Dr. Gregory House, self-styled diagnostics god, peers raptly through the glass wall of his latest patient's room. More specifically, his ice-chip gaze is locked firmly on one of his newest recruits as said hospital-bitch carries out the most boring aspects of patient care: talking to the new plague-bundle, doing routine tests, replacing the patient's comfortable street clothes with open-backed paper replicas, etc. He tells himself he's monitoring for quality assurance, but the happy little tingle in his pants proclaims him a liar.

"I think I've seen this show before," Wilson says, sidling up next to his best and most annoying friend. "The crotchety protagonist moons over his love interest from afar, tricks said misguided youth into falling for him, then turns on the poor fool as soon as the relationship start to look too secure. The original was amazing; I'm not sure the sequel can live up to the hype."

"Really, you ought to be careful about how you throw around words like "crotchety" when the person you're describing hasn't gotten any in three months."

"Three months!? Not even from a hired hand? Or hired… anything else? Isn't that about how long it's been since Chase quit?"

"That's how long it's been since Cameron quit, thank you very much. Ever since she dyed her hair, it's been as if a part of me died, too. I've been in mourning for her luscious chocolate locks."

"And that's why you've turned your attentions to the significantly shorter chocolate locks of Lawrence Kutner?"

"Why does it have to be Kutner I'm eying? That chick in the bed is a real hotty, and soon, she'll need to get naked to put on her lovely tree-based dress. I'm counting down the minutes."

"That "hot chick" is nearly eighty, and there's no way she'll perform a strip tease, what with the broken hip that she sustained when she collapsed from unknown causes."

"Well, the wait'll make the payoff all the more worth-while."

"Why can't you admit that you find men attractive? No one could possibly find you any more repugnant than they already do, and everyone who hates you already has the much more defensible reason of your general personality. It's a win-win."

"Telling people you're into guys tends to keep the ladies at bay. It could seriously interfere with my sex life."

"You mean the one that doesn't currently exist? Try to admit, at least to yourself, that you have feelings for him. You know that kid adores you; why not try to find some happiness with him?"

House licks his lips as he watches Kutner walk toward the door, carefully balancing the specimen samples that he intends to bring to the lab.

"I think I will."