p class="MsoNormal"strong style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"A/N hey! Okay, this is my first-time writing fanfiction at ALL so go easy on me guys, alright? I have ideas for stories all the time, and I finally decided to write one…. ok leggo?!/strong/p
p class="MsoNormal"strong style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"This story is an au on how the scene in homecoming where Tony takes the suit could've gone a little differently./strong/p
p class="MsoNormal"strong style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"T/w: anxiety, panic attacks, self-harm mentioned, flashbacks, style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanRated R/strong/p
div style="mso-element: para-border-div; border: none; border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid windowtext .75pt; padding: 0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm;"
p class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid windowtext .75pt; padding: 0cm; mso-padding-alt: 0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm;"strong style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"Enjoy :^D/strong/p
/div
p class="MsoNormal"strong style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"CHPTR I/strong/p
p class="MsoNormal"strong style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"Location: the roof/strong/p
p class="MsoNormal"Peter sat on the roof, staring down at his feet. He knew he should feel guilty, and he did! God, he did. But he also felt anger at not just himself, but other people too. If Tony Stark had listened to him, or anyone had just listened to him he, and everyone on that ship would have been okay./p
p class="MsoNormal"A loud sound from behind him made Peter spin his head around quickly, and he was met with the yellow and red metal of Mr starks suit and his booming voice from inside,/p
p class="MsoNormal""previously on peter screws the pooch, I'd tell you to stay away from this, but instead, you hacked a multi-million dollar suit so you could sneak around behind my back doing the one thing I told you em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"not/em to do,"/p
p class="MsoNormal"Peter curled in on himself a bit,/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Look you've made him angry you're such astrong style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;" failure/strong peter!/em/p
p class="MsoNormal""is everyone okay?" he choked out, and he felt something hot in his eyes./p
p class="MsoNormal""em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"no thanks to you/em." Said Mr stark, and he said it slowly disappointment rolling off him in huge waves, it seemed to peter./p
p class="MsoNormal"Peter felt a sharp burst of anger at his mentor swords and he swung his legs around off the edge of the building,/p
p class="MsoNormal""No thanks to em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"me?/em", he continued on anger rising, "those weapons were out there and I tried to tell you about it, but you didn't em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"listen! None/em of this would've happened if you'd have just em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"listened to me!"/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"Peter let out a sarcastic laugh and carried on. "if you even cared you'd actually em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"be/em here."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Iron man's suit opened to reveal a straight-faced Tony stark stepping out of it, and Peter stumbled back in surprise, his eyes widening./p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Oh, you're going to get it now parker. You just shouted at Mr stark and now he's actually here!/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"Tony sniffed, "I did listen kid. Who do you think called the FBI huh? em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Huh? /emI was the em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"only one/em who believed in you, and everyone else said I was crazy to recruit a fourteen year old kid"/p
p class="MsoNormal"Peter tried to ignore the "em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"was/em" the only one./p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"He doesn't believe in you anymore peter! You're a failure!/em/p
p class="MsoNormal""I'm 15" he croaked out/p
p class="MsoNormal"Tony raised his voice, so he was shouting, "no this is where you zip it! Alright the adult is talking!"/p
p class="MsoNormal"Peter winced at his loud voice and his hand started shaking./p
p class="MsoNormal""what if someone had died, today? Different story right cause that's on em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"you/em"/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"You could've killed someone peter your not good enough peter/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"Mr stark carried on "and if you'd died" he did a hand gesture and his mouth twisted like he tasted something sour. "I feel like that's on me."/p
p class="MsoNormal""I don't need em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"that/em on my conscience."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Peter tilted his head down/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"You're a burden peter, you always have been/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""/emyes sir I-I I'm sorry I-"/p
p class="MsoNormal""sorry doesn't cut it" tony said staring at peter directly in the eyes./p
p class="MsoNormal"Peters other hand started shaking./p
p class="MsoNormal""I understand" peter hated how weak and wobbly his voice sounded. "em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"I just wanted to be like you/em!" peter pleaded looking sadly up at Mr stark./p
p class="MsoNormal"Mr stark nodded. "and I wanted you to be em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"better/em."/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Peter you disappointed him you're not good enough for him peter…/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"Peter looked away in shame./p
p class="MsoNormal"Tony started again, "okay it's not working out, I'm gunna need the suit back."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Peter froze. em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"What?/em/p
