Oh it's the first, but never the last.
The evening drew to a close, their duties were done, volunteering for an opening evening was an all around success. The new students would soon enough be flooding the doors of William McKinley as many would be leaving it. Quinn had decided to volunteer. Volunteering in academia would surely help in her future showing dedication and compassion but Quinn didn't care so much for that, she didn't want to be there for that. She wanted to be here to spend time with her, she wanted to see the world through her eyes. Her reasoning for the thing's that she did and why she was so passionate about the things she loved the most. She'd fallen in love, in love with someone she never thought would ever be possible. Infact a little part of her at first never believed it. She thought that life really had slapped her in the face and thrown her another punishment to add to the rest of her problems. Quinn had finished with her duties and with that she walked into the school hallway. Quinn had offered to take her home. At least that's what she had told her. She couldn't wait a day longer, soon the two of them would be apart, doing different things in different cities, living different lives. Quinn had to tell her how she felt, right now in this moment, even if it amounted to nothing she just had to confess. She needed her to know. Quinn had read about long distance relationships, how some worked out and some didn't. In her heart that is what she wanted but alas she wasn't even sure if the girl was even a little bi-curious let alone gay. She often fantasised about the two of them together, staying in bed on their days off, going on long walks, the long skype calls from the distance and appreciating every second of every moment of of being together. At least she knew what New York was like those were the easiest to imagine. Her thoughts faded as distraction overcame, some of her teachers and visitors drifted on by. Quinn knew she would be waiting for her but she didn't expect it to be this long even if she spoke so much. She loved school and loved to be so involved in anything she could. She'd joined many clubs unlike Quinn who had only really joined cheerio's and was forced into Glee by Finn. Her love was of a true academic and Quinn being one herself loved that, she just wished she was as brave as her, brave enough to engulf herself in it and not worry about wanting to be popular and have lots of friends. She sadly never could. It was a family trait and reputation meant everything to a Fabray. Quinn cracked a smile waved and wished the visitors a goodbye, she wanted to keep up the image. Quinn was smart, she was on straight A's and despite everything she hadn't wavered. No wonder she had got into Yale she was truly brilliant. The school was showing it off, they'd never have a student do so well before and were pushing this as a new turn of events for them. The school wasn't known for raising the brilliant that was for sure Carmel and Dalton's forte. Prinicpal Figgans wouldn't be letting this one down for a while. Mr Shue sure had a lot to say in the ways of it too. Quinn didn't mind, Glee club had helped her, in more ways than one. The world around her was then silent. It was now plainly obvious to Quinn that there wasn't many people left in the building at all. Quinn, the girl and someone else. Mr Shue perhaps? She wouldn't be surprised as they had practically been together most of the evening pushing the art's and glee club and what it had done to at least get her a NYADA finalist slot. However she was wrong as the sound of two female voices walked her way. She was with Miss Hempsy, her ballet teacher. Quinn had forgotten that she took that extra circular class. How she wished she could sneak in there and watch her, she imagined she would be brilliant at it. She was always very good at dancing in glee club. Watching her do pirouettes and in that skin tight leotard. A winning combination.
"I shall see you tomorrow for class Rachel, have a good evening…" she then exchanged a smile "Oh hello there Miss Fabray, congratulations on Yale, you must be so proud."
"Why thank you."
"It look's like this school is finally doing some good, about time, I bid you both a good night, remember those stretches Rachel, flexibility is key."
Rachel nodded. "Of course, see you tomorrow Miss Hempsy."
"Bye Miss Hempsy"
Quinn smiled wider now the two of them were alone.
"I'm sorry I kept you waiting Quinn."
"Oh no…not at all…I needed to help take down some of the displays…in Drama and English…I was so back and forth and we all prepared so much."
"Mhm me too…and I then I ran into Miss Hempsy and I wanted to speak with her about my finale recital. If I want to get into NYADA knowing that I have a high distinction in Ballet may sway them more in letting me in."
