The Karma Circle: That Rabbit's Dynamite!

by SaintHeartwing

With Irk and Earth not welcoming of her or her little crew, Gazlene Membrane has to find resources elsewhere. And while she was hoping for something like BACON...she figures rabbit will do just fine. Even if it's an ALIEN rabbit! But what she doesn't know is that there's something...DIFFERENT...about this animal.

Welcome, my children. Welcome…to the Karma Circle.

Space…the final frontier. Ever illusive, eternally desirable. The stars are warm and inviting to people across the universe, looking so appealing, so enticing. They yearn to be…out there. But for some…it's not by choice. No. It's because they've nothing left back home. They've burned all bridges.

There can be great accomplishment and great good to be found in the unknown, if one is willing to make the attempt. If you work hard and are noble and decent, you will succeed. But above all, you need to remember…you're in a large sandbox. You didn't make the rules.

So you need to PLAY.

NICE.

And if you DON'T, well…

Don't say you weren't warned.

They'd almost finished with the loading, the planet Pokitaru soon to be far, far away once they were all set. Outside their little space frigate, Skoodge the Irken sighed, tapping his booted foot on the ground, face sunk in gloom. He hated the prospect of having to leave such a beautiful place as Pokitaru. It was a Vacation planet, far away from Irk…far away from Earth.

…Earth…

Pokitaru reminded him too much of Earth. That was the problem. The trees softly blowing in gentle wind…the feel of grass beneath his body. Soft clouds ambling above and smiling, cheery alien faces, so childlike in their stupidity and innocence. So different from Irk and its repressive atmosphere, where every surface was cold and lifeless and unfeeling, where the only true source of brilliance was the orange sky as the sun began to softly set, casting its rays over the deep purple plains. The sun…how he missed the sun and the way it felt on his skin.

And…he missed Zim too.

Oh, Zim.

Zim had actually drawn the Tallest to Earth in an attempt to get it taken over with Dib calling on the Resisty for support. At first it looked very one sided…the Armada was at Earth's doorstep, surely it didn't stand a chance! Gaz herself had happily allied with Zim, not giving one iota of concern for what happened to her planet. No, she just wanted Zim. She'd even brought down the planetary defense grid, designed by Professor Membrane to fight off asteroids and…other "heavenly" incoming assaults. All had seemed in place. Surely they couldn't lose-

But NOOO. Zim had teleported himself onto the Massive and had tried to zoom down in on Dib's home to blow him up. And he'd actually CRASHED the whole thing into the neighborhood. The Tallest…and he…hadn't survived.

With them gone, the Armada was in chaos, and Dib, in the ultimate irony, had personally routed the Irken fleet with his family at his side. Prof. Membrane had disowned his daughter, Dib personally slapping her across the face at her trial, banishing her from the Earth, eyes filled with disgust and betrayal for selling out her own kind and her own planet.

And they couldn't go back to Irk. The Resisty had taken that place over. The Vortians were now rounding up the last of the Invaders to truly "get even", and this meant he, Gaz, Tak, MIMI, his SIR unit VENT and the rest of the crew were on their own, hopping from planet to planet to get what they needed.

Which wouldn't be so bad…if not for the fact that Gaz had made herself the captain.

"Why the long face, short stuff?" Gaz wanted to know, descending down the gangplank, long purple hair flowing behind her as she folded her arms over her chest and smirked at Skoodge. "You got to have a good three days of vacation."

"I could have had a week of "vacation" had you not spat in the hotel owner's face for being a "rip-off artist"." Skoodge muttered.

"WHINER." Gaz snorted right back, waving a dismissive hand.

"We're fugitives from justice! We need to keep a fairly low profile." Skoodge mumbled as Gaz ignored him, heading off to join their First Mate, a blind, white-eyed Irken named Darth, a psychic "consular" or interrogator for the empire who OWNED the frigate they were using, which he piloted using a complex computer system that integrated with his mind. It had gotten them out of many a tough scrape…but even that was only enough to let Gaz call him first mate. And god forbid she give him or anybody else on the ship a decent bed. Oh no. SHE got the nice satin sheets. She was the captain, after all. Of a ship she didn't own.

"We got quite the bargain thanks to you." Gaz said with a dark chuckle, clapping the blind Irken on the back, his balled antennae bouncing a bit as Darithil of Irk cringed. "Doesn't it feel good making shopkeepers zombie slaves?"

