"Now I can't laugh, can't cry. Now I can't run, can't hide. You get used to the pain and numb to the sting until you can't feel anything." – Sugarland, 'Keep You'
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When Rose entered her apartment and felt the coldness envelop her, she almost collapsed to her knees. It was stifling, wrapping it around her throat and choking her, making it hard for to breathe.
She ignored the feeling and closed her door, locking it and placing her keys on to the only desk in the whole apartment and ignoring the pictures flitting across as her computers screensaver. She continued forward to the kitchen where she mechanically took out a milk jug and poured herself a glass, drinking it down in a matter of seconds before pouring herself another glass.
She let out a gasp as she pulled the again empty glass from her lips and set it on the table with a loud clang. She closed her eyes tightly and fought back the tears that were burning behind her eyelids, mocking her.
The Doctor wouldn't want her to cry. He'd want her to persevere, to keep strong, to keep fighting to find her way back. She knew that she was the only one fighting, because the Doctor was stuck in his ways. He was a martyr. He wouldn't risk the walls of the universe collapsing just to have her again.
She almost smacked herself when the thought flitted across her mind, claiming that her original Doctor would have tried his damndest to get her back. This Doctor was more responsible, she reasoned, and she was glad he wasn't risking the destruction of the universe just for her.
But at the same time she wanted him to be so enamored with her that that seemed like a small price to pay.
The one thing that kept her going was remembering how the Doctor said that Time Lords used to be able to hop from one universe to the other without a problem. That one sentence was her faint light in this otherwise dark tunnel that almost consumed her.
If it was possible before it would be possible again.
"I love you," Rose whispered brokenly to the empty air, clutching the edges of the counter and squeezing her eyes shut, "I'll find you. I'm not giving up on you."
She wanted to cry, to get it all out. She always felt better after a good cry, but she knew it wouldn't happen. She didn't really want to feel better anyway. She knew that this depression, this anger, this pain is what kept her fighting. If she stopped feeling like this then she wouldn't be as determined as she is. She would have given up and moved on with her life.
She had been stuck on Pete's World for three years now. A year ago they mastered the art of jumping through to parallel universes, now they just had to make it so that they could land in the right universe the first try.
She'd seen humans with three eyes, a pink sky, a disease ridden planet, mass genocide, Word War Six, the destruction of history.
The Darkness. The never ending darkness that threatened to consume every single world, even her own.
"The Doctor can help," she whispered in determination, "I'll find him and we can save the world. Just like old times."
She wanted to run, she wanted to hide, she wanted to stay locked up in her apartment and never see the light of day again. She didn't want to keep up this life, but she knew that, in the end, it would all work out for the best. It had to.
She just wanted to feel again.
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So. Another part of the Shuffle Series. How'd you like it? I liked it. Please review and tell me what you think.