James Should Be Arrested

by elevise

Despite everything, this story is actually quite serious. Anyway, this is just my take on James' and Mary's relationship and how they met and whatnot. I wrote it for a school assignment and it's a little weird, but pretty exciting. Read it! You love it!

1. Chapter 1

I am a twelve year old boy. My name is James Sunderland. I understand that many things are illegal in this town.

Today is Sunday. I am wearing a red dress made out of cotton. I'm not sure if I look pretty. (Not that I'm a transvestite or anything, it's just illegal).

I am also taking a boat dock and stealing it. Some splinters pierce my fingers as I displace it. I wonder if the boats will notice.
I am downloading music illegally. "flyfleaf1-cassiu" is 50% done. I hate this song and the band, but this is illegal.

I am hijacking a unicorn, socks, and a spaceship. I now have two modes of transport. I now have bright red socks. They all match my dress.

I am drinking Vodka, but I'm not Russian. It does not taste very swell. And I am also gambling away all my money on the bus. The blue sign at the front of the bus says "No Gambling". I keep losing. People scrutinize my red dress. I am still not sure if I look pretty.

I sell drugs to a little girl. She asks me for some snow. She tells me her name is Mary. I didn't know little kids knew drug slang, but she is a very pretty little girl. I get some cash.

I am fighting a drunk man with a mailbox. He loses.

Then I read Twilight. It is a very horrible book. Reading Twilight is actually legal, but it's so bad, it should be a crime. I hate you, Stephenie Meyer.

My name is James Sunderland. I am twelve. I am fishing off the back of a giraffe. I am being a hooker while I fish. This town is named Silent Hill. And many things in this town…are illegal.

The town did not easily forget my crimes. It was all people were talking about. There was a huge ordeal made about it. "We have no idea who this criminal is," they said on the news. The news anchor, who had a toupee, appeared distressed. The whole town seemed distressed. "But the whole town is in an uproar. Although the police have refused to comment, they have released a list of a few suspects, including one James Anderland, a recently escaped convict."

I smiled to myself. My name wasn't James Anderland. I wasn't a convict. They'll never catch me. I turned off the T.V.