"I'm sure you'll do fine, though I've never seen you perform before. And as for not getting into NYADA, you really must be kidding me thinking that way Rachel, that is not a possibility and if it is, the college must really be looking for something that does not exist or people who have no talent at all."
Rachel laughed and looked down. "Thank you Quinn."
"I only speak the truth, you are talented Rachel and you know it."
Rachel laughed shaking her head and to ignore her compliment, Quinn knew she wasn't always so great with them with her after some of the hurtful things she had said to her in the past. Rachel used getting her stuff from her locker as a distraction.
"Ok, I have all my things, did you get your things or?"
"Yes, all my stuff from school is already in my car. I went out earlier to put it all in there, I should have reminded you to do the same, I'm sorry."
"Oh not it's ok. We were here anyways."
"Of course, well let's get going."
"Yes, of course."
The two then began to walk to the car,. Quinn knew that this would be difficult, every step to the car was a step to becoming more and more exposed. Telling her wasn't going to be easy and with Finn in the picture she knew that she stood not a single chance.
"I would have driven myself but my little chevy has some issues with starting up and a flat tyre..."
"Oh…what a pitty…" Quinn didn't care, she was glad luck had been on her side to give her this moment.
"Well it will be as good as new in the morning and I will finally have peace in the car when travelling to school on a morning. I don't mind my Dad's taking me to school it's just they have a tendency to…well not bicker but…you know have those like debates and such, it really clouds my mind. I'd rather just have the vocals of Barbra singing me to school."
Quinn laughed and within seconds Rachel looked down looking a bit ashamed.
"I'm not mocking you Rachel." Quinn automatically knew. "I just find it quite…you know well…cute…"
Rachel looked at her a little confused. "Cute?"
"Just imaging the situation and all, your Dad's are quite amusing and the fact that there bickering would cause such a lack of inspiration when I know that simply from what I've seen of the décor of your house that they are quite the inspiration.."
"You can tell that simply from the décor?" Rachel pulled a face.
"They are artistic, it's plain to see and you reek of the art's"
They had reached the car and Quinn unlocked it. The pair got in and were belted up ready to go. Quinn's nerves began to kick in. She was with her, alone in this tiny space and what she was to do next was not as she had promised Rachel. They weren't quite going home yet, she was going to take them on a little detour first.
She put the car into drive and began to pull out of the parking space, focusing on driving was difficult considering. Quinn had planned to drive the little hilltop valley so that the two of them could talk. It had a little view of the city and in Quinn's eyes it seemed quite the romantic location, considering how dull Lima was. Rachel was so blissfully aware as she spoke, she didn't pay attention at all to her suroundings.
"Well I am glad that was such a success, I do hope we have inspired some kids that this school is great, I'm sure the whole NYADA and Yale mention's will give the parents some hope, considering how bad it has been the last few years of only a few people just breaking the barriers of Ohio State."
"Yeah… a lot of heads turned when I mentioned Yale, they thought I was joking but you know Principal Figgan's, he had me bring the official letter and everything." she said looking a little flushed.
Rachel noticed and laughed. "You shouldn't be ashamed, you should be proud of it. It's an amazing achievement Quinn."
Quinn blushed a little and smiled. "Thanks Rachel."
"No need for thanks, I didn't do anything…"
Quinn pulled up to the hilltop and parked the car. Rachel looked and noticed it wasn't her house. She looked confused but she wasn't worried, she could tell Quinn needed to talk.
"Is…is everything ok Quinn?"
Quinn took of her belt and turned to her and took Rachel's hands. Her eyes began to well up and the lump in her throat got bigger and bigger from the nerves. Her hands were shaking. Rachel looked at her worried.
"Hey…everything's ok…is that why we're here?…you can tell me anything Quinn, you know that."
"I…its not so easy…"
"Take all the time you need to Quinn, I'm right here…and I'm not going anywhere, evidently I can't…I'm not insured on your car." she joked a little trying to lighten the mood.
