Author's note: This story uses many stereotypes, which have been put at an extreme for satire and comedic affect, and do not represent my actual views on those types of people.
Prologue
It all started at Skepticon 2014, a convention for atheists, when people started to get raptured. It was clear that the second coming of Carl Sagan was in motion. Not all the atheists were raptured, but only the ones that gain euphoria not by some phony god's blessing, but by being enlightened by their own intelligence. The pretentious neckbeards were quickly sucked into atheist heaven. Their naked bodies covered the air, with their clothes left on the floor they stood on. Many just left a fedora as evidence of their place on earth, while others left Guy Fawkes masks, trench coats, cargo shirts, and various nerdy merchandise of dumb fandoms.
The skep-chicks (feminist atheists) that weren't raptured got on tumblr to complain. The word spread that the people of skepticon were raptured. Neckbeards on facebook were quick to respond. "Atheism isn't a religion! There is no atheist heaven!" Slowly, other people were getting raptured. People at Comic-Con were disappearing, as well as anthrocon and bronycon. Then came the people on the streets. It was all over the news. Christian republicans claimed it was indeed the christian apocalypse, but the liberals knew the truth.
The pope came out to speak to the people, only for a man to come down from the heavens. It was Carl Sagan. He carried a buster sword with the cast of MLP on it that he got from bronycon for $100. Whether or not it was worth the loss of time, money and social acceptance was debatable. "How dare you, stupid funDIE!" His liberal rage brought up his limit break, as he then performed omnislash on the pope, who healed himself until he ran out of magic, even though he mastered his restore materia. The pope took 9959 damage, and disappeared to give Sagan 18000 exp. The crowd was freaking out, the news caught everything. What would the atheist apocalypse bring?