A Better Place
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Owen wiped away a tear.
Toshiko did the same.
And after sniffing loudly then giving one long sigh, Jack began to laugh again. "Oh, yeah, and what about that time when you pretended that your leg was broken ….. I still can't believe she fell for that one."
"Oh, God, yes. I'd forgotten about that …" Reaching across to tap Ianto on one knee Tosh sent the Welshman a scolding stare, then smiled affectionately as she recalled. "That was really quite wicked, for you, you know ….. but I have to admit, it was funny."
"I was actually in quite a bit of pain, I'll have you know." The Welshman frowned on his own behalf. "But I must admit … it was fun winding her up like that. And anyway, I was hoping that her guilty conscience might make her consider being a bit more careful in future."
Instantly Owen was chuckling over at him. "Gwen? Careful? Ianto mate, I'm sorry, but you were always on to a loser with that one; I mean, did you see the amount of damage she caused with just one chisel?"
"No ….." He told him bluntly. "As always, that day I got left behind to do the cleaning."
"Hey, in fairness, though, that wasn't strictly her fault; you were taunting her non-stop, Owen and don't pretend you don't know it."
Somehow Jack was managing to perfectly combine his scolding tone with his amused grin.
"Yeah, okay ….." Sighed the slightly built Londoner. "I'll give her that one, maybe it wasn't all her fault."
A wistful gaze appeared in Toshiko's eyes. "I do miss her." As all three men stared at her she sent them a frown. "Oh, come on you lot, you can't get away from the fact that despite her irritating ways ….. she was still one of us."
"Plus she looked good in those tight jeans and that kick-ass leather jacket." Jack purposefully caught Ianto's eye to send him a quick wink. "Of course, they were never a patch on your suits."
With Owen and Toshiko laughing at him, Ianto performed the predictable.
Heaving another huge sigh, Jack slumped; his large hands framing his chin as he rested his elbows on his knees. "You know what I really miss, guys? Us all sitting round the boardroom table tucking into a Chinese …"
"Or pizza." Nodded Ianto, remembering. "The meat feast was my favourite."
Owen swallowed thickly. "Yeah, but we never did get to find out what meat they were actually using on the bloody things, did we?"
"Oh, that poor thing." Eyes downcast, Tosh smiled gratefully as Jack slipped an arm around her, and in her cross-legged position she allowed him to rock her into his side.
With a noisy breath leaving via both nostrils he kissed the top of her head. "At least we put it out of its misery, Tosh …. Owen did the right thing in the end."
"Yeah …. I know ….." She sighed, still mournful.
"Anyone got a better memory? After all, this was supposed to be a celebration of Gwen's life." Ianto reminded them all and as the shoe lace he'd constantly been toying with finally slipped undone, he gave a small and irritated huff.
"I have!" Righting herself, and laughing quietly at the Welshman as he proceeded to re-tie his lace with an incoherent mumble, Tosh looked enthusiastically at Jack. "What about that time she got stuck on the lift?"
Owen looked up abruptly. "Oh, my God, yes, Tosh. You mean that time when it got stuck three quarters of the way up? That was a classic."
"And it was raining." She nodded over to him, gleefully remembering the woman's pitiful cries as the heavens had continued to pour in regardless.
"Raining, Tosh?" Jack shook his head in disbelief at her. "It was torrential. I can still hear her shrieking now!"
All four of them laughed out loud at the memory.
"What I could never make out …." Owen looked around at them all; his brow furrowing. "Was why she decided to take the bloody lift that afternoon in the first place; we'd had nothing but shit weather for days."
"It was me. I told her it had stopped …. the rain, I mean."
As his dulcet tones joined in the chorus, all eyes focussed on the Welshman.
"Ianto? You mean you sent her up there knowing full well that she was going to get wet?" Tosh looked more confused than disappointed. Ianto was the kindest; the most considerate young man that she'd ever known and she was always sure that he must have a valid reason for everything that he did.
Jack had straightened his pose and in no longer smiling he was managing to look quite intimidating. "Ianto? Help me out here 'cause I don't get it. Why would you, of all people, do a thing like that?"
With Jack still glancing accusingly out of the corner of one eye at him, Ianto considered his options for a moment or two.
Finally, deciding which path of fate to saddle himself with this time, he gave a small shrug. "Oh, well, I guess she can't hurt me now, can she …."
He tried, he really, really tried not to smile …. but he just couldn't help himself. "Not only did I know it was still hammering down outside, I also knew that the lift was going to get stuck."
