A/N: Um, sorry, I don't have a title. My friend Chris and I started this fic as a summer pastime. I'm Aly, she's Chris. I start out talking. It switches to her POV, then to mine. Some of the POVs overlap. I hope you like it! Oh, and sorry about grammar. I didn't edit any of Chris' work, so...mine should be good though--AH just kidding Chris!
He should be a Ravenclaw, I thought glumly. I was at my favorite sport: Remus-watching. He was just so darn hot!!
Unfortunately for me, Remus was seated on the lawn next to the Lake. This meant I had to pretend to be walking around the Lake (though with the Halloween Ball approaching many girls--most of them sticks already!--were trying to fit into those "Oh So Fine" "Boys Will Drool" bloody dress robes) and I had to glance over at Remus, reading as he always is, while trying not to walk straight into the water.
"Whoa!" I stumbled straight into the arms of somebody. Somebody I DID NOT want to see at all.
"Sor--Oh, it's you." I mumbled when I recognized my savior.
"Wow, it's nice to see you too, White. You're welcome for saving you from plunging into the water." He replied, nonplussed by my rude behavior.
"I wish I could say the same to you, Mr. Black--" I tried, but was cut off by the arrogant twit; of course interrupting with genial, discursive ease.
"What's this, 'Black'? Name's Sirius, madame!"
I was so tried of this. "First off, YOU call ME by my last name, so why are you whining? Second, I KNOW your bloody name!!" I seriously (no pun intended) think the boy is mentally retarded. That, or his age is actually two.
The male in question applied a look of mock sternness to his face, his eyebrows arching over his grey eyes in aghast parody. "Now, now, White! Such language! What would your mother say?"
I hate Sirius Black.
Chris would kill me. It's a good think she can't see my thoughts, I mentally murmured with relief.
Chris is my best friend. Her real name is Christine, but you can only call her that if you want your head permanently relocated from it's position on your shoulders. Or, well, if you're Sirius Black.
See, Chris has this massive crush on Black. Don't ask me why! I have no idea what she sees in the guy, I mean, sure, he's hot, but all the Marauders are!! (Even Peter, in an odd sort of way. He'd be described more as 'cute', though, the bumbling fool) Black is an insensitive, meddling, ANNOYING, obnoxious--playboy!
Black has always been a loud jerk, but this year he seems to be aiming all he has--and he was a lot, not in a good way--at little old moi. Why? I've no idea. Maybe he decided 6th year was the right time to play a little "Make the Out of Place Ravenclaw Irate!" Oh, that sounds fun! Let's see how ticked off we can make Aly White!!
Yep, that would be me. I am Aly Hoeun White, resident freak.
It all started first year. First day, actually; I was sorted into the wrong house.
Hmm, the Sorting hat had whispered into my ear, You are quite a tough case, my dear. It seems you have some qualities of all the houses--ambition, tempered with determination and bravery--here I just nodded, not willing (and thus showing how brave I was) to contradict the creepy hat's assessment of my qualities, though I personally had no idea what he was talking about. I mean, ambition? Sure, I really wanted to get off the stool and eat away from prying eyes, but that's ambition? As for hard work, why don't you ask my mom to set you straight on that!-- and you also have a deep hunger for the secrets of the universe, finished the hat.
Right.
Only not.
So the bloody hat put me in Ravenclaw. Chris, on the other hand, got properly sent to Gryffindor house.
I walked out reading my favorite book, Pride and Prejudice. Ok, so maybe it was my 4th time reading it, but hey, it was a good book!
I kept walking, avoiding people snogging, mini first years, and the ocassional cute dog. Now this may be hard for the average witch/wizard, but not for me! I've practiced the art of walking-while-reading for MANY years, don't try this at home...or at a wizarding school. You never know what spells Potter or sigh Sirius may be shooting at the evil Slytherins.
My feet walked without thinking towards my usual spot, under The Tree. Yep, all capitals, that's how important this tree is! "OH!" i yelled as i tripped over very long, very tan legs. My book went flying out of my hands, soaring through the air right into...the lake. A blue tentacle reached up and poof there went my book.
I stared, stunned, out into the murky waters. OK, whoever did this was DEAD!
"O-oh Chris, i-i, I'm so sorry!" i turned to see Remus Lupin, AKA "Smart Marauder" with a pathetically scared/nervous look on his face. Do i really have that affect on boys? Oh well, he's still dead. My hands started to do that twitchy thing where they ache to strangle something, ya' know? But alas, i knew i couldn't do it. NO I DID NOT LIKE HIM! Ugh! Sorry babe, but I'm all Sirius'! No, i knew i couldn't strangle the Smart Marauder because my best friend AKA Aly White, would then strangle ME. let's just say that didn't sound to promising. "i-i, didn't m-m-mean too!"he stuttered. Aww, how cute!...in a disgustingly sweet way. is this his idea of "hitting on me" ?!
"Um, no, it's okay." I said stiffly. I mean, it was only my favorite book!
"A-a-are you mad?" he said softly.
What am i supposed to say? The dude has guilt-powers!!
"No, it's okay, really! I'll just, um, owl mum for another." i said.
"Oh, OK." he said looking relieved. um, i really love this is going and all, but I NEED Sirius!!
I glanced around at the crowded lake. Not Sirius. Not Sirius. DEFINITELY NOT Sirius! No--SIRIUS! And, was that, was that ALY! NO!!! OK, that's it. She's going on my coal list. NO CHRISTMAS GIFT FOR HER!!!!!
Chris, I thought as I pulled away from Sirius and turned on my heel back toward the place where Remus was, though coincidentally, it was the same way as away from Sirius, cough. Yeah. But yes Chris, speak of the Devil! There she--WHAT?! why is she, she, she, oh my god is she flirting with REMUS? They're all over each other!!
