AN - This story is set both before and after Hogwarts. After the Battle of Hogwarts, Harry joins the aurors and marries Ginny, as in canon. Ron and Hermione also marry, like canon, but go into different fields. Hermione joins the Department of Mysteries and Ron starts working for his brother, George, at the shop. As the summary explains, the trio manages to send themselves back in time to the dinosaurs after they get together for a reunion to celebrate Harry's block leave. That's all you need to know, so sit back and enjoy.
Ron gulped down another massive sip of firewhiskey. "And that's when Harry killed Voldy with a goddam disarming spell!" They all laughed. Somehow everything was funnier when drunk. "Everyone always says it was a massive duel. Another Dumbledore against Grindelwald. But it was just two spells. And a whole bunch of people made hundreds of galleons by selling viewing rights in pensieves to foreigners." Another bunch of giggles went through the three friends. All three of them were very drunk – which was a massive exception considering Hermione didn't normally drink.
Ron stuffed his hands into the every flavoured beans and grabbed two. Without even looking at the colourings he stuffed them in his mouth. No one ever combined every flavoured beans, unless lacking sense or absolutely drunk – the results could be disastrous.
"Troll-vomit," Ron spewed, his face Slytherin-green. Harry cringed – he too had bad experiences with that flavour combination. This wasn't the first time the two of them had gotten so drunk that they lacked sense, after all. Hermione just laughed.
"Go on, you try then Hermione, if you're so clever," Ron retorted.
Slightly hesitantly she grabbed two of the beans. Closing her eyes and cringing, she ate them. "Raspberry-mint, not bad," was all she said to the fuming Ron.
Harry already knew what was coming next. His two friends turned to him. "Alright, alright. I'll do it," Harry said, under their accusatory glares. His face turned Gryffindor red after stuffing the beans in his mouth – a stark contrast to Ron's Slytherin green. "Ghost chilli-phoenix ash," was all he said, desperately grasping the firewhiskey. Anything was better then the spiciness of that combination.
Ron looked on, shocked. Even one of those was enough to make the grown wizard cry for his mother, but both, combined? Ron recalled his first encounter with phoenix ash, when the twins had given him a 'strawberry flavoured bean'. When his mother had found out about it she promptly excused him from all chores, something she never did. Ron had then done everything humanly possible to get rid of the spiciness. The twins had recommended pee as a remedy, and the ten-year-old Ron had honestly considered it.
"Another bottle," Harry gasped, desperately. He had honestly just chugged half a bottle of firewhiskey right then in a desperate attempt to get rid of the spiciness. A lesser man would be dead.
And despite the horrific pain Harry's mouth was no doubt in, Hermione started to chuckle and then to laugh hysterically. And Ron couldn't help but laugh as well. Even as tears streamed down Harry's face.
"You're evil," Harry gasped, continuing to blindly grope for another bottle of firewhiskey. A faint pop could be heard as the cork came off. In three mighty, desperate gulps that bottle of firewhiskey was gone too.
"Hermione, I think if we don't intervene now, Harry might die from over drinking," Ron said, "imagine the headline, vanquisher of Voldemort, vanquished by Oden's finest. Have you got what it takes to do what Harry Potter could not?"
Hermione deteriorated into even more hysterical laughter. "I really should have bought shares," was her only reply.
"But seriously – I think we really should do something," Ron said, now a little more urgently, watching as Harry desperately searched for a third bottle of firewhiskey, "Hey, what about the unspeakable's secret hangover remedy?" His wife had used that on him enough times for him to remember it, even when the rest of the night was a total blur.
"What, the one they invented after the minister nearly found out that the budget increase for the Department of Mysteries was used to fund the Christmas party?" Hermione asked, "Wait, I was not meant to say that."
"Just do it!" Ron screamed, now watching as Harry threw up repeatedly.
Hermione began to mutter the incantation. What she didn't know was that the spell was actually an attempt by a very drunk unspeakable to "pet a t-rex" by going back in time. Because he had been drunk he had mispronounced one of the words and not done one of the wand movements correctly. That was how the world's greatest hangover cure had been created. His statue still stood proudly at the entrance to the Department of Mysteries. His name was Merlin.
But Hermione, also drunk, mispronounced one of the words, coincidentally the one the unspeakable had mispronounced all those years ago. And then her arm shook at just the right moment, creating a wiggle instead of a straight line. And suddenly she didn't cure a hangover, but sent all of them back in time. To the dinosaurs.