Lily couldn't imagine why the Death Eaters had decided to have a meeting in this weather.
Maybe it was an ambiance thing. One usually would assume that bad guys meet on "dark and stormy nights". It was expected. But Lily doubted that the Death Eaters thought they were bad guys, so that theory didn't make much sense.
Maybe they thought they could harbor lightening's power. There were some extremist wizards who had thought that before.
Or perhaps they thought that no one would intrude on a meeting in this weather.
Well, no one but Lily.
But she had something to see. Something she needed answer to.
No one was going to stop her.
ooo
It was midnight when she snuck out of the dorm. She'd never snuck out of her dorm before, but walking the hallways at nights was nothing to to her. It was a common duty of Head Girl.
Those paroles involved James Potter, her...well, friend, she supposed. At one time he was her mortal enemy, but that role had been newly filled by the Death Eaters.
James wasn't so bad. In fact, he was one of the people she talked to the most, really. Sort of a force of circumstance. Paroles would get boring so they would get talking.
He was actually very smart. Funny too. And in the right light, a little handsome...
Focus, Lily slipped out of the portrait hole. The Fat Lady was asleep, snoring very loudly.
She had a plan if she was caught. She'd just say Dumbledore had asked her to run an errand. No one would question her or ask for papers.
She hoped.
"Well, well."
Damn.
Lily turned quickly, trying her best to not appear guilty.
It wasn't a teacher that had found her, it was worse.
It was James Potter.
"Sneaking out, Evans? Rebellious spirit, I love it," James smirked in a very James Potter way. He squinted, "Not going out to meet some bloke, are you? Cause if so, I'll have to beat him up. That's a bad influence, him making you sneak out at night."
Lily crossed her arms, "I'm not meeting a date, Potter. Some of do other things with our time than pursue the opposite sex."
He chuckled, "You make it all sound so scientific, Evans." He paced closer and Lily tried her hardest to look impassive. "So why are you sneaking out?"
"None of your business," Lily snapped back.
James raised his arms in surrender, "Just being curious. Making sure you aren't doing anything stupid and reckless. Because if you are doing something stupid and reckless, count me in."
Lily studied him for a moment. She had a very strong feeling James wasn't going to just let her walk away. He was going to force himself into her plans in some way.
So she may as well do it on her terms.
"Come on," Lily said, starting down the hallway.
He followed after her briskly, "So, where are we going?"
Lily tried to keep her cool, "The Forbidden Forrest."
"And why are we venturing into the Forbidden Forrest on a stormy night? You trying to raise the dead, or something?"
Lily growled, "I'm not Doctor Frankenstein, Potter." A bolt of lightning illuminated the hallway, showing the faces of the sleeping portraits. Lily raised her wand, shining light down the darkening hall.
"How are you planning to get out to the Forbidden Forest anyway?" James asked, standing a bit too close. He was throwing her off focus.
Lily scanned the corridor, "Through the side doors."
James shook his head, "No, Filch monitors those doors. Come this way."
It was a well-known fact that James and his friends knew every secret passageway around the school, so Lily didn't question him. She was a little wary though when he pried a painting off the wall. Behind it was a pitch black passageway.
He gestured grandly, "Ladies first."
She rolled her eyes, lifting her illuminated wand down the earthen path.
James closed the painting behind them.
"This isn't some elaborate plan to kidnap me, is it?" She asked.
James sighed dramatically, "You found me out, Evans! Damn and I was so close!" Her elbow nudged his rib, but he just laughed again. "You still haven't told me why we're sneaking out to the Forbidden Forrest."
Water dripped a bit from the ceiling and the ground was growing a tad muddy. She hoped the tunnel would hold up with this storm. But if it had been here a long time, it should be all right.
She hoped.
Lily wiped her brow, "Spying on a Death Eater meeting."
"Very vigilante, I like it," he said. She could feel the warmth of his breath on her neck and it sent tingled right down to her heels. Focus. "But the Evans I know doesn't just sneak out to spy on meetings, so what's up?"
"Nothing's up," she lied. He didn't believe her. She didn't even have to see his face to know that.
They came to a curve to the left that led to more darkness. And dampness. Lily was not liking how wet it was getting in the tunnel.
"This is the first official meeting and I just wanted to spy. Make sure they don't do anything bad," It wasn't entirely a lie. It wasn't the whole truth, but it wasn't a lie. "I feel it's my duty as Head Girl."
James smirked, "Then it's my duty too." Soon he was next to her, walking the same pace. "I guess I'll just wait until you tell me your real reason."
She pursed her lips, "Why do you think I'm lying?"
"Because I know you, Evans," James said. "You wouldn't just sneak out and risk getting caught to simply spy on a meeting. You've got other reasons."
Of course she had other reasons. A reason that had bothered her ever since Voldemort officially was rising to power as recruiting from Hogwarts. After she found out that he was recruiting from Slytherin, she feared the worse.
And she knew it was true. She knew it.
But she hoped.
She hoped it wasn't.
Lily clenched her jaw, "It's a stupid reason." It had been so quiet she though he hadn't heard.