Some rational side of my brain saw the only reason they were near each other was the fact that Chris was sprawled on the ground and groping for her book, but to see Remus--MY Remus--was it, BLUSHING?
Grr, I thought, turning right back around. I didn't want to see that. Unfortunately, it meant I walked smack into Black.
"Crud!" I yelped. "I think your stupid chest broke my bloody nose!!" How is it that one guy can be so annoying?
Black, being suprised and stumbling back after colliding with me, looked positively green when he say me bent over, clutching my nose. "Oh my god, oh my god!!"
It was kinda pathetic, really, to watch him go to pieces, but I didn't care about that at the moment. I was in some major pain.
"Are you okay, Aly?" He ran over to me and tried to--oh I don't know--CRADLE me in his arms or something. I flung out my elbows to get him off me, bloody busybody. Hadn't he done enough damage?
"Get off me!" I screamed, hoping somebody would come to my rescue. Even Chris, though she was betraying me with Remus at the moment. "Chris get your arse over here!!!"
She'd come, I knew. I was with Sirius.
I looked over to where i heard my name called from. Funny, sounded like Aly in pain.
Yep. There Aly was, holding her nose, with, OH CRAP! BLOOD! In case you don't know, i HATE blood! NO WAY WAS I GOING OVER THERE! Especially since SHE was flirting with MY guy! SHE DESERVES IT! Oh wait. Sirius. What would it look like to him if i didn't help my best friend? CURSE HER!!! I glanced at Remus. Is he..? is that..? Oh heck naw. Please tell me he's not drooling. OK, first blood, second THIS!? What is my life coming too...That was rhetorical. Grumbling i stood up, brushed off imaginary dust (Hey, I'm going to Sirius, what can you expect!?) and started stalking off to my beloved... and her. I started to paste my "Worried" expression on my face, hopefully it would convince my, er, uh, Sirius. Hearing something behind me i turned around. Smack dab into Remus' chest. Did i mention he's tall so i only come up to the middle of his chest? And that his chest is really, really, REALLY hard? Man, how did he get a six-pack from reading?! Anyway. Excruciating pain starting to go through, heh, you guessed it, my nose. "AHHH!" i screamed, falling to the ground. "MY NOSE!!!" I yelled, tears starting to well up in my blue eyes. He bent down, worry in his chocolate brown eyes. Oh to think of chocolate at a time like this...
AH! The Light! It's calling to me!!
I wish Chris would hurry up. I mean, VAST AMOUNTS OF BLOOD ARE SPURTING FROM MY FACE!! Gosh, get a clue "best friend".
But then, of course, I remembered.
"Dang." I muttered quietly. I forgot Chris absolutely abhors blood. There is no way she was even getting near me.
Yet, misfortune strikes again. First, Sirius hears my interjection. And, of course, the great lout he is, he has to ask, "Aly? Aly, are you okay?" Has he always been an idiot, or is it a recent affliction? "Aly, are you going to die?!"
Yes Sirius, I wanted to snarl, I am dying. Why don't you just watch me die. Have fun!
But, I was interrupted by a scream.
Chris, dang-it! Why does she have to go and get into a mess RIGHT NOW! I need her. Because like Sirius is going to be of any help. To bad I couldn't send him off to Madame Pomfrey. He's my only chance at getting Chris over here, because like heck I was moving.
Man, I thought when I could hear what she was screaming. I told her we'd always be sisters at heart--I didn't mean TWINS! Now she's stealing my man AND copying me. What a twit!
Oh well, I can't really blame her, I guess. I love my Christmas presents from her. Chocolate--reminds me of Remus's eyes, sigh.
It's all the fault of those Marauder men!!
..minus Remus, of course.
God help me. i woke up to find myself lying on the cold, hard ground. Much like Remus' chest. Interesting.
"Chris!!" Yelled a far away voice. hmm, sounded like Aly.
"Is she up?" screamed a concerned Remus. The voices were coming in closer.
"More like are you ok?" said Sirius to Aly. WOAH! Hold up! BACKUP, REWIND, PAUSE! Did Sirius just ignore me for ALY?! i mean, sure she's nice and all, but over ME!?
"Yeah, Yeah, What about you Remus, she sure hit you pretty hard," Said Aly to Remus. Gee thanks "best friend."
"Oh no, i'm fine, i'm just worried about Chris." THAT SHOULD BE SIRIUS!!!
"As long as Aly is fine," said Sirius.
"Are you sure you're ok, Remus?" heh heh, guess who.
"Chris? Are you awake?"...Is there a pattern here?
I struggled to gain coincidence to find three worried faces hovering over me, everyone looking at a different face. IS REMUS THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT ME???!!!! It looks like Aly had decided since she was a witch (heh-heh) that she should use her wand to stop the blood, but she still looked in pain. Ah well, this is my time right now.
"Oh, the pain!" i gasped out. Yes, i admit it, I'm a wonderful actress, please, no autographs.
"Are you ok Chris?" butted in Remus. MOVE! THIS IS FOR SIRIUS!! S-I-R-I-U-S!!!
"Oh, uh, NO! the Pain! It's excruciating!" i gasped again.
"Surprised she even knows what that means," muttered Aly darkly. Oh fine, be that way.
DON"T HELP YOUR FRIEND IN NEED THEN!
i started to push myself up with my hands when Remus suddenly grabbed my arm trying to help me up. Wrong thing to do.I've taken karate for the past four summers. Yep, I'm a black belt, in fact. So what do you think happened when Remus suddenly grabbed at my arm? Heh, i reacted.
Wham! i did a fancy arm-thingy that made Remus spin off my arm crashing head-on into Aly. Somehow (don't ask me) their lips met and there they stood kissing. Remind me to remind her to thank me later. Now to only find Sirius...