p class="MsoNormal""for how long?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"Tony's next words had peter dead on his legs. "em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"for ever/em"/p
p class="MsoNormal""no No Nonononono please please you don't understand!" "This is all I have I'm nothing without this suit!"/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Your nothing anyway peter you never were/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"Tony put up a finger to shush peters ramblings. "if your nothing without this suit then you shouldn't have it."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Peter stumbled back. This was too much. Without this suit he was nothing he had nothing. Before this suit he had his crappy home made one and hell, before the bite? He was… he was…/p
p class="MsoNormal"strong style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"Location: peters memory/strong/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Peter was standing on the ledge of the building. How did it come to this? Him Peter parker, a failure, standing on the edge of a building when one step forward could carry him faraway, make all the voices in his head stop. /em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Make all the noise stop/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Make everything stop./em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Make his heart. Stop./em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Was that what he wanted? Yes. Yes Of course It fucking was why else would he be on the ledge of a building. The idea should've occurred to him sooner. The nights he spent on the roof slicing away at his skin with an old pocket knife until blood ran down his skin, drip drip dripping down could have been over sooner. In the end peter parker just wanted it all to stop./em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"But he couldn't. what would that step over the edge do to aunt may? And uncle ben? And ned? He didn't want to burden and ruin there lives even more than he already did. He didn't want them to be a reck because he was to selfish to carry on breathing until the end of his pitiful existence. He couldn't do that to them. He couldn't. he wouldn't. he stepped down from the ledge and went back inside. It was getting late after all./em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"A few months later he received the bite. He was on a field trip to a science lab, and he wandered off, and that spider bit him on the hand. That was the beginning of Spiderman. The reason peter parker carried on that pitiful existence. So, he could swing through queens and save lives. Hoping to redeem himself inside the suit./em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"And when Mr stark came into his life with his flashy suits and loud cars he stopped cutting completely./em/p
p class="MsoNormal"strong style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"Location: The roof /strong/p
p class="MsoNormal"And now, because peter wasn't good enough, his reason to live was being stripped away from him. And that would leave behind a complete and utter waste of space. A piece of rubbish to be gotten rid of./p
p class="MsoNormal"He started shaking all over, and his breaths came out ragged and sharp./p
p class="MsoNormal"He stumbled backwards and collapsed on the floor. He curled in on himself and his hand started yanking through his hair./p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Fuck Nonononono fuck nonono/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"His chest was practically clawing for air now and he was getting light headed. He could hear himself muttering nonsense and he felt warm hands on his arms, before he felt cold dark claws drag him down further./p
p class="MsoNormal"strong style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"Tony starks p.o.v/strong/p
p class="MsoNormal"Tony stared down at he kid in front of him who seemed lost and had tears in his eyes, then without warning the kid collapsed on the ground./p
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;""kid, Kid, KID?!" tony was very worried now. Peter wasn't breathing properly. And it seemed like he seemed as id he was gasping for breath. "Pete what's wrong? Pete you've gotta tell me what's wrong, FUCK! I don't know what's wrong!" peter was clawing at his hair now and sobbing, his face soaked and red. "j-Jarvis tell me what's wrong!" jarvises' British voice rang out from his suit. "Mr parker seems to be suffering from a high level panic attack, sir."/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Crap/em, Thought tony. "Pete I need you to listen to me very carefully, alright?" no response. "Pete , kiddo you've gotta slow down your breathing for me, cause if you carry on like this your gonna pass out!" peter seemed to sob more violently at this, and tony internally kicked himself./p
div style="mso-element: para-border-div; border: none; border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid windowtext .75pt; padding: 0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm;"
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; border: none; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid windowtext .75pt; padding: 0cm; mso-padding-alt: 0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm;"He moved forward and encompassed peter in his arms, letting him cry into his shirt. After a while, peter stopped and tony looked down to see that peter had, indeed passed out./p
/div
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"strong style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"So that's the end of chapter one people! Bit dark I know, but it was just a random idea I had. Chapter II will be coming soon hopefully, and ill try to keep an update schedule for the very few who actually read this. Sorry if there's any mistakes and thx for reading!/strong/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"strong style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"Finger guns , Y'all./strong/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"strong style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"-Noah/strong/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"strong style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;" /strong/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;" /p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;" /em/p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;" /em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;" /em/p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"strong style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"This story is an au on how the scene in homecoming where Tony takes the suit could've gone a little differently./strong/p
