Ian Dietz, two days into a career with the Royal Woods Police Department, was parked at the corner of Franklin Avenue and Oak Street, eating a sports bar and listening to the crackle of the dash mounted radio. Next to him, Sargent Paul Jackson, a walrus of a man with a bristly mustache, ate an everything bagel laden with cream cheese, the front of his black uniform shirt full of crumbs. Dietz didn't know how Sargent Jackson did it. In the four hours they'd been cruising the beat, Jackson had two egg McMuffins from McDonalds, an éclair from Flip's, a croissant from the Goldberg's Bakery, and the bagel. Sarge was a big guy, but if this is how he ate every day (and from talk in the squad room, it was), he was doing good in the weight department.

Not good enough, though. Dietz didn't dislike big people. He personally didn't care about what someone looked like as long as they were a good person. When he saw an overweight cop, however, he couldn't help feeling a rush of disgust. Cops, by the very nature of their job, need to be in good physical condition; you never know when you're going to have to chase someone down, or climb a fence, or have to lift something heavy or carry someone away from a burning vehicle. If you were pushing three hundred pounds and had a set of knockers like Dolly Parton, you probably weren't cut out for the job.

Dietz stole a glance at Sarge. His shirt and mustache were both smeared with cream cheese. Dietz smiled. Looked like that bagel was enjoying it just as much as Sarge was.

"One thing you gotta know about this beat," Sarge said around a mouthful, "is it's quiet. Not much goes on here."

They were parked at the curb in front of a vacant house. On either side of the street, well-manicured lawns fell back to big houses. This was one of the richer sections of Royal Woods. The people here weren't wiping their asses with hundred dollar bills or anything, but they were solidly middle class. Farther up, the houses grew just a touch shabbier, the people just a little bit further down the ladder. Lower middle class in Michigan was still okay. Dietz's parents were lower middle class; they didn't have much left over at the end of the month, but they always had what they needed and got what they wanted enough that they never felt deprived. He was happy growing up, but had no problem counting himself among the poor. After spending the previous day in the Sherman Arms section of town, he knew what poor really was. The people there all lived in rundown houses or housing projects. Their clothes were dirty and everything looked like shit.

The crackle of the radio brought him out of his reprieve. "Be advised, 622 at Franklin and Dove. Units requested."

In Michigan cop talk, 622 was "unknown disturbance." None of the guys Dietz had talked to liked 622's because they could be anything from a stubbed toe to The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, so they had no idea what they were going into.

Moving quicker than Dietz had ever seen him move before, Sarge snatched the CB from its cradle and depressed the talk button. "Unit 22 en route." He glanced at Dietz. "Hit it."

Flipping the switch that activated the sirens, Dietz put the cruiser in drive and pressed the gas. He was kind of excited: This was the first action he'd seen all day.

"This is your first 622, huh?" Sarge asked.

"Yup."

"Let's hope it's a minor one."

"I wouldn't mind if it was major," Dietz said. "I could use some fun."

Sarge chuckled. "Come back to me in twenty years and say that."

Dietz turned left onto Dove Street, and immediately saw something amiss: A blonde girl, roughly seventeen or eighteen and as naked as the day she was born, tackled a black boy and started biting his face...or kissing it. A naked boy with white hair was on top of a little old lady, humping. The woman's eyes widened with every thrust.

"What the fuck?" Sarge gasped.

Dietz slammed on the brakes, threw open the door, and got out, drawing his gun and pointing it at the girl. She was definitely kissing the boy. "Freeze!" he yelled. On the other side of the car, Sarge aimed his gun at the boy.

The girl stopped her attack and looked up, a sly smile crossing her face. She got shakily to her feet and started advancing. The boy lie still.

"Freeze!" Dietz yelled again.

"I just love a man in uniform," the girl purred with half-lidded eyes. She kept coming, and Dietz choked. If she were a biker or a Blood, he would have pulled the trigger no problem, but a teenage girl?

"Stop or I'll shoot!"

She kept coming, her breasts jiggling. Aiming the gun at her left leg, Dietz pulled the trigger. She screamed and collapsed to the pavement.

"Get off!" Sarge yelled. Dietz looked and saw the boy still going to town on the old bag, only now instead of looking horrified, she looked like she was enjoying it.

"I'm trying, fatso!" she yelled.

Dietz started around the front of the car, but someone grabbed him from behind and spun him around. It was another blonde girl, this one with white sunglasses on top of her head. She was naked too. "Hi!" she yelled, and before he could react, she took his face in her hands and shoved her tongue down his throat. He started, and shoved her away; she fell onto her ass with a pitiful, "Ow!"

Fire filled Dietz's mouth. He spit onto the street and, coughing and bending at the waist. His lips tingled, and his crotch felt tight. What did the bitch do, poison him? He looked at her, starting to say something, but pain wracked his body, and with a scream, he fell across the hood of the car.

"Kid!" Sarge yelled. He came over and laid a hand on his shoulder. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Dietz said, standing. "I'm fabulous." He grabbed Sarge around the neck and kissed him...

Meanwhile, Lori crawled out of the street and lay on the sidewalk in a heap, the pain from the gunshot clouding her mind and pushing out the incessant lust. A scream rent the day, and she turned onto her side: Luan tackled a man and kissed him, passing her condition on.

"You alright?"

Lori looked up to see the black boy she'd attacked. She trailed her eyes down his chest to his crotch. His basketball shorts were gone. His dick was very hard.

Suddenly, the pain wasn't so bad.

"I am now," she said, and opened her legs.

With a smile, the boy fell on her.