"Jim...I know it's a big no-no to make your partner feel bad about their requests, but I'm telling you it's a terrible idea." McCoy said apologetically. "Spock won't be any good at it; I think it'll make you happier if you save the idea for just you and me."
"I don't care if Spock's bad at it, it's my turn to choose what we do tonight." Jim replied stepping out of the lift with McCoy next to him. "I think it'll be fun."
"I'm not trying to rain on your parade Jim, I'm trying to hand you an umbrella." McCoy said as they made their way to their quarters. "You have no idea what's in store for you if you think Spock's going to be anything other than irritating during sex-roleplay."
"Have a little faith, Bones." Jim said. "And try to keep an open mind? It won't be any fun if you're not willing to give it a shot."
"Alright, I'm sorry." McCoy apologized. "I promise I'll play along and I'll do everything in my power to avoid it becoming a disaster."
"I knew I could count on you." Jim replied as he opened his door. He motioned to Bones to walk through. "After you."
When they entered the bedroom Spock was already there and sitting on the bed as he read on a PADD.
"Hi Spock," Jim greeted him. "Are we interrupting you?"
"Yes, but it is not important." Spock replied.
They both kissed him and he placed the PADD on the bedside table to give them his full attention.
"So... Spock." Jim began as he sat next to him. "Bones and I were thinking about trying something different tonight. We want to invite you to join us in a roleplay if you're interested."
"Roleplay, Captain?" Spock questioned. Bones sat on the other side of him, which caused his eyebrow to raise.
"Yes, you're familiar with the concept of theater, of course." Jim said diplomatically.
"I am." Spock nodded.
"Well this is just like that," Jim said with a note of excitement. "Except we're the actors and it'll just be us performing for each other."
"Will we have lines?" Spock asked.
"No, no, it's all improvisation." Jim assured him. "It's simple, we create a story together and act it out. We'll be playing ourselves so you won't have to worry about saying the wrong thing."
"...Why would we not just be ourselves?" Spock asked cautiously, as if trying not to offend Jim.
"Spock, we're acting out a sex fantasy- it's for fun." McCoy sighed. "That's all that's to it, okay? Just pretend to be a sexualized version of yourself. Are you interested?"
"I do not need to pretend to be myself, Doctor." Spock replied with a frown. "However, I do find your proposal...intriguing."
"Great!" Jim said standing up. He rubbed his hands together and looked down at them. "Okay, so I was thinking we could begin by pretending we just landed on Barson II. And Bones, you're over there with Spock." He grabbed both their arms and led them to the far end of the room in position. "And let me get your things." he said quickly before leaving.
Spock traded a curious glance with McCoy as they waited listlessly. Moments later Jim arrived with their tricorders and handed them over.
"Jim, are you sure we should have these?" McCoy asked holding up his medical scanner.
"Why, are you going to break them?" Jim asked him with a smirk.
"Well...no…" McCoy said. "Nevermind."
"I'll be over here-" Jim said standing near the bed. "And...yes... I'll be attacked by something."
"What is attacking you?" Spock asked slipping the strap of his tricorder around his shoulder.
"I'm not sure that's important yet," Jim said. "If it is we'll act it out." He said dismissively. "Ready?"
"Ready." Bones replied.
"Ready, Captain." Spock insisted.
"Spock, Bones, help!" Jim called to them, doubling over.
"Jim!" Bones gasped snapping into action.
They rushed to Jim's side and Bones wrapped his arms around him. Spock wasn't as spontaneous and hesitated before taking McCoy's lead and also wrapped his arms around Jim, holding him up.
"Come on, Spock, let's lay him down." Bones suggested.
They placed him on the middle of the bed gently, running their hands over his face and chest hungrily as he groaned.
"Are you okay?" McCoy asked him.
"No, I think I...I think I-" Jim gasped, resting his head against the pillows. Bones broke out in a fit of quiet laughter. "What, what's so funny?" he asked breaking character.
"You," Bones replied. "You're such a ham, Jim."
"Cut me a break would you?" Jim mumbled with a smile.
"Alright, I'm sorry." McCoy apologized kissing Jim on the lips. "Go on."
"I think I'm in trouble, Bones…" Jim groaned. He writhed against the bedspread and then went limp.
"He's slipping out of consciousness." Bones said turning to Spock. He pinched Jim's right nipple through his shirt, causing Jim to let out a wanton groan. "But he's not too far gone, he's still responding to physical stimulation."
"If the Captain is injured then transporting him to the Enterprise would be the safest option." Spock stated matter-of-factly.
"We're going to pretend that didn't occur to us because we're too concerned with our sexy Captain for the thought to enter our minds." McCoy narrated in response.
"I do not believe we would be so careless with the Captain's welfare." Spock argued crossing his arms in front of him.
"For the sake of simplicity we are that careless." Bones shot back. "I'm not going to waste time acting out his boring transfer on the Enterprise just to take him into a pretend sick bay. He stays on the planet Barson II in our game."
"Gentlemen, are we united in agreement that we are roleplaying riskier, less intelligent versions of ourselves?" Spock questioned.
