Pacing. So much pacing. Was it normal for it to take this long? Was it supposed to take more time? How much time has passed anyway?
"Curly, if you don't sit down, Bianca is going to put an arrow in your butt." Varric said. They all had been watching their ever-confident, ever-conserved commander fall apart into a babbling mess. Understandably of course, but this was bordering on hysterical.
Cullen seemed to pull himself back to reality, "I apologize." He paused in his walking and stared at the door. There had been low moans of pain coming through, now it was silent. Iron Bull walked up to him and clapped him on the shoulder.
"She's going to be fine. Dorian will have everything under control. He would let us know if something was up." As soon as the words were said a muffled scream filled the hall. Everyone in the hall watched as all the color drained out of Cullen's face.
"My dear, why don't you sit down." Vivienne pushed a chair up to his legs.
It seemed his legs wouldn't hold him any longer. He sat heavily with a huff, "Maker's breath, what have I done?"
"I do think that it takes more than one person, you can't take all the blame." Cassandra looked up from her book, that she was trying hard to keep concealed. Everyone knew it was the latest book of Varric's. Everyone also knew that since the Bianca fiasco, they'd been spending more time together than she wanted to admit. Varic didn't have a problem with it on the other hand.
"You need to think of other things. This will be much easier on you, if you distracted. Perhaps we should all tell a story we know of our beloved leader." Varric offered.
"When we first met her, even in the circumstances, she was polite and lady-like." Josephine piped in.
"MAKER'S BALLS DORIAN! STOP TELLING ME TO BREATHE OR I'M GOING TO HAVE CULLEN TOSS YOU OFF THE BATTLEMANTS!" The very loud and high-pitched threat was followed by a laugh.
"She just had to contradict me." Josie shook her head at the door, "But as I was saying. It's when she fell out of the fade. Lilly just wanted to help."
Cullen thought back to the first time he had seen her. At the battlefront, in front of the Temple of Sacred Ashes.
Taking a blow meant for a downed soldier, Cullen was able to shield the recruit and come back around with his own sword. The demon fell screeching. The giant green hole in the air made it difficult to focus on little else. That is, until Cassandra yelled at him to get out of the way and a woman stepped around him. All he could see was the cascading downfall of copper colored hair. It had come out of a braid and had something he was going to assume was mud in it.
The woman raised her left hand and the rift began to shrink. With a weird popping noise, the gap in the veil closed shut and was no more. She held her hand to her chest and almost doubled over as the Breach above them pulsed.
"You managed to close the rift. Good work." He glanced over at the Seeker.
"This is the Prisoner's doing. I had no hand in it." Cullen noticed the woman turned around to face him. He hesitated for only a second.
"I hope they're right about you. We've lost quite a few people getting you here." He sheathed his sword.
"You're not the only one hoping that." She said almost under her breath. Cullen then explained to Cassandra that Lelliana is waiting at the temple to approach the Breach. He glanced over at the Prisoner. She was sweating and clutching her hand. He noticed that she bit her lip as well. The thing must really be paining her.
He watched as the mismatched group started trekking to the temple's entrance. What was left of it anyway. A strange thought whispered into his mind as he helped a limping soldier to the forward camp. Even sweaty and battle-worn, she was beautiful.
Later back at Haven Cullen was trying to focus on the reports in front of him. His mind kept wandering back to the Prisoner. She had been unconscious for the last two days. The apostate, Solas, said that she would live; her body just needed to cope after the closing of the big rift. He had heard that they had faced a pride demon. Lelliana's men were whispering about how the Prisoner hadn't been afraid and was the one to strike the killing blow.
"Maybe I should go check in on her." Cullen muttered to himself, "Then I will be able to focus." He stood up and nearly jumped out of his armor.
"Talking to yourself is not a good sign, Commander." Leliana was standing just inside the doorway of his tiny alcove he'd claimed as his.
"Maker's breath Leliana, make some noise next time." He looked at her with only slight irritation, "Did you need something?"
"I have brought you what you asked, though I am not sure what help it would be. It is all in Tevinter." She placed a leather-bound book on the small desk.
"You have my thanks. I'm sure we will find some way to read it." He glanced down at it. It looked old. Maybe he could track down a scholar to translate it.
"Were you going to check on the Herald?" The spymaster had a look in her eyes that Cullen found to be rather hard to ignore.
He shifted on his feet. He had forgotten that 'Herald of Andraste' was the Prisoner's title now, "I- um, yes. I had thought to stop in."
Leliana remained quiet for a few seconds, seeming to look Cullen over, "She is beautiful, no?"
