Prologue: Ghosts

I had never believed in true love until I met Ethan Winthrop.

He picked me out of the line only four days ago. But it seems like it's been a lifetime since then. I remember his eyes. I could tell that they used to be a sharper blue than they were. A film of pain clouded his irises that dulled their natural color. When he first looked down at me, I could immediately see that there was something different about him. He didn't look at me like I was something to eat, or something to use; I was a means to an end for him.

But the end of what, I wasn't quite sure.

Ethan was a job, like any other man I'd met. His pockets were lined with my money. A few hours with him and I'd be able to pay rent for the month, maybe even buy the new pair of shoes that I'd been eyeing but couldn't afford. So when he chose me out of Sandy's line, I was almost excited. Sandy had told me that another customer turned me down because I was too petite for him. But that didn't seem to bother Mr. Winthrop.

When the door closed behind the other girls, I was prepared—just not enough.

When he spoke, his voice was laced with the tight squeezing of his throat as if he were always on the verge of crying. His eyes, if he let silence linger too long, began shining with threatening tears. When I could see the genuine pain that he felt, I wanted to do everything in my power to make it go away. I wanted to help him.

I can still remember his kiss on my lips. It was as if he were making a wish with his mouth on mine. For a brief instant, I pretended that he was really kissing me. And I was able to lose myself in the love that I couldn't even begin to fathom.

Was he luckier? Or was I the lucky one?

To know such a love was what some waited their entire lives for. Yet, the pain it caused him seemed unbearable. No one can know what life will bring. But I often wonder if he had known the course the future would take, would he still have chosen to follow his path to her?

Darkening clouds move over my head and I have to brace my black shawl tighter around my shoulders as the wind picks up. I am the only one left at the site. It's been hours since everyone else left, but I felt the need to stay next to him a little longer. I can't lie to myself and say that I didn't find love in him. But how could any woman not love a man that could willingly choose to love another so passionately that it hurt his very soul? Was it his pain that I fell in love with? Or was it the tenderness that he showed me that no other man had?

I still can't know the answer to my questions. And I'm sure that I never will. But I am sure that if he'd let me, I would have loved him for the rest of my life. But my love wasn't what he needed. He needed something else… someone else.

The clouds are becoming more and more menacing and I'm sure that I'll feel the chill of the rain soon. But I still feel that I have to stay next to him. When I first heard, it felt as if something were being ripped from my chest—it was a part of me that I'd never get back. I'm still not quite sure how, but Ethan Winthrop managed to get into my heart. He warned me, told me not to. But I couldn't help it.

I'll love him forever. That I know. Not a day will go by that I won't think of what I could have had with him. The guilt still floods into my bones when I think about what I helped him do. I could have stopped him, I should have stopped him. But when he looked at me with eyes full of more pain than even I could bear, I had no choice; he was dying inside anyway.

No.

He died that day her eyes closed and never opened again.

Looking over to my left, I see the gray stone that marks her resting place. Something in me burns with hatred and jealousy for the woman that could take him from me, even in death. Yet, I could almost hear her smiling at me, mocking my hatred. As if I had a choice. As if I had a hold on him. As if I could take him from her.

He was always mine… the wind whispers against my ears.

My head whipped back down to the stone that had her name carved into it. A scowl almost escaped my lips and I had to bite down to make sure it didn't. As the seconds passed, so did my anger. I knew she was right. She had always been right. Even before they'd met, they belonged to each other.

"I know," I answered into the air.

I remembered the day that he asked me to be Theresa. He'd said her name with such caution, almost as if he were afraid of the name itself. I agreed, not sure of the persona that I was taking on. I should have known that the reverence that he'd held in her name could never be matched. I think about it now and hate myself for ever trying to take her place.

The wind picked up, the sky beginning to swirl harder. I saw a brief flash far off across the cliffs and I knew the storm would be over me soon. But I still felt that I needed to stay. Something inside was telling me that I needed to see something to really have closure. I didn't feel that I would ever be able to give up on Ethan, but I knew that it would never make a difference now, anyway. He was gone.

