Super Smash Soccer!
By Hoogiman

Disclaimer: (do people even care anymore?) All characters referenced are the property of not me.

I

(or alternatively, IIIIV)

'Luigi sat in a small room in the Smash Mansion, along with Snake, Jigglypuff, Ness, Nana and Popo. Master Hand had locked them inside the room for hours. Or it felt like hours for the inhabitants of the room.

Luigi stared at the wall. What an interesting wall it was. It was red. The paint job done on the wall was almost perfect. It seemed to be smoothed out perfectly, but then there was an inconsistency in the painting. One area approximately four by four centimetres in area had an extra coat of paint, which made it look different from the rest of the wall. Or the wall was different from the small area.

"Life is so exciting and interesting," thought Luigi to himself.

But it wasn't.

"No, who am I kidding?" said Luigi. "Why have we been locked in this room for so long?"

"Maybe it's like that movie where we have to kill each other and then the last person standing won," said Snake, grinning.

"Nobody's killing each other!" said Luigi.

"Yeah, that was a great movie!" said Jigglypuff, "And there was all of this blood everywhere!"

"Yeah!" said Popo excitedly, "I saw that movie!"

"I didn't," said Nana, "But I do remembered severed heads and what not."

"Yeah! And they killed the guy wearing all green first!" said Jigglypuff happily.

Silence.

"Uh… haha, what a great joke!" laughed Luigi nervously.

Everybody stared blankly at Luigi, but then they all suddenly grinned.

"I think you're scaring me now," said Luigi, uncomfortable.

Jigglypuff handed out pocket knives to everyone.

"Okay," laughed Luigi, "That's really funny, you can stop now."

Snake stabbed Luigi in the stomach.

"Ow!" screamed Luigi, his blood splattering on the ground.

"Okay!" shouted Luigi, "You can stop!"

Jigglypuff started to stab Luigi. And then Nana. And then Popo. And then Ness.

"Noooo!" screamed Luigi, dying.

Luigi woke up.

"It was just a dream," said Luigi.

"Do you want to do a dance now?" said Mario, wearing a pink flower suit.

"Yes!" said Luigi.

They danced a lot.'

"What a crap story!" said Luigi angrily to Jigglypuff, "Do you actually believe that people will buy this book that's half a page long?"

Jigglypuff nodded a lot.

"And for eighty dollars?" said Luigi, hysterical.

Jigglypuff nodded a lot.

Master Hand floated in. "Okay 'Writing Club', I've changed all of the little clubs into soccer teams for my own personal gain, and now you guys will have to make a soccer team too, or you will have to join a cult where they worship uh…"

Master Hand picked up Jigglypuff's final draft of 'Hamlet II'.

"You will have to join a cult where they worship this!" said Master Hand, trying to sound scary.

Everybody gasped.

"So let's take a vote now," said Master Hand, "Who wants to play soccer?"

Luigi, Popo, Jigglypuff, Snake and Ness put their hands up.

"And who wants to join the cult?" said Master Hand.

Jigglypuff, Nana, Snake and Ness put their hands up.

"It's five to four! You're playing soccer!" announced Master Hand.

"Cool!" said Ness, "When do we start?"

"Now," said Master Hand, kidnapping them.

Match One

July 16, 2007-07-16

Writing Club vs Team Goodie-Two-Shoes

They were somehow on a field.

"Okay," said Luigi, "Now for a soccer team to be complete, we need a soccer team captain."

Everybody put their hands up.

"Okay…" said Luigi, "How about I go captain?"

Everybody did their disapproval face.

"Okay…" said Luigi, "How about Ness goes captain?"

Everybody did their disapproval face.

"Okay…" said Luigi, "How about Ness goes captain?"

Everybody did their disapproval face.

The matched started.

"Okay…" said Luigi, "How about Nana goes captain?"

Everybody did their disapproval face.

"Okay…" said Luigi, "How about Jigglypuff goes captain?"

"Yay!" said everyone.

"Okay, Jigglypuff is captain!" said Luigi.

Pit dribbled the ball with the outside his foot, weaved his way around the congregation of still players and ran into the goal, scoring.

Writing Club: 0, Team Goodie-Two-Shoes: 1

"Yay!" cheered Pit's teammates: Kirby, Link, Zelda, Meta Knight and Peach.

"Okay, let's start playing!" said Luigi.

"IT'S A BOMB!" screamed Snake, running up to Link and punching him in the face.

Link staggered off the field.

The ball was now in the middle of Snake's two legs.