Quinn took a deep breath and tried to swallow the lump. She couldn't lighten up right now.
"Y…you…have done so much…so much more for me…than you know…" Quinn started as she sniffed. "You…you did all this…you inspired me t-to apply for Yale and showed me…I can't live in the past…not just that…everything…every fear I've ever had…you…you've always been there…telling Finn, when I went off the rails and tried to be a stupid skank…you were always there and worried…and you helped me…It was all you… made me see that I'm more than the stupid girl who made all those stupid mistakes."
Rachel rubbed the back of her hand she could see her pain, It was rare for Quinn to break down about her life and Rachel knew this was a good thing. "I didn't really do anything Quinn…"
Quinn laughed. "You did…you just…you refuse to see it, you changed my life Rachel, changed it in ways I could never even dream of. Don't you ever tell me otherwise."
Rachel looked confused. "But…we were never really friends…how could I?"
"No…we are…I just…I couldn't…because of many things…"
"Like what Quinn?…reputation? Finn?…" Rachel looked cross, she hated how the two of them would have been fine as friends but she hated the attitude of popularity. The school was far too full of it.
"In a way…don't be upset…or mad…I know, I wanted to be popular but…it's not about that…"
"I'm not quite sure what you mean Quinn."
"I…I need to show you…"
"Here?…what can you show me here? It's a hill top…"
"N…no…it is but…not how you think." Quinn had to show her
She lowered her eyes and began to lean into her, her lips were pursed and ready to kiss Rachel's, she couldn't tell her, kissing her would give her the complete picture the only way Quinn knew how.
"Q…Quinn…what…what are you d-"
Quinn placed her finger to her lips. "Shhhh…please"
Rachel didn't say a word. She gulped. She was a little afraid, she'd never seen Quinn like this. Quinn made her moves, wrapping her arm around her body and then leaned in the last little bit and captured her lips upon her own. The feeling that hit Quinn was extraordinary, the butterflies she was feeling fluttered so frantically. It was beautiful. Quinn felt everything that she imagined from that single kiss. It was amazing. The love she felt for Rachel was expressed so much.
Quinn stayed rested on her lips for as long as she could before knowing that she had to end it. She was only showing Rachel, she most likely wouldn't understand and would run away. Quinn pulled back slowly and cracked her eyes open. Rachel's eyes were still closed. Quinn didn't know what to think and awaited quietly for a moment until the brunette opened them and spoke. Rachel was confused. She thought keeping her eyes closed would make it all go away but it wouldn't. The feeling of Quinn's lips on her own was odd. It wasn't like any of the boy's she'd kissed. She had butterflies. She always had them around Quinn, and never could explain why but these butterflies were more than she'd had before, they had consumed her whole body. She always thought that the butterflies were from her admiration of Quinn. Quinn was like an idol to Rachel, she was everything she wished she was, the pretty girl who had it at all like herself, the girl with the huge nose, quirky fashion sense and the diva attitude. She knew this would never get her the popularity she craved, only being as pretty as Quinn would she ever be like that. She never was and never would look that way. She knew that her chances would always be so low.
Quinn was struggling with the silence and when she saw Rachel's eyes open she just had to speak out.
"I…I…I'm sorry…I shouldn't have done that Rachel…I should have explained…I should…"
Rachel placed a finger on her lips.
"Calm down…I don't…I don't understand…I don't get any of this…but you…need to at least explain this, you owe me that at least"
Quinn nodded. She was a little scared, she didn't want to lose Rachel and she was right, she owed her at least an explanation to this.
"O…ok…I need a moment first… this is all too much" she said panting from nerves.
