A combination of everything I hate - Foreman, Valentine's Day, pink, and Hallmark, and a bunch of other random shit that I don't hate, like Batman (yay Batman!) and firebending and lovely Halloween decorations and makeup that scares my mother. My friend forced me to write it for…I don't even know what. But oh well. It's a complete and utter crackfic, so don't take it seriously. Also, flames make me laugh, please flame! Or review! Or anything!
It was the day of the devil for anyone who didn't have someone to go eat face with - Valentine's Day. February 14th. Foreman was painfully aware of this fact, and decided to go to work dressed in a pink fairy princess godmother tutu, with a tiara and a pink wand with a hideous pink plastic heart on it.
When he arrived at the hospital, he realized he stood out, because he was the only one who wasn't wearing black mourning clothes. Several people were also wearing vampire or Batman capes, and several nurses had on frighteningly goth makeup. The lobby had also been covered in gruesome, blood-oozing Halloween decorations.
Foreman approached a nurse and asked, "Why is everything so dark?"
"We are respecting the day of the devil." she replied without turning around. Then she turned around and saw Foreman. Her eyes fell out and she imploded. Foreman found this mildly strange, but he was too much of an idiot to notice it was anything really out of the ordinary, so he just walked over to the elevator, which broke the second he stepped inside, so he decided to just walk up, because he wasn't awesome enough to have magical powers such as teleportation like everyone else.
Foreman entered the room that people chill in all the time that I don't remember the name of, to find Taub praying to an ugly idol in the corner and House painting a lovely replica of some random painting by Monet on the whiteboard. Kutner and Thirteen were nowhere to be found.
Foreman was about to say something when Kutner (who was wearing a pony outfit) and Thirteen walked in. "There was a Hallmark attack downstairs." she said to no one in particular. She pulled off a pink heart stuck to her black dress, flicked it into the air, and burned it up with a blast of fire from her finger. Noticing no one was paying attention to her, even Kutner, who had gone over to the coffee machine and was trying to pull a rabbit out of it, she turned to Taub and yelled, "Taub, Gotham City is in trouble!"
Taub immediately stood up, stuffed his idol down the coffee machine, and ripped off his clothes, revealing his alter ego, Batman. He jumped out the window. No one noticed Foreman because he didn't matter, but he wanted someone to talk to, so he decided to talk to Thirteen.
"Hey, Thirteen, do you want to-" he started. Thirteen turned around, looked at him, and punched him in the face. Her eyes turned red and she sprouted fangs.
"It's one of THEM!" she hissed in a creepy, gravelly voice. She sprang at Foreman using her amazing ninja skillz, pointing her claws at his face, but he rolled out of the way in time and ran out of the room. Behind him, he heard Thirteen yelling, "We have an intruder! They've infiltrated the building!"
Foreman ran to the elevator, which miraculously opened the second he got there, but a huge load of nurses with goth makeup came pouring out. "You!" they yelled, pointing at him and pulling out pitchforks and torches. Soon, an angry mob was following Foreman.
"Shun the non believer!" they were yelling.
Foreman managed to barricade himself in a nearby closet and hide from the mob for a few seconds. A stuffed unicorn suddenly appeared next to him.
"How could you do this?" it asked. "How could you even think of trying to uphold the traditions of the evil Hallmark cult? Do you know what evil and depression they spread among singles all year? And especially now! Shame! We are trying to honor and respect them, but you must find it amusing to mock them. You must die." The unicorn disappeared in a puff of smoke.
Foreman looked up to see that people had started to punch pickaxes and pitchforks through the door. The door soon opened to reveal the angry mob, who was even angrier because Foreman was running away. They dragged him to the clinic, where they proceeded to lock him in one of the rooms. Foreman was so busy cowering that he didn't notice Taub fly in through the window again.
"You have disgraced the name of PPTH by trying to honor the Hallmark cult. You must die." he said. He realized they weren't in the right clinic room, the one with all the medieval torture instruments, so he brought Foreman back outside, to the mob, who brought him to the right clinic room this time, where House, Kutner, and Thirteen were all waiting.
Then Foreman woke up. "Oh, good, it was only a dream." he said. Then a meteor of spinach jello crashed into his house and, almost unfortunately killed him.
I warned you. I was feeling very anti-Valentines Day…then again, I'm anti-anything conformist…or couple-ist…oh well. This was what came of it. And I put off two big HW assignments, one that's part of something that determines like, 1/3 of my grade and is due tomorrow, for this, and one that I should have done last week, so you had better have enjoyed it! Or at least don't kill me…my homework's taking care of that. :P