"Shoot!" Remus cried out, "Sirius, come help!! Chris fainted!!"
He ignored me, but that's only because he doesn't want to seem to forward in his advances on me. I really should find a way to tell him that it's perfectly--PERFECTLY--okay.
Black looked up from his almost stalker-ish inspection on me. He was a couple meters away, but it still was a creepy feeling. Thank goodness the boys can't go up the girl's stair--Oh my god, are they? No, they can't be. I'll sic Chris on them (after I hash her out for stealing my love). My room--my window. I'll have to put a broom repellent on.
"Aly, are you going to be fine?" He inquired before breaking his staring spree to look at one of his best mates. "Remus, is she okay?"
Before I could tell me to buzz off--in harsher words than that--or ask if he was indeed using his broom to look through the windows of the girls' dorms, Remus, in his infinite wisdom and grace, decided to call back. I forgave him immediately for interrupting me.
"NO! She fainted, Sirius! I don't know--Oh Merlin--should I--I--I could touch her?!" he stammered growing an uncomfortable red.
Why he turned that red around her, I have no idea. Oh, well, obviously he was looking modest for my sake. But the very idea of him touching Chris; he's MINE, keech.
Wait!!" I shouted in a hurry, scrambling up from where I had been sitting and supporting my aching smeller. " Remus--"I just love saying his name, the taste of it on my lips, mmmhhhm. "--No, don't do anything, I'll come over!"
I started for Chris looking like a dashing shero coming to the rescue of her friend (well, I hope it looked like that to Remus. Actually, me face was scrunched up in a perpetual agony with one hand clutching to it as if I was afraid it would come off. Well, I DID hurt enough to be falling off, in my defense.) but I was intercepted by a certain unwanted cretin.
"What do you want now, Black!" I hissed at him, angry that he had thrown off my groove. "I only have one nose to break, you dimwit!"
His eye twitched and he looked away hurriedly. Wait, I can't have--no, Sirius never gets his feelings hurt. I mean, Black never does. Yeah.
But that wasn't true anyways because he looked up and when he was looking right at me, there was absolutely no hurt. Just determination and something I couldn't figure out but looked suspiciously like worry.
"Aly, you're hurt." Good observation, Black. Was it the blood or my screams that let you figure it out? "You should rest."
For Phoenix's sakes! It's not a flu! It's just a--
--Merlin, I'm dumb.
I mean, I'm a Ravenclaw and even though I was sorted into the wrong house, that still means I've some brains. My story is that Black's stupidity inhibited my mental processes during that time.
Pulling out my wand I said, "Cruor subsisto effluo!" and the blood flowing out of my nose stopped.
"There Black. Happy now?"
He just looked stunned.
Black let go of my arm and scratched his head bewildered. "Why didn't you do that before?"
"Grr!" I growled. If there is one thing I hate, it's having my shortcomings shoved in my face. Too bad that's what Black specializes in. I didn't dignify him with any further retorts, and continued my walk towards Chris and, of course, Remus.
They weren't that far away, but during the time the oaf Black was detaining me, Remus had--bent over Chris?! What is this! This is...adultery!!
Well, I mean, Remus and I aren't married, yet--but I like him and Chris knows it!
What a buttface. She was blacked out, though, so I can hardly be mad--actually, screw that. If she interferes with Remus and I's (nonexistent) relationship, she's going down. Still, can't have Remus thinking I'm a bad friend! (Which I'm not, most of the time. And she started it anyway!)
I made if over to where Chris had collapsed and after allowing myself a quick second to check Remus out up close, I bent over her (coincidentally moving closer to Remus yet moving him off my 'friend')
"Aly!" came a voice. Dang, Black had come after me. Couldn't he just take my word for it that I was fine! I mean, a bit sore, but I was not in mortal peril!
I ignored him.
"Chris?" I asked gently. Arg, why do I have to care about her right now--I'm supposed to be mad at her.
Maybe it's because she's my only friend.
Remus glances between the tow of us, his eyes resting on Chris. WHY!! Can't he just accept out love? Why does Chris have to be in the middle of things? "Is she up?!" he practically screamed to me in his worry.
I winced. If she wasn't up before, she certainly couldn't have not been roused by the power of Remus's vocal chords. Oh well, I do so admire a man with a real voice on him.
Black had caught up to me. "More like, are you okay?" Hmm, how many times had he asked that? Maybe he got freaked I was kneeling or something, the imbecile. However, his question did remind me of something.
"Yeah, yeah," I assured Black absentmindedly. "What about you Remus?" I asked concernedly ( I mean, this was my love) , "She sure hit you pretty hard."
"Oh no, I'm fine. I'm just worried about Chris." Remus replied to me, in a noble, selfless way. It would be so dreamy if he wasn't talking about my best friend.
Once again, being the evil git he is, Black cut in, "As long as Aly is fine."
Err, how thick can you be? I only wish it was Remus inquiring about me. Besides when did Black start regularly calling me Aly?
But I didn't really care about anything related to Black--except Remus, of course. I went right back to my conversation with Remus. "Are you sure you're OK, Remus?"
But he, in his righteous concern for my friend (though he blew me off! How rude! I forgave him of course) merely turned from me to Chris and asked, "Chris, are you awake?"
I hate my best friend.
Fluttering her eyes open dramatically and looking around, (I could see her hiding a grin when she saw my face, apparently realizing I had finally gotten to a spell), she cried out, "Oh, the pain!"
How can anybody fall of that? They'd have to be---Oops, sorry Remus.
For, at that moment, Remus asked anxiously, "Are you OK Chris?"
Well, he's not dumb, so it must be that he's just so kindhearted he doesn't recognize what the witch (exchanging the w for a b) was doing.