He went stiff, "Well, I … hadn't really noticed. We only met the once before she fell unconscious." Leliana smiled ever so slightly at his strained tone.
"Of course. I will leave you to your work then." She quickly turned on her heal and disappeared around a corner.
"You are the worst liar in all of Thedas." Cullen thought to himself as he began the walk to the building she was sleeping in.
"Commander, I believe you didn't hear a single word of my story." Josephine said. She was frowning down at him.
"I do apologize. I was lost in thought." Cullen smiled apologetically up at her.
"Alright then, Curly, you can go second. Since, obviously, Lilly is the only thing you can think about, tell us something we don't know." The dwarf got up and moved his stool to sit right in front of him.
He chuckled and nodded, "Well, if she doesn't kill me for this I will be shocked." He took a deep breath and noticed that everyone leaned in a little closer to hear, "Lilly is an incredible singer." Everyone looked shocked at his announcement. He nodded again for emphasis, "She can reach notes songbirds are jealous of."
"Why have none of us ever heard her? We've been together now for some time and I have yet to hear her even hum a tune." Cassandra piped up from her book. Clearly annoyed that her friend had kept something from her.
"She is so terribly shy about it. It took a good bit of time before she even attempted to sing for me. Her hands start shaking and her cheeks flush." Cullen grinned at the memory flooding his head, "If I hadn't accidently caught her singing, I don't think I would have ever known either." Just as he finished speaking they heard another bellow of pain come through the door.
"Yeah, notes birds are sure to be envious of." Varric chuckled at himself.
"Well, come off it then." Sera called to Cullen.
"What?"
"The story, you dim witted boot strap. Tell us how you found out, Her Mighty Ladybits could sing." Her insults were good natured. Sera just didn't have a filter between her brain and mouth.
He stared at the door a few seconds longer and then complied with her request.
Cullen couldn't sleep, and all the tossing and turning was doing nothing to help the restlessness of his limbs. The lyruim withdraw was bothering him, but he'd take this over the nightmares any day. He threw the covers back and pulled on a pair of trousers. He didn't bother with a shirt or cloak because it was still warm. Maybe he could walk to the kitchens and find something to snack on.
He didn't worry about anyone seeing him, because it was sometime past midnight. Everyone was tucked away and sleeping. Walking barefooted gave him some relief. Every little rock or twig would dig into his soles. It was like scratching an itch. He came up to the castle doors and winced as the big doors groaned open. Walking quickly, he reached the archway of the servants' hallway.
Cullen froze as he rounded the corner. He could see a light coming from the kitchen and heard a voice. It was singing an old Ferelden lullaby. He moved a little closer to the opening. The female singing was extremely talented. There wasn't a single flaw he could find. In his strain to listen, he nudged a wine bottle from its resting place. He tried to catch it, and in doing so, knocked over some cleaning supplies and stumbled into the open archway.
The voice stuttered and stopped as his head whipped over to see who he had to apologize to. "Cullen?"
"Lilly, Maker preserve me, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to disturb you." He watched as she smiled shyly.
"No, that's ok. I was just making something to eat." Her voice was soft, "You can stop trying to strangle the wine bottle. I'm sure it's learned its lesson." She giggled.
"Oh," He straightened to his full height and put the bottle back on the shelf, "I, uh, couldn't sleep. We had the same thought." He walked over to the table she was working on. He noticed she kept glancing down at his chest and back up to his eyes. He rubbed the back of his neck and cleared his throat, "I didn't expect anyone to be up." She smiled again, "I should go put a shirt-,"
"No, that's ok. I'm glad you didn't expect anyone. The view is better this way." Her tone had taken a husky lilt, then she must have realized what she said and pulled up short, "Oh! I'm sorry, I don't know why…" She trailed off and her cheeks flushed.
He chuckled lowly, "You are quite alright. I'm glad it was you." He reached up and caressed her cheek. She smiled and leaned into his hand, "You have a lovely voice, by the way." Her eyes darted away, and she pursed her lips. She picked up the pot and put it on the fire. "What? What's wrong?"
"It's nothing. It's just… I usually don't sing in front of people." Her shoulders were tense as she spoke.
"Why not? Your voice is beautiful." He couldn't hold back the surprise in his voice.
"I'm shy. If you can believe that. My stomach ties in knots and my hands shake." She looked back at him. She looked a little pale to him. "Knowing you heard me makes me nervous."
Cullen got up and grasped her hands in his. He marveled at how much bigger his hands were, and the green glow of the mark coming from within, "You should never be nervous around me. I will never judge you." Her eyes shone up at him as she leaned into him.