"It's not a GAME, Gazlene." Darth whispered with a cold tone, his dark, soft voice biting briefly into her before she just grinned as if to say "Yeah, it was". He didn't even need to see. He could tell from her tone she was grinning at him. "Anyhow, I told you, we didn't find anybody who could sell you any…meat." He murmured. "It's Vegan Week. If you'd not spat in Mr. Hamma's face-"

"Whiners." Gaz groaned, rolling her eyes before she saw VENT approaching, bringing along…

…IT. What…what was…this?

It was trotting alongside the little SIR unit which saluted, the tiny robot holding it's hand up to the big sticker on its forehead as it nervously glanced from Gaz and Darth to the thing it had tied up on a rope leash, the wind blowing flower pollen through the air behind them as he spoke. "I've got something, ma'am. It was a bargain. Fifty monies."

"…it's…what IS it?" Gaz asked, looking it over as it sat on the soft grassy clearing they'd parked the ship at, it's small little tail twitching a bit along with its nose as it tilted its head to the side to look at them, long ears flattened against its head.

There was silence for a few moments before VENT managed to get the nerve to speak, the SIR unit stammering slightly. "It-it's a…a Muridean." VENT admitted. "From Planet Jennet, ma'am. The farmer said it was a VERY unusual, very respected-"

"It's like some kind of freakish…GIANT RABBIT." Gaz managed to mutter out. It did look quite a bit like a slightly alien, larger-than-normal rabbit, only with paw digits and odd purple fur with even darker indigo markings on its body in an oddly tribal fashion, as if it had been given warpaint on its arms and the top of its head. Gaz looked the thing over, pulling at its ears, Darth cringing as the thing's whimpering filled his "ears", or lack thereof. "It looks like it weighs…what, ten pounds?"

"Yes, 10.2 pounds." VENT admitted with a nod. "I weighed it myself."

"…well, maybe it'll be good to eat. I DID want some kind of meat. I was hoping for pig but…hey, maybe rabbit tastes like pig." Gaz said with a shrug. "Bring it onboard."

…

…the Muridean survived the takeoff just fine, sleeping soundly in the hold of the ship. Once they were finally on their way along their way and far, FAR away from Pokitaru, Gaz asked the crew to prep a nice dinner…and to bring the Muridean up to the kitchen before they got it ready to really look it over and see if, perhaps, it was safe to eat at all.

"A…Muridean…" Tak murmured, looking the thing over as MIMI poked it with its enormous claw-hand, red eyes narrowed as Tak scratched her head, Darth standing behind her as she looked over at him. "It looks so…cute and fuzzy."

"I will have to take your word for it." The blind Irken chuckled slightly, waving a hand in the air. "It does at least SMELL lovely." He admitted, the Muridean nervously lolling its head back and forth, tongue slightly sticking out as it panted a bit. "…and it sounds out of breath?"

"It can't be, it hasn't gone more than a hundred feet from the hold to the kitchen!" Skoodge murmured, the rest of the various Irken crewmmates looking around at each other, then at the captain.

"It must be thirsty." Gaz reasoned. "Just like my pet dog. It would pant a LOT if it was thirsty."

"You had a pet dog? What happened to it?" Tak asked as Gaz looked at her.

"…you can go get the thing some juice or something." Gaz remarked.

"I don't know if you couldn't hear her through all the hair you have, but she just asked you a QUESTION." Darithil inquired of Gaz as she whacked him over the head. "OW!"

"And I don't know if you NOTICED, but I'm not giving her an answer! Give it a drink." Gaz snorted. "And then see what it eats so we can fatten it up." She added, Tak quickly making for the refrigerator, pulling out a bottle of juice as Darth snapped his claw digits, a bowl hovering out of the cupboard. Tak snatched it out of midair, pouring the juice into the steely bowl and setting it on the dark floor as the muridean lapped at the juice eagerly, VENT stepping forward.

"The farmer said they'll eat "dangnumb near everythin'". I fed it an apple off a wild tree, it was munching on some grass when I took notice of it in the fields…" VENT admitted as Skoodge knelt by the thing and took out a small chocolate bar, the thing taking the bar in its little paw/hands and chewing eagerly on it as Gaz rubbed her chin.

"It clearly has good taste." Skoodge remarked.

"Speaking OF the matter of taste, that's the real question." Gaz inquired. "We have any cookbooks in here that talk about murideans or rabbits for that matter? How long do you think it'll take to fatten this thing up properly? A week? Few days?"