In fact, she was so bad at it, that when she got an answer she stammered. "Oh, uh, No!" I rolled my eyes, what a keech. Why is she still getting my guy? "The pain! It's excruciating!"
Merlin she sucked at acting. Even I could do better, though that's because I used to lie to my parents all the time. And yet, she was still attracting all of my Remus' attention. Hoping to show Remus that he needed to go after a smart girl like me instead of CHRIS, the little devil, I remarked, "Surprised she even knows what that means."
I couldn't help it! It just came out. Though, it's true--Chris isn't known for a stellar vocabulary. Funny story--but, maybe for another time. Unfortunately, I don't think Remus heard me.
Chris opened her eyes to a squint and glared at me, preparing to get up. Sorry Chris--only, that's what you get for stealing my man!
Remus, however, doesn't know Chris like me. Being the gentle and helpful soul he is, he reached out to help her up.
Normally, very bad idea to reach out to Chris. When she's in pain from a former attack--awful idea. I winced as I saw her grab his arm and pull herself up, but at the same time twisting his limb and throwing him---
---right into me.
I was shoved back and had to grab onto Remus to stay standing, my mouth open in surprise of being hurtled into. He, with almost inhuman grace and agility, found his footing but somehow, SOMEHOW, we stood together with his mouth pressed over mine.
Not how I was expecting my first kiss--I had imagined more candles and privacy. But...
...OH MY GOD, HE KISSED ME!! So what if it wasn't on purpose!
It started out hard, the force of our impact forcing our lips together roughly. Yet once we had our bearings it softened into a gentle kiss--almost timid, but with an undertone of wild hunger. Remus never ventured into my open mouth, but I could taste him. He was deliciously of chocolate and honey, sweet--but there was a biting edge. It was a dark taste, salty almost like blood, and though it scared me I wanted nothing more than to lose myself in it's mysterious temptation; Remus by my side.
Neither of us broke apart for what seemed like ages. I wasn't sure if I wanted it to end. Yet, I think the main reason we stood together was surprised at being together for the first time with such a spontaneous start.
When his lips finally came off of mine, a small lean back from Remus, I immediately felt a loss. I knew in that moment I would never be whole without Remus.
I felt cold and alone. I could still feel the heat of his breath against my face, a momentary respite, but I knew I couldn't cling to him forever and the thought of being without him made me shiver.
My chest has heaving and my heart thumping with excitement. I had closed my eyes and so now as I opened them to lurid light of day and saw the illuminated form of Remus, who I was still holding tight, I caught my breath.
His eyes were like warm melted chocolate, but now they flashed amber and I could see shock, but more importantly a hunger.
He wanted me.
As we stared into each other's eyes nothing else mattered. Remus eventually broke my gaze; looking back at and Chris then I in confusion. I didn't know how he could even look at Chris after sharing that moment with me. But I saw the conflicted expression in his eyes.
Still, I felt anger--a jealous rage--that Chris had stolen my moment, that Chris had Remus' attention where I seemingly didn't warrant it.
I was also very confused. I knew I liked Remus but after this, what did he think of me?
There was also a new and strange feeling inside of me--I had kissed Remus and now I didn't know what else to do. One part of me just wanted to stay right in that position in the hopes that the moment would last forever; another part desperately cried out for me to flee and escape all of this confusion and conflicted feelings.
I being a coward, chose to pull myself out of Remus' arms ( a very hard task to accomplish ) and try and find a way out of this mess.
Of course, I didn't want Remus getting the wrong impression so I smiled shyly as I stumbled ( the kiss seemed to have messed up my motor functions ) and I looked around for a way out of this.
Chris was standing--probably in horror that she had thrown Remus into kissing me. I should thank her, I thought distractedly, once she stops being such a scarlet woman.
She was looking not only shocked but a bit wistful, for some reason. Glancing from where Remus and I were, she shot bashful looks at Sirius. Man, she's deep.
Black--what?! I don't get this.
Black was looking at Remus and I with bold horror, confusion, and was it anger and ... jealousy? What? Why would he be jealous?
He had only looked towards Chris once, and only then because he saw Remus and somehow had put the two of them connected in his mind. What is this?! Even Black thinks it's Remus and Chris; what happened to Remus and Aly?!
He saw my gaze and once again I think I saw something flicker in his eyes...that thing that's kind of like hurt--except Black is never hurt!
Sirius Black stepped towards me and looked as if he was going to do or say something, I'm really not sure--very confusing behavior he was displaying, that's for sure.
But he stopped, threw a-- for some reason -- betrayed look at Remus, turned around, and stomped away hurriedly.
What is his deal? What did Remus even do?
But I still wanted to flee--what was a good way to do so?...Oh! I have it!!
Chris!! That was the answer. As much of a pain as she may be, I still could use her.
"Chris! Why don't we go to the hospital wing? We can get something for your nose and I can get myself cleaned up." My voice came out a squeaky and high, and for some reason I was talking really fast.
She glared at me for some reason and whispered so Remus couldn't hear (nice of her to be considerate of Remus, and my situation), "No, I'm going to go after Sirius! You already got your snog--no need to thank me!"
How rude!! I really need to get away though, so I did something I knew she was going to kill me for when she woke up.
I punched myself in the nose. That hurt like...well, it hurt really bad, like, profanely bad. And when the blood came out...
Chris fainted, again.
I conjured a sketcher and started heading for the hospital wing. Too bad Remus is such a nice person, sometimes.
"Merlin! She fainted again? Let me help!" He called out once he saw what happened.
"Oh, NO!!!" I called back earnestly, almost hysterical with worry that he'd follow me. If he tried, I'd drop Chris and run. "No, I've got this," I didn't know what was happening, why couldn't I even say his name? "She needs a girl, and friend to do this!"
