Author's Note I: While this one-shot stands alone, it fits nicely into my Mudspell universe – consider this an almost sequel. Plenty of Easter eggs for those of you familiar with the Xena-verse. Crack-Flangst.
This gifty fic is in response to Chibikita's lovely crossover challenge on Tumblr:
Xena and Gabrielle somehow travel to the HP era where Bella picks a fight with Xena. Gabrielle and Hermione roll their eyes while Cissa is freaking out because they are fighting on her dining table.
The portal was still active, hovering in air like bad Christmas ornament; kitschy with sparkles of meddling. And somewhere on Olympus, a bearded god fist pumped. Malfoy Manor had seen bizarre events, but this might tip the cake topper. If the warrior princess had landed a few inches to the left, she wouldn't have tripped Bellatrix. Who wouldn't have declared war over bangers and mash, and made dining table into warzone. And perhaps Gabrielle's calm voice would have diffused or Hermione's logic prevailed.
The Gryffindor wasn't one to bond easily. But then again she wasn't one to expect battle assault to drop out of ceiling onto Cissy's prized table. The two witches had vacated, spectating the brawl. Standing next to Hermione, the blonde stranger (wearing the leather bikini) seemed in a similar predicament; green eyes never leaving the Frisbee warrior. Both cringed, heads cocked, as Bellatrix shot a nasty spell nicking Xena in the crotch. War cry was laced with revenge and swordplay. Bellatrix jumped over the blow and cackled, her wand flashing offense under candlelight. Her next spell missed, hit the wall, exploded chunk, and scowled her face. The wall didn't fare attempted-Chakram-retaliation any better. They all ducked a wayward spell. Cissy hyperventilated, as spoons became catapults. Hermione almost smiled; to a point, Bellatrix was oddly cute when destructive. And Cissa endearing, when neurotic.
Shenanigans, and the time traveler snorted disbelief and hesitation.
"I'm Gabrielle." The bard quirked toward the girl, finding no other recourse. Even a seasoned queen wouldn't get between the warrior princess and this….dark priestess of sorts. Besides, the Amazon squinted. The curly-haired sprite attacking Xena shone with a familiar star quality: Amazon. The Greek smirked, understanding her new companion's sigh.
"Hermione." The witch offered. "And the one behind you imploding with proprietorial rage would be Narcissa."
"Ah." Gabby took that at face value and attempted not to laugh at surrealism.
The two clasped hands in introduction, though the girl seemed bemused at the action. Gabrielle thought this Hermione was unique: scar on her arm, recent horrors in her eyes…and love for the damned creature attacking the once Destroyer of Nations. The Amazon queen gazed at the curled force on the table, and wondered what "onces" there were in this world.
Cissy's mouth was nearly unable, pursed but bewildered with the strange.
"BELLATRIX I swear if you even nick the—"
SNNNNAPP.
Bellatrix and Xena froze, both understanding sound. The table collapsed promptly, ending the impromptu argument, and they piled like children in a mishandled fort. Snapped teak, weapons, snarls, and all.
Cissy stormed out, needing to find reasons not to murder her sister.
"W-well," Xena wryly coughed out of the rubble dust. "That's one way to break the ice."
"Bloody savage, get your knee out my arse." Covered in rubble and sprawled across the warrior, for once Bellatrix was the more vulnerable of a pair. Xena had caught the harpy by accident, used to protecting smaller things. And this woman, while formidable, was tiny. The warrior had inclination to smack or swaddle this…Bellatrix. Such anger. She understood it. Exasperated, Xena shot her lover a well-used gaze. Gabrielle crinkled her nose, eyes sparkling.
"You don't seem to be complaining." Xena drawled, amused. Her eyes fell to the woman's…keeper. The warrior found Hermione to have a wiry strength, too well-kept for her presentation. This one had seen things.
Hermione flushed and seemed slightly put out at the words and provocative positioning (even if inadvertent). The warrior missed nothing, knowing there was more to the slender figure: if the woman could wrangle this creature (wild as she was), then there was talent to be found. But blues narrowed; Xena saw the girl had one of those…sticks. She tensed, that is until the wand flicked harmlessly and repaired the wall. Magic was different here. And she chortled, recognizing a look her own lover had worn many a time.
"Bella, for Godric's sake! Stop berating…" Hermione paused, browns searching the new baby blues for…morality.
"Xena. Name's Xena." The warrior intrigued, wondering what the hell kind of world they'd jumped into. Briefly her eyes found the girl's frame again, and she solved another piece to puzzle. Tucking it away.
"Like I'd do anything for your wanker Godric. Or this…heathen." Bellatrix muttered hotly, shooting her mattress a dirty look.
Too subtle, but Xena's face twitched, amused. This one had a mouth on her. But Hermione had enough.
"Oh shove it, Bella. Or would you rather break the rest of the manor with your villainy." Hermione scowled, hands gesturing to the table and then the portal.