"No, it's not," he added softly. Warmly.
Focus.
"You don't even know what it is," she snapped.
He shook his head, "I think I do though. And it's not stupid."
Lily stepped quickly, to not let her feet sink into the mud, "I just...I just want to see if he's one of them. Sever...Snape, I mean." Lily tried to breathe but the air didn't come. James was going to think it was stupid. Make it more than it was. He didn't speak. "I just have to know."
James didn't speak for a while and that's what Lily had expected.
It wasn't as though she still cared for Severus. She didn't, really, but he had been a part of her life for so long. He became her brother when her sister shunned her. The only true constant in her life.
She just wanted to make sure he wasn't one of them. Wasn't a Death Eater.
She had to know.
Lily could see a few stone stairs a few yards ahead of her.
Lily shut her eyes, "I know you think it's stupid."
James stopped walking, "I don't think it's stupid. I...I understand."
Lily stopped too, "Really?"
He nodded. His glasses had fogged up a bit so his eyes were blurry, "I mean, if Sirius had joined the Death Eaters, I'd want to know. I get it."
Lily felt her heart pounding and her face flushing. She wanted to smile for some reason but fought the urge.
"Come on," James cleared his throat. "Let's go spy on a meeting."
ooo
Lily recognized some of them.
There was Muliciber, with his greasy blonde hair and equally slimy smile. Regulus, Sirius's younger brother who looked unnervingly like the latter. A few girls Lily had seen in the halls before. Some more boys that faded from familiar to strangers.
And Severus.
She shouldn't have been surprised, but when she glanced him through the leaves her heart stung a little.
He's better than this, she thought. She knew what Voldemort's followers did. What they had done.
So much better than this.
But he wasn't. Not really. She knew that.
He'd proved that.
Lily and James had stood at a distance out of sight but close enough to hear most of the conversation. Luckily, in their arrogance, the Slytherin hadn't bothered to put up protective spells. They didn't think anyone would spy on their meeting.
James nudged Lily's hand, sensing her unease. How does he always know what I'm thinking?
"We can go now, if you want."
Lily smiled but shook her head, "We're already here. May as well listen in for a bit."
The meeting had already begun and Lily had picked up some words. Mostly about their Dark Lord leading their way to a pure, magical society. Lovely things like that.
"If we want pure blooded wizards, why not invite people from other houses to join?" Suggested a lithe, blonde girl. "Surely there are other families interested in keeping their lines pure."
"You mean are we going to invite James Potter," a girl with brown hair sitting next to her jeered. "Narcissa, please, we'd never invite a blood traitor like him."
Lily could see James's jaw tighten and he fought to not show any emotion.
She clasped his hand. She wasn't sure why, but it felt right.
He clasped hers right back.
They listed off other possible members but they were all shot down. Even Sirius.
"Too volatile," Said a prim looking boy. "But James Potter still should be considered. He's brilliant, of good family, and an excellent fighter."
"And a blood traitor!" Yelled someone in the back. The group murmured into an uproar that was interrupted by none other than Severus.
He raised his arms, "We must also think of the Dark Lord." His voice was so cold. So much colder than the comforting, laughing boy she'd once known. "He is a Slytherin. It's only suited that his members are of the same house. James Potter has shown a certain distaste of Slytherin over the years and his volatile lack of judgement in most situations would not make him a good addition."
"You're just mad he fancies your mudblood friend!" A girl teased.
Mudblood friend. Mudblood.
The memory slit her like a knife.
Severus's cold voice cut through the Forest, "She is of no consequence to me. No one of her kind is."
Lily dropped James's hand. She was crying. She couldn't remember when she had started by now she couldn't stop.
"I want to leave now," she whispered.
He nodded and led the way back to Hogwarts.
ooo
The rain plinked against the window in a way that could only mean it had turned to ice.
How metaphorically resonate, she thought bitterly as she laid her head against the cool glass. James sat next to her, looking at her in concern.
A fire burned lightly on the other side of the common room, too far away for Lily to feel its warmth. A clock showed that it was nearing 2 a.m. She wasn't even tired.
"I think I'm just shocked by how many people were actually at that meeting," James said quietly. "I know there were sort of rumors about Death Eaters, but it didn't feel real. Like it was just some secret society formed by kids." He breathed heavily. "But it's not, is it? It's real. And most of those people are seventh years and they'll be out in the real world soon."
Lily nodded half heatedly. "It's sickening. Especially when you hear what people have been doing in his name..." The fog on the window was dampening the back of her hair. She didn't care much. "It's not that I feel responsible for Snape or what he's doing. I used to, but I know he made his own choices."
James just looked at her. No judgment or confusion. He just looked.
She continued, "But I don't want him to be a murderer. He was my best friend he..." No. She wasn't going to cry. It was stupid to cry. "After I found out about my magic, Petunia treated me like I was a freak. Severus was the only one who didn't act like I was crazy. He was a brother to me."
James just nodded.