He left it at that with a nod. Remus is so amazing. Yet, it's so hard to try and get with him...
I carried Chris up to the infirmary. I'm so glad I'm a witch!
Madame Pomfrey rolled her eyes when I explained what had happened, but got some Muggle smelling salts to get Chris up.
Really, I'm not sure it was such a good idea to be near Chris when she was woken up, but Madame Pomfrey wouldn't let me escape!!
Oh crud, I thought as she opened her eyes to glare at me. I was even more scared when she tried to get off the bed, looking like she was going to strangle me. She probably could, though, being a blackbelt.
I sat up, my head aching, like a hangover. OH GOD! DID I HAVE A HANGOVER! I tried to think of what happened before it went black. Remus, Aly, Kissing, Me, Sirius, Blood. OH GOD! REMUS KISSED SIRIUS!!!...No wait, that's wrong.
And then it all came rushing back.OH NO! ALY LOVED SIRIUS!!! My mind started thinking of possibilities. She made me faint so i couldn't snog Sirius, because SHE WANTED TO SNOG SIRIUS!!! My life is over. My best friend likes the guy that I've like for two years.
"HOW COULD YOU ALY!!" I yelled at her.
"HOW CAN YOU BLAME ME!?" she yelled back. Well, he is hot. BUT HE"S MINE!
"BUT I"M YOUR BEST FRIEND!!" i screeched. yes, Screeched. Cus I'm cool like that.
"WELL I"M YOURS!" She screeched back. Heh, she screeches.
"YOU JUST A CHICKEN!" I yelled to her face.
"YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME!?"
"NO HUNNY, I WANT THE WHOLE THANG!!"
I moved closer menacingly. She moved closer still.
I was just about to use my very cool black belt skills when Remus and Sirius came rushing in, out of breath.
"Oh, are we interrupting something?" Said Sirius anxiously. He wants me. bad.
"YES!" yelled Aly at him. Hmm, she sure has an interesting way of showing love.
"Chris? Are you okay now?" Remus asked me.
"WHO CARES ABOUT STUCK-UP CHRIS!?" yelled Aly. Oh, so we're back to yelling are we?!
"I do," Said Remus. WOAH! SAY WHAT?!
"Yeah? Well Aly's better than that's little bi-" said Sirius.
"WATCH WHAT YOUR SAYING!" yelled Remus. hmm, he didn't seem like the "let's yell and scream" kind of guy.
"YOU WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE?!" Yelled Sirius.
"Um, am i interrupting something?" asked a timid Pompy.
I really want to live to graduate--please God, it's only two more years!!
Unfortunately, God doesn't seem to grant the prayers of Christians who have only gone to Church twice in the last six years. (note to self: get your backside into God's pad, and do lots of Hail..uh, Jesus'!! yeah, those.) Chris was having a hard time getting to me, but that didn't stop her from yelling.
"How could you?" She screamed at me.
Now, that was unfair. I had no choice but to kiss him when she literally threw him into me, and it was obvious the need to flee made me do what I did to abduct her. "How can you blame me?!" I matched, a bit heatedly.
She looked at me as if she just couldn't get how I could stand up for myself. Sor-ry Chris, I didn't think unintentionally kissing your 4 year crush was such a sin.
"But I'm your best friend!" She screeched back at me. Why is she so mad at ME?! She only screeches when she is completely infuriated.
Oh, I get it now. She's mad because I got to kiss my guy and she didn't get to kiss hers. Well maybe if she went after HER guy instead of dogging mine--Urg! How can she do this?! She stole my guy and even my moment, but she's jealous of what she wasn't able to nick off me!
"Well I'm yours!" I screeched back; I guess her tone wore off on me. Being her best friend, wasn't I supposed to get her support for finally kissing the guy I liked, instead of resentment?
Chris looked a bit taken back, as if she didn't expect me to say that we were friends or something, but grasped for some words to throw at me. "You're a CHICKEN!"
I flinched. My body betrayed my horror that she woulds even stoop that low. The small, damned Ravenclaw in me wanted to retort, "Insults are the last resort of a person with no vocabulary" but I had been around Gryffindors to long. Besides, the fact that Chris had used that--that word? For one, I hate the fact that chicken can mean coward: reminding me I am not a Gryffindor but rather a Ravenclaw. Second, a while back I had a bad run-in with some bandit chicken. The incident involved tar. From that moment forth, I have always been deathly afraid of chickens.
Once, in Transfiguration, I accidentally let that secret out: by screaming when the pot pie turned into one of those...animals. Obviously my house found out about it, and in their oh so kind why, tormented me by making arcane references to basilisks. Later that year, an awful prank was pulled on me--I'm not saying what but it reduced me to tears, it was that bad--by whom I have had suspicions cough Marauders cough, but as the group in suspect involved a certain male who is much to kind to do such I thing, I'm still looking for the culprits.
Therefore, to have Chris ( who knows all of this ) call me that was a hard blow. A blow I wasn't going to take standing down. "You want a piece of me?" I asked.
Now, I know I'm not going to come out looking good if she used her fists. However, I didn't intend to let her get that close. Being a Ravenclaw, however unwillingly, I figured I might be able to outsmart her: tricky am I.
To bad that being a full Gryffindor, she couldn't just see the truth: I was right and really, it would be very detrimental to kill me. Detrimental to me, that is. But as I've stated earlier, I am her best friend, or at least have been for the past six years.
No, she had to answer my question. "No hunny, I want the whole thang!!"
If only Remus had said that to me.
And, well, if he didn't look like wanting all of me meant riping me apart and pushing me though a wood chuck's mouth. Then, probably feeding me to one of Hagrid's (the crazy gamekeeper) pets and finally giving me to the Slytherins as a Christmas gift.