p class="MsoNormal"strong style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"T/w: anxiety, panic attacks, self-harm mentioned, flashbacks, style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanRated R/strong/p
div style="mso-element: para-border-div; border: none; border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid windowtext .75pt; padding: 0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm;"
p class="MsoNormal" style="border: none; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid windowtext .75pt; padding: 0cm; mso-padding-alt: 0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm;"strong style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"Enjoy :^D/strong/p
/div
p class="MsoNormal"strong style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"CHPTR I/strong/p
p class="MsoNormal"strong style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"Location: the roof/strong/p
p class="MsoNormal"Peter sat on the roof, staring down at his feet. He knew he should feel guilty, and he did! God, he did. But he also felt anger at not just himself, but other people too. If Tony Stark had listened to him, or anyone had just listened to him he, and everyone on that ship would have been okay./p
p class="MsoNormal"A loud sound from behind him made Peter spin his head around quickly, and he was met with the yellow and red metal of Mr starks suit and his booming voice from inside,/p
p class="MsoNormal""previously on peter screws the pooch, I'd tell you to stay away from this, but instead, you hacked a multi-million dollar suit so you could sneak around behind my back doing the one thing I told you em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"not/em to do,"/p
p class="MsoNormal"Peter curled in on himself a bit,/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Look you've made him angry you're such astrong style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;" failure/strong peter!/em/p
p class="MsoNormal""is everyone okay?" he choked out, and he felt something hot in his eyes./p
p class="MsoNormal""em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"no thanks to you/em." Said Mr stark, and he said it slowly disappointment rolling off him in huge waves, it seemed to peter./p
p class="MsoNormal"Peter felt a sharp burst of anger at his mentor swords and he swung his legs around off the edge of the building,/p
p class="MsoNormal""No thanks to em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"me?/em", he continued on anger rising, "those weapons were out there and I tried to tell you about it, but you didn't em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"listen! None/em of this would've happened if you'd have just em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"listened to me!"/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"Peter let out a sarcastic laugh and carried on. "if you even cared you'd actually em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"be/em here."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Iron man's suit opened to reveal a straight-faced Tony stark stepping out of it, and Peter stumbled back in surprise, his eyes widening./p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Oh, you're going to get it now parker. You just shouted at Mr stark and now he's actually here!/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"Tony sniffed, "I did listen kid. Who do you think called the FBI huh? em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Huh? /emI was the em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"only one/em who believed in you, and everyone else said I was crazy to recruit a fourteen year old kid"/p
p class="MsoNormal"Peter tried to ignore the "em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"was/em" the only one./p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"He doesn't believe in you anymore peter! You're a failure!/em/p
p class="MsoNormal""I'm 15" he croaked out/p
p class="MsoNormal"Tony raised his voice, so he was shouting, "no this is where you zip it! Alright the adult is talking!"/p
p class="MsoNormal"Peter winced at his loud voice and his hand started shaking./p
p class="MsoNormal""what if someone had died, today? Different story right cause that's on em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"you/em"/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"You could've killed someone peter your not good enough peter/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"Mr stark carried on "and if you'd died" he did a hand gesture and his mouth twisted like he tasted something sour. "I feel like that's on me."/p
p class="MsoNormal""I don't need em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"that/em on my conscience."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Peter tilted his head down/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"You're a burden peter, you always have been/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""/emyes sir I-I I'm sorry I-"/p
p class="MsoNormal""sorry doesn't cut it" tony said staring at peter directly in the eyes./p
p class="MsoNormal"Peters other hand started shaking./p
p class="MsoNormal""I understand" peter hated how weak and wobbly his voice sounded. "em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"I just wanted to be like you/em!" peter pleaded looking sadly up at Mr stark./p
p class="MsoNormal"Mr stark nodded. "and I wanted you to be em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"better/em."/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Peter you disappointed him you're not good enough for him peter…/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"Peter looked away in shame./p
p class="MsoNormal"Tony started again, "okay it's not working out, I'm gunna need the suit back."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Peter froze. em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"What?/em/p
p class="MsoNormal""for how long?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"Tony's next words had peter dead on his legs. "em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"for ever/em"/p