"It's ok…take a moment…just breathe…"
Rachel sat and waited for her to speak, she could see the pain in her eyes. Rachel could see that this was true, Quinn Fabray was a gay or maybe even bisexual. Rachel couldn't lie, she was in shock, Quinn had always had boyfriends before. She did understand it's logic though, she had been close with Brittany and Santana and the three of them experimenting would have been normal. Unlike Quinn the two of them were together and Quinn didn't have a someone, it made sense that Quinn would love someone else. Rachel couldn't quiet get why it may be her. Rachel didn't know what to think, if she loved her, everything she did made sense but really why her? Rachel worried, if she was really in love with women, even this could be some confusion, wanting and craving a woman and Rachel being that woman. She didn't enjoy thinking of it like that and she wanted to help Quinn, somehow.
A few moments later, Quinn sat up straight, she took in a deep breath. She as fidgety and clearly struggling.
"I…I need to explain this…everything…"
Rachel shuffled closer and placed her hand on top of Quinn's "Take it slow…I'm not going anywhere…I'm here to listen and to understand. Believe me, I'm never going to judge you. I'm sure this is a really confusing time for you."
Quinn swallowed the lump in her throat and looked down at Rachel's hand. She rubbed her thumb over the back of it. Somehow it calmed Quinn down, just feeling such little contact.
"It is…a little…but…I know how I feel…"
Rachel looked at their hands, she found it so comforting and was relaxed by her touch, she was confused, what was this feeling?
"At the end of junior year…I felt lost…you know because you told me that you could see it in me, even when I cut my hair. You were right, my problems were never solved, they only seemed to grow." she sniffed and wiped a stray tear that fell from her eye. "It hit me before that though, every time you were with Finn that year…it killed me…and I just knew…I just knew when Santana told you about their…fling you would do something to show Finn what he did was wrong…so I took my chance and took him back from you. I wanted you to see you were better without him, I wanted you to be with me."
Rachel looked down too trying to capture her eyes.
"I see that, I just…I can't grasp why it's me you..thi-I mean…you've fallen for…you hated me…"
"I never hated you Rachel, that was me dealing with my love for you, come on what girl draws pornographic pictures of another girl on a bathroom wall?" she laughed. "I'm sorry I did that…I just…I wanted your attention, I wanted to be the one holding your hand, kissing you in the hallways. You are…so beautiful…you're talented, the ambition you have, I can't explain how that makes me feel, but when you helped me realise it was Yale I wanted to apply for, I channelled that from you…you have so much energy and…I just love it, I want to cry nearly every time you sing, you charm me…" Quinn laughed even more. "This is silly isn't it?"
"It's not silly at all, its just…new I guess…"
"Only new? Your not mad at me?"
"How can I be mad at you? You can't help how you feel about someone Quinn, and you are showing me with compliments I mean how can I be mad at that?" she joked. Quinn laughed in turn.
"It's all true you know."
"I know…I can tell…I trust that your not the one to play around with me anymore. You've grown up so much from that. I've seen it, it took a while but you managed it, you should be proud."
Quinn nodded. "H…how do you…feel…right now…after the…k…kiss…?"
Rachel sighed. "I-I…I honestly don't know…I've never been with a girl before…and I've only ever kissed Tina at that drunk spin the bottle game at my house party but…I didn't feel anything with her bu-…"
Quinn cut her off "It's fine…you're straight…and you're with Finn…"
Rachel blushed a little. Quinn saw it and pulled her chin up to meet her eyes. Her hand help her chin up gently. She then realised what the last word Rachel had said to her.
"But?…but what…?"
Rachel leaned back, moving away from her touch. If she wasn't cut off she would have told her about the butterflies. She got them with Finn too, she'd even had them with Jesse. She knew that it meant something.
"But…you should be taking me home..it's late…my Dads will be wo-"
Quinn had realised, but…but meant that it wasn't that way with her, it was different, the blush across Rachel's face and her resistance with obvious. Quinn leaned over to her side. She couldn't let this slide.
"That wasn't what you were going to say Rachel, not at all, you were talking about kissing girls…and how Tina was the first girl you kissed and you didn't feel anything, you blushed as you said it…"
"It's…it's nothing…it's warm in here…"
Quinn moved so she was now sat where Rachel's legs rested in her car. She placed her hands on her lap and leaned up.
