Last year in creative writing I was given a prompt to write a poem that deals with either forgiveness of guilt (hence the unoriginal title) and I couldn't help but think back to NicolinaN's Reciprocity that I had read a few days before the assignment was given. I was still awestruck and stunned by this beautiful, evocative story that I felt the need to loosely base it off of. It would be best to read her story first before reading this. Takes place at the end of Reciprocity where Jack is watching Lisa from afar.

Guilt and sorrow may fill my thoughts

Until they swell.

They become stuck in the back of my mouth

Making it hard to speak.

To swallow

Bones shake as sweat gushes from my pores

My stomach is filled with lead

And its lining tears

And the crying, oh the crying is the worst!

My sick swollen stomach overwhelms.

I can't take it anymore and yet I am unable to stop.

You will never get through this says the vile creature

Who's fingers still wrap around my neck

This pain is everlasting

But she is there

I see her!

I see the locks of her flowing hair

Which have been ripped and pulled

Now they lie swept to the side, like waves of red cascading down her neck

Exposing the pure skin which my nails dug into

She seems fine and happy now

But what makes my cheeks burn and eyes swell

Is the little hand in hers

I lean against a tree, unseen, as I watch her there with the little girl

Our little girl:

The only form of beauty that resulted from my wrath

It renders me breathless as I see the love in her eyes for the child

The residual of my horrid act of violence

Oh that night…

I'll never forgive myself

I saw her pain and knew how much I scared her

I couldn't stop the monster in me:

I wanted her

Needed her

And bared her silence after I was done

As the tears rolled down her cheeks

Oh how I want to speak!

I know she will never forgive me.

I'll never be granted the absolution I don't deserve.

This binds us.

She leaves me spellbound and colorblind

I see her but I can never be with her.

I wish things were different.

Thank you so much for reading! Sorry if it was confusing with the flashbacks. And just for clarification, the creature stated in the beginning is the monster that Rippner was that night with Lisa, the dark side of him that came out that one night.

Please review and tell me what you think, it would make me so happy =]