Mass confusion.
G'day blokes, Leman Russ here with a new story, An SI, unfortunately for usual customers, that means the the next chapter of mass effect Johnson, OC backstories is on hiatus, (I have serious fantasy block when it comes to that(for fantasy block see: Noel Fielding's luxury comedy 2)), not to mention my Fable-Halo crossover is currently awaiting the defib, and my warhammer story is deceased, demised, pining for the fjords, only reason it was still on my laptop was because I nailed it there. But any way I'm rambling...it is after midnight at the time of writing so sod off, and read me feckin story rated T...unless I get bored and decide to shag shepard...hey alliteration. (*cough* though if I did get that bored I believe Tali would have first ride *cough*)
"oooooooooooh crap" was all I thought as I watched sovereign slowly land on eden prime, the red sjy making the arrival a hell of a lot more ominous than watching it happen on a TV screen, the pure awe and sheer terror of seeing an actual reaper was tremendous. But I'm getting ahead of myself here, so introductions. Hi, my names Morpheus ******, and I'm and alcoholic...not. Sorry couldn't resist. But yeah, that is my name, though you can call me Morph, I'm a bike mechanic/video game designer/avid paintballer, and I have no clue how the merry hell I got here, but if Shepard does exist in this mass effect universe, she's gonna need all the help she can get, even if it is a sarcastic scouse sniper, did I mention I have brilliant aim, I just hate being shot at. But anyway back to eden prime. At the moment im sorta hiding close to the dig sit, my plan being, and please note I took 2 seconds to think up this plan, a plan that would put erwin rommel to shame... hide until geth move on...steal fallen weapons, flank Geth, pull of awesome save, impress Shepard, quote Deadpool, and make it up from there. Yeah, I know awesome plan right...wait, whats that sound? "make one move, and I will not hesitate to kill you" a very gruff sounding voice said from behind me. "who the hell are you?" I ask, before realising that just asking one question may be enough to have a couple of extra holes implanted forcefully, but surprisingly, the guy answers "nihlus"
"…..." welp, my plan just died, and I don't think Nihlus is gonna need a assistant, well, he defiantly won't in abut 10 minutes, but still, he don't know that. "Nihlus, I ain't here to cause trouble, I'm here to look for a place too hide." sooner this git gets moving to his brain removal, the sooner I can implement operation I.S.A.N.D. (impress shepard and not die) and get off this Geth infested rock. "then stay here, an alliance rescue operation will arrive soon, you will be picked up soon" Nihlus informed me before heading off. Which was a lot faster than I expected, but glad, hey have the geth gone...yes, and is that...no it can't be...a mattock IV, major payday, all I need is a Carnifex, (the gun, not the massive beast from hell, that likes to eat tanks) and a black widow (also the gun, not a pshyco woman or a spider) and I'll have my perfect set-up. But where was I? Oh yeah, Flanking the Geth. Oh, omni-tool, don't mind if I do, wait...i have one...when did that happen? Guess that explains why I understood Nihlus. You hear gunfire, to head towards proceed to next sentence, to run away, piss off outta here. Welp, thats allotta Geth, time too ta...is that biotics, looks like kaiden or shepards here...hello cutie...no, bad Morph, shoot Geth first gawk over shepard later. And so the firefight began, and I suddenly realise, I Don't know how to deal with recoil, which soon resulted with 1 dead geth trooper and my ass being bruised. Yeah my stage three and four of my plan has failed, mayby I can salvage it with a deadpool quote? Mayby? "so, who wants chimicangas?" I ask the assembled group, Kaiden, looking as generic as he always did, ash looking slightly raggled and pulling off the 'dragged through a hedge backwards, but still don't care' look, and shepard... (internal thoughts, that are not supposed to be thought, usually read in a irish accent, will be in italics) nosebleed at maximum, boner engaged, boob staring engaged at maximum drool. Piss off brain, I am not gonna stare at her jugs, but still, long red hair, green eyes, pulling off a supermodel figure, and I mean the size 6 models, not the stick insects... I mean seriously who finds a woman that fine attractive, any time I see that I just think, see that, that is a sandwich, EAT IT, EAT IT ALL. Fuck I'm rambleing again, and shepard saying something. "so I take it your a colonist here?" welp, no point lying, after all ash is here so, she'd probably catch me out immediately. "nope, im a interdimensianal traveller, from Liverpool England, circa 2017, with no clue how the hell I got here, with a omni-tool pre set up, and a extremely good aim. And before you laugh or question me, unless a shitton of cannon has changed, I will know a lot of events that happen, as your universe is just a video game where i'm from. What prove? Jenkins died when you faced the first geth you encounted when you landed, your ship is the Normandy SR1 a stealth ship powered by a tantalus drive, oh, and how's dr Chakwas?" aw Shepard looks so cute when confused... "i'm gonna call bullshit on that" both kaiden and Ashley said at the same time...spooky. "fine,want more proof? Kaiden hows your L2's, had any migranes lately? And Ashley isn't your dad's favourite poem Tennyson's ulysses" the look of disbelive and borderline rage on all there faces is really funny, oh this is gonna be fun...