Kiwi, Dinner, and Pastor joined forces for an awesome assault on those cyberpunks in the Many. Kiwi as the big Marine gunman, Pastor the haxor, and Dinner as the drug-addled asylum escapee who thought he could give people colds with his mind and be friends with aliens.
Spoilers for System Shock 2, you have been warned!
After chosing our careers and stuff, and watching a robot do the Macarena, we found ourselves on the Von Braun, and stuff was going down. Kiwi found, Wrenchie, the wrench that breaks stuff, and we escaped decompression. It was around this point we found Elmo, our trusty sidekick. We did stuff, killed monkeys, got raped, and eventually made it to Engineering.
At engineering we got cancer, got better, and wrote a best selling novel. Afterwards, Elmo went a little berserk and blew up some explosive barrels that killed us, that loveable fiend. We also met terrorist robots. Oh, and resetting some engines, but who cares about that?
We took an elevator to Hydroponics (deck 3) and found alien babbies. We did what any rational being would do and aborted them. We shoved the rape canisters into the rape receptical and heard the babbies and gooey stuff cry out in shame. We proceeded to high five when we met one of our greatest foes... giant spiders! After many screams of terror we brought down the first, but they would not be the last. We also broke a monkey's squad by throwing brains at it.
We then made it to deck 4 where we found out the lady telling us to do stuff was actually Shodan (who was bus all along). After putting on our best expressions of fake surprise, We put chips into dip to make Xerxes sad so that Shodan could kick him in the nadgers. Dinner learned how to do extreme gonorrhea, and griefed us ever since, and maALIEN BEES OH GOD THEY ARE EVERYWHEREde windows explode.
On deck 5 we met a guy, watched him die, then went on a shopping spree at the mall, (Kiwi got Pastor a super awesome Christmas present, don't tell him). Kiwi also became red and went faster. After much fiddling around, we went the gym and sent an message to Earth telling them who they could make the check payable to when we save the day.
Deck 6, we don't talk about what happened there, other then the woman and her commie lover.
We then did stuff on previous decks that doesn't matter at all, and then aborted a bunch of babbies in a shuttle.
On the Rickenbacon we aborted super babbies, this game must be pro-abortion or something, and messed with gravity. At this point Pastor learned that he could drive away alien bees by doing the Macarena, and Kiwi learned how to make Kustom Shootas. There were also cyborg ninjas who were actually asylum workers coming to take Dinner back to the asylum.
After the mass abortion, we charged to the heart of the Many for our fallen comrades. They said the feeling of us walking around was repulsive, but we told them to shut up because they were tentacle raping two ships at once. After a few... incidents of people dying, we shot them with guns till they died and blew out their brains. We then had a water slide race.
Shodan, being a terrorist, decided that now was the time to make reality into the internet. We were not fooled however, as it didn't have enough porn in it to be the internet. Because we were lied to, we decided to put a halt to this vile scum. When we met Shodan in combat, Elmo sacrificed himself to buy us the time we needed to fill Shodan full of holes. The universe was saved, and the Awesome Battalion had a dance off.
Afterwards, Kiwi became a gardener and grew a farm of trees from Elmo's seeds. He also shot at small children, yelling at them to get off his property, when he went into town. Pastor found a career in the fireworks operating business and ended up doing the show for Elmo and Shodan's wedding. Dinner's addiction to psi hypos finally overtook him, and he made the world's only psi-helicopter, with Kiwi providing the voice.
And so ends the Story of Awesome Battalion's war against Cyber Terror.