She moved closer to me too. I think the drying blood from her nose made her look more intimidating, and so decided mine made me look that way too. Therefore, I stepped up to her too, though the rational size of my brain was screaming, "RUN RUN!!! It's a rabid bear!!"
My attempt to look terrorize might have been hindered by the fact that I kept glancing down at her limbs paranoidly. They were twitching and I knew she was about to do something to me. Something involving a whole lot of pain.
Come on! Wasn't a hurt nose enough for one day?
Just as I was about to abandon my stance in favor for ducking, running, and hoping my muscles (from reading of course) could carry me to a hiding place faster than she could eliminate me--Utterly eliminate.
Usually, she's the one kicking other people's arses. People who have made me miserable.
I mean, it's not like I'm her friend for protection--or only that, I should amend--but I just have a problem with other people. These people have made my life hell for the past six years, I just can't stand up to them: life doesn't work that way. Chris and I balance each other. She's the buff, I'm the brains.
Not that she doesn't have brains--but I'm getting off topic. I can't describe our relationship: all I know is that I don't know what to do without her.
So, back to me about to die.
Remus, closely followed by that buffoon Sirius, came bursting in through the infirmary doors. I'm going to tell you my story--others may warp it into sad, emotional macabre--but to me Remus was dashing to my rescue, finally aware of our love for one another.
I mean, we kissed. Love, duh.
I ignored Sirius.
Well, I tried. When he said, "Oh, are we interrupting something?" is became quite hard to ignore his presence.
Primarily, the fact that Chris and I's yelling and statue gave absolutely no clue that we were 'in the middle of something'--oh wait, to anybody remotely intelligent, it gave a glaring sign. 'Something' is very broad, and even if we weren't in the middle of one of the worst rows we had ever had, breathing would be 'something'--and he would most definitely be interrupting. His lack of any sort of mental function today was starting to wear on me.
Moreover, I was a bit angry at myself for feeling relieved at their presence. I mean, I was holding up well ( no matter I said I was going to run away, that's all in the past) and decided Sirius would be the perfect outlet for my anger. After all, I wouldn't be feeling relieved if he hadn't interrupted, so it was his fault for coming back with Remus after his wildly emote exit by the lake.
"Yes!" my head jerked to face him, the word pouring out loudly and angrily.
Sirius looked at me and opened his mouth, the words "how rude" starting to form. Remus, my love, articulated something before Black got a chance to.
"Chris, are you okay now?" He inquired of my former best friend.
(I use former now because of the following.)
Why!! He -- who has just kissed me, the love of him life! -- is not paying me any mind. He inquires about my best friend, who coincidentally is mad at me for something I never did ( or intentionally did, that kiss was not my acting ) and unfairly jealous ( the only explanation for her behavior ) the prat (who seems to have just realized how amazing Remus is and wants him for herself) named Chris.
How can all of them do this to me?! It's not fair! If only Chris hadn't needed my guy...
It's all her fault, I thought, peeved beyond anything Peeves could make one feel.
"Who cares about stuck-up Chris?!?" I asked, disgustedly. It was a somewhat rhetorical question, mostly meant to convey the insult 'stuck-up'.
That certain insult was the result of mostly my strained emotions clouding my expansive vocabulary. However, there was some truth to it. I mean to be so egotistical-- to take all I wanted and then get mad when there was no more to take -–I felt like I didn't even know Chris anymore.
It was mostly a rhetorical question, as I've said. That means I don't want an answer. That means I was afraid of hearing who would answer.
And it broke my heart when I heard it.
"I do."
It was Remus' voice. His voice is idiosyncratic—it's mellow, a soft voice. Clear, defined words show a well read gentleman but his tone has the rough edge—reminds me of trees in the forest. Inside, they are smooth and pure. The bark on the outside hides the real wood, but if you take the time to peel it aside, not toss it aside for it has the harsh beauty of being a part of the whole, but look beyond it, you see the guarded soul.
Chris scoffed at me and rolled her eyes when I confided my thoughts in her. Said I was being such a drama queen. That's one thing about her: she's very straightforward in her assessment of people. She just takes them as they are and doesn't feel the need to dig and dig, though I use the term over-analyzing.
That's one reason she would be an awful match for Remus and I would be a terrible match for Sirius.
Remus keeps everything inside. He doesn't like confrontation and eventually, his emotions are going to overcome him and he's going to snap. I want nothing more than to be there for him, to talk to him and help him carry whatever burdens he may have to bear. Chris would figure that if he didn't say anything, there is nothing to say.
If Black and I were together, things would be incredibly bad. For one thing, I'm not sure that (being bullied in the past) I could overcome my perception of Sirius as a tormentor. Not that I think he's a bad person, but his treatment of others over the years has not exactly been first class. Also, with my inclination for individual scrutiny, I'd be sure to make him go insane. Chris would simply care for him in whatever state for Sirius says exactly what he wants and needs to say (and sometimes memories are better left suppressed.)
In any case...
I've been able to discern his voice from any other for the past 3 years. As awful as it may seem, I totally staked Remus in my third year. I'd subject myself to hours of crouching behind library shelves and under tapestries while Remus read, studied, or talked to his friends.
Some of their pranks, even at 13, were...for Remus' sake I'll use the word imaginative.
But I loved when he was in the library. He'd lean over the book and his sandy hair would fall over to hide some of his face. It looked as if his eyes were closed while he read, but occasionally he wouldn't get something so he'd shake his head slightly and reread, mumbling the words aloud.
I also found out the reason James and Sirius seemed to have no trouble in classes: no Remus didn't do their homework, but he did—it's so amazing—he read aloud to them from the textbook. Then, he would tutor Peter when he didn't get something (James and Black always seemed to get it).