"Ianto, you're talking in riddles, mate. Are you now trying to tell us that on top of everything else, you're a bleedin' psychic aswell?"
With Jack looking over at him; equally as confused, Owen sat back to fold his arms and continue. "And if you knew it was gonna happen, why the hell didn't you just stop her from going up there?"
"Because I made it happen."
Short?
Simple?
Surely that would be all the explanation they'd need?
Apparently not.
"You did what!" His face screwing up; now even more perturbed, Jack folded his own arms.
Thinking something along the lines of … 'okay, here goes nothing' … Ianto gave a sigh. "You probably don't remember, Sir, but you'd gone for a shower."
He waited for the spark of recognition to register in Jack's eyes.
It didn't come.
"Anyway, while you were in there … doing whatever it is you do while you're in the shower ….. I came down to your quarters to pick up your dirty clothes …..you know; to take to the laund …."
"Yeah, I know what you do with my dirty clothes, Ianto. What has all this got to do with ….."
"I saw your wrist-strap sitting on the side table."
Instantly remembering the occasion, Jack's eyes widened. "I knew I'd left it there! After letting me search for it for an hour and a half, you convinced me I must have put it in my desk and then forgotten about it."
Owen was nodding as he stared over at Jack. "And he was in your office the whole time Gwen was stuck up there …." He stared at the Welshman. "I remember seeing you through the window. I called out to you …" With Ianto trying his best not to grin at him, the medic shook his head. "Shit, Ianto. I thought you hadn't heard me."
Ianto looked between him and Toshiko. "You both thought I was missing out on all of the drama …. And all of the time it was me creating it."
"Wait! You controlled the lift with my manipulator?" With no small amount of disbelief on his face, Jack's mouth opened and stayed like it. "I didn't even realise you knew how to use the damned thing."
Ianto's eyes creased just ever so slightly as he started to grin again. "You all seem to be forgetting one simple thing."
"Okay, I'll bite; what might that be?" Now finding the whole situation to be highly entertaining, Owen was grinning like a cat that might have been given birth to around the Cheshire area (or thereabouts ). "Let's hear it, Ianto, you're obviously dying to enlighten us."
Straightening with a slow intake of breath, the Welshman began to laugh at them all. "Well, I've told you all enough times …. I know everything."
"But, I still don't get it …."
And you could tell by Jack's face that he really didn't.
"Why would you want to do that to her in the first place?"
Ianto sighed internally ….. 'okay, here comes the humiliating part …' "She'd been looking at you."
Jack's mouth was wide open again. "That's it? She'd been looking at me? Ianto, lots of people look at me …." He couldn't stop the grin ( and probably wouldn't have even if he could ). "…. They just can't help themselves."
The look on Jack's face was enough to make the Welshman want to smile broadly himself.
He managed not to.
"On this particular occasion, Sir …. you looked back. At Gwen, I mean … you, er, looked at her."
"So?"
As Jack posed the question, and trying her best to come across as sympathetic, Tosh rocked forward to give her friend's hand a quick squeeze before rolling back into place. "Are you quite sure you weren't just imagining things, Ianto?"
"Yeah, come on, mate, he flirts with everything, you know that." Owen nodded his agreement with her.
"The blatant flirting ….." He told them both, solemnly. "That was no problem. But the sly glances? The lingering stares when no one else was supposed to be watching?" Pausing to swallow, he looked directly at Jack. "The eye-fucking?"
"Ianto, no! I swear it was never like that ….."
With Jack desperately clasping one hand over his own, the young Welshman smiled fondly at him. "It's okay, Jack … it doesn't bother me anymore." That saucy little smile of his made a return. "But, unfortunately for Gwen, on that particular occasion ….. it still did."
"She got soaked, Ianto." Toshiko began to giggle and already feeling guilty for the fact, she hid her mouth behind one hand.
"I'd have to say she was far from happy that day, mate." Owen joined with her in chuckling over at Ianto.
"It's funny ….." Ianto acknowledged them both with a sad smile. "Despite everything, I actually do miss her ….. a lot."
He twisted his hand around; allowing himself to reciprocate Jack's hard squeeze.
Beginning to look tearful, Tosh gave a soft nod. "Me too." She gave a frustrated sigh. "Oh, why do things have to change?"
"Everything changes." Acknowledged Owen, with a sorrowful nod down to his knees.
"Jesus! What the hell was that?"
His ears perking as the resonating sound hung eerily in the air, Jack looked away from Ianto and up into the ether.
