Disclaimer: I don't own 'em so don't sue me.

I don't think I can go through another tomorrow without you, you've been gone for so long. Tomorrow I'll go on hiding my emotions from my colleagues because that's all I know how to do. Even with my body still alive however sleep deprived I feel as if my soul died the night you were shot, the night I lost you.

I remember before I knew you were alive when I saw your face on the cover of the newspaper. I'd thought you were dead, now thinking back I wish I had gone on thinking that, knowing you're alive and that I'm not aloud to be with you hurts me even more than the thought of you being dead.

I loved the way you took command of the courtroom how all eyes were on you well you spoke. The way it felt when your eyes landed on me and the way your face seemed so perfect so angelic, those feelings are what made me attracted to you but it was the conversations we shared when we went to bars after work-those times I got to know you that made me fall in love with you.

I wish that I'd told you that I loved you I know I seems stupid for me to say that but it's true, I don't know if it would have made me feel better about you being gone but it certainly couldn't make me feel worse.

I cried every night after your "death" for months did you know that? When I saw you that night when you told me and Elliot that you had gone into witness protection, that was the first time I'd cried in months.

Before you left me I had always had nightmares, but after you were gone I started to have nightmares of your shooting, and I'd always wake up shaking, drenched in sweet thinking there was blood on my hands. I'd eventually come to my senses and realize I'd just been dreaming but I'd still cry because I knew dream or not that it had really happened that you had been shoot and taken away.

It's because of you that I fear going to bed every night-because of you that my sleep is never a peaceful one. How dare you leave me? Can't you understand that I miss you and that it's bringing me pain to be apart from you? I know I shouldn't blame you-you didn't decide to get shot but I wonder if you hadn't been so damn stubborn would you still be in the same place? I know there's nothing that you can do to get out of witness protection…

I wonder where you are now. Are you sleeping with your lover or have you giving up on romance? Do you still have the same long gorgeous blonde hair as when I last saw you? Do you miss me? What do you to for a living? Gosh there are so many things I want to ask you so many questions floating around my head, waiting somewhere at the back of my mind to see you and come flowing out of my lips.

Then one day I remember when you came back to help prosecute your killer, you have no idea how much it hurt to hear you talk about your boyfriend and how he called you Emily when you made love. I'd do anything to be in his place. But you-you didn't even realize how much I love you and you couldn't have possibly of had any feelings for me.

Then when we were supposed to be celebrating our victory over your shooter with the others, I thought you were going to come through that door. But instead what's his face said you'd been relocated and that you said good-bye.

It's not fair how you were ripped from my clutches before I could tell you how I feel…before I could hear you reject me…well probably. Today is the anniversary of your "death", I wish there was some way I could see you now talk to you and tell you how much I miss you.

I wish I could just stop thinking about you-about the chance I missed to tell you those three precious words. But it's not that easy, you've stolen my heart and I want to get it back. On this day I know there's no way I can even try and think about the case I'm working on-on this night even though I'm not religious I'll say a prayer for you-at least if I miss you I can have some peace knowing that you're safe.

Every year on the anniversary of your shooting talk to you-pretend things are the way they were when you were still here. I'd grab a bottle of beer and imagine you and me at a bar talking about the latest case.

At this moment all I want is to hold you tight-imagine that you're in love with me and that you never left me. But I know it's impossible for us to ever be together now-it's not fare you didn't deserve to be shoot-you didn't deserve to have your life taking away from you-your job, your home. Your friends, your life stolen with a simple pull of the trigger, well two pulls really.

"I hope you're having a better day than me." I mutter to you even though I know you can't hear me even though I know you probably aren't even thinking of me.

I don't know how but somehow someday I'm going to find you-no matter what it takes. I'll be with you again and on that day I'll tell you how I feel. I'm coming for you Alex.

Authors note: Okay tell me what you think, should I continue? Please-please-please if you've read this please review!