"You know, Commander, you're a real softy." He chuckled.
"Does that mean you'll sing for me?" He was hopeful.
"No, but maybe I will work up the courage someday." She wound her arms around him and laid her head on his bare chest, "You are so warm." She murmured more to herself than him as it sounded.
"You face down demons, beasts and unspeakable horrors all day long and never flinch, but the thought of singing for me terrifies you?" He shook his head in amusement.
"Absolutely." He could hear the smile in her voice.
Cullen finished the recounting and looked around, "What?"
Everyone was trying hard, and failing, not to smile. "Could you be any less graceful?" Varric snorted.
"I thought it was cute. He can't help that when it comes to our friend he is a complete mess." Cassandra had put her book down and had been listening intently.
"Real smooth one, that one is." Sera called from her perch in the window.
Cullen flushed, "I don't know why, but I can't help myself. It's like she removes all sense in my head just by being in the same room as I."
Josephine leaned forward and sighed, "Do tell us another one, Cullen. The Inquisitor never gives any good details about your romance." There was a wistful tone in her voice.
Cullen looked around at all the faces of his colleagues, no… friends, and couldn't think of a single story in which he didn't seem like a complete simpleton. He chuckled to himself, "I could tell you about out first kiss. I'm sure all of you know about when it happened." He watched as everyone either laughed and nodded or smiled and looked away for a moment.
"The troop who interrupted you came directly to the tavern and spilled." Bull piped in.
Cullen rolled his eyes heavenward, "He could not have had worse timing."
Cullen sat at his desk and riffled through some reports of Leliana's. He had been trying to focus on anything else other than their leader. Ever since the Haven incident and the Inquisitor's words about being glad he was safe, he had trouble thinking of little else. She was beautiful and strong and, in his mind, had shown the slightest hint of affection. He had to admit to himself that he was besotted.
Suddenly he became hyper-aware of someone else in the room. He looked up to see the lady in question leaning against the open-door frame of his office, "I didn't want to interrupt your reading." Her voice was soft and, if he wasn't imagining it, sounded a little nervous.
"Oh, it's no trouble, I've read them all anyway." He put all the papers on his desk. When he looked back up, she had moved the edge of the polished wood, "W-what can I do for you?" He stumbled his words at her closeness. His face had gone red.
Lilly kept looking up at him from underneath her lashes and she smiled, "I was wondering if you had some time. Maybe we could take a walk?" He watched as she played with her little finger. He must have shown his surprise because she quickly took a step back, "If you're too busy I understand." Her face had turned almost as red as her hair.
"N-no! Of course, I have time. I could use a break." He put his hand on her arm and smiled. She practically beamed back at him. She had very gently placed her hand over his and motioned for him to lead the way.
They both walked slowly, side by side, along the battlements. It was a beautifully sunny day, even if it was still chilly, "The weather is nice today." He was blushing fiercely from his nerves and rubbed the back of his neck.
"What?" Her attention snapped to him, as if she hadn't understood.
"Well, I… I mean… Was there something you wished to discuss?" He turned to her and gave his full, embarrassed attention.
She looked down at her feet quickly, "Well, yes, but it wasn't the weather." She chuckled to herself and looked him straight in the eye, "Cullen, I really have come to enjoy your company. I know that I'm the Inquisitor, but I honestly couldn't care less."
The way she was looking at him made him feel like he was on fire. He wanted to touch her. He stepped closer to her and grinned down at her, "I hadn't thought it possible." He hesitantly reached up and ever so lightly brushed her cheek. Despite her nerves she leaned her face into his hand and bit her lip to try and contain her smile.
They were so wrapped up in each other, and she was willing him with her eyes to lean down and kiss her, that neither one heard footsteps approaching. Cullen's nose was brushing hers when he heard someone else speak.
"Excuse me, Sir, but you said you wanted Sister Leliana's report with out delay." The troop hadn't even looked up. Cullen stiffened in irritation at the soldier. He quickly turned around glared at the man.
"What." Cullen's voice was hard, which brought the troop's eyes up from the report.
"Sister Leliana's report?" Only then did he notice the nervous and red-faced Inquisitor trying her best to look anywhere, but at the soldier. He looked back at his commander and felt the ice coming from his stare, "Uh, on your… desk. Right." The poor soldier turned as quickly as he could and left them.
"Cullen, if you have to –," He turned sharply and cut her off. Gently grabbing her face, he brought their lips together. He felt how soft and willing her kiss was and couldn't bring himself to break it. He finally pulled a little way away and felt mortified.