"It is…but your face wouldn't have gone that red so quickly…please Rachel…we are going away soon, graduating…please…this is why I had to confess…I can't go away with things left unsaid" she looked at her with wet puppy dog eyes. Something twisted in Rachel's stomach and she became a little nervous.
"I…I did…"
Quinn had to control her smirk, she bit her lip to keep it at bay.
"You did feel something?…what did you feel?" she took Rachel's hand gently and rubbed the back with her thumb, she knew she was nervous, she wanted to show that she could tell her anything.
"Bu…butterflies…"
"Like when you kiss Finn?" Quinn leaned a little closer, she wanted to hear every word.
Rachel shook her head. "A little different…"
"How different?"
"I…I don't know…you only kissed me once…"
Quinn looked at. "I can do it again if you want me to…"
"It's so confusing…I mean…you're the pretty girl…the one I always wanted to be…and now you say you love me and have kissed me…what is going on? I can't" Rachel was beginning to break down. Quinn's heart stung, Rachel removed her hands from Quinn's and buried her face within them.
Quinn sighed and gently pulled them away. "Listen…you need to find out what you want Rachel…like I said before…we are graduating…even If your bi-sexual like Brittany, it doesn't matter…and you should know that the most. You will be accepted no matter who you are. You don't have to do anything you don't want…but if you are confused…and you know that you felt something you cannot explain…I can help you…I want to help you Rachel…I don't want to leave you here confused…I've made a mess of things already…"
"But…but how…?"
"A girl can usually tell from experimenting, seeing what they like…like I said, I can kiss you again…see how you feel, if you feel nothing then I will happily leave you alone. I'm not sure I can do anything else…Santana and Brittany are taking, Mercedes isn't at all gay, Sugar well I could maybe but…"
"I'm not cattle Quinn that you can j-just…throw me onto someone else to figure out how I feel…and what about Finn…I can't…"
"I know you're not cattle, I didn't mean it like that, I meant it like, if you wanted to understand it more experimenting with a girl may help, you would know right away. Finn would understand…he'd be mad and upset for a while but if you liked women and he saw that you were happy he would in time accept it."
Rachel sighed. She didn't know what to do. Half of her wanted to know how she felt and half of her knew it was wrong. Quinn was trying to help and Rachel felt glad it was her that kissed and not anyone else. If it had been one of the others of the trinity, it would have all happened very differently. Rachel knew that there was something about Quinn but she couldn't quite put her foot on it.
"Kiss me…kiss me again."
Quinn's eyes light up and she leaned and took Rachel's hands again. She didn't want to force her.
"Are you sure?…I won't do anything you really don't want to so Rachel."
"I want you to…I want to figure this out…I know its safe here…I can trust you."
Quinn nodded. She was even more nervous than before and so she spoke to not just reassure Rachel but also herself. "Just close your eyes…take it in…if you need to breathe or feel uncomfortable…just break…"
Rachel nodded and with that the two of them leaned in for the kiss. Her lips still felt so perfect and Quinn's stomach was performing back flips. It felt so good. Her form was beautiful. Quinn only placed her lips on hers, she didn't want to do much more, She was nervous and scared. It was elevated when she felt Rachel's hands on her face and Rachel's lips move to kiss her again.
Rachel could see she was nervous but she couldn't leave it like this, she really needed to work out these butterflies, Rachel never left a single thing unsaid or incomplete. She wouldn't be doing that with this.
"I can't judge if we don't kiss properly Quinn…"
Quinn's eyes widened and her stomach felt sick from excited. Properly kiss…like making out?
"You want to…make…make…"
"Yes…now shh…and just kiss me" Rachel leaned in this time and captured her mouth again, the two of them were making out, kissing one another, feeling each others mouths and emotions from a single kiss.