A little admonition: this story has been written in a state of – shall we say – 'trance' earlier on this dawn so please do not expect that all grammar would be acceptable in English standards. =)
Therefore I ask for pardon in advance for anything that may cause the reader discountenance.
DISCLAIMER: Yukina doesn't own any of the characters mentioned in the story.
CONTEMPLATION
'Why did it have to be you?'
She didn't know when it all started.
All she knew was she was just an average girl, all but with a unique characteristic of never having to worry about her own personal heart matters, for in her mindset, this matter was not particularly important.
This was her principle; the pillar in which she had built her life upon ever since that day when her father left her mother all alone to put the ends together. She reasoned out that if the matter was something that made separated later too her beloved mother from her, then might as well that she despise it and vow not to dwell in it.
But right now, as she contemplates on the status of the beating of her own heartbeat, it made her think twice on how pathetic she can get by admitting that she did ran straight into her fear's course.
She fell.
And she unquestionably fell hard.
So hard that she found it impossible to turn back anymore, even though she knew full well that she risked her sanity and her reputation in doing so.
To whom, you may ask?
"Tenten."
She looked up at the sound of the low voice, eyebrows furrowed in disappointment. She never wanted to be distracted from her thoughts, considering that her thoughts are the only safe haven that she can consider. Besides that, everything else spells threat and vulnerability.
Everything except one.
He stared down at her, eyebrows too furrowed at the obvious strain in the reaction of his companion. Her lips were pursed, her muscles strained, her breathing was not normal. His eyes, which can see through everything, never failed to notice every detail in her, including the glistens at the sides of her eyes, though small but not unnoticeable, whether in the normal circumstances, or not so normal occurrence, just like in today's case.
"It's nothing. I'm just thinking. That's all." Her answer was short but blunt.
Yes she was thinking, thinking about the ways on how she would counter the painful realization. She was thinking of sane ways on which she could spend her time alone and probably will her being into going for, and not against, the one and only principle in her complicated life. But, seeing that this feat is close to impossibility, it hurt her more to know that even though she already admitted to herself that she had broken the rule of her existence, admitting it to him would be faced downright with rejection, considering him and his – well – renowned persona: a man of dignity and dreams. Her shoulders sagged all the more, knowing she was nothing but a woman who goes on with the flow of life, never really having a great goal to reach.
It was against him.
Yet, she contemplated too on the upsides.
He was her friend, ever since the time she can remember. To others, she may be the strong, confident and sometimes defiant tomboy who was just a wisp in the constant flow of life and time but maybe, just maybe, she like to think that she is has a somewhat value and deeper meaning to him that what other people say, for he was her safe haven too in times that she was bothered with the memoirs of her not-so-pleasant family background. Most importantly, he was the only one who could bring out the real Tenten behind the rugged, rash attitude of a boyish individual.
The Tenten who can show fear and vulnerability
The Tenten who can be quiet and placid when time calls for it
The Tenten who is also but a daughter longing for the embrace of her loving mother
And somehow, due to his being a true person around her, she realized that one day, the time came when she was already looking at him in more than a friend's eye.
"Tenten, dare I say it, but you look like you are bothered."
She sighed, mumbling a statement low enough she thought no one would hear, save her confused and spent self.
Yet, nothing is left unknown of when it speaks of a Hyuuga. He needs not to strain his hearing to know what was lurking in the surface of her mind at the moment.
Why did it have to be you?
The sky was painted red and orange, signaling the upcoming visiting of the evening but for the two teenagers sitting at one bench at the far side of the park, it was already dark; dark in a way that nothing makes any sense. All was vague; all was obscure; nothing makes any reasonable explanation for what fate had brought them, or even why the goddesses of fate had entwined their paths to meet anyway.
"And what did you mean by that Tenten?" Neji asked.
She looked up, dazed and eyes wide in innocence, clearly not comprehending what he meant to say. He stared down at her, eyes still unreadable as ever, but years of being together enabled the girl to know that he was silently urging for an explanation.
Hazel eyes widening, this time in shock rather than innocence, her breath caught up her throat when it sunk into her that he had heard.
And she felt something worse than fear creep up and take hold of her: terror.
It was a feeling that she felt for the first time in his life, even greater than the fear embedded in her that time when her parents abandoned her. She felt terrified; all too terrified to know that she could lose him forever just because of one foolish mistake and a slip of the tongue she uttered in her tranced state.
He was all too silent, waiting patiently for her answer. She was all too frozen, actually thinking of an answer on how she would tell everything without breaking the hard-earned trust and friendship.
The minute came when she solemnly accepted the fact that all would never be the same again. She opened her strained lips, trying to utter out audible words she could muster out the moment.
"I-"she stuttered, lowering her head and avoiding his scrutinizing gaze. "I'm, s-sorry, Neji."
He stiffened at the unexpected words that came out her. "Why?"
Sighing, she tilted her head to the other side, avoiding his eyes even more so. "Well…remember the times we spent together?"
He didn't speak, but it was almost like she saw him nod slightly.
As absurd as it may seem for the mood, she actually smiled, reminiscing the moments. "This whole time, I've been thinking about the meaning of my life, how it could've been different if only my parents never left me in the first place. But yet, as strange as it may sound, I never regretted that they left. You know why?"