The wind brushed against my face, but softer this time, as if something were shielding me from the growing storm. My eyes closed, making me really feel the wind on my skin. Against the blowing air, I could feel the wind wrap around my cheek and circle around my waist as if it were holding me. Opening my eyes, I could suddenly hear the voice that I thought would only exist in my dreams from now on.

Thank you, Rachel… Thank you...

His deep voice brushed against my ears so soft I wasn't sure if I'd really heard him. I tried to search for it again, focusing to listen carefully. I wanted him near me again. I wanted his tenderness, the pained and destroyed man that I only dreamed of holding.

It's okay… Let me go…

Searching across the lawn, I wanted to see him. I wanted his open arms around me. I hoped I'd see him running towards me, his voice yelling to tell me that everything had just been a dream. But he wasn't there. The trees and stones stayed as motionless as they always were.

A few drops of rain were beginning to fall and I could a few spots take shape on some of the closer stones. That was when I saw him. I think. I still can't be sure, but when I really focus on the wind, I can almost hear him laughing.

Across the lawn, next to one of the bigger trees, I saw two shapes. At first, I figured it was just a shadow left by the tree. But as I looked up to see that the sun was now covered in the blackening clouds, I knew that they were no shadows. Looking closer, I could make out two distinct figures. The one on the left wore a dark dress. The other wore a light shirt and dark pants. Their hands were intertwined.

They seemed to be walking away from me, yet as I stared after them, they turned to look at me. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. With a smirk over his shoulder, Ethan smiled at me. I hadn't seen him so relaxed, so happy, in the few days I'd known him. And a part of me knew that I never would have seen it. The woman at his side waved at me with her free hand. She was shorter than him by at least a foot, slight and petite. Her dark hair fell to her middle back and hung loosely around her face. And even from across the lawn several yards away, I could see her eyes were the light color he'd spoken of.

They turned to each other, their eyes connecting. Watching them now, I knew that I had no right or reason to be angry. They belonged together. Ethan's free hand reached out slowly to her face, stretching across her cheek. As if in slow motion, they came close together until their mouths touched. At first, a jealousy sprung inside of me. Yet, as I watched, it melted into something I didn't expect: hope. I watched them embrace passionately, a certain tenderness evident in them.

The hope in my chest grew. I suddenly wished to find a love like they'd had. Correction: they had. A love like theirs, the love I hoped to find, was one that would never die no matter what happened. It would live on. And I knew that for the rest of eternity, they would be together, traveling through destiny hand-in-hand.

They didn't break apart, their arms wrapping around each other even tighter. Watching them, I was mesmerized by how much their love touched me. The stronger they loved, the stronger I felt. It was almost as if my heart were going to explode, not able to contain so much at once. And then they began fading. They didn't break apart, but their image was being blown away by the wind. Suddenly, they were gone.

I looked back down to their stones, put side by side, and knew that they felt peace. I could no longer miss Ethan. He was happy now, at peace with the woman he gave up his life for. When he told me that his life was empty without her, I couldn't believe him. I wanted to erase his pain. Now I saw how naïve I really was. No matter where he was, where he existed, he was with the love of his life.

The rain kept falling, a little harder now and I made sure my shoulders were completely covered by my shawl. Each drop seemed to wash away the grief I had felt only minutes ago. Somehow, seeing Ethan with Theresa, I felt at ease, much more capable of believing in what he'd told me.

I believed now. True love was real. And it was waiting for me, out there, somewhere. And I would find it.

I looked up to the sky, and then across the lawn where I'd just seen something that didn't seem possible. Then I looked down to their stones and saw something that I hadn't noticed before. At first when I came to St. Mary's Cemetery, their stones were separate, two blocks that sat very near to each other. Now, as I looked down, I realized that the space had been filled and it was only one stone. They were joined; forever.

"Thank you," I whispered into the wind, hopeful that they would hear me.

Ethan's deep laugh echoed in the silence of the rain, and I knew he had.

Thank you…, the wind said in a lighter voice. Thank you for giving him back to me…