"Oh, that'll be my granddad." Tosh smiled as an apology. "I promised him I'd read some poetry for him; the gong's his idea of a subtle reminder."
"Very Oriental." Jack nodded; impressed.
"I'd better go; he gets really grumpy if I'm late."
She kissed the three men in turn. "It's been lovely seeing you again, Jack …. And if you do bump into Gwen at all … give her my love."
"I will do …." He promised as they all watched her walk away, slowly fading from view.
"Oops, that'll be my turn then; she always did have great timing, my missus."
With no phone in sight, but the mobile's shrill ring-tone continuing to echo all around them anyway, with a warm smile Owen held his nose in the air and sniffed. "I guess that means Katie's got dinner ready early for me. She promised me pie and mash tonight."
Standing, he smiled down at Jack. "You won't mind if I shoot off, will you, Jack? Only, if I'm too late there's every danger she'll hold back on the liquor."
"Enjoy your meal, Owen." Jack stood to face him and sounding choked he pulled him into a fierce hug. "It's been great seeing you again."
"Oi, stop it, you big softie ….." Owen lightly pushed him away and swallowed hard. "You'll start me off, you daft git."
He looked thoughtfully down at the Welshman still smiling up at them both. "No doubt I'll see you around, Tea-boy."
With Ianto pointing scaldingly up at him he laughed as he added. "Think nice thoughts about me and I'll probably pop up from somewhere or another …. Hey, maybe Tosh could join us next time for a chin-wag …. a bit more catching up like this might do us all a bit of good."
"I'll look forward to it, Owen ….." As Jack sat down to re-join him, Ianto held a hand up to the medic. Owen clasped it briefly, squeezed once then, smiling, turned and walked away.
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"How long?" As the medic faded from view, and moving in closer to Jack, Ianto gestured down to the other man's wrist.
Jack checked his watch. "Three hours and ….. sixteen, no, seventeen minutes. We still have a little time."
Nodding, Ianto slipped his hand into Jack's; intertwining their fingers. "What was it this time, then?"
Jack looked guilty as he admitted. "Munitions factory."
"Century?"
"Twenty third." Jack looked away, unable to maintain eye-contact.
The Welshman scowled as he shook Jack's hand, making sure he had his full attention. "Again? Jack, you know you can't keep on doing this; next time they might class it as a suicide … and you know what that'll mean …..they'll send you back to the darkness."
With Jack still stubbornly refusing to acknowledge the issue, Ianto took in the man's look of absolute helplessness and soothed his tones. "What is it about that damned factory anyway? Surely blowing yourself up like that has got to hurt more than being shot?"
"The smaller the pieces …. the longer I get to spend with you ….."
Ianto shuddered. Jack was willing to suffer all of that pain just to be with him.
Jack separated their hands to put his arm around him. "Ianto, it's so easy. The place is disused, so it's always deserted. I just make sure I go back one day earlier each time. Nobody gets hurt."
"Except you. And you know how I feel about that. I'm not there for you anymore ….. you have to come back alone every time. Have you forgotten how much even just knowing that hurts me?"
"No ….." Jack kissed his head forcefully. "Never …. but I can' t bear to be without you, Ianto …. I'm broken …. I'm lost ….. I'm ….."
"No more, you hear me? No more creating these situations. They'll still allow us to have this, but only if you play by the rules." He grasped hold of one lapel and brushed a thumb over the familiar woollen fabric. "Suicide is not acceptable to them, Jack … you know that and I for one don't want to think of the consequences."
With Jack's forehead pressing onto his temple he rocked gently against it. "Jack, I know I have some of my family here, and, yes, my friends keep me company aswell … but this place will only ever be sufferable if I'm allowed to see you. Think about it, you have forever, that's an eternities worth of deaths still to come … and, okay, yes, there may be a hundred days; there might be a hundred years between each one …. But I can exist here as long as I know that with each one I'll get to see you again. If you carry on as you are, you'll send yourself back into the darkness …. and that means you'll be leaving me here alone. Is that what you want to happen?"
The sigh was heavy and defeated. "No, of course it's not. It's just …. I just can't bear to be out there without you, that's all." Jack shook his head. "Would you listen to me? That's all? … I say that like it's nothing. Ianto I'm so sorry. I should have just stopped to think a little that day …. I should have acted like a leader and not gone steaming in all guns blazing like some egotistical hero." He adopted a self-mocking tone. "Hey, look world …. I'm Jack, I'm the dashing hero and I'm here to save all your kids…" Letting his lids fall he shook his head. "Some hero."
