Simply Musing
By: Yamiko #7
The fanfiction! It lives! Woo hoo!
...It's been way too long since the last time I've written something. Can you tell? n.n
This particular fic should be truly interesting. It's an exaggerated, whacked-out look at the way my poor, abused muses and I write in the frame of an FMA fic so I don't get kicked off (They've removed three of my fics in a week...somebody's not happy with me.) It's not breaking any rules as far as I know...which means I'd better look again, 'cause I don't know much. n.n
By the way, for the purposes of the disclaimer, I own my muses. (Although Musei insists he belongs to nobody...but he's a pain and nobody really ever listens to him anyway.) I also own me. Everything else belongs to somebody else.
Okay! We ready? (Crickets chirp) ...close enough. Let the insanity begin!
Chapter 1: Getting Started
"Are you sure you want to do this?" Museo inquired for what had to be the umpteenth time.
"Umm...yes?"
Museo sighed. Answers in the form of questions only worked on Jeopardy -whenever his authoress used them, something bad was about to happen. "When was the last time you wrote a serious FullMetal Alchemist fic?"
"Never." Yamiko nodded decisively.
Museo sighed again. "Well, okay...let's get started." He pulled The Checklist out from...nowhere (muses, unlike mortal man, are not obligated to explain these things) and began reading off items. "Characters."
"Check."
"Plot."
"Umm...kinda."
Considering the fact they had started fics when the answer to "plot" was "what plot," Museo wasn't worried. Much. He decided to continue anyway. "Laptop."
"Um, duh."
"Fourth wall."
Silence.
"Fourth wall," he repeated.
Yamiko coughed guiltily.
"Do you mean to tell me," Museo said slowly "that you intend to write this fanfiction with NO fourth wall!"
"Well, what am I SUPPOSED to do?" Yamiko cried. "It broke!"
"I told you you shouldn't have written "Servant of Two Masters" and "FullMetal Alchemist and the Philosopher's Stone" at the same time!" Museo replied, frustrated. Neither fic was finished, and both had gotten kicked off for use of script format. "Why don't you go get it fixed? The repair shop's right next door."
"No way!" Yamiko retorted. "That place charges an arm and a leg! Literally! They have a contract with the automail shop down the street!"
Museo blinked. "Really?"
"Yeah, really! I looked it up."
Museo gave his third sigh in as many minutes. "How come you only do research when it doesn't count?"
"Because it pisses you off," Yamiko responded offhandedly. "Can we get started now, please?"
"...Fine." She had written "Dear Diary" with no plot, "All It Takes" with no end, and had no inspiration for the sixth chapter of "The Source of Power." Why shouldn't she write this one with no fourth wall? It certainly kept with the trend. "So what's your opening line?"
"Way ahead of you," Yamiko responded, pointing happily to the screen of her laptop. One sentence had been written.
It was a dark and stormy night.
Museo blinked. "You've got to be kidding me."
"Nope!" Yamiko grinned. "I've always wanted to start a story like that."
"If your next line is "Suddenly, a shot rang out!" I'm gonna be peeved," Museo warned.
"Nah," Yamiko shrugged, continuing to type. "It doesn't fit."
"Gee, I don't think it's raining hard enough," Ed commented sarcastically to the train window.
Al shot him a look
"Al can't give him a "look,'" Museo pointed out. "He's a suit of armor."
"Would you let me finish?" Yamiko snapped. And as Museo backed off sheepishly, "Thank you."
Al shot him a look, or as much of a look as he could muster with a face (and body, for that matter) made of iron. "You don't mean that. If it rains any harder, the train could run off the track."
"Thanks so much for that little bout of optimism." Well, that certainly hadn't lightened his mood any. "Of course I didn't mean it. If the train ran off the tracks, we'd have to evacuate. Then we'd actually be standing outside in that storm." This was all said with a completely straight face.
"Always good to know where your priorities are," Al answered lightly.
Ed had the distinct feeling he'd been insulted. He let it go. He wouldn't win the ensuing fight anyway, so why bother?
Al tried to lighten the mood. "Where are we headed, again?"
It didn't work. "Some podunk little town called Rien."
"It's not necessarily...podunk..."
"It wasn't on the map, Al." Ed was warming up for a rant. "The guy at the train station had to draw it on. He used the point of a pin dipped in ink. It's podunk.
