times in his life, Edward Elric was at a complete loss for words. "The Will of Law will now be carried out." The dark figure continued, hefting the scythe off of its shoulder. Ed panicked, and started scrambling backwards. "Wait, don't I get an appeal? A last meal at least?" Death laughed. "No." He said, and swung the blade sideways through Ed's neck.

A/N: BWHAHAHAHA! Bow before my evilness!

The crimes are in this order, Ed being lazy and using alchemy for everything, trying to bring his mom back to life, attaching Al's soul to the armor, going through the gate, taking over the other Ed's body, being involved with the Thule Society and getting Hitler arrested, accidentally bouncing off the gate and traveling to Earth's future, and creating Sloth when he tried to bring his mom back.