"Shoot for goal!" screamed Ness, Nana, Popo, Jigglypuff and Luigi.

Snake took out his gun.

"With your feet!" shouted Luigi.

Snake tried to put his foot into the trigger.

"No!" shouted Luigi, "Kick the ball into the goal!"

There was an empty goal in front of Snake. Four metres away.

"Aah," said Snake.

Snake kicked the ball right at the goal.

It took about forty seconds to roll in.

"We scored!" cheered Luigi's team.

Writing Club: 1, Team Goodie-Two-Shoes: 1

"Oh," said Kirby, sitting off the sidelines, confused, still eating his lunch, "I thought they forfeited."

Link's team decided to go on the field.

"Our kick-off," said Kirby.

The referee blew his whistle. Kirby tapped the ball gently forward with his foot, and then let Peach bomb the ball back to Link. Link trapped the ball with his foot, and passed the ball a long distance to Peach, who then walked through the stationary players of Luigi's team to score.

Writing Club: 1, Team Goodie-Two-Shoes: 2

Luigi's kick-off. Luigi tapped the ball to Jigglypuff, who then took a gigantic swing at the ball, looping over the keeper.

"Wow," said Link's team, impressed.

"Yay!" cheered Jigglypuff's fellow teammates with the exception of the shocked Luigi.

Unfortunately, Jigglypuff kicked the ball into their own goal.

Writing Club: 1, Team Goodie-Two-Shoes: 3

"Jigglypuff, you kick the ball the other way!" said Luigi.

"Your kick-off," said the referee, giving the ball to Luigi.

"Jigglypuff," said Luigi, "Don't kick it into our goal, okay?"

Luigi tapped the ball forward, and Jigglypuff passed the ball to Zelda, who then did some unnecessary dribbling tricks before whipping it into the keeperless goal.

Writing Club: 1, Team Goodie-Two-Shoes: 4

"Guys," said Luigi angrily, "The idea is to keep possession, and not give it to the other team!"

"Ah!" said Snake, Jigglypuff, Ness, Nana and Popo.

Luigi tapped the ball forward. Jigglypuff gave a weak kick to Snake, who then dived on top of the ball. Link and Meta Knight attempted to tackle Snake, but Snake used his ninja skills to kick both in the face, much to their unliking.

"Free kick!" said the referee, confused and slightly afraid.

Pit passed the ball along the ground weakly.

Nana tried to stop the ball but she was several metres too far away.

Popo tried to dive in front of the ball, but he hit Snake, who then punched him in the face.

The ball rolled into the goal.

Writing Club: 1, Team Goodie-Two-Shoes: 5

"Yay!" cheered Link's team.

"Yay!" cheered Luigi's team.

"Why are we cheering?" said Snake.

"That's it!" said Luigi angrily.

Luigi passed the ball to Jigglypuff, who then passed it back. Luigi ran up the field while dribbling the ball, manoeuvred his way around Meta Knight, hit the ball between Peach's legs and jumped over her, and then kicked the ball towards the goal, which was eaten by Kirby.

"Nice try, Luigi!" called Kirby.

Kirby weakly kicked the ball into empty space, where a determined Luigi ran to receive it. Now with Kirby in front of him, he started to kick. However Kirby sucked the ball in just as it seemed to have been a goal.

"Nice try, Luigi!" called Kirby.

"Grr!" screamed Luigi angrily.

Kirby kicked the ball into space again, and Luigi instantly rocketed the ball towards the top left corner of the goal.

Kirby caught it. "Hmm… maybe we should start trying now."

Kirby punted the ball with little effort, and it bounced several times across the field, jumping over Luigi's team. It rolled into the goal.

"GRR!" screamed Luigi.

"GOOD JOB TEAM" SAID THE SPAGEHTI MONSTER

Writing Club: 1, Team Goodie-Two-Shoes: 6

The referee blew the whistle for full time.

Team Goode-Two-Shoes Victory 6-1

"Yay! We didn't get thrashed!" called Snake, Jigglypuff, Ness, Nana and Popo at the same time.

"We didn't get thrashed?" shouted Luigi, "6-1 is appalling!"

"Oh well, at least we got these free kitchen knives!" said Jigglypuff, handing them out.

"Maybe it's like that movie where we have to kill each other and then the last person standing won," said Snake, grinning.

Luigi ran away very fast.

…

"Do you want to do a dance now?" said Mario, wearing a pink flower suit.

"Yes!" said Luigi.

They danced a lot.

The End

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