"Not only that," he continued, volume rising with his rant and his temper. "It's out East, so if that stupid colonel finds out, he'll be cheezed off that we didn't go visit him! I can see him now," -he launched into a melodramatic imitation of Roy- "'Oh, Fullmetal, why didn't you come see me? Don't you love me anymore?"
"So," he finished from his stance atop the seat (how he got there, even the authoress doesn't know)
"Do you really have to write that?"
Yamiko blinked. "What? I don't have a fourth wall, remember; therefore, it's not illegal."
Museo sighed. "I'm gonna go get that thing repaired." He strode out the door.
"I'm not paying the bill for your automail!" Yamiko called after him and returned to her typing.
"So," he finished from his stance atop the seat (how he got there, even the authoress doesn't know), "we have to keep a low profile if we want to get away with this."
"Too late." Al pointed to something over Ed's shoulder.
He turned to see a group of a half-dozen preteen girls watching his impromptu performance with looks of absolute awe on their faces.
"Um," one of the girls ventured, "that man you were talking about...can you get me his phone number?"
Ed turned back around and dropped into his seat, hunching his shoulders and hiding his face (which now matched the hue of his trench coat) from view.
"You do good work."
"Shut up, Al."
"Oh, great." Yamiko sighed and leaned back in her chair. She'd reached yet another impasse in her fiction with that line. She had two options: she could either put in a page break and change scenes, or she could end the chapter.
"I'd suggest ending the chapter."
She jumped and whirled around to see Museo, holding a neatly repaired fourth wall and reading over her shoulder. Much blinking ensued. "That was fast. And hey- no metal limbs."
"Of course not." Museo acted insulted. Truthfully, he was surprised. His authoress normally wasn't that observant.
"How'd you manage that?" Yamiko questioned.
"I know jujitsu."
Much more blinking ensued. Then-
"Shut up."
"No, seriously, I know jujitsu." Museo began installing the freshly repaired fourth wall in the wiring of the fic. "And I really think you should end the chapter."
"It's not even two pages long," Yamiko protested. "My readers will kill me!"
"Think about it. Where can you go from there?"
"Well," Yamiko replied thoughtfully, "I can always write the first scene in the town..."
"Okay." The fourth wall was proving harder to install than Museo had originally thought. "What's going to happen during that scene?"
"Dunno," Yamiko shrugged offhandedly. "I guess it'll just...come to me."
"Well, have it come to you another time," Museo retorted. "For now, you have homework to do."
Yamiko sighed and pulled up the document for her half-finished World Lit paper. "This sucks."
"No arguing this time?" Museo was genuinely surprised.
"Why argue when you know your opponent is right?" Yamiko scanned the half-page she'd already written. Only two more pages to go. "Man, IB's a bi-"
"If you intend to show this to Emu," Museo interrupted, "then you'd better not finish that sentence."
"Oh." Yamiko blinked once again- "Right." -and got to work on her paper.
Museo rolled his eyes and began for the fifteenth time that day (he had started keeping track) to contemplate his assignment. He was a muse, for goodness' sake. Why was he reminding her to do her homework? Homework killed creativity and made his life harder.
Damn his responsible side.
He sighed and returned to the fourth wall, trying if the red wires connected with each other or plugged into the green jacks. Or did they connect with the yellow wires? He had no clue.
And of course, Yamiko would have lost the instruction manual by now. She didn't call it lost - she simply stated that it was in one of the many drawers of the black hole commonly known as "her desk."
He decided to leave the lost cause of the fourth wall for later and began to read over his authoress' shoulder. She hated it when he did that.
That, of course, was the only reason he did it.
"You misspelled "independent." Twice."
"Darn it, Museo! You're my muse, not my homework helper!"
Wow, she was peeved. English tended to do that to her. He decided to leave before she started throwing things at him. He headed out the door- "I love you too." -and turned the corner, narrowly avoiding the day calendar aimed where his head had been.
Maybe somebody else would have an instruction manual. He certainly hoped so.
Okay, so I got a little carried away. n.n The FMA fic has a plot, I promise. You just kind of have to dig around a little to find it. Hopefully the next chapter will have more fic and less muse. (He can get really annoying.) By the way, the World Lit paper has been successfully completed. Now for the grade... (cringes)
Thanks so very much for sticking with this endeavor in insanity and see you next chapter!