Are you sure that you're fine? The one question that everyone keeps asking me is the one question that I don't want to hear. Honestly, I'm not so sure if I'm fine. The pain that reached me when my mother died seemed to be coming back again, and this time, it wasn't just about her. It hasn't even been that long since she died, but I can already feel the sadness within me tugging at my heartstrings, trying so hard to get me to burst into tears.
I am broken inside without her, and nothing could change that. Not even the letter she sent me gave me the slightest bit of comfort. In fact, it just made things worse. I can't believe I didn't know that she felt that way. Now, she's gone and I'll never have the chance to tell her I love her too. She pushed me to play the piano again. She made me come out of my comfort zone because she needed my help. But where is she now, at the point in time when I need her?
Now, I just sit here before the piano, the keys below my fingers touched, but not played. I can't find the will to push down on the keys, to let them make the noise they were destined to make. I already tried with all the strength left within me to play a simple note, but nothing happened. My hands wouldn't move no matter how much my brain told them to. All of my inner workings are fighting against each other, each one trying to get control over the others.
At the moment I'd have to say every part of my body is putting up an equal fight. My eyes are getting cloudy and I can feel the tears starting to collect. My lungs are making it harder and harder to breathe, and I can feel the air leaving my system, leaving me hollow. My legs are numb to the point where I fear that if I get up, I may just collapse. My heart feels motionless, like there is no blood pumping through.