The Muridean finished with the chocolate bar, washing it down with a long drink from the bowl, and as it set down the bowl, it sat on its rump, looking Gaz squarely in the eyes.

"Really, Ms. Membrane. Can we maybe talk about something else?"

The room was utterly silent. You could have heard a pin drop.

"What…was that? Just now. What was that?!" Gaz demanded to know, glancing around from face to face.

"The muridean SPOKE, Captain." Tak realized, gaping slightly at the thing as Darth rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

They all looked at the mammalian creature as Gaz's mouth gaped. "And…in a hypothetical situation that I am NOT having…what did it say?" Gaz muttered.

"I think it wishes to speak of other matters?" Darth inquired as Gaz knelt by the thing, looking it over, pulling it's head back, opening its mouth up.

"Is there a tiny native inside? Is this thing actually a robot and all these little men are just waiting-gemme a KNIFE!" Gaz began to inquire, amber/gold eyes narrowing. "I want to open it up!"

"REALLY now!" The Muridean said, quickly stepping away, batting her hand back and glowering slightly at her. "That's just MEAN, that's what it is!"

"You come out of there! Whoever you are, come out!" Gaz snarled at the thing, clenching her fists. "Or I will send you to a nightmare world of unending terrors and horror beyond imagining-"

"Given your first idea of what to do with me was EAT ME, I doubt you have too much of an imagination to begin with." The thing said with a sigh.

"…I…don't believe there's anything in the Muridean. I think it's actually speaking to us." Skoodge finally managed to squeak out, pointing at the mammalian alien.

"I think you and I need to have a little chat." The Muridean said. "For starters, my name is not "The Muridean". It's Fiyvr. I think you and I don't agree on some basic issues, but that's easily fixed."

For once in her life, Gazlene Membrane didn't have anything snarky to say. "…um…" She murmured. "Er…c-come…come into my office." She managed to get out, throwing her hands up in the air, turning around on her heels and heading for her office door across the hall as everyone watched them leave, Tak looking at MIMI.

"Do you think she'll actually have us serve it?" She wanted to know.

"I'M not cooking IT." MIMI quickly said, immediately shaking its head back and forth, half the crew immediately leaving the room, deciding this was getting FAAAR too weird.

…

…

…

…the Muridean named Fiyvr sat down on a chair nearby, Gaz sitting behind her desk, folding her arms over her chest, glowering in his direction as Fiyvr scratched at his head with his hind leg. "Thank you for this comfy chair. I'm addicted to various forms of relaxation and meditation. I'm kind of an ascetic where I come from."

"…so…you're a Muridean. And yet…you speak perfect English?" Gaz inquired. "The other species on this planet we needed TRANSLATOR tech for!" She wanted to know, steepling her hands as she tilted her head slightly to the side.

Fiyvr shrugged with his shoulders. "I'm not really conscious of speaking anything in particular. I took a peek into your mind-"

"My mind?"

"I studied the contents, especially the semantics in your skull, and-"

"OHHH. You're telepathic like Darth." Gaz realized, eyes widening a bit as Fiyvr nodded.

"I'm Telepathic, telekinetic and LEGION when you consider what I've got inside me, Ms. Gazlene. My race is quite old. Quite peaceful, too. Our planet has no offensive technology, we're often prey species because of how kindly and compassionate we are. We're too soft to fight, too good-natured to take advantage of other species to try and enslave them to do our work."

"…HIPPIES." Gaz muttered, rolling her eyes.

"We live off plants, vegetables and we have such a wide variety of minerals and other natural resources we use them to trade with more peaceful planets. Diplomacy is how we get things done back home." Fiyvr pointed an accusatory paw digit at her, now frowning angrily. "Which is why I'm strenuously objecting to you skilling me and deep-frying me for dinner. I can see it now: you'll have most of me for tonight, a bit left over for breakfast tomorrow, served up with eggs and TOAST-"

"ABOUT that, um…" Gaz began to ask.

"My taste." Fiyvr sighed. "I've heard it's quite good. Slightly fatty, but tender. Melts in your mouth, not in your pants, I assure you. Though really, it's quite barbaric of you to try and eat me. Especially now that you're aware I'm a sentient being. Perhaps you'd like to discuss the philosophy of eating meat over some hot cocoa?"

"Hot cocoa we're rather SHORT on due to a spoilage of food. Including meat. I could USE some good meat, if you catch my drift." Gaz said, her voice getting slightly soft…but with an edge.