Silence
"For they led me to you. You helped me in those times that I needed a shoulder the most. You aided me in picking up the bits of glass broken in me when everything fell apart. Most of all, your friendship served as my primary reason for breathing: my primary reason for living. Words are not enough to describe how thankful I am that fate allowed me to experience those moments. To tell you the truth...
Am I going to really …?
"They actually led me to a realization." She looked back at him, all sense of hesitation and fear dissipating away as she allowed the spur of the occasion to take over her.
For what looks like the first time in his life, Neji was caught unawares by the sudden change in her disposition. Her smile was mesmerizing; her eyes were glowing in a way he couldn't comprehend. So much that he never wanted the moment to end.
Meanwhile, Tenten, all ready to let go and let him be whispered out a statement in a low voice she knew no one would hear except him:
"I realized that after all those years, I've already fallen for you."
Feeling the heavy weight slowly being lifted off her chest, Tenten inhaled deeply, catching a whiff of his all too familiar scent, now with more meaning to her than ever before. She then looked back at her lap, knowing that this moment could be their last. After this, everything wouldn't be the same again. He would go back to being the goal oriented Neji; she would go back to being the reluctant Tenten. Well, it's her fault anyway. If there was anyone who would have to suffer in greater part, then it would have to be her.
"I know it sounds stupid. Well maybe for you. But, I just wanted you to know." She said, guilt now running course through her veins. "I never said you must tell me what you think. Guess, I just needed to get it all out."
She sighed again, and stood up, intending to leave and let their lives go on their separate ways.
You know what's the most surprising moment in the world?
Tenten being held back by Neji from running away from him.
She felt it strongly: the way his firm hand held her wrist, effectively freezing her in her tracks. Yet, contrary to what she was supposed to do, she bit her lip, refusing to look back and closing her eyes tightly, afraid that she would hear nothing more but a sincere farewell from her beloved friend.
Nevertheless, it never occurred to her that she would be held by him, strongly and protectively as if she was his.
She stood still, letting the situation sink into her guarded mind as her whole body felt the warmth of his and the feeling of his strong arms surrounding her petite form.
He stood still, leaning his chin at the crown of her head, never letting her go even for a moment, savoring every second that he had her in his arms. He had her in his arms, and if ever she were to squirm her way out, he was sure he wouldn't allow it, not as long as everything is vague and blurry as the darkness of the day that was now swiftly surrounding them.
She relished his touch, inhaled his scent now stronger than before, and stayed as still as she can, closing her eyes and losing herself in what she now considers as a dream far too good to be true,
"Why?" Tenten whispered after a few minutes of silence.
She heard him inhale, and then his low baritone voice made way to her ears. "Don't you know?"
No. not yet. Not this moment that she was all too afraid to even consider the fact that he viewed her as something treasured and special than his dreams. And so she shook her head, not really knowing what to say at the moment.
It was then she felt his arms snake away from her, replacing his warmth with the coldness of the wisp of breeze of the chilling park. She felt it when the weight shifted to her shoulders, pushing her a little backward as to make way for him to let her look up at him with blank eyes.
Then, she saw that one thing she never thought she would live to see: his lips curved up into a graceful smile that almost made her glistening tears fall to the ground in joy. Almost.
Yes, it was all too good to be true, but he was really smiling. Smiling at her; smiling because of her; smiling for her.
"Tenten." He called again. "Don't you know? Don't you feel?"
Don't you feel?
As if cold water was splashed onto her stiff form, Tenten had finally put all puzzle pieces together, making out the only statement that made sense in all of it:
"You love me too." She whispered half unbelieving, half overjoyed.
Shaking his head in an expression of a mixed amusement and wariness, Neji smiled even wider, "Why? Is that too surprising?"
Finally. Finally after that last statement did all of Tenten's fear crumble hence, giving way for those held back crystals to be released, running a tear stain down her fair cheek. He loved her. He loved her. Everything was not the way she seemed it would be. Finally, finally did all those feelings of loneliness, feelings of emptiness and lack of loved ones thereof came washing away, being out placed with the realization that she at long last had someone who accepted her and never left her side all this years.
"You love me too." She repeated yet again as if making sure of what she had realized.
Neji chuckled and placed a hand on her chin, willing her to look his way. When she had her attention locked on to him, he smiled once again and leaned down, planting a gentle kiss on her forehead, and then pulling her once more to his benevolent embrace.
"Yes, I do Tenten." He replied, confirming everything. "From the start I have met you I already did."
And he felt her shoulders shudder uncontrollably and he heard her soft whimpers turn to hiccups as he held her even closer than before, if that were even possible. He didn't mind it that it was already rasping cold in the park; he didn't mind that his shirt was now being drenched with her built up emotions. What matters is that he had her. She had him. Nothing else held more importance.
The park was all too dark now, signaling the full occupancy of the evening. But for Neji and Tenten, nothing was as dark as ever before now that they found their own personal lights.
And they were sure that they never will have to travel that dark road again.
To be honest, even though I was downright typing randomly when this came up, I still tried my best not to make any character, especially Neji, OOC. If they still are out-of-character, then I apologize again.
Yukina thanks you for taking a few minutes of your time in reading her story.
=)