Xena corrected. They both had a mouth. She lazed, not opposed to the woman's curves or weight (Gabrielle rolled her eyes). She appreciated their varying styles. And noted that her Bard seemed to be taking mental notes for scroll reference. Xena watched the young witch's breath, wondering what burdens this…witch had taken on. Despite her gruff nature, Hermione had a quality that spoke like her lover's. Annoyed, but Xena felt invested.
"You're so quick to hex, but it's obviously a mishap," the Gryffindor whispered. "My way, Bella, y-you promised…after…" Bushy hair hid her fears, past covering them with ash.
The warrior princess wondered which of the words stilled Bella in her arms. But their eyes locked and the room crackled with barely restrained magic. Xena understood this witch was a demon, like herself, in check only for the entity that held soul and heart. The quickest second and the Greek found humanity in the heart-shaped face.
CRACK.
And Xena was left with air and questions. Bellatrix apparated to Hermione's side, space between them, the world only them (their guests forgotten). Gabrielle helped her warrior up. Silently, they observed the odd love story before them, half reminiscent, half foreign. Hermione eschewed the hand Bella raised in truce and stalked to the dining room window. Gryffindor arms crossed and held emotion. But loyalty is a persistent thing in a Black. Boots clacked less stridently and Bellatrix gathered the witch in arm, careful curls affirming their state of amity.
"I promised to try. And I haven't broken that, witchling. But did you bloody think I'd perceive magical invasion of our wards as benign?" Bella's voice was flat, cruel almost. "You of all people should know…know that deary." Bellatrix never shirked the truth.
And ghosts of chandelier memories, held taught with knives, were in the room. Hermione jerked, hating her lover at that moment...as the ex-lieutenant held fast and genuine. Ah. Xena understood as witchy hands traced Hermione's scar, still angry after years of truce. Not a bard herself, but the warrior felt rather inclined to know their story. And there was story. Next to her Gabrielle tensed, fierce on the girl's behalf. A whisper calmed. Fingertips on waist.
"She's like me." Xena offered, hand grazing the bard's chin, where a bitter suite debacle once accosted. "They've mistakes to reconcile. It seems their beginning was less nice than ours." Understatement. Xena was fond of the emotion cycles in green…but the bard trusted her judgment and kept her silence.
At the window. The odd couple embraced. Bella's voice rasped. "I won't apologize for the offensive. Especially now." She turned the girl, cupping her face, proud hands shaking down to the Gryffindor's torso. Too intentionally. Xena's suspicions confirmed, but Gabrielle's eyes bugged-out when the dark witch splayed hands on Hermione's belly. Possessive. Loving. Protecting. But even the warrior's mouth dropped as those pale hands glowed, purple surrounding the honey-haired witch. Bella strengthened her protection spell, her own form of assuagement.
"The war may be won, but we have a different one on horizon." Bellatrix was sharp, always the lieutenant, always gunning for fight. And there was fight coming; the Order wasn't pleased. Her eyes snagged Xena's with incomprehensible message. All was understood. Nothing to be forgiven. Warrior's code.
"I don't suppose you mean Cissy." Hermione muttered, allowing Bella her harpy ways.
Bellatrix snorted. And even Gabrielle had to chuckle; Xena's mouth twitched. Hermione sighed, letting her head fall into the woman's curls. Home. She blushed, noticing their audience. But Bellatrix wasn't done.
"I'd rather it be a false positive." She nodded towards Xena…who took it as some brand of apology. "For once…let my nature work in our favor. Minerva can't remain our only defense."
Xena perplexed, realizing this Minerva had to be a namesake of their infernal goddess. Hermione remained silent, clinging to Black, tears of the past 4 years collecting with her hormones. It was a lot, to be both heroine and the hunted of the wizarding world. Bella let the girl be as she was, offering up the only thing she could: herself.
"Little lion, I sting first and ask later." She floundered for verbage, "It's just—"
"What I am." Xena spoke clearly.
Shrewd, black met blue and camaraderie passed between the scorpions of the room. Hermione burrowed into Bella's neck, conceding. Loving the woman anyway. Perhaps because. Gabrielle coughed, awkwardly. Especially as Narcissa chose this inopportune moment to return, her face composed and raging. Fuming. Her eyes cut.
"Talk."
"Well then." Gabrielle soothed. "Why don't we all sit down." And they did. "Let's start with…something simple. What day is it?"
Sealing the moment, Hermione kissed Bella, needing connection to prepare for shenanigans. Reluctantly breaking lips, she scanned the Amazon clothing. And preemptively whapped Bellatrix in the stomach, already knowing the smirk that spoke bluntly.
"What millennium, Birdy, might be better." Bellatrix twirled a lock of hair. Hers. Hermione's. No matter.
Gabrielle fell off her chair, snapping one of its expertly carved legs. And Narcissa swore, resolving to murder Bella anyway.
Author's Note II: R & R. This lacks my usual attention to editing, as it was originally supposed to be a drabble. Right. Because that ever works for me.
(Credits: Xena: Warrior Princess – S3E12: The Bitter Suite & S6E14: Path of Vengeance)