"Shouldn't a decision like that be left up to your crew? Your species…well, your particular race of them…believed heavily in democracy? I'm pretty sure eating me is a direct violation of the rights of the minority. How about putting it to a vote?" Fiyvr inquired, Gaz peeking up over the desk and at the doorway, calmly striding over to it and flinging it open, everyone gathered at the other end, all of them formerly having their ears to the door to listen.

"Alright. All in favor of eating him?" Gaz asked. "AYE." She pointed at herself, raising her hand up. "And all OPPOSED?"

"NAY!" Everyone else loudly yelled out.

"Too bad I'M IN CHARGE!" She screeched back, slamming the door shut, the others ambling off, muttering angrily under their breaths in disgust and irritation as Gaz dusted herself off, smirking proudly. "Well, that was satisfying. Now then-"

Fiyvr's eyes narrowed, his pupils slightly narrowing as Gaz froze on the spot, mouth wide, eyes staring at the mammal as it sighed, standing up and shaking it's butt in the air, ambling out the doorway. "So uncivilized." It sighed. "Some people!"

…

…

…

… "When a felon's not engaged in his employment!" "His employment!"

"Or engaged in his felonious little plans!" "Little plans!"

"His capacity of innocent enjoyment!" "-Cent Enjoyment!"

"Is as great as any honest man's!" "Honest man's!"

Fiyvr was bobbing a paw back and forth, singing along with Skoodge, who also held a gloved hand up, happily singing with him as they all enjoyed a find mead ale in the dining room, Darth swaying his head back and forth as he played the nearby piano, notes drifting through the air as Tak sat on a chair nearby, listening to him play.

"What a lovely song. My highest compliments to Misters Gilbert and Sullivan!" Fiyvr admitted, sipping the mead as Skoodge nodded his head. "All from Earth, you said?"

"If there's one thing I miss most of all about the planet I spent five years hiding on, it's their musical shows." Skoodge admitted with a sigh. "They're just so…full of life. So vibrant and…CHEERY!"

"So different from your captain?" Fiyvr asked as Skoodge nodded in agreement, all of the rest of the crew enjoying the broken-into mead…save for VENT and MIMI, who didn't appear to be there. Well, they were robots. It would give them rust.

"I've never seen her smile unless someone was being hit over the head." Tak spoke up. "Not that I wouldn't occasionally find that funny, but she's insufferable."

"She is utterly lacking in compassion." Darth sighed out. "I'm amazed you got away from her."

"I almost didn't." Fiyvr admitted to them all as he sighed, hanging his head and shaking it back and forth as he put the mead bottle down, resting his paws in his lap. "Leadership is a very difficult task. My best friend, Heizel, he understood the great responsibility that was put on his shoulders, but he carried the burden because he cared for the lives of innocents. He always sought out the best in others, to alleviate their suffering. I've always strived to be like him, but…I'm so lonely ever since he passed."

"You don't ever…get over it." Skoodge quietly admitted. "You can carry their memories with you, but…you don't get over it. Not one bit. It's like a throbbing pain in your chest." The short, squat Irken sighed as he looked down at himself and bit his lip.

"For my race, it's slightly different. We carry more than memories. Our very selves can be passed on. Course, it helps to have immense psychic powers…" Fivyr informed them all as VENT's voice rang through the air.

"Like the kind that can freeze a person on the SPOT?"

They all turned, seeing a fuming and FURIOUS Gazlene standing there, knife in her hand, twirling it over and over, her eyes burning like hot coals, panting as she glared at the muridean.

"What's the problem?" Skoodge asked.

"THAT thing." Gaz said, pointing with an accusatory finger.

"Behind the rabbit?"

"It IS the rabbit!" She shrieked. "Out of my way!"

Everyone gulped nervously at each other, glancing about, Darth frowning slightly at Gaz as Fiyvr sighed. "You are OBSSESSED with the idea of eating me. I take it that "this time, it's personal"?"

"Stop reading my mind!" Gazlene snarled, clenching her other fist tightly and shaking it at Fiyvr, sweeping towards him, grabbing hold of him and launching the Muridean through the air and into the piano, the thing crashing into the wall, Darth pulling Tak back as she shrieked, Fiyvr struggling to his paws as keys clattered around him.

"She was frozen like a statue up in her room. If we hadn't gone to get her…she might still be frozen. What do you have to say for attacking the captain?" MIMI wanted to know.