It helped me too in my classes, I must admit. But so, I knew his voice and I knew those were his words even without the visual of his mouth moving.
How ironic, I thought bitterly to myself, trying desperately not to cry. I had always dreamed of Remus saying "I do" to me. Now, I felt as if he had said them not to join with me but to cut me off in his marriage to Chris.
I couldn't bear to look at anybody, so I abruptly turned my head to look to the floor an the side and tried to making my breaths sound as though they were steady instead of sobs.
Apparently, I'm not that good at masking emotional distress. Black was watching me—I could feel the burning attention of his eyes. I braced myself for jeers.
"Well Aly's better than that little bi--" Sirius began, to my utmost and complete stupefaction.
He lives to make my life hell, right? Why is he defending me?
And why, oh why, was I still a bit angry at him insulting my best—I mean, Chris—even at my own gain?
Remus turned on his best friend (I had looked up by now, shocked and fascinated with the events going on and trying to force myself to focus on that instead of my turmoil ) and cut him off harshly and tightly, "Watch what you're saying."
If Remus had said that to me, I probably would have shut up and heeded the obvious threat in his tone. Black seemed to have found the threat, but in his 'bravery' decided it would be the right thing to match Remus.
"You wanna take this outside?" He counted challengingly.
Uncharacteristically, Remus looked as if he might take his best friend up on that offer.
Was today the day for two sets of best friends to break up?
I'm not sure if it was fortunate, but Poppy Pomfrey returned—most likely beckoned by our mellifluous voices. She asked, almost miming Black's earlier query, "Um, am I interrupting something?"
Not sure if I could stand it any longer now that my concentration had been broken, I shot a last look at my three peers (I'm not sure what to call then otherwise in their relationship to me just now) pushed past the nurse and headed for my dorm.
This was one of the first times I was glad to be a Ravenclaw—none of the could get to me in my room. Of course I'd have to make sure none of my housemates say me crying, but a silencing charm on my bed and a pull on the curtains should take care of that.
It was just my luck to get stuck on a moody staircase and swung around to the fourth floor Arithmancy corridor, where I ran into a certain James Potter.
Come on, can't I get a break from dealing with the Marauders?
Just my guess as to why he was here—Lily Evens had a tutoring session at 3:00 today. Looked as if he couldn't find her though, because he was trying to get down the stairs I was on.
"Oi, Aly!" He called to me after he had passed me a couple steps. Black is the only one of the Marauders who calls me White—and he was being strange now. "You seen Sirius and Remus?"
Yes, I had seen them, gotten a hurt nose, kissed one, gotten into a fight because of them, seen them get into a fight, been defended by one, and had my heart broken by one. But all I said was, "Uhuh, go to the hospital wing." Then I speed walked away before he could get in a question about why they were there and why a couple tears might be leaking down my face. It's not like I wanted to broadcast how much and who I liked, as well as what had happened to cause that crush to be brutally smashed.
No, my crush on Remus was not over. I still really liked him, and that was what made it so hard. He had practically rejected me (not that I had asked) by turning to my best friend. And doing that after kissing me...
I don't know what I was expecting. Not to have my first kiss—my very first—and then have all that I felt thrown in my face in as a pile of rubbish.
Remus had had other girls and kisses before, I guess. So it wasn't the same to him, but he seemed unaffected aside from those few moments after the event.
And I probably imagined even that reaction.
My mind is addicted to the delusion that I could possibly be wanted, I've concluded, and so makes up a distorted view of reality. Sadder yet, I kind of want to cling to that mindset because it hurts less in the moment, though I am now understanding when waking up from that fantasy it is a more painful experience.
I found the large tapestries hiding the entrance to my house's tower (one showed the first librarian of Hogwarts surrounded by books, she's a snob, and the other showed a flock of starlings flying into each other, a very attractive scene I know) and spoke the password, "polygamy." (I'm not sure WHY we have that password but I've heard a rumor our prefect has a couple of mad ex-girlfriends).
Quickly I ascended the stairs to my dorms and luckily (not a word I used much today) all the girls were away. I climbed into bed, closed the curtains and put a silencing charm around them.
Then, all the confusion, frustration, heartbreak, loss, and self-pity I felt manifested itself into tears.
And I cried myself to sleep.
I awoke the next morning to sheer silence. It was an odd calm, and threw me off with it's unnatural sereneness. Silencing Charm?
Then I remembered.
My nose...my lips...my brain...my heart...my splee---wait, nothing happened to my spleen!
But two things I very blatantly remembered. 1) Remus liked Chris, and 2) OH MY GOD CHRIS AND I AREN'T FRIENDS!!
Those happenings were so significant because they went against what had been for so long. I have liked Remus for---ever, and even though he's had a couple girls he has never liked my best friend nor has he ever done anything directly showing I am not an even a possibility. Chris has been by my side—if Remus has been my forever-- Chris is my infinity. It's practically inconceivable.
If I had to get up, I'd kill something.
Dang, I remembered, I'm failing Transfig., I need to go to a tutoring session with McGonagall at 11:00.
Lisa's cat was going down.
I hate that fur-ball, and he hates me. I'm not sure if the fact that Lisa (his owner and my roommate) hates me has influenced the troublesome tom, or if me laughing at his name when we were 'introduced' has anything to do with the enmity. His name is Potensizzle Gameryish Santacrive XIV.
Anything that has to have Roman Numerals after it's name has problems, unless they're monarchs, but that name is just absurd. "I have to make it sound powerful, but not snobby, 'gangsta', yet it must be fun and vague,--oh, it should sound glamorous but original--" Okay, so she had the original part, "but all the classy names are repetitive so..."
For a Ravenclaw, Lisa is incredibly superficial.
