A/N as of 17 September 2010: I've edited various chapters between 1 and 29 of this fic in order to clear up a few things (and fix that penguin disrepancy between the first two chapters!). But don't worry, the plot remains the same, so if you don't go back and read the whole thing again, it's not going to matter at all.
I dare new readers to click off this story without wanting to find out what on earth could cause a penguin disrepancy...
So anyway I like to think of this story as planned-out crackfic with fewer spelling errors. Rest assured, I'm sticking to the summary. Characters will die in droves, and barely anyone is in a canon relationship by the time they do. I hope you enjoy it!
Once And For All Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight and I'm not making money off this story.
Alone at last, after everyone else had gone to Africa on a penguin hunting trip (a food that even Jacob would eat, but neither Emmett nor Nessie liked), Emmett and Nessie looked at each other shyly.
"Um, Nessie?" said Emmett in a low voice.
"Yeah?"
"You thinking what I'm thinking?"
"Yes!" squealed Nessie. "I hate penguins, too!"
"Ah... no."
"Oh. You mean... we should run away together?" Nessie's voice was hesitant, yet full of excitement.
"Yes, Nessie, I do mean that. And I think we should do it right now."
"Oh, Emmett!" sobbed Nessie, throwing herself into his arms. "I"ve wanted this for so long! Ever since Jacob and I got back from the airport two hours ago, and I saw you for the first time in ten years, I just knew you were the one for me!"
"Hush, munchkin," said Emmett tenderly. "Go and pack your bags. We'll run to New York, where no one will ever find us."
Nessie went. Emmett followed, sighing with happiness. In less than an hour, they would be on their way to New York, where no-one would ever find them. And they would run there.
There actually are penguins in Africa. How cool is that?
Reviews are love, of course, but since this is a short chaptered story, it's not going to kill me if you read straight through and don't review every. single. chapter. A couple here and there would be nice, though.