"She WAS going to fillet me. I'm very much against hurting anyone, even someone like her, so I simply paralyzed her until I could talk to the rest of you, get to know you all." Fiyvr insisted, holding his paws up. "I was very curious about all of you, about your ship, so I suggested to the farmer-"

"Ah-HA." Gaz hissed out, pointing an accusatory finger at him. "You set us up. You wanted off the planet so you took advantage of us."

"You're a very clever person when you want to be. Unfortunately you're utterly incapable of caring the sanctity of sentient life. This is why you sold your people out. I'd call you an animal…but even an animal has a herd instinct. You just don't care." Fiyvr said softly, his eyes accusingly staring back at her, his childlike voice soft, but…almost terrifying. "You don't care about anyone but yourself.

"I'm going to hit you in the skull. Clean through your little head. Don't want to bruise the MEAT, as tempted as I AM." Gaz said darkly, twirling the knife on one finger, smirking at Fiyvr.

"I can't watch this." VENT said. "I'm a robot but I feel like I want to vomit." He muttered, racing out of the room, Tak and MIMI quickly following after with more and more members of the crew."

"This is despicable." Darth snapped, glaring balefully at Gaz as Skoodge watched him leave too, turning to Fiyvr, who gave him a sad, quiet nod.

"…I'm so sorry." Skoodge apologetically murmured, shaking his head back and forth, exiting the dining hall as Fiyvr rested his butt on the ground, watching him leave, sighing a bit.

"You should be ashamed of yourself, Gazlene Membrane." Fiyvr murmured. "I believe there's a parable your Savior related to-"

"Are you actually going to quote SCRIPTURE at me? I burn whenever I so much as touch a Bible, that's not going to endear me to you. And I hate cute and fuzzy things." She added. "Now if you were a vampire pig, we could talk."

"You like vampires quite a lot. Their undead nature appeals to you. Probably because of your pale skin."

"It's not just that. Queen was wrong. Everyone wants to live forever." Gaz giggled out, holding the knife high. "You, unfortunately, won't live past the next FIVE MINUTES. Do be sure to scream. I know it'll be hard with a knife in your brain, but…at least try?"

…

…

…

… "I didn't really need those eardrums anyway." Gaz said, rubbing the side of her head, mouth half-full of meat, the rest of the crew either already long-gone from the dining room or looking sick as they stared at the carved and cooked carcass of poor Fiyvr, Darth vomiting into a nearby trash bucket, Skoodge sticking his tongue out as he put the mead down. It tasted like garbage. Food didn't taste like anything in the past two hours.

"…sure." Skoodge managed to get out, everyone else beginning to get up and leave, Tak escorting Darth out as he glared darkly in Gaz's direction as she let out a rude burp, picking her teeth with a toothpick.

"It's just food, it always was." Gaz snorted. "You know, there's nothing better than a good meal. One of the best things in life. Eating, resting, meditation, just…talking about things."

"You're a woman of simple pleasures, is that it?" Skoodge mumbled quietly.

Gaz waved a hand in the air. "Yes. And this was, to put it simply, a lovely meal." She admitted. "Very fine."

"Yes, er…sure…" Skoodge murmured as he struggled to keep the bile down as Gaz held up a bottle of mead and began downing it in a few big swigs.

"Come on now, Skoodge." Gaz insisted with a small smile. "Cheer up! Let's discuss things."

"Like WHAT?" Skoodge practically screamed out, glowering over at her as Gaz held up the bottle of mead she'd had and cheerily waved it in the air.

"Oh, I don't know. Perhaps…" Gaz grinned. "A discussion of souls? A British tar is a SOARING soul, as free as a mountain bird."

Skoodge's mouth slightly opened. His eyes began to widen.

No.

…nooooo…

"And his energetic fist should be ready to resist…a dictatorial word." Gaz went on, leaning back in her chair, grinning broadly as Skoodge looked from the "main course" to her.

"Noooooo. It…you…it CAN'T be…" Skoodge whispered.

"Gaz" raised an eyebrow up. "His nose should pant?"

"…and his lip should curl…" Skoodge murmured quietly, eyes getting wide as dinner plates.

"His cheeks should flame?"

"And his brow should furl!"

And in a few minutes, the dining hall was filled again with glorious song, a familiar voice rising high, filled with childlike joy as Skoodge accompanied him, their words filling the ship with vibrant life reborn.

His nose should pant
and his lip should curl,
His cheeks should flame
and his brow should furl!
His bosom should heave,
and his heart should glow,
And his fist be ever-ready
for a knock-down blow!