Inside Thoughts Within A Journal
Summary: After the war Harry begins keeping a journal with the thoughts that enter his head during the day, week or month.
MAY 5TH 1998
With the battle won and over with, I decided to keep a journal, seems to me a fine place to store my thoughts on many things, just so I can get it out of my system. You know, I didn't have too much time to really dwell on this fact, but I'm a Godfather now, and well I'll need to play the part too. In my opinion I think that's what sparked the idea on keeping this journal, I have a role to play in the life of another human being, someone who'll need me, Teddy's only a month old and with both his parents gone someone will need to help Andromeda raise him, of course, I have no experience with children at all, so I highly doubt that I'll be much help really, but I'll give it ago.
The night after the battle I sat for a while in the Gryffindor common room, just thinking, so many people died in that war people I knew and had grown to think of as family, Remus was the last real connection to my mother and father and now that he's gone I have no one to go to when I'm in a jumbled up state of thought, he can't give me the answers I may so desperately need. Fred is gone and of course I'm grieving his loss too, but it's nothing compared to the Weasley's pain, Hermione and I were sat simply on the sidelines not knowing what to do. But then something in the back of my mind keeps saying that they died for a reason, am I wrong in thinking that? I think I'm wrong in thinking that but then again most things happen for a reason do they not?
Other than that I don't really have much to say, much to put down other than mundane things, I'm doing fine, life can only get better from here, tomorrow I go and meet Ted for the first time. On that thought I really hope that goes well and that I get the hang of babies soon, I've never really been around babies…
Anyway with that mess of thoughts I'm just going to stop writing for the night, it's getting late as it is.
That's it for now,
Harry James Potter.
MAY 6TH 1998
Helping out with Teddy will be harder than I planned.
Babies make noise and make a mess, then they sleep, you'd think that would be easy to deal with, let me tell you, it's not. Even fighting off a dragon seems easier to me right now. Here's where I made it harder for me, Andromeda asked me if I could keep Teddy with me for a night next week, I said yes, all I can say now is I'm glad Molly's around.
Now don't get me wrong, there were good things too, Teddy's great, it may just me and I may just be being biased but I see his parents in him, and yes I do remember the fact that he is only a month old, but it's there. He's a blast honestly, he fell asleep on my knee earlier and his hair colour changes while he sleeps, that seems a little weird for me to be saying but I should be noticing things like this right? A parent would notice things like this, even things like how he's grown an inch or something, parents notice that, so should I? I'll go with the fact that maybe I should notice things like that and just go with that.
Andromeda said I'll make a fine father one day… somehow I don't quite believe that, not that I'm saying I'm terrible with kids and shouldn't have my own, I just haven't really thought about having my own children. One day I suppose I will have children but my minds been elsewhere, Teddy is my top priority right now anyway so we'll wait it out and see what happens. I wonder what my Dad was like when I came along, I mean obviously he'd grown up a bit from the time when my Mum hated him, but surely to others he didn't seem like the parental type? From the stories I've heard about him it's hard for me to fathom the idea of James Potter being a Dad, but then again from the stories I heard about when I first came to be he was brilliant. They say it's instinct though don't they, being a parent, so if both my parents were good parents, surely I could at least be a decent parent?
There I go on a one way thought train, destined for some place that leaves me lost and confused, so I'll take that as my cue to just cut this off here.
Until next time,
Harry J Potter
MAY 10TH 1998
Teddy's staying the night here at the Burrow, I'm on baby patrol, so far he's been sleeping for two hours, Hermione and Ron both went to bed, they got tired of sitting watching him sleep, made them tired I'm guessing, I don't mind it myself. I enjoy being around him and so sitting with him in the front room isn't all that bad. I'm hoping that once I'm done with Auror training and have my own place, that Teddy can come stay for a week or so at a time, I'd like the company that's for sure.
Hermione asked me what my plans were for a relationship with Ginny today too, I told her that right now I'm working on getting into a routine, I want Ginny and I to work out properly this time. I think Ron and Hermione are getting into a relationship, they think I don't notice but they're my best friends, I notice these things, that's entertaining, watching them act as if there's nothing there in front of me. Relationships are definitely something else aren't they? By relationships I mean Romantic Relationships of course, words can't really describe them though so I won't even try but I know that I or anyone else reading these know what I mean, you want to be in a relationship most times but you still don't understand them. I don't pretend to understand them either though, I've noticed that some people think that they're experts on relationships just because they've been in a couple and the way I see it is that you can only be an expert on relationships if you've been in a few that are the same through and through, and for them to all be the exact same they must be pretty boring.
You see I don't pretend to be an expert on anything, I mean I could be an expert on setting up tents and protective charms don't get me wrong, but in all honesty that isn't much to brag about is it? If I were to be an expert on anything, I would want it to be years in the future and have my expertise on raising children, everyone has a different experience in that though so I suppose you can't really be an expert on that either. I don't know how I got onto this topic, I was writing about relationships before, and as far as Ginny and I go, I'd like for it to work out 100% and that one day when I have kids of my own, she'll be the one helping me out, with our children.
And on that note, here's me going to bed for the night,
Harry.
MAY 27TH 1998
With the month slowly coming to a close I thought I'd reflect a little on what I've learned since the end of the war. Though I haven't learned tons of things I've learned a lot of rather useful things in the area of parenting and relationships. Let me elaborate;
With raising a child you need to realise that every day will be something totally new, and unexpected. And those Muggle parenting books really don't help if any of you were wondering about that, I mean sure they help somewhere but they can't ever fully explain to you what raising a child entails. Teddy and I are forming a bond that I never thought would happen, he's like my son to me, and there's not a thing I wouldn't do for him, and I know that whatever he achieves in life I will be applauding him and the one who is proud to say that he's my godson. Cheesy I know but there's simply no other way to say it.
And onto relationships, you can't plan them. At all, so don't try. I asked Ginny out yesterday and so we're going out on a date to Diagon Alley tomorrow but that's about as much planning one can do. I've heard some people plan their relationships out, or that some girls start planning their dream weddings at the age of five or something like that. If I could give any advice on planning relationships it would be don't plan them, what's meant to happen will happen and it will happen when it's supposed to happen, and as for that dream wedding some girls have, keep planning details but be open to change in them, you never know if down the road you'll want something totally different or not.
I know this entry was shot but I just wanted to summarize some things that were on my mind, and so with that, until June, closing the pages,
Harry.