Back to me having to get out of bed: so, it was hard and I really just wanted to collapse into my sheets and hope the world would go away and leave me alone, eventually drowning myself in the tears of my self pity. Movement became a detached reality—I just was lost in some forlorn limbo while my body got up, dressed and washed up in the restroom. Why I bothered looking even remotely presentable I have no idea, but at least I was mostly alone in my preparation for the day.
Abbie was still sleeping but Lisa and Monica had already left for breakfast. Well, even if Abbie woke up it wasn't likely she would talk to me, even though she was better than Lisa and Monica in regards to keeping in mind that I am human.
I trudged down the stairs and to breakfast, stopping only briefly to pick up an arithmancy book—as that was the only reason I was up anyhow. Besides, if things got to bad at breakfast, I figured I could always hide behind the ginourmous volume.
Getting into the Great Hall, I headed straight for the Gryffindor table. I mean, it was where I had sat for the last six years.
I knew I should have skipped breakfast.
Chris was already there, munching down a piece of toast like her teeth were waging a war on the unholy wheat heathens. On her left, the Marauders sat in what was a—what? James was sitting in between Remus and Sirius looking bewildered and harried, Peter on Sirius' other side with Remus closer to Chris. Of course he'd be closer to Chris. It hurt to look at him.
What was I going to do now?
I couldn't sit with Chris, as we were not friends anymore. Lily would probably sit with me, but currently she was nowhere to be seen—probably hiding from James. Besides if she had house loyalty she had to side with Chris...though surely she was more sensible than that.
Okay, the obvious answer would be to sit with my own house. But: I'd never before sat at the Ravenclaw table. One of the reasons I was hated by my house. They considered me a traitor because even the moment after I was sorted, I was so distraught that I ran over to sit with Chris at the Gryffindor table, and have sat there ever since.
There's always time for a new beginning, I guess. However, I'd look like more of an idiot if I just turned around a few inches from the Gryffindor table. Isn't it ironic I'm usually the one rolling my eyes at other's pride?
Well, if I was going to go down, I don't want to leave a body. I walked straight up to Remus, trying to stay closer to him than Chris, determined to ask him about what had happened with that kiss and what he felt about me, also saying a sorry for yelling at him in the hospital wing.
As I got close to the Marauders, both Remus and Sirius looked up at me. Remus had a carefully indifferent look on his face whereas Sirius' looked...hopeful? For what, I've no idea.
Black's face immediately turned from me when I stopped at Remus's seat and started, "Remu--" Sirius slammed his fork down and started to get up. I let my sentence go (reluctantly, I swear) and watched Black a little apprehensively. He stormed past me, not quite bumping into me. I leaned in towards the table anyway. He reached Chris and pulled her up from the bench, ignoring her small protest of, "What--?" and took a small peak towards Remus and I as if to see if we were watching. Practically the whole school was now watching Sirius and Chris, as Chris' protest hadn't exactly been soft and Sirius was one of the high profile Marauders.
Then, Sirius kissed Chris.
For a while my mouth just hanging open, but I closed it after Chris broke the kiss and snarkily commented to me, "Better than yours, White, and with more experience!"
I couldn't believe it. One thing, she just insulted Remus and I's kiss. Second, she called me White. Third, she just told the whole school I has just gotten my first kiss.
The whole school incorporates Remus.
All of these events in the past days with this on top just amounted to something that I couldn't take. "Chris!! We were supposed to be friends!! And you were supposed to be happy for me!! Now you get what you what on top of my desire, and you have to shove it in my face?! Two kisses Chris—this might have made us even."
No idea when I started crying...I halfway ran back from the table to my own house's, ignoring the moment that the whole school had watched my fight and tears. Maybe, I thought, she'll come after me. I was mad at her, but I still wanted to be her friend again.
After wolfing down a blueberry muffin, I decided my hopes where futile; Chris has her pride too.
Lily Evens walked into the Great Hall and looked startled to find me sitting at the Ravenclaw table with tear streaks staining my face. She hurried over to me.
"Aly? What happened?" I didn't answer. She tried again to engage me, sympathetically. "You know, Remus and Sirius had a massive fight in the common room last night. They had to be stopped by Potter. And Chris was really upset too. She went on one of her rages."
I winced. Chris' rages usually involved throwing possessions (not necessarily hers) randomly around in a philosophy that it would keep your mind off something and help you not to cry. Dang it, now I felt bad about making Chris upset.
Not that I should, I mean, I cried myself to sleep. I should be wallowing in self-pity.
All of that stuff was news to me, though, so I owed it to Lily to say something. She was the closest I had to a friend at the moment, though only because she was so nice to everybody. "Chris and I fought over Remus and Sirius."
Spitting out 'Black' took to much effort at the moment. I didn't feel I could elaborate at the moment. "Go ask...James."
I didn't feel like sending her to Chris, Black, or Remus, as they all seemed against me.
Lily rose her eyebrows when I sent her, her hate for Potter is notorious. But being the sweetest person in the world, she just nodded, patted my back sympathetically, and set off towards the Gryffindor table.
The Ravenclaw table is too far away (Hufflepuff rests in between) to hear much at the Gryffindor table, so if I was into eavesdropping—which, of course, I'm not—it would require me to be much closer. Therefore, I walked out of the Great Hall in a way which took me right by (wonder upon wonder) Lily and James conversing.
I heard no full sentences, but I heard the words, "Chis...Aly...noses, yeah...Sirius, and Remus...no...crying...talking...did?...Maybe...crush?...together...then...uhuh...happy...us?"
Maybe Chris heard, though it was doubtful she'd catch their plans as she was busy trying to daydream about Sirius. I'd ask her later—ah, wait, I couldn't. Nope, she definitely didn't catch that—just threw some jam at Sirius to get his attention.
So what were they planning?