"This isn't a safety drill, Spock." McCoy snapped. Jim could tell he was trying not to lose patience. "It's not important that we would never do things this way in real life, because we're playing a sex-game. You don't honestly believe I'd pinch Jim's nipple if I thought he was injured, do you?"
"Doctor, I have learned it is unwise to question your methods no matter how illogical they appear." Spock replied.
"Dammit Jim, can't he be the one quietly dying!?" McCoy growled.
"Alright, let's not get derailed..." Jim said sitting up. "Spock, Bones is right...it's just game. Don't allow yourself to get tied up in the details; we recognize you would never act irresponsibly in real life."
"I find the direction we're taking in this scenario highly implausible, Captain." Spock informed him. "But if it makes you happy I will ignore the frivolous natures of our alter egos and continue with our roleplay."
"Thanks Spock." Jim said with a smile.
"Alright, loverboy, let's get this show rolling." McCoy said pushing Jim down on the bed. He turned to Spock. "If you want to make Jim really happy you'll stop arguing with me and put some effort into furthering the story."
Spock seemed to take the dictation seriously as he stood over Jim and frowned.
"Doctor McCoy," Spock started officiously. "What is the status of the injured party?"
McCoy leaned over Jim's form and pressed two fingers over the pulse in Jim's wrist.
"...He's dead." McCoy said melodramatically.
"Bones!" Jim laughed his slight rebuke as Spock recoiled.
"Sorry, couldn't help myself." McCoy said with a guilty grin. "He's not dead." he assured Spock. McCoy cleared his throat and settled into a more serious demeanor. "I won't know his status until I take a closer look at his injuries. Help me take his clothes off."
Jim let out a moan as Spock's fingers brushed against his groin to undo the zipper. It took some time, but they were able to remove his clothes while he stayed on the bed.
"The attack from our unspecified assailant has left our Captain in a state of high arousal." Spock observed.
"No, I believe that's his natural reaction to your touch, Mr. Spock." McCoy said.
"...Fascinating." Spock stated with raised eyebrows.
"...Have you ever noticed how handsome our Captain is?" McCoy asked stroking his hand over Jim.
"Yes, Doctor." Spock said softly. "I have."
"We're so lucky to have him..." McCoy said, his fingers brushing over Jim's skin.
"Indeed." Spock said, his eyes combing over his Captain's naked body.
"We must do everything in our power to save him, Spock." McCoy said. He hovered his medical hand-scanner over Jim's body briefly and he pretended to read the diagnostic results on his tricorder.
"...Hmm...yes, it's just as I suspected." McCoy announced. "His injuries can only be healed with sex."
The comment caused a wide smile stretched across Jim's face, and even Bones couldn't help grinning.
"Doctor..." Spock whispered with a realistic note of concern.
"What now, Spock?" McCoy sighed turning to him. "Wait, don't say it, I know you can't actually heal someone with sex- you see I am a real medical professional."
"The absurdity of your medical diagnosis is not what concerns me." Spock replied. "It would be tremendously unethical for us to engage the Captain in sexual acts while he's incapable of giving his consent."
"Darlin', we both know he's not really unconscious." McCoy said patiently.
Jim lifted up his hand and waved at the both of them to prove the point. Spock did not address this, he was still holding onto his reservations.
"Understood," Spock said. He laid a hand on Bones' arm. "But I do not feel comfortable with us taking advantage of Jim... even if we're only pretending to do so." he informed him softly.
"Oh...Okay, I won't argue with that." McCoy replied smiling. "It's a good thing he's slipping into consciousness now," McCoy said to Jim pointedly. Jim's eyes fluttered opened. "Jim, do you understand and consent to sexual acts with me and Spock?"
"...I consent…" Jim breathed softly.
"Is that good enough for you, Mr. Spock?" Bones asked him.
Spock didn't respond to the question. Instead he lifted his tricorder and scanned Jim's body.
"He is running very low on sexual energy." Spock reported. His cheeks flushed as he delivered the illogical observation. "He will need to be stimulated right away." he said without looking at either of them.
"Yes, good thinking Spock." Bones encouraged him. "Let's act quickly before it's too late."
Jim entered the lift with a cup of coffee in his hand. McCoy wasn't too far behind him as he slipped inside. They smiled at each other, each one reading the pleasure on each other's face.
"Bridge." Jim spoke. He reached behind him and held onto the handle as they began to move.
"Excuse me, Captain, but you look happy enough to sing." Bones informed him.
"I had a good date with my boyfriends last night." Jim replied.
"...Don't let it get to your head, but I see I was wrong to badmouth your idea." McCoy said. "I think even Spock was really getting into it last night and having fun, though I doubt we'd ever get him to admit he enjoyed our illogical game."
"Thank you both for doing that for me, I thoroughly enjoyed it." Jim said.
"No problem." Bones replied. "It's not like it was difficult to dream up a story where you'd enjoy the two of us fawning over you."
"You don't give yourself enough credit." Jim replied. "I think you have a creative knack for improv sexual storytelling." he teased.
"Hm, maybe I do." McCoy chuckled. "...I guess we'll find out later."
"Later?" Jim asked.
"Yeah." Bones said clapping Jim on the shoulder. "It's my turn to decide what we do tonight. …I think we'll play doctor."