tongue tied and oh so squemish..

I couldnt help. His sassy ways, his voice, those eyes; they all turned me. I dont think he knows, i dont want him to yet. I have often fantasised about how i would tell or maybe just show him the way i feel. Sometimes he'll be sat across from me or when i was stood next to him on stage the temptation to hold him; make him all mine, hurt. It physically started to tear me from the inside. Sometimes he would tease me, like grab the back of my head and hold it so close to his or so slowly and softly place his god like lips onto mine; i dont know if this is him trying to show that he likes me back or hes doing it for the satisfacation of those thousands of screaming girls that so very lust to see us together as i do.

And the worse case scenario being would how it would affect the band? The band is my life and i would do anything to keep us all together even when were all old and decrepid; still dishing out awesome tunes to out beloved for him to look at me the way i so constantly look at him. And what if it became public? getting hate mail from the homophobes; and being bombarded by teens thats dreams had also come true.

i had to tell him; i had never really kept secrets from the band; and if it was it was somthing that they would figure out in the end. But this was But i could say the same about Gee; i would do anything for him to like me back; do huge; i couldnt keep it in; it was gonna make my heart explode; everytime i saw him, i would bite my tongue from just shouting out how i felt...and doing other things. But thats errelevant.

Thats it; i had fallen in love with Gee; Gerard way; and although i longed to be with him; i felt ashamed. I had always stood up for homosexuals and all; and i do honestly hate homophobia with a passion, so my embarassment wasnt about that. I didnt know what everyone would think, Ray, Mikey, Bob and most of all Gee. I was scared if anything. What if he didnt like me back; if i told him and he rejected me?

I woke up that morning; tonight was dry.

I had often went to sleep dreaming of Gee; wondering if he lay in another bed thinking of me. I highly doubt it though. Today we were playing a set at The Birmingham LG arena, we were still on our black parade tour and we would have to arrive there hours before in order to rehearse; dress rehearse; get everyone in. It was going to be a long day; another long day were i would be taughnted and teased by Gee.

We got into our dressing room, only one; for all of us. This meant i would have to change in the same room as him, could i bare it? Watching Gee change was like watching some sort of healing mericle. It was heaven; paradise even, but only for a few seconds. And it wasnt enough. I would always sit next to him as he did his make-up. Gee was some what of a perfectionist. Everytime his palm would smudge the makeup out of place, he would get so fustrated and wipe it all off and start over. It was so cute sometimes, sometimes i would have to take a step back though.

Only an hour or so after we had arrived, we were already out rehearsing, we could already see a couple fans turning up outside the gates although it didnt start for another seven hours from now. Gee did some voice exercises, Ray and mikey fiddled with their guitars and Bob was at the back setting up his drums. I though, stood there watching them all; i really did love this band. I never thought we would make it this big, yet here we are. We had thousands of teen girls around the world dying at our feet. Before i knew it Bob was drumming away and we had began rehearsing.

''their gonna clean up your looks with all the lies in the books, to make a cictezen out of you...''

Gee stopped there, turned around and insisted we started with something else,his voice ran in my mind, repeating that line over and over again.i could almost blame Gee, for being so attractive so inviting. It wasnt his fault though; it was all mine. I should never have let him do this to me; apart from i didnt hours of continuous coffee drinking, temper tantrums, the occasional song and plenty of make up touches...we were good to go.

The gates open and people came pouring in by what seemed to be the thousands. we sat backstage. Hearing them scream our names; with the occasional FRERARD! in there.

we had played about 10 songs, we were coming to the end, and Gee looked back at me and gave me a slight wink...what was this meant to mean? was it a simple 'well done' on my epic solo i had just performed or was it invitaion to come over? either way it left me sweating and dazed. Why does he do this to me?...

