DISCLAIMER: We do not own anyone in this story. This story contains slash. You have been warned. We love Harry Potter and are just having a little fun with the characters.

CHAPTER ONE

'I see your face and I compare it to the sunrise, but alas you are too beautiful, the colours of the sunrise do you no justice', said Argus to Crabbe.

'Thank you, caretaker, I shall cherish you until my dying day", said Crabbe tenderly with a small tear rolling down his cheek.

"Lets make sweet love, in my cupboard, it shall be passionate and we shall experience the greatest orgasm together" said Argus.

"But my dear, we are not yet married. I cannot sacrifice my honour", said Crabbe, "But since I'm in the throws of passion I guess I could experience true love with such a true man just this once".

The two lovers made their way to the broom cupboard, where the sweet noises of love soon came bursting through the small crack under the door.

Argus came out of the cupboard with Crabbe hand in hand five minutes later. Argus turned to Crabbe and got down on one knee.

"Marry me, Vincent. Be mine forever, we shall have babies and live in a hut by the seaside. Imagine it, the babies asleep in the bedroom, Mrs Norris eating a mouse by the door and my little Crabbe massaging my feet while the little ones play on the floor with the dogs. We'll have six or seven" said Argus.

"Dogs?" said Crabbe

"No, strapping boys like me" said Argus drawing himself up.

"Oh Arggy Parggy, yes, yes I will marry you. That is the most beautiful thing I have ever heard. Oh, my love let me hold you", cried Crabbe.

Argus and Crabbe skipped hand in hand, off to tell Mrs Norris the wonderful news.

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"Come back to bed, Minervy. We have the whole day ahead of us" sighed Albus Dumbledore.

"Oh Albus, my sweet, there is so much that needs to be done that I fear I must get up. Let us hold this sweet memory forever" said McGonagall.

"But I long to caress your heavenly curves just once more!" said Dumbledore.

"Yes, very well my love. I trust you have the Viagra?"

"Yes sweet, it's in the drawer; would you kindly pass it me?"

"Oh Alpen, there are not enough words in the world that can describe what you mean to me, you are my sky, my world, my everything. Let us roll about in a naked frenzy while I scream out your name in unspoken passion", cried McGonagall waving her bun from side to side.

"Yes my dear professor, let us express to the world our undying love. Come my dear, let me take you in my aging, arthritic arms" cried Dumbledore.

McGonagall ran into his arms.

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Snape sighed. Life felt good. He fell back onto his chair as he thought of his love, his life, his little star. He picked up the picture of Gregory Goyle and kissed it. Too long had he waited to propose. He would do it tonight. He would get the boy to be his, and no one, not even Dumbledore, would stop him.

There was a small knock on his chamber door.

"By and by I come" sighed Snape.

He stood up and walked gracefully to the door.

"Who knocks on my door at this hour?" said Snape.

"It is I, Gregory the Great"

Snape began to get excited. This was the moment.

"Come in sweet Greggy" cried Snape triumphantly.

The door swung open and the majestic Gregory walked in.

"Oh how I have longed for your tender lips my sweet prince" cried Snape running into his arms.

"You need not fear anymore my dear Sevvie for I am here now and I will not leave you", said Gregory holding Snape.

Snape then got down on one knee.

"Will you marry me, Greggy? Will you be mine forever and ever? I do not want to imagine living a life where you are not by my side, please marry me" Sobbed Snape.

"Yes, I will, I will!" cried Gregory, sobbing. 

And the trumpets began. The audience cheered. Someone coughed. Popcorn was bought round for everyone. The birds sang and the flowers grew tall. The dolphins sang their song and Sebastian (A/N from 'The Little Mermaid') orchestrated it. He sung his song to Snape.

There you see him

Sitting there across de way

He don't got a lot to say

But there's something about him

And you don't know why

But you're dying to try

You wanna kiss de Greg

Sha la la la la la my oh my looks like he's far too shy don't wanna kiss the Greg.

Snape threw himself onto Gregory and the two began to make passionate love right there on Snapes desk.

Sebastian got embarrassed and left, his orchestra following.

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Meanwhile, in the dormitories, Harry Potter sat up in bed and began to sing.

And I think about Draco and me

Hello young lovers wherever you are

I hope your troubles are few

All my good wishes go with you tonight

I've had a love of my own

(From 'The King and I')

Harry sighed. He had loved Draco for a long time but had never admitted it. He would get Draco to love him, no matter what it took. He decided to go for a night time stroll. He threw on his invisibility cloak and made his way out of Griffindor tower. He was just thinking about the best way to tell Draco when he heard a noise. He glanced up and saw Draco (who was on his prefect duties). Harry stopped dead. He would have to tell him. It was now or never. He threw the invisibility cloak off his head, got down on one knee and opened his arms.

"Draco Malfoy, you are the sun, the moon, the stars. I think about you at night, during the day, at breakfast, at lunch, at supper, in lessons, in the bath, on the toilet. You are forever in my thoughts. I love you Draco Malfoy. I don't care who knows it".

Draco stood there dumbfounded. A minute passed. Then he burst into tears. Then threw himself on Harry.

"Oh! I love you too Harry! Let us be lovers!

"Oh Draco! I love every gelled hair on your head!

And the violins began to play. And the knights in armour in the halls began to clap.

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Sirius slammed his fist down on the table, causing a fruit bowl to tip over, and several apples to make their way onto the floor.

"Remus, I have told you repeatedly, I do not care that you are a werewolf. You are my lover and I will not let this stand in the way!"

"But Sirius, how can we have a love life if I am a werewolf at night?"

"Remus you are not a werewolf every night. Only when it is a full moon. That is not every night! Besides, you make a very handsome werewolf" grinned Sirius.

"Thank you my dear, you make quite a ravishing dog"

Sirius eyes sparkled mischievously.

"I could always…you know..when it is a full moon…"

"My love, I hope you are not suggesting that you transform into the dog and we make love at the full moon?" smirked Lupin.

"Exactly" said Sirius.

"It's a glorious idea!" said Lupin.

That night just happened to be a full moon. And so, dog and werewolf bonded under a beautiful tree.

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"Hermione Granger, would you do me the greatest honour of becoming my wife?"

Hermione's eyes brimmed with tears as she stared into the eyes of Ron Weasley.

"Oh Ronald! my sweet Ronald! I shall be your wife!"

Ron pulled Hermione into a tight hug.

"That, my love, is bloody brilliant!"

"Bloody, hic!, brilliant!" repeated a drunken  portrait, holding up a pint of mulled mead.

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Sir Cadogan smiled. The Fat Lady would be his and no mangy cur would stop that. No one. Not even his jealous pony.

"She will be mine! Anyone who takes her, shall stand and fight!" he cried, waving his broken sword.

Several portraits nodded in agreement.

And so he ran. To a far away land. The Griffindor Tower. And there sat his Fat Lady.

"My beautiful Fat Lady! I love you! Be mine! Forever!

"Oh Sir Cadogan!"

And there they made passionate love and the Fat Lady forgot all about her password duties.

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Draco stared at the Wonder Boy lying next to him and smiled, running his hands through Harry's hair. They were together at last. But how would Lucius react?

Miles away, at the Malfoy Manor, Lucius was on one knee to his one true love.

"How I love you my dear. I am sorry for the cruel way I treated you! Can we start again?"

Dobby smiled.

"But what about masters wife, what will she say?"

"She need never know, my love"………………

TBC.

A/N Our beautiful attempt at being romantic. Sick bucket, anyone? hee hee. See ya for now. Please Read and Review.