"I'm sorry…" He released her face.
She grabbed one of his hands and brought it back to her face, "Don't be." Her voice was whisper soft, and there was a light in her eye he hadn't seen before. She pulled him down to her again and kissed him gently. When the kiss broke, he kept his forehead on hers.
"People are going to talk, you know." He chuckled to himself, "The Inquisitor and the Commander."
She smiled up at him in adoration, "Oh let them. There isn't anything they could say that would change my mind anyway."
Cullen looked up from his story to see some very mixed reviews of his tale. Sera was sneering and saying how cute it was making her queasy. Varric had pulled out a pad of parchments and was writing away at something. Cassandra and Josephine had leaned in close and were smiling. Bull clapped him on the shoulder. Vivienne was nodding her approval at him. Leliana was just smiling and looking out the window her and Sera shared.
Suddenly he could hear Cole and Dorian speaking to one another from the other room. Solas was in there as well, but he hadn't heard him speak. They were encouraging Lilly.
"Almost there, straining to be free, loves you so much." Cole's riddle speak was almost too much for Cullen to listen to.
"You are so close, Lilly. Just a little more." Dorian's voice was not his usual calm and collected.
They were both having to talk over a loud continuous groaning sound. Everyone in the room was staring at the door in anticipation. Suddenly everything went quiet. Cullen snapped to his feet.
"Curly? You ok?" Varric was the first to notice that there was no color in the Commander's face.
"Is he going down?" Bull stood up.
"Yep, he's going down." Varric jumped up. Bull and the dwarf reached him before his head hit the floor.
Cullen came to and opened his eyes to see the entire room circled around him. Sera was poking his cheek with the feather end of an arrow, "What?" Was all he could manage.
"You fell unconscious. You've been out for twenty minutes." Cassandra said bluntly. He closed his eyes again in embarrassment. Then quickly sat up.
"Twenty minutes?!" He looked over at the door and back to the group, "Then, what about…" His question trailed off.
The Iron Bull pulled him to his feet, "You might want to get yourself together, before you go in and see Lilly. You look like shit."
"Thanks." Was all that Cullen said. He was trying to focus on breathing evenly. Once he was stable enough to walk on his own, he approached the door. He had just laid his hand on it when it pulled open. Dorian was standing there. He smiled at him and ushered him through the doorway.
Cullen froze when he saw Lilly. She was covered in sweat and looked exhausted. In her arms was a small swaddle of blankets, "Oh, Cullen." Her voice was scratchy and soft. She had tears in her eyes. Cullen felt a slight push and he stumbled forward to the side of the bed. He couldn't bring himself to look at her arms yet, so he leaned down and kissed her forehead with so much gentleness he almost couldn't feel it.
He opened his eyes to look at his beautiful elf. She reached up with one hand and brushed a tear off his cheek. He hadn't even noticed it had slipped down, "Would you like to meet your daughter?"
"M-my daughter…" His voice broke as her followed her hand with his eyes to see a perfect little person in the blankets, "She has hair." His voice was one of awe.
"Curly and blonde, just like her father." Lilly smiled as she watched him gently stroke the little blonde tufts. When his fingers made contact, the little one's eyes opened wide.
She heard Cullen's breath catch in his chest, "She has your eyes." He looked up at Lilly and she nearly fell apart at the love she saw in his eyes, "She is perfect."
"What should we name her?" Lilly laid her head on his shoulder as he wrapped one arm around her.
"I suppose Cullen Jr is out of the question." They both chuckled, then Cullen grew serious, "What if we named her after your clan? In honor of them? We could name her Lavella. A nickname could Velly." Lilly choked up and tears sprang into her eyes. She loved how thoughtful and sweet this man of hers was.
"I love the idea. Lavella Merial Rutherford."
"She will have my last name?" He looked at Lilly.
"She is your daughter just as much as mine, Cullen. She is a Rutherford." Lilly's voice was strong in her conviction.
Cullen was silent as he searched Lilly's face, "As her mother should be." He got up off the side of the bed and kneeled on one knee. He took Lilly's hand in his, "This is late in coming, I realize now, but please, do me the honor of being my wife. Marry me, Lilly." Fresh tears filled her eyes.
"Of course, I will. I love you so much." Lilly's voice nearly cracked with emotion.
"I love you with every piece of my soul. I'm going to make you happy and love our children until my heart stops beating." He kissed her soundly to seal his promise.
When he pulled back, she was smirking, "You said our children, and just how many do you suppose you'll want?"
"I guess we will have to see about that one." He laughed.