the last song had began, people screaming their hearts out, all reaching out to the stage; all as in a trance by Gee as i was. I was litrally jumping in the air, sliding on the floor, throwing my guiater from left to right but still managing to hit all my notes. I looked up at the croud to just notice from the corner of my eye, Gee walking closer too me, he did it was such swag. He got so close to my face, screaming into the microphone, he stretched into a sassy leg right behing mine. I couldnt bare it, i was so nervous, i was trying to keep my cool, i just look at him as i sung backing. Quitly though, my voice was shaky and stuttering. Gee then did the most unsuspected thing, i didnt see it coming and niether did the croud according to their reaction. Gee grabbed the back of my head, clenching a fistful of my hair in his fist. Pushing it towards mine, although this came across as quit aggresive, he had done it all so softly. He ran his tongue along my bottom lip until i eventually did the same back. He toyed with me, i wouldnt call it a kiss. It was like a stunt.

The croud went abasloutly mental..Girls cried; they expressed all my feeling for me; as i had to keep it all in. He casualy walked back to the centre of the stage; like nothing happened. though for me, it was somthing special..somthing that i thought would never had happened.

Eventually everyone cleared out; after of corse an encore. Although the day hadnt finished there was still a meet&greet to be done and then a bit of celebrating...

We went backstage too find two girls that looked around 13-15 stood infront of us. In our band shirts, they had their makeup done exactly like ours. They were clearly obssessed. Like so many. They each held out a MCR logoed note book and pen obviousley pressuming we would sign, which of corse we did. We sat down with them and they were both litrally sat there with there jaws on the ground. so many comments came out like

''I still cant believe were here''

''youii guys are my role models'' and

''your all so amazing'' until on of the girls...Chantelle came out with

''Have youii guys heard of FRERARD?'' i had indeed, alot of, i actually read alot of the frerard fiction in my spare time. the other Girl Phyre then said...

''OH MY GOD YES! i love frerard...i breathe eat and dream of frerard'' they both went on for a while about how much they loved this 'frerard' until i replied, and lied

''I havnt actually, what is it?''

Chantelle said ''its this thing that MCR fans came up with and totally obsess over''

phyre butted in ''yeah, its like Youii and Gee''

''youii know...together'' chantelle finished...Gee gave out a girlish giggle, i did the same, only to cover up my knowledge of this fact.

"oh really; thats interesting'' i think this was sarcasm from Gee there; but he tried to keep a straight face. I wondered if the thought of frerard arroused him in the same way it did mine; and maybe he was only laughing also to cover up his excitment? I found it so hard to read Gee sometimes.

''Yeah, youii two together is just...'' Phyre tried to finish, instead Chantelle just ended it with a..

''PHWA!'' she fanned her face with her too sugest this made her 'hot' ..They both laughed, and then pulled out their phones in which the screens were full of what was called 'FRERARD art' and photoshopped pictures of us both. I would have to search this tonight.

We finished speaking and signing things for the girls and they had to leave. So we got into the car and were all drove back to were staying, i sat next to Gee on the way back. When got to the hotel we all went to our rooms and decided to meet in the bar in an hour. I was so tired; i really wasnt up for 'celebrating' but the other guys quit clearly were... i didnt have much choice.

I had just had a shower and was about to dry my hair when i hear a knock at my suite door.

''Who is it?'' i shouted out..

''Its Gee!'' DAYM. i looked awful...i didnt want him to come in, but without thinking relied..

''Come on in!...'' so he slowly opened the door and put one foot through.

''youii alriight?'' were did this come from?

''yeah im okaii...why youii ask?''

''youii have just seemed a bit down lately..is there somthing bothering youii'' obviousley there was, and we all know what it is. Should i tell him, or keep going on in silient suffering?

''well...urrmm...''

''what is it? youii know youii can tell me anything frank, i wont judge.'' did he already figure it out and was trying to get me to tell him? was he trying to get me to tell him by guilt? i didnt know what to do; i was so confused.

''Gee, weve known eachother for ages right?..'' was this really how i was going start this?.

''thats true..'' He came in fully and closed the door behind him. ''but what what has this got to do with anything''

''im getting there...