p class="MsoNormal""no No Nonononono please please you don't understand!" "This is all I have I'm nothing without this suit!"/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Your nothing anyway peter you never were/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"Tony put up a finger to shush peters ramblings. "if your nothing without this suit then you shouldn't have it."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Peter stumbled back. This was too much. Without this suit he was nothing he had nothing. Before this suit he had his crappy home made one and hell, before the bite? He was… he was…/p
p class="MsoNormal"strong style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"Location: peters memory/strong/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Peter was standing on the ledge of the building. How did it come to this? Him Peter parker, a failure, standing on the edge of a building when one step forward could carry him faraway, make all the voices in his head stop. /em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Make all the noise stop/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Make everything stop./em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Make his heart. Stop./em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Was that what he wanted? Yes. Yes Of course It fucking was why else would he be on the ledge of a building. The idea should've occurred to him sooner. The nights he spent on the roof slicing away at his skin with an old pocket knife until blood ran down his skin, drip drip dripping down could have been over sooner. In the end peter parker just wanted it all to stop./em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"But he couldn't. what would that step over the edge do to aunt may? And uncle ben? And ned? He didn't want to burden and ruin there lives even more than he already did. He didn't want them to be a reck because he was to selfish to carry on breathing until the end of his pitiful existence. He couldn't do that to them. He couldn't. he wouldn't. he stepped down from the ledge and went back inside. It was getting late after all./em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"A few months later he received the bite. He was on a field trip to a science lab, and he wandered off, and that spider bit him on the hand. That was the beginning of Spiderman. The reason peter parker carried on that pitiful existence. So, he could swing through queens and save lives. Hoping to redeem himself inside the suit./em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"And when Mr stark came into his life with his flashy suits and loud cars he stopped cutting completely./em/p
p class="MsoNormal"strong style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"Location: The roof /strong/p
p class="MsoNormal"And now, because peter wasn't good enough, his reason to live was being stripped away from him. And that would leave behind a complete and utter waste of space. A piece of rubbish to be gotten rid of./p
p class="MsoNormal"He started shaking all over, and his breaths came out ragged and sharp./p
p class="MsoNormal"He stumbled backwards and collapsed on the floor. He curled in on himself and his hand started yanking through his hair./p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Fuck Nonononono fuck nonono/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"His chest was practically clawing for air now and he was getting light headed. He could hear himself muttering nonsense and he felt warm hands on his arms, before he felt cold dark claws drag him down further./p
p class="MsoNormal"strong style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"Tony starks p.o.v/strong/p
p class="MsoNormal"Tony stared down at he kid in front of him who seemed lost and had tears in his eyes, then without warning the kid collapsed on the ground./p
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;""kid, Kid, KID?!" tony was very worried now. Peter wasn't breathing properly. And it seemed like he seemed as id he was gasping for breath. "Pete what's wrong? Pete you've gotta tell me what's wrong, FUCK! I don't know what's wrong!" peter was clawing at his hair now and sobbing, his face soaked and red. "j-Jarvis tell me what's wrong!" jarvises' British voice rang out from his suit. "Mr parker seems to be suffering from a high level panic attack, sir."/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Crap/em, Thought tony. "Pete I need you to listen to me very carefully, alright?" no response. "Pete , kiddo you've gotta slow down your breathing for me, cause if you carry on like this your gonna pass out!" peter seemed to sob more violently at this, and tony internally kicked himself./p
div style="mso-element: para-border-div; border: none; border-bottom: solid windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid windowtext .75pt; padding: 0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm;"
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; border: none; mso-border-bottom-alt: solid windowtext .75pt; padding: 0cm; mso-padding-alt: 0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm;"He moved forward and encompassed peter in his arms, letting him cry into his shirt. After a while, peter stopped and tony looked down to see that peter had, indeed passed out./p
/div
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"strong style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"So that's the end of chapter one people! Bit dark I know, but it was just a random idea I had. Chapter II will be coming soon hopefully, and ill try to keep an update schedule for the very few who actually read this. Sorry if there's any mistakes and thx for reading!/strong/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"strong style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"Finger guns , Y'all./strong/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"strong style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"-Noah/strong/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"strong style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;" /strong/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;" /p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;" /em/p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;" /em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;" /em/p
p class="MsoNormal" /p