Eyes filling with tears as they opened, he stared hard at his Welshman. "I am so sorry I let you down that day."
"Oh, and that's another thing."
Ianto shook hard on his lapel, rocking him. "I'll be buggered if I'm going to have you go down this self-pitying route every time you get here … If we're being given this chance to be together for a while, the least you could do is try and cheer up a bit before you get here. What's done is done, Jack. I'm stuck here ….. you're stuck there …. It's tough sodding luck; I'll give you that, but there's nothing you can do about it. Bad stuff happens to good people every day, Jack. Just get over it." He breathed out slowly. "I have."
Sniffing, Jack nodded and drawing his arm from around the Welshman he angled himself so that they could face each other. "You're right, as always, and, Ianto, I will; I promise, I'll abide by the rules from now on. I know it doesn't seem that way sometimes, but I do realise how lucky I am that I've been given this chance." Pouting, he looked up through his lashes. "So please don't be angry with me; I'll be a good boy from now on."
"Idiot." Ianto swatted him then reached out for his hand again. "How do you feel?"
"Dead?"
As Ianto hit him again, laughing, Jack grabbed his hand and kissed its palm. "Well, let's put it this way; I don't feel like I'm going anywhere just yet." Pulling the hand back up to his lips he kissed it again then lowered it to cup his other hand around it. "It was nice of Tosh and Owen to join us this time. You know, it's funny how you perceive the after-life. I'd always assumed that they'd be up here together …like a couple, if you know what I mean. But if Owen has been reunited with Katie ….. what about Tosh? Does she have, you know, anyone?"
Ianto smiled at his concern. "She sees Tommy occasionally, when he's not tied up with his own family. But on the whole she seems quite happy; she's still the same old Tosh."
Surprised that Jack hadn't asked the question of him before, and knowing instinctively that now would be that moment, Ianto waited patiently for him to get around to it.
"So, Ianto ….. Is there, I mean, have you …."
"Lisa?"
Ianto almost laughed; it was ironic that the Captain of putting it about should finally be jealous like this, but he couldn't be unkind to the man and decided he'd better quickly put him out of his misery. "No, Jack, I haven't seen her; not once. The general rule is, when you cross over, if your true love is already here waiting for you, then that is the person who you'll get to meet ….. Hence, Owen found Katie and Tosh gets to see Tommy."
He reversed their hold so that he was now squeezing tightly onto Jack's hands. "I guess someone somewhere must have smiled on me too, because I get to see you ….. And, as, now, when you die, you get sent straight here to me, I can only assume that ….."
Jack quickly leaned forward to press their lips together. "Ianto, I know I was crap at showing it when I had you, but you have always been the one true love of my life."
The young Welshman's eyes filled with tears.
"Heck, Ianto, I thought you'd be happy."
"It's not that ….." Ianto sniffed noisily. "Jack, you were wrong about the timing ….. you're starting to fade already."
The Captain looked down at himself. A familiar translucency was already making his hands appear ghost-like. "Damn, it's too soon. Ianto, can't you talk to somebody; put in a good word for me, or something? I don't want to leave … I want to stay here with you."
"And I wish you could stay right here …. But your fate is sealed just as much as mine is ….. more, so, in fact. God knows where I might end up. I mean, I've still got no idea if reincarnation actually exists."
Now crying openly, Jack shook their hands. "Don't you dare ….. not without giving me the heads up of what you are and where I can find you."
Ianto choked out a laugh. "I'll do my best. And if that's not the case, if it gets too bad up here I guess I could always pop down and haunt you."
His hands slipped through Jack's; their solidity now a thing of the past. "Shit, I hate this part." All sense of humour leaving him, his face creased in pain.
Barely visible, Jack sent his Welshman a smile. "Bye, Ianto, I lo …."
"Don't …." Holding back the sobs, Ianto managed a smile. He wasn't worried what Jack might think of the interruption. They both knew this wasn't payback for the past. This was a lifeline to their future. "You can tell me the next time."
Before Jack faded completely Ianto could just make out his bright smile and understanding nod.
Every single time he said the same thing … but not one single time had he let Jack get around to telling him. They always had to have a reason for the next time.
With his breath ragged he whispered. "I know, Jack. I know you do …." Then as yet another lonely wait began he lowered his head and began to cry.
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The End?
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A/N : Following on in this theme, I do actually have an idea of how they can get together … but that would be an adventure like no other ….. in both the corporeal and non-corporeal sense ….and at the moment time is not on my side.
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So, for the immediate future, this will remain as a one-shot.
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Thank you for reading ….. bwb.