The Bloody Brady Massacre My name is Alice, I was the Brady family's maid, and this is my story. Well there I was serving a family of eight, in a huge house. I allways thought it was strange that their house was so large, and their father, Mr.Brady who was an architect,had designed their house knowing that he had 6 children, yet two sets of three children slept in two rooms. While he had his own 'den' and a huge bedroom. Rather ironic? Yes. Oh well, If I had said anything about it back then, Mrs. Brady would have probably had me stuffed in the 'cage'. That is another story, and I don't believe I'm ready to tell it yet. Moving right along. My first impressions of the family were observant, I thought they were annoying from the very first moment, but I needed the money to support some 'habbits'. So I made do with the small cupboard of a room that they gave me, and the unhealthy rations of meatloaf. Occasionally if I did a great job impressing their friends with my nice meals and clean house, they'd give me a smoothie made of mayonaise and lard. Quite a treat... Now that you have the begining straight, lets get to the chase. Day number 5. I was cleaning the kitchen minding my own business, when I heard a loud 'thunk' in the front room. I skipped on out to examine what had happened, swearing that if those *Bleeping* kids were 'playing ball' in the house again, I'd take the potatoe peeler and *Bleeping* skin 'em alive. I was supprised to see Jan, the middle girl, throwing all of her elder sister Marcia's trophies off of the staircase. She looked disgruntled. I allways had pitty on her, everyone seemed to hate her. So I decided to go see if I could help. I clumsily made my way up the stairs, then I asked her 'Jan, what the *bleep* you doing?' Acting as if I really cared. Haha. And boy did it ever fool her. No wonder nobody likes Jan, she's such a simpleton.! Anyway, she stared at me with her small beady eyes 'I'm destroying Marcia's trophies, honestly Alice, what does it look like I'm doing?' Right at that moment I wished that she would just throw herself off of the staircase. A glazed dreamy look covered my eyes as I smiled, picked up the last perfectly polished trophy and hurled it off of the staircase, causing it to shatter an expensive looking vase upon which it landed on. Jan began to laugh hysterically. What a strange child, I thought. 'Oh Alice, you're so pathetic.' and with that she toodled off. Marcia passed her sister in the hall and waddled over to the staircase which I was still standing above. She smiled nicely at me, 'Hi Alice', and made her way down the stairs. Once at the bottom step she stopped dead in her pink Prissy Megee Pumps, and put her perfectly manicured hand to her head, as if she was feeling faint. She noticed all of her prized trophies shattered all about the living room floor. She turned quickly and saw me, standing above where her trophies were thrown. '*bleep*', I thought. And with that I hopped on the staircase railing, slid all the way down in that idiotic looking blue dress, jumped off on the same step as Marcia was planted, and ran to my closet. There I hid. Contemplating my next move. I could hear Marcia screaming for her mother and father. I was uttering curses, as I sat, there in my closet and clawed the walls, like a wild animal. I was cornered, it was only a matter of time, before I would take a roller coaster ride in the bowels of hell. It took Marcia about 15 minutes to fully explain what had happened. I heard furious footsteps stomping through the kitchen. I huddled deeper into my corner of the closet. My unlocked door swung open, I could hear it, it squeeks. I could hear the harshness of two bodie's angry breathing. 'ALICE, SHOW YOURSELF, YOU PIG!' Mrs. Brady snarled. There weren't many options of hiding areas in my 'cell'. Mr. Brady after looking elsewhere flung the closet door open dramatically. I closed my eyes as the light of the room shined in. With all of the comotion downstairs all six of the kids gathered in my room. I searched each of their faces. They all just stared at me menacingly. Mr. Brady broke the silence, 'Alice, Marcia has told us what you've done to her belongings. And it makes us quite ill, we all feel that we've been very good to you, and we don't know or care what provoked you, but you're to leave this house right after, one week.' I looked at Jan, she smiled slyly, no wonder nobody liked her, the little reject.! I then sudgested, still asuming my position in the closet. 'Hey I'll just leave now!' I got up to go to the door, but Greg, the fool, as if on cue closed it. Mrs. Brady then bugged her eyes out at me ' No that won't do, we're not letting you go unpunished for all that you've done.' I looked questioningly at all of the brats. 'What the *Bleep* have I done!?' Mr. Brady nodded at the youngest girl, Cindy, and once again, as if on cue she answered. 'You put my dolly in the garbage disposal' Bobby then next piped up, 'You stuck my hand in the blender!', he held up his gnarled bandaged hand. 'YOU WERE SNACKING BEFORE DINNER!' I screamed at him. Peter the middle boy, then said his side of the story, 'You bleached my black socks!' I stuck my tounge out at him. Jan was next 'You hit me on the head with a spatula in my sleep!' I was appalled I had done none of those things, well... Atleast I didn't whack Jan on the head with a spatula, how would she have known anyway? Her skull is so thick allready. Marcia had nothing to say, she was near tears, parting with her trophies, but Greg had somthing to say. ' You told Nancey Pheebolomoreis the most popular girl in school, who finally called me, to '*BLEEP* OFF!' I reasoned with him 'She said she got the wrong number, Greg.' He nodded as if unconvinced 'Yeah right.!' 'Oh Alice, look what you've done to our closet!' Mrs. Brady exclaimed spotting the clawmarks that I had recently created. Mr. Brady closed his eyes and opened them again. ' Alice I hate to do this but we're going to put you in the 'Cage'.' I looked frantically around in the room.. There was no place to go, I had allready been in the cage once, and I wasn't looking forward to going again. I ran into the kitchen to be followed quickly by the large mass of a family. They were disturbed, and they were disturbing me. There was nothing harmless that I could do. Whatever plan I chose to execute, it would *execute*...

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