"And if now he's turning into one of those...monsters, then what does that say about me?" Lily sat up, scooting up to edge the window seat. She didn't look at James. She knew she sounded mental. He wouldn't understand. She shouldn't be telling him these things. But the words just came out. "I ignored all the terrible thing he did for years. I knew it I just…" She couldn't breathe. "Am I...am I bad too?" I will not cry. "Will I end up like him?"
James spoke up immediately, "Lily, you are not going to end up like him." He said it without question. Like a proclamation of fact. He placed his hand on top of hers and Lily felt her heart almost jump to her throat. "You are not bad. You're the best person I know."
She shook her head, shutting her eyes to shut out her thoughts. "How can you say that? I've treated you terribly before, James. I was so awful to you. What if I am bad?" He opened his mouth but she didn't let him speak. Lily felt the water hanging in the bottom of her eyes, weighing her head down. "The Sorting Hat thought about placing me in Slytherin." She admitted quietly. James looked dubious.
Lily exhaled, "I've never told anyone that before. When I was in Dumbledore's office once, the hat said I would've done well in Slytherin."
James did not respond right away. The only sounds breaching the silence were the cackle of the fading fire across the room and the slowing plink of ice against the window. Her breaths were the shaking breaths of someone fighting away sobs.
She should've kept her mouth shut. She shouldn't have told James any of this. He'll laugh. He'll call her crazy.
He won't understand.
He won't even care.
She rested her head upon her hands.
She expected him to get up and walk away. She knew he would get up and walk away.
Instead, he put his arm around her and gave a tight squeeze. For some reason, that made her want to cry even more.
"My dad always says that we've all got both light and dark inside us," James told her. There was a hint of embarrassment in his voice. If Lily hadn't had looked so pitiful, she was certain he would've laughed at himself. "What matters is the part we choose to act on. That's who we really are." He breathed out a smallish chuckle, "It's a little corny, I know, but it's true. Everyone's done bad things, Lily. I was a horrific bully for years. I don't blame you for being mean to me because I was consistently awful to you."
Lily nodded, feeling a strange sense of relief come over her. James had not laughed at her. He had not walked away.
He was kind. So unbelievably kind that Lily was filled with a sudden wave of affection towards him that both surprised and soothed her.
She rested her head on his shoulder, "And now you're just consistently nice to me. Why are you so nice to me?"
He smiled, "I am also consistently inconsistent." A laugh starting in his chest and vibrated his whole body. Lily found herself laughing too ands few tears slid down her cheeks. She wiped them away and found herself smiling.
She sniffed, "Sorry for being a bit over emotional."
Lightly, he stroked her hair, "Hey, don't worry about it. It's nearly two in the morning and you've had a long night. Besides," she could hear his smirk, "I got to put my arm around you so it's been a pretty successful night."
Lily rolled her eyes. She sat up but he kept his arm on her. "Ah, there's the James I know."
"You love it," he winked.
She elbowed him in the ribs.
"Ah," he grinned mischievously, "there's the Lily I know."
Lily realized how close they were. She'd never been this close to James before. Well, she'd never been this close to anyone before. It was a bit disconcerting.
But what was more disconcerting how much she wanted to bridge the gap between them.
The chime of the clock across the room set Lily back to reality.
Lily pulled back, "It's late. We should get to bed." James raised a brow. "I don't mean we should get to bed," the words flew out of her nervously like some fluttery purge of embarrassment. "I mean we should each go up to our spectate beds in separate rooms and go to sleep."
"Good thing you clarified," James teased, "I thought you were trying to seduce me."
"Maybe tomorrow, I'm tired," she muttered.
He laughed, using his hand to mess up his already disorderly hair. "I should get some sleep. I've got a Quidditch game in the morning."
Lily's eyebrows traveled very high up her forehead, "A Quidditch game? Why didn't you tell me? You should've been sleeping not joining me on some crazy midnight mission..."
"Hey," he said, "don't worry about me, Evans. I will always join you on your crazy midnight missions. I will not miss chance to get on your nerves."
"You don't get on my nerves."
"You are a terrible liar."
Lily shook her head, "Is that how you found me in the hall? Were you following me?"
James looked away, "Following you makes it sound so creepy..."
"It is a little creepy..."
"Some people would call it endearing," he argued.
"But most people would call it creepy," she countered.
He hung his head, shaking as he did so, "You're never going to make this easy on me, are you, Evans?"
She smiled a wicked smile, with her index finger under his chin, she raised his face to eye level.
"You should know that by now, Potter."
James smiled. Not a cool smirk or a cocky grin. A real, honest, goofy smile.
"I wouldn't have it any other way."
And then they kissed. Lily wasn't entirely sure who started it but she certainly didn't want to end it.
But it was two in the morning and Lily needed to get some rest.
She had some things to think over.
Lily pulled away, "Goodnight, James."
He frowned but nodded. As she walked to the steps, he called after her.
"Same time tomorrow?"
Lily laughed, "Get some rest, Potter." Then, feeling playful, she added from the stairs, "Win the Quidditch games tomorrow. Then we'll see."
ooo
The next day, in Gryffindor's strongest game to date, they won in a landslide against Ravenclaw 480 to 